If you or your child had private education, was it worth the money?

[edithfg]

Just that really. We can afford it with relative ease but would mean one less holiday a year and we’d always be in the home we are in now. It’s nice and lots of room but essentially means we could go further up the ladder. Small sacrifices really and I want to do best for dc. Was it worth the money?

Yet you’ve provided no evidence to support your view. Funny that.

@EnidSpyton there are actually no non-state schools where I live (pupils would have to leave home and board/stay with family) and so we have a real mix of people at my son's school. Class sizes can also be quite small in some subjects, which can be good (more teacher time, less disruption, more chance to contribute) and bad (the main bad thing being small departments, so if a teacher is off they might well be the only specific teacher of that subject).
We do see privilege and networking here too, it's unavoidable really.

It depends.

1. What are the state options like in your area?

1. Are you available after school for extra curricular ferrying?

I am privately educated, as is DH. We can't afford to send ours private (unless they get scholarships) which probably shows the monetary value of our education, however private schools have got a lot more expensive than when we were children and we are basically equivalent to our parents professionally.

If you have an ok state school you could spend on targeted tutoring to step up academics if required.

You can get a better quality of extra curriculars outside school assuming you have the time to research and ferry.

If you want the "networking" opportunities you need to be going to one of the big names, no point in networking at a "normal" public school.

Big old names probably worth it (but check percentage of foreign boarders as of limited use for UK networking), normal town private school probably not, take care in a grammar area as the brightest kids will be aimed at the Grammars instead making the local privates more nurturing/missed grammar options rather than academically pushy.

No.

I was privately educated and so were my children. School was lovely and we all really enjoyed it. But I don't think we're educationally any better off.

I took DS, with ADHD, out of mainstream in yr 1 and sent him to a prep school where sport was heavily featured. It did him good. His energy and enthusiasm were appreciated, rather than barely tolerated.

We moved house when he was in yr5, so I found a local state primary where sport was also a big thing. He slotted in perfectly and was really happy.

I do believe that if he’d stayed at his first school, he would’ve ended up believing that he was ‘naughty’. It was already starting to happen. The boundaries and activities (the rules associated with sport particularly) helped him to regulate.

He passed the 11+ to go to grammar school, but opted for a nearby high school with a good record for sport, also.

He still has very close friends from both his last primary school and his high school, but not the prep.

I think the prep school helped enormously, but those four years were enough for him to break the ADHD ‘naughty’ label and use his condition to his advantage.

I went to a private school but teach in the state sector and have done for 14 years, my son is at a private school so I have a fairly good insight into both sectors.

I'd say that it depends entirely on your child and the school options available to you. There is no one size fits all and don't assume that a private school will always be the best option. Visit all your options and match them up with your child's needs.

I think if private school fees mean a compromise in your life (as in, you can’t easily afford it) then, if your children end up in "normal" jobs (teacher, nurse, engineer, normal lawyer, accountant, corporate drone-type jobs with a good-but-not-amazing middle-class salary) and they then, in turn, cannot afford to send their own children to private school too, then it was a waste of money really and you'd have been better off putting the £200k per child into living in the catchment of a good school and then helping them out with house deposits when they are older and settled.

If paying the fees are of no consequence to you, then it doesn't matter whether it was 'worth it'.

Some people don’t have time to be scouring the internet for articles to back their point on an online discussion forum. You clearly haven’t heard of and have absolutely no appreciation at all for the concept of anecdotal evidence which I have referenced throughout my posts. Funny that. You seem very triggered by my view and my explanation of what is very true in my personal experience. All I can guess is you’ve spent way more than you could truly afford on years of overly expensive education that hasn’t actually been worth it. Must hurt.

I didn’t need to scour. It’s a well known evidenced fact. If it wasn’t why would people pay?

I'm triggered? Says the person with the lengthy responses relying on anecdotal “evidence”.

Wow did not expect to come back to 9 pages of responses! I will start reading them on my lunch break, thank you!

This previous comment sums it up for us “It was seen as cool to be intelligent and hard working, and to be involved in either sports or the arts, so no one was embarrassed to do well.” Would absolutely choose private school again but you need to select the right one as they aren’t all equal.

I went to private school and loved it. I achieved high grades, but more than that I had a great time at school. I can’t personally compare and contrast to a UK state school of course, but based on my experience I would absolutely recommend private education.

That's also seen as cool at my son's small state secondary school though.

Be careful where you choose. The school we chose had been ok for my own Godson. He went there from Yr5-Yr8 and as an amputee following bone cancer. Our DC went there Reception-Yr4. Parts were utter misery, different Heads (Pre Prep and Prep) not bothered about how they dealt with our DCs rehabilitation and OT after op. Much misuse of the word ‘compliant’ - ie non compliance in DCs case meant don’t-show-you-know-more-than-our-sporty-kids. The Yr4 teacher was so bad nearly half the class left.

I think it depends on a lot of factors, the most important one being whether it would suit the individual child's personality and inclinations. Also the state provision in your area (good/bad and whether there is a grammar school option). Plus cost of private - some fees are fairly modest, others are astronomical and would require very serious lifestyle sacrifices. Also remembering that a private school at the costlier end will probably be attended mainly by kids from wealthy families - would yours fit in?

I went to private primary/prep and then to state grammar. This was in Kent which had/has the full grammar system. If parents could possibly afford it they sent their kids to private prep to maximise the chance of paying the 11+. My school was far from the most expensive and was tiny, only 7 pupils in my year. I was a terrible daydreamer (late diagnosed with adhd inattentive type as an adult) and my parents thought I'd be "lost" in a big state school class. I agree this was absolutely right for me as it got me into grammar which was very focused and driven - exactly what I needed. The only "bad" thing about private primary was that my parents must have scrimped and saved to send two of us and most others were from much wealthier families (swimming pools, skiing holidays etc which were out of the question for us and sometimes I felt like the odd one out.)

I'm no longer in Kent. My kids have gone to state CofE primary as our catchment one is rated outstanding (also a very small school though 17 per year rather than 7!) It's a very good academic school and hard to get into as the catchment is tiny and families who attend the church get priority. It's referred to locally as "private without the fees". My son (also adhd) didn't get on great there however. All the focus was on academia and very little care and attention (and budget) for SEND. He did much better when he went to state secondary who supported him with getting a diagnosis and getting him caught up. We did look at private secondary but nowhere locally had any SEND provision (I was quite shocked). He's now at a Russell Group uni. Had I known then what I knew now I'd have found a more suitable primary for him rather than getting him into the "best" statistically.

My daughter (10 years younger) is at the same primary and has absolutely thrived and flourished there. It's absolutely the right school for her. She's having extra tuition for the 11+ and will hopefully go to the superselective grammar (this isn't officially a grammar area so not many places as 11+ pass mark is very high) which I think will also be good for her. If she doesn't get in we will certainly consider private.

I don't feel bad that we might end up doing private for one and not the other. Our focus is on what's best for them individually.

The OP is clearly well off and says as much - not sure why this makes this a wind up thread?

You will miss one holiday a year!

Where I live you are looking at 25K plus a year on a private school.

You do what is best for your family.

Also, why are you on your lunch break from work between Christmas and New year if you have the earning capacity you seem to think you have.

I call BS

Fees are around £18,000 annually where I used to teach - day only.

Some private schools aren't actually that expensive. Not every school is Eaton or Harrow and charging £40K a year.

Some charge maybe £9K-£12K a year (for primary) which, although still a reasonable amount of money, is perfectly doable if you cut down on luxuries and don't upgrade your house or car or have lots of holidays - which is precisely what the OP has said in her OP...

I've had two in private schools. Never heard of one charging as little £9K a year in 2023.

“It’s a well known evidenced fact”- hmmmm I wonder whyyy so much effort & time & money has been put into all these studies to prove to people that spending an absolute fortune is worth it?? 🤔 of course it is! It’s not fact- it’s theory. You cannot ever prove categorically that school is the only thing that makes a difference. State schools have nothing to prove however as they aren’t charging a tonne of money. Private schools have every thing to try and justify the costs.. Hence all the studies to back their outcomes! But as you’re hell bent on seeing “evidence” and can’t and won’t listen to people’s on the ground experience- here: knock yourself out:https://cls.ucl.ac.uk/state-school-pupils-just-as-happy-with-their-lives-as-private-school-counterparts/

For us, yes. We don’t have good state school options and private facilitated wraparound care and holiday clubs in a known environment in early primary which was a huge plus. We did look at an out of area state comp for secondary but backed out when we realised our happy, high achieving DD would spend all her time being punished because of draconian rules about purple biros. She was later diagnosed with ADHD so the more relaxed and flexible private secondary was the right choice. The school wasn’t particularly high achieving (live in the sticks and no such schools available) but DD did very well and was happy.
We chose to live in a smaller house but that wasn’t just because of school fees, was also about expensive hobbies, holidays, and general living standards. We were still able to provide DD with a deposit for a flat and to cover her university fees and living costs. So far she appears to have successfully launched into adulthood which is all we could hope for.
We weren’t using private for exam results or future earnings but I think that’s an unusual mindset for Mumsnet.

If the OP is that well off - what does it matter? If it's not worth it, just take them out after however long.

I'm just genuinely curious.

The short answer is that it depends on the specific school. And possibly the specific child.

don't listen as they know more. Just don't get the respect as one does in state automatically

Teachers get automatic respect in state schools?! Sorry, but that's one of the funniest things I've read in a while...