If you or your child had private education, was it worth the money?

[edithfg]

Just that really. We can afford it with relative ease but would mean one less holiday a year and we’d always be in the home we are in now. It’s nice and lots of room but essentially means we could go further up the ladder. Small sacrifices really and I want to do best for dc. Was it worth the money?

I believe it may offer you connections/job prospects as someone up thread referenced the powers of “the old boys club” and I believe yes it means your education years were more comfortable-you had better facilities and more concentrated teaching etc but as an adult-what differences do you think it actually makes? Iv got a lot of friends from both backgrounds and there’s isn’t any notable difference between their professional career paths, salaries, intelligence, attitudes, communication abilities or outlook in the world.
I think if you’ve got the money and you want your child to have more opportunities/learning experiences in a more comfortable environment then go for it. But will it make a huge difference to who they are/what they do as an adult? Not really. That’s a lot down to parenting, life experience and other factors I believe.
Perhaps that’s not what people want to hear after spending a catastrophe proportion of their life’s earnings on their child’s education but this is my honest experience of it.

"Sorry but this is a really silly post. This network you speak of is only really alive in public schools. And I would also say that lots of people mistake confidence for arrogance because they lack confidence themselves and feel intimidated by it."

Going to your local private school really doesn't open up that network. That network applies to schools like Eton and Harrow.

Maybe you aren't aware of the current dire situation in many state schools then with temporary classrooms due to RAAC, classes with no teachers etc.

All 3 if my DC have been privately educated and it's been worth it for us a family.

They're all bright children and, I think, would have achieved similar results at a local state school. I suspect they'd have gone to a state grammar. DD sat the 11+ and got a place, the two DS didn't as they were already in a 'through' school. Two are at Oxford and one is at an Ivy League college.

The VFM has come through the experience rather than the academic results. DS1 played cricket and rugby to a good level and has continued at university. He sang and performed and has also done this at university.

DD played hockey and did a lot of music. She's now singing in an Oxford College Choir and performs in shows there.

DS2 took up a sport and has represented GB at it. This led him to be recruited to a US college.

All 3 could have done all these things at a state school but it was all there for them at school. And, most importantly, they loved their school and the overall experience.

Both DH and I work full time and having everything available at school made life easier. All 3 DC were / are very much the type to try things out though, if they hadn't been maybe it wouldn't have been VFM.

https://ifs.org.uk/inequality/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/Private-schools-and-inequality.pdf

Yes, as long as you choose the right one for your kids! My daughters spent from year 3 to year 11 in private school and then went on to the local grammar school for sixth form. It was the right decision for both of them. They’re both dyslexic and were struggling to get even a basic education at the local state primary school. I was told in no uncertain terms by the school’s SENCO, that to get any kind of help, I’d have a fight on my hands. We were lucky to find a private school with a specialist dyslexia centre. We could afford the fees, although not without making a few sacrifices. Both girls thrived educationally and ended up going to university (one of them got a first!) One is now working as a social worker and the other is doing her PGCE, so I’m a very proud mummy!

On a more selfish level, I made friends with some of the Mums at the private school and we’re all still very close friends, despite our kids long since leaving school and graduating university! I found the parents at the Grammar school much more stuck up and unfriendly than those at the private school, which is quite mind boggling!

Depends on state offering. Ours go to all girl academically pushy state and are thriving.

That said talked about this yesterday dd2 wants to go private at 6th form because said state school is full of “tragic neeks” and her mates all go to the local private schools. They are the cool party set. I want to encourage the neek thing I must say.

The connections thing is overstated if you mean British private schools as a whole. I am not saying that contacts and connections don't matter in the UK but if this is what you're after it's very doubtful it will result in a 'return on investment' in most cases. In those that does, I'd venture the parents contacts would have done the job anyway, without the school fees.

This is precisely the point I was making.

@TheaBrandt
'Dd will be going into Dh profession but no way could he give her a job as he could have a decade ago.'

Surely that's a good thing overall though, it should be a more level playing field for everyone. The exception, of course, would be if it were a family business and they choose to keep the running within their own family.

Going to your local private school really doesn't open up that network. That network applies to schools like Eton and Harrow.

True. The top public schools rather than your average private school.

For me, taking a subject that was offered at A-level in my private school completely changed the course of my life, and I now teach that same subject. That isn't entirely due to the private nature of my education, but independents do tend to be better at offering offbeat subjects with small classes.

It is a good thing of course. Just that for generations the upper class elite have given their children the best jobs through net working and as soon as we are able to do so…rules change 😀.

I grew that it very much depends on the child and the local schools. All 3 of mine went to state primary and private secondary.

DS1 would have thrived in any decent school.
DS2 needed to be in an environment with good discipline and high academic expectations with a highly academic cohort (this could have been achieved with the right state school if it was available).
DD got a lot of support for her particular educational needs from her private school that I don't think a state school could have matched.

My DH had a private education, and I did not. I went to a Russell Group university and have a PhD, he went to an ex-poly and has a masters. We both now earn around the same, so I don’t think it’s particularly worth it. My parents were not pushy, but did push me if that makes sense so I think parenting is more important.

In your circs almost certainly yes

It gives you a confidence that the world is your oyster, and usually a breath of cultural capital, probably a breath of education and possibly a network that you wouldn’t get in even the best state school.

I don’t think anyone should bankrupt themselves but you aren’t in that situation.
Pick a good one though, because my god it is expensive and you want maximum value.

I taught in both state and independent sectors and in the independent school did work alongside several people from public schools - Charterhouse, Eton etc. but also many from the state sector and more ordinary independent schools. Those from public schools did seem to be a slightly different breed but were charming nonetheless.

I maintain that this 'network' that people are obsessed with on this thread really only relates to public schools but you are entitled to your opinion.

Yes - DH and I went to private schools throughout, he boarded in secondary, I did not. For both of us it was definitely worth it in terms of small class sizes, extra curricular activities, better facilities and support for getting into first choice universities, and ultimately the top companies in our fields (e.g helping secure placements and internships, in part because of the PTA connections across various industries).

I really enjoyed my school years. It was a huge financial sacrifice for my parents (not so much for his). Both our DC are in private schools and doing well, as long as we can afford it we will keep them in private schools.

By the same token I know plenty of people who didn’t go to private schools and have just as happy school memories and have achieved similar/greater than people from private schools. Just do whatever seems to work for your family.

Yes culture capital is not mentioned enough - people on here seem to judge the worth of an education only on the job people get at the end of it.

I've seen some folk who were very unhappy because their parents only pushed them in academic or sporting prowess and forgot to push them, aka encourage them, to be well rounded humans, who are resilient and can cope with challenges and failure. Some of the kids who do well all of the time don't react well when they don't do so well, for whatever reason the 'failure' comes about. 'Bounce-back-ability' is a horrible word but it basically sums up what we need to teach our children, oh yes, and that it's ok to be disappointed for a little while before bouncing back too!

I went to both private and state schools, and am now a teacher myself and have taught in both state and private schools.

I would say private education is worth it if:

1. Your child would benefit from the more nurturing environment that comes with smaller classes
2. Your child excels at a particular extracurricular activity the school specialises in, and can provide lots of opportunities for them to perform/play at a high level

In my view, these are the only benefits.

The quality of teaching in private schools is largely mediocre. Lots of teachers are looking for an easy ride and they get it with smaller classes and no Ofsted pressure. Many have been there forever, plan on staying there until retirement, and have no interest in professional development or innovation. This is especially true of schools outside of London.

London private schools should have better quality teachers because they are more academically competitive and so need staff who can deliver. That being said, I still know of many highly mediocre teachers in London private schools (I've worked alongside many!) who have PhDs and/or Oxbridge degrees, and so look very impressive on paper, but who can't teach for toffee.

Outside of the highly academically selective schools, of which there aren't as many these days, you'll find the academic standard of many of the children isn't particularly high, either. The reality is, many private schools are struggling in the current climate and it's a case of bums on seats - they will let anyone in. In my current private school, I have more SEN children than I've ever taught in my career, with very little provision for them - the school will let anyone in as long as they pay the fees - and this means that the bright children are not getting a great educational experience, because us teachers are having to teach to the bottom the whole time (we have no TAs). The old days of private schools equalling a high quality educational experience and excellent behaviour are gone. A large % of the student body of many of the top schools are now made up of Chinese and Russian students, who don't speak English and whose parents are paying for the name and couldn't care less about the results, which does affect the environment of the school. There is a lot of disruptive behaviour from students - I am seeing it more and more - particularly from the children of the uber wealthy who know they don't need grades or a good university place, because they've got a multi million pound trust fund coming their way. Behaviour is not what it used to be.

Private schools are not a guarantee of a great educational experience anymore. I would do my research very carefully, visit several - while also visiting the local state schools - and thoroughly weigh up what benefits your child will get for the money. Private schools are very good at marketing themselves, but beneath the surface, many don't offer anything other than a name and better lunch choices in the canteen. This obviously depends on where you are in the country - there are a lot of what I would call tinpot private schools in London and the Home Counties, designed for anxious middle and upper middle class parents with not very bright children who don't want their precious babies mixing with the great unwashed. It's those sorts of schools where you will be throwing your money down the drain. The large regional privates that also do boarding and that offer amazing extracurricular opportunities are a different kettle of fish, though the teaching still won't be guaranteed to be amazing. Lots of 'chalk and talk' and teachers who've been there since before the flood...

"Cultural capital." Thank you, that's a phrase I was trying to remember!

Also, "resilience" is literally "jumping back" so pretty close to "bounce-back-ability."

Networks exist everywhere, who you interact with on a daily basis definitely influences opportunities which might arise and/or your life view.
Different people will also react to different experiences and/or opportunities differently, and something one person sees as an opportunity others may see as a burden. The reality is though that opportunities do generally present themselves more in situations of higher wealth, whether we choose to acknowledge that or not.

Look anyone can find articles, statistics and evidence to back what they believe to be true. And im not here for a row im simply pointing out what I have experienced as someone who works with people closely from both backgrounds and also has friends from both. And look im not disputing that having a private education can make a positive difference to someone as an adult at all- im just saying that it doesn’t necessarily make a big difference. But you must also realise that it can also be the case- though massively under appreciated- that a state education can have a very positive impact upon someone as an adult for one example in terms of resilience, working/dealing with people from varied backgrounds, self confidence in adversity and as a driver and motivator to want to be successful.
This is a debate that goes on and on especially on mumsnet and there are a lot of valid points to back each side of the argument. You think private education makes a notable difference to an adult and I don’t 🤷🏼‍♀️ it probably does for some and not for others. There’s a lot of factors at play in how someone turns out as an adult and I personally think parenting & life experience carries the most weight tbh like I said just my opinion/experience.

We have family/ friends with kids at private school and they have so many more opportunities than our dc. It’s hard not to be envious. I am however making sure i save enough to help support my dc through university, should they decide to go down that route.
I worry for the future of children being educated in state schools in the uk.