Page 8 | To object to my husband stopping me from going to Marrakech because it's 'dangerous'

LaviniaLee · 2023-12-28T00:38:23+00:00

I was hoping to go to Marrakech city centre for a long weekend with a female friend. I've wanted to go there for ages - I love the idea of the architecture and culture. But my husband isn't keen on it as a city. He thinks it's dangerous. He's been before and thinks it's overrated too. He doesn't want me to go because he thinks it's dangerous. I said lots of people go there and I would stay in a decent hotel near the centre. He said that if I go anyway, it wouldn't be good for our marriage. We don't have kids yet. AIBU to object to him stopping me?

SelectiveParticipation · 28/12/2023 11:45

ClareBlue · 28/12/2023 00:56

Well every hotel now advises lone females not to leave the hotel unaccompanied, which is not the advice in any other European City.

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This. I travel a lot and I can see where he is coming from tbf. But it’s the way he is saying it to you.

SelectiveParticipation · 28/12/2023 11:50

CapturedLeprechaun · 28/12/2023 10:13

Would he be the same if you were going to Venice, or some other European city? If not, then it sounds like this comes from a place of genuine concern, and if you really want to go, I would be reassuring him about safety.

FWIW though I went to Marrakesh about 10 years ago in my early 20s with my sister who was the same age. I've travelled all over the world as a solo female traveller and can honestly say Marrakesh was the least safe place I've ever felt. Men would follow us around, shouting obscenities at us. They followed us back to our hotel and climbed over a fence to bang on our balcony door after dark yelling "come fuck us sexy bastards!". We couldn't leave the hotel after dark at all, and would sit there in the room in dark in silence, terrified.

We got a cab to the airport, ordered through the hotel, and the driver stopped off to pick up two of his friends who leered at us the whole time and we genuinely thought we would die. I remember saying I would never return there without a man to accompany me.

But that could be because we were much younger (and attractive back then 😂) and maybe as you age there might be less negative attention.

I had the same experience in Tunisia. Even the cab drivers wouldn’t do anything to stop them. I’m an experienced traveller but will never go again (even though I was younger back then too).

Christmascarrots · 28/12/2023 12:13

Is he actually stopping you , or is he just concerned for your welfare.
I went years ago with another female and really enjoyed it, didn’t have any trouble, but I had been warned about inappropriate touching from locals and sexual harassment - didn’t experience anything beyond a shop keeper trying to ‘temp’ me into his back room for a ‘massage’ . I can understand his concern if he’s listening to other people.
I was more afraid of terrorism at the time, which given the state of the world you might want to consider too.
Perhaps reassure him you will be fine and that it’s safe to go, find some articles on it to show him. He may just be basing his opinion on what other people are saying and is genuinely worried for you, which is quite nice and not necessarily the sign controlling person.

theduchessofspork · 28/12/2023 12:16

A) he can’t stop you
B) do you want to stay with this controlling man
C) no it’s not dangerous, you just have to be sensible. It’s a great city.

Poppysmom22 · 28/12/2023 12:19

I'm not sure it is safe tbh it's not somewhere I would go alone.

lesdeluges · 28/12/2023 12:20

Of all the fabulous places you could choose, you chose Marrakech. I agree with your DH about it being unsafe for you, but not with the way he said it.

Personally as a "foreign" woman tourist, I would never go to a Muslim country. Been there and never again. I know that may offend some, but I go with my gut, and will not be hassled or feel unsafe for the sake of political/cultural correctness.

OP, go somewhere else in Europe. Nowhere is 100% safe I know, but European cities are in general safer than Marrakech.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/12/2023 12:36

Current Foreign Office advice linked below - apologies if someone's already done this and I missed it

Agree that DH's comments could be a red flag, depending on what he's normally like, but also agree the place is a sh1thole
Yes, there are wonderful things to see, but the overall unpleasantness and the way they treat women was too much for me - and I've travelled extensively and went there when married with my 6ft3in husband

https://www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/morocco/safety-and-security

Safety and security - Morocco travel advice

Latest FCDO travel advice for Morocco including on entry requirements, safety and security and local laws and customs.

https://www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/morocco/safety-and-security

cheddercherry · 28/12/2023 12:39

I took my four year old in May. It’s absolutely fine and yeah it’s totally unreasonable that he stop you or make silly threats like “it wouldn’t be good for our marriage” from the sounds of it HE doesn’t sound good for any marriage.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/12/2023 12:44

Even the cab drivers wouldn’t do anything to stop them

Neither, IME, will the so-called tourist police, a title which often amuses me

Doubtless it's meant to persuade visitors that someone will be looking out for them, but too often what it actually involves is people only too glad to work where they can tap down the traders swimming in westerners' money

SelectiveParticipation · 28/12/2023 12:47

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/12/2023 12:44

Even the cab drivers wouldn’t do anything to stop them

Neither, IME, will the so-called tourist police, a title which often amuses me

Doubtless it's meant to persuade visitors that someone will be looking out for them, but too often what it actually involves is people only too glad to work where they can tap down the traders swimming in westerners' money

I experienced this in some shit area in Bali..there were police on the street but they just laughed when we said we were being seriously harrassed. I never understood it.

JFDIYOLO · 28/12/2023 12:51

On one hand, he's worried about your safety - I wouldn't go there.

But he's going about it in an arseholey way.

Threatening your marriage is controlling, paternalistic, etc.

What's the pattern? The bigger picture? Does he do this a lot - is this usual behaviour for him whenever you show you're an actual person with your own interests, friends, plans?

Or is it an unusual response to an unusual situation, where he doesn't have a rational response to his emotional reaction?

https://www.smartertravel.com/tips-marrakesh-warnings-dangers-stay-safe/

Is Marrakech Safe? Warnings and Dangers Travelers Need to Know

It's a magical city, full of bustle and color. But is Marrakech safe for travelers? Find out how to visit safely and which areas to avoid in Marrakech.

https://www.smartertravel.com/tips-marrakesh-warnings-dangers-stay-safe

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/12/2023 12:53

I've never been to Bali, SelectiveParticipation, but it was just as bad in Thailand

Thing is you can stick a badge on some official and call them whatever, but it's no easy matter to challenge the cultural assumptions that all westerners are filthy rich and ripe for the plucking - or, in the case of women, that unaccompanieed ones are whores

SaltySeaCat · 28/12/2023 12:57

Does he have a problem with you going anywhere else?
I went to Marrakesh with a female friend in my early twenties (30 + years ago).
TBH it did have a slightly scary vibe then for two young women, but was also very intesting and I’d like to go back.

ClareBlue · 28/12/2023 12:58

Guardian800 · 28/12/2023 09:08

he is being very unreasonable and frankly ill informed. Morocco is one of the safest countries to visit principally because it is a long standing autocracy and the authorities are red hot on crime etc. Marrakech is swarming with under cover cops - they are very keen to keep crime and disorder to a minimum.

So go and visit - it is a fabulous place!

And all the real life experiences on this thread mean nothing, of course.
You think it would be the same if OP was going to Madrid.
Being concerned about travelling to Marakkeche as a lone female is absolutely not ill-informed.

SelectiveParticipation · 28/12/2023 13:01

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/12/2023 12:53

I've never been to Bali, SelectiveParticipation, but it was just as bad in Thailand

Thing is you can stick a badge on some official and call them whatever, but it's no easy matter to challenge the cultural assumptions that all westerners are filthy rich and ripe for the plucking - or, in the case of women, that unaccompanieed ones are whores

It was a long time ago but it put me off going again. Never been to Thailand, but my colleague is originally from there and all her relatives seem to think she is loaded and are always asking for things.

JennyForeigner · 28/12/2023 13:03

Marrakesh is stunning. I have been many times, worked there and arranged my best friend's very grown up hen weekend there (she's a classics teacher). One day I'll take my daughter to stay in one of the beautiful courtyard hotels.

Take a guidebook, make a booking in advance, don't do anything you wouldn't do in another North African city and ditch the controlling weirdo

secondspring · 28/12/2023 13:03

I went about 10 years ago with my husband and felt it was okay. Just was approached once by a guy trying to guide us back to somewhere so felt a bit uncomfortable but just remained calm and we told him we were fine.

Stayed at a great riad and the couple were English/French and gave us lots of guidance.

Personally my husband wouldn't stop me going anywhere and just booked a trip to Italy with my sister. I would be a bit miffed if he said it would affect our relationship. lol

bettingpencil · 28/12/2023 14:03

I went about ten years ago when I was 19/20 with a large group of uni friends and never really felt ‘unsafe’ but definitely at times felt uncomfortable when one of our male friends wasn’t out with us. It was a beautiful place and I like many others want to go back, but I’d only go if there were males in our group.

that being said your husband sounds like an ass and I wouldn’t take well to being threatened

Bambooshoot · 28/12/2023 15:18

I wouldn’t dream of going (back) there on my own or without a man in the group. It is a fascinating place with some truly beautiful architecture, but the leering and attention do make you feel very unsafe. Even with my partner right next to me, we still got approached by men trying to buy me from him. This was a while ago though (he maybe regrets not taking them up on it by now!). I’m still not convinced that an increased tourist police presence would change attitudes to Western women a great deal, unfortunately.

mathanxiety · 28/12/2023 15:54

Bambooshoot · 28/12/2023 15:18

I wouldn’t dream of going (back) there on my own or without a man in the group. It is a fascinating place with some truly beautiful architecture, but the leering and attention do make you feel very unsafe. Even with my partner right next to me, we still got approached by men trying to buy me from him. This was a while ago though (he maybe regrets not taking them up on it by now!). I’m still not convinced that an increased tourist police presence would change attitudes to Western women a great deal, unfortunately.

The offers of purchase happened to a cousin of mine as a teenager. My uncle and aunt at first thought the men were joking, but it became clear they were serious.

The experience left them feeling nothing but horror at the lives the women and girls of Morocco must lead. Yeah, there was architecture and what have you - food, tpuristy souvenirs, etc - but when they realised the ugliness beneath the surface, they were sickened.

mathanxiety · 28/12/2023 15:57

The posts urging the OP to take precautions - are posters saying women and teenage girls and even little girls who have been groped or leered at or seen as property could seriously have prevented any of that, and it's partly their fault if their experience of Marrakech included horrible behaviour on the part ofnlocal men?

SelectiveParticipation · 28/12/2023 16:03

mathanxiety · 28/12/2023 15:57

The posts urging the OP to take precautions - are posters saying women and teenage girls and even little girls who have been groped or leered at or seen as property could seriously have prevented any of that, and it's partly their fault if their experience of Marrakech included horrible behaviour on the part ofnlocal men?

I was wondering this too. It’s a dumb thing to say.

Bambooshoot · 28/12/2023 18:06

mathanxiety · 28/12/2023 15:54

The offers of purchase happened to a cousin of mine as a teenager. My uncle and aunt at first thought the men were joking, but it became clear they were serious.

The experience left them feeling nothing but horror at the lives the women and girls of Morocco must lead. Yeah, there was architecture and what have you - food, tpuristy souvenirs, etc - but when they realised the ugliness beneath the surface, they were sickened.

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Exactly - I wasn’t even a teenager or blonde - (in my early thirties!) just very pale skinned.

Itsadilemma · 28/12/2023 19:22

I went to Marrakech with an ex boyfriend, about 20 years ago.

I was a seasoned traveller (had back packed around the world on my own) and made sure I covered up, wore a head scarf, did not wear revealing clothing etc.

I was harassed by leering men, asking if I wanted to f*ck, calling me blondie, whore and groping me and it was relentless. This was while I was with my boyfriend, who felt terrible and could not do anything about it. I was scared a lot of the time and could not wait to leave.

Not only that, but if you open your eyes and look at what's really going on, the women do all the work and are treated appallingly.

Again, this was 20 years ago so perhaps things have changed, but from experience I would say you are right to be cautious.

saraclara · 28/12/2023 19:41

Again, this was 20 years ago so perhaps things have changed,

And yet again, I have to point out that yes, they have changed. I know three people who have been in the last 18 months (and who had also been there in the past) and the consensus was that it was an entirely different place following the legal clampdown on locals hassling tourists.

Maybe I look like the back of a bus, but in a week's trip travelling solo a month ago, I wasn't hassled or bothered by a single person.