If you or your child had private education, was it worth the money?

[edithfg]

Just that really. We can afford it with relative ease but would mean one less holiday a year and we’d always be in the home we are in now. It’s nice and lots of room but essentially means we could go further up the ladder. Small sacrifices really and I want to do best for dc. Was it worth the money?

See I think this might be why Mum sent me. I got bullied at primary and middle school, then learned to fight back and "be normal" at middle school, but perhaps this transformation was going too far (swearing... bad influences haha).

For all me going on about hot housing and spoonfeeding and poor socialisation, it WAS a relief to be at a school where minor psychological violence was all you got . I was a swotty child and was happy to just get on with work (of which there was a lot!!!).
I remained somewhat feral until my thirties at least though, so from that pov perhaps she should have moved me earlier...

And therein lies one of the problems of society, private schools perpetuate the idea of some folk being better than others when actually they've just had more privilege.

This has always been my experience too.

@SandyWaves
I teach prep swimming. There is no one checking what you are doing. No lifeguard, no parents watching from the gallery, no class teachers waiting for the dc to have the lesson, no curriculum to follow. So essentially you can do what you like. A good teacher will put in loads of effort as normal. Lazy teachers will vaguely teach eg frontcrawl for a couple of minutes, then let the kids mess around essentially having a pool party. End result is kids who are very happy/think Mr X is fabulous/love swimming, but who have learnt fuck all. Lovely if it happens some of the time. Not every time.

It is. Yes it can make a difference ie job prospects but if you think every person who went to private school is more intelligent, developed, well rounded & moral you’re absolutely wrong.

I had a 'mixed' education too, my kids have not. My husband is state educated.

I have friends and acquaintances whose children have only gone private - there is a minority with seriously shocking views and they will struggle in the 'real world' I am convinced. Possibly we are self-selecting with our friends though, so that's why it's not more! But I am convinced that it's totally down to the parents and values in the home, how this plays out. You can't blame the school and the people I am thinking of could have been assholes in a lot of different environments.

To the people who went to private schools but have now chosen not to send their own DC to them either because they disagree with private schools or can’t afford them, would you have preferred to have received some of the money your parents spent on fees as a really big house deposit?

Yes we need more grammars instead of fewer!

We've sent one of our kids to a specialised private school for secondary (specialised in a vocational area she loves). The decision was made blind really as it was during lockdown. She's Y9 now and although the school has it's plus points I regret the decision. It's disorganised, very poor communication, teachers are the usual mixed bag you get in state. I think she'll do well at GCSE, and pretty sure that would have been the same or higher in the state option (which our other DC go to), we'll send her to a normal school for a levels.
My advice would be to really investigate all your options, private is not always better. Also if you have the cash, be generous to school funds if you go state.

It depends what you mean by “worth it”.

My DC are all still in FT education but I suspect it has enabled them (and me!) to fulfil their potential in a way that a state school may not have.

specifics:

excellent wrap around care and ECAs allowed DH and I to work and run successful companies

ECAs were varied and encouraged/ required. As a result they have a variety of skills that are not available at many state schools.

SEN provision has been excellent

After school study in exam years whilst not mandatory was something that virtually all DC participated in. There was no stigma in “trying” or “achieving”.

I think two of my DC would have done as academically well in state schools (but may have suffered socially by being perceived as a bit “nerdy”, whereas their ability was/is celebrated by school and peers in their previous/current schools).

the other two DC private school has been fabulous for them.

My DC were all in single sex schools, I think that made a huge difference to them.

Definately not - we live in an area with outstanding local state schools but went private for junior school. Having had the dcs go through the state secondaries if I did it all again I would put them in state juniors in a heartbeat and I would put the dcs that went to grammar schools into the same non-selective comp as the other dcs (the non selective was a million times better than the grammar - as one dc puts it 'the same results but without all the stress').

I didn’t say it was an absolute statement but if you think it doesn’t make much difference you’re wrong.

There are good and bad in both sectors but imo, if you were to put the best state school beside the best Independent school, then the Indie would top the state school.
It HAS to fit your child though or it is a complete waste of money. Look at the child you have and really consider what they need to bring the best out of them.

Mine are completely different children,
DD, very quiet, but fiercely academic, driven and competitive, fits in with somewhat nerdy, geek,y independent friends with drive, her current private school (6th Form) has allowed her to excel, Prefect, Head of Debating, Subject ambassador etc. Her confidence has rocketed and the opportunities to excel where she is strong have been very good.

Her Prep school took her from a quiet, shy, child and gently but persistently helped her to come out of her shell, take part in discussions and school plays and give speeches to an audience. They found her intellect and developed it.
Particularly important as she has a chronic health condition and missed a lot of early school years. They were very accommodating of this.

But we looked very hard to find what would fit her, and have for years driven her 35 minutes each way to school and back daily.

DS, sociable chatty and a bit lazy academically but has lots of energy, his Prep offered lots of exposure to music of all kinds, he has been playing an unusual instrument for 10 years now and loves being part of an orchestra. He was taught every sport imaginable and decent academics. But was bullied eventually, so we removed him straight away, and he went to a tiny Prep with little facilities but really good academics, which prepared him for Senior school.

We decided on a family feel co-ed small Private school with solid academics but a very warm inclusive ethos and it has been great for him, rebuilt his confidence, and he has a great group of friends. He is now confident enough to look at a more academic 6th form nearby.

Each school has given them something important, and built their characters in a very positive way, we listened to their input and reacted accordingly, but always made the final decision. It gets easier as they get older and their personalities shine through.
I do not like the rather woke leanings of some state schools, and wanted both to have the aspiration and character that we believe in, luckily the schools have done this admirably.

I think it also partly depends on the kid -

DH was privately educated and it really benefited him. He’s got very severe dyslexia and the provision that was there for him was fantastic. He’s also got that sort of confidence you only see in privately educated people - he really goes for things even if they are a bit out of his league and people seem to like that about him.

I also know other people - BIL, friends etc who are quite anti establishment, who were privately educated but might as well have gone to the local shitty comp. They have nothing more to show for it than friends who have been state educated at a decent school.

There was no stigma in “trying” or “achieving”

This point made by PegasusReturns is one of the absolute key differences that I have found between state and private. You cannot overestimate the difference it makes.

Private school is a way into a financially privileged bubble / old boys network.

In a lot of cases the ‘confidence’ is actually arrogance, ime of working with ex private school people.

Give me a free school dinners kid anyday, for a much better attitude.

While this is a bit of a generalisation, it's one with some truth in it (sadly).

Everywhere is so right on now with recruitment - blind CVS etc not sure how much help these school “connections” would actually be in reality as they no doubt were 20 years ago.

Pretty annoying as our family has clawed it’s way up over the generations to be in positions where we could really help the younger generation but it’s strictly forbidden. Which is as it should be I guess. Dd will be going into Dh profession but no way could he give her a job as he could have a decade ago.

Sorry but this is a really silly post. This network you speak of is only really alive in public schools. And I would also say that lots of people mistake confidence for arrogance because they lack confidence themselves and feel intimidated by it.

3 DC, all were independently educated. DC1 - worth every penny and he would have struggled massively in many other schools (including less supportive indies). DC2, would likely have been fine in either. DC3 blossomed hugely in school and although again, would likely have been fine in any school, she definitely gained a great deal from it.

Having used both sectors I think the network part is over stated a bit

I think the difference between various state schools and which school fits the child best is more relevant

I went to a private school for secondary education and I can say in all honesty I truly do not believe it set me up for life or offered me anything a state school couldn’t have done. My friends who went to state school have all achieved more and had a much better work ethic than my friends from private school. Unless you are absolutely rolling in it and private school is the norm within your social circles I would not recommend blowing thousands of pounds on an education your child could get for free.

Don’t be sorry you’re entitled to your opinion. My post is written from many years of experience in the workplace though. I’m glad if your life has been different but I definitely know what I’m talking about here.

I was privately educated and think it was a complete waste of money.

If I was going to have children I certainly wouldn't bother to send them to private school.

State educated myself.

Private educated kids. Definitely worth it for us.