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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To object to my husband stopping me from going to Marrakech because it's 'dangerous'

284 replies

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:38

I was hoping to go to Marrakech city centre for a long weekend with a female friend.

I've wanted to go there for ages - I love the idea of the architecture and culture.

But my husband isn't keen on it as a city. He thinks it's dangerous. He's been before and thinks it's overrated too.

He doesn't want me to go because he thinks it's dangerous. I said lots of people go there and I would stay in a decent hotel near the centre. He said that if I go anyway, it wouldn't be good for our marriage. We don't have kids yet.

AIBU to object to him stopping me?

OP posts:
MistletoeRegrets · 28/12/2023 10:21

There is quite a lot of focus on unsullied youthful blond beauty on this thread …

I’d be quite interested to know how people would respond if the OP revealed she is a late middle aged black woman with short hair …

Soontobe60 · 28/12/2023 10:23

It’s a fab place to visit - and very safe. I went 2 years ago with 2 female friends - we had a whale of a time.
Make sure you book a good spa in advance. We also joined a cooking class just outside the city at a women’s collective that supports women suffering from DV. We also booked a pool day at a hotel outside the city - it was so nice. I’m taking my DH back there in April.

Soontobe60 · 28/12/2023 10:24

stardust40 · 28/12/2023 01:07

If he's not usually like this, I would say he is actually worried and has just gone about saying it in the wrong way. I wouldn't be happy if my dd21 said she was going there with another young female. I know crime happens everywhere but it's the accepted idea that you have to put up with unwanted attention and think carefully about how you dress and who you speak to etc

That’s not my experience of Marrakesh.

Dotjones · 28/12/2023 10:25

It's a dangerous place especially for a lone female or small group of women so I can understand your husband's point of view. He can't physically stop you going but I think it's fair enough for him to try to get you to face up to the risks.

GCAcademic · 28/12/2023 10:26

My husband (who normally has no opinion on my travelling anywhere in the world) would probably be the same; his ex-girlfriend was raped there. My mother went on holiday there in the 1970s, and the friend she was travelling with was murdered by a man she went off somewhere with. I realise that these are just two anecdotes amounting to a very unhappy coincidence but it’s one place I’m reluctant to travel to.

Allfur · 28/12/2023 10:27

Rape happens all over the world

Ohnotyoutoo · 28/12/2023 10:27

Appleblum · 28/12/2023 01:12

Obviously he cannot control what you do, but I'd seriously reconsider going there as a single female traveller/2 females. I travelled there with my DH and it was fine until one day when we had a squabble and decided to split up for the day and do our own thing. The treatment I was subjected to as a single female was entirely different and completely eye opening. Men openly heckled me and there was so much leering. I felt very unsafe and returned to the hotel quickly.

That was some years ago and I hope but doubt much as changed.

I've not been but my SIL went with a female friend and was constantly harassed. One man tried to beckon her away saying that he'd found her friend, but she was at the hotel. All of my DBs have been and they didn't enjoy it either, they were also constantly harassed. This was about 15 years ago, and all of them are well travelled.

Sounds like the most un-relaxing holiday destination if you're a female traveller. But I wouldn't say it's dangerous, just keep your wits about you.

MadWifeInTheAttic · 28/12/2023 10:28

Are they not still recovering from the quake?

Startingagainandagain · 28/12/2023 10:28

@CurlewKate
"She doesn't have concerns. Her dp does''

Do I really need to spell everything out?

If the OP is second guessing herself or is concerned after reading some of the comments here she could always consider a guide. That is my point.

I made it clear in my first comment that her husband is being unreasonable, and that she should go and enjoy herself and that I would reconsider a relationship with a guy like this.

Nothing more tedious that people who trawl comments desperate for any opportunity to try to appear clever...

readymealeater · 28/12/2023 10:30

GCAcademic · 28/12/2023 10:26

My husband (who normally has no opinion on my travelling anywhere in the world) would probably be the same; his ex-girlfriend was raped there. My mother went on holiday there in the 1970s, and the friend she was travelling with was murdered by a man she went off somewhere with. I realise that these are just two anecdotes amounting to a very unhappy coincidence but it’s one place I’m reluctant to travel to.

That's horrific, and of course it would put you off travelling there.

I would also consider how the authorities may treat lone females who try to report any abuse they encounter? Are they taken seriously and helped? It must add insult to injury if you find that they just write it off as you own fault for travelling without a male companion.

MeMySonAnd1 · 28/12/2023 10:31

CapturedLeprechaun · 28/12/2023 10:13

Would he be the same if you were going to Venice, or some other European city? If not, then it sounds like this comes from a place of genuine concern, and if you really want to go, I would be reassuring him about safety.

FWIW though I went to Marrakesh about 10 years ago in my early 20s with my sister who was the same age. I've travelled all over the world as a solo female traveller and can honestly say Marrakesh was the least safe place I've ever felt. Men would follow us around, shouting obscenities at us. They followed us back to our hotel and climbed over a fence to bang on our balcony door after dark yelling "come fuck us sexy bastards!". We couldn't leave the hotel after dark at all, and would sit there in the room in dark in silence, terrified.

We got a cab to the airport, ordered through the hotel, and the driver stopped off to pick up two of his friends who leered at us the whole time and we genuinely thought we would die. I remember saying I would never return there without a man to accompany me.

But that could be because we were much younger (and attractive back then 😂) and maybe as you age there might be less negative attention.

I don’t know, I was much older than you and had a husband and child with me and still got people trying to grope me. My friend had the same experience with her husband telling a man “I don’t disrespect your wife, do not disrespect mine”, she also had her kids with her.

Even for Moroccan standards, I was not dressed in provocative clothes but it only took to be 2-4 meters away from my husband for men to start trying to touch me. By the third day we decided to stay in the hotel area and avoid the souks.

I guess you may not notice the dangers if you don’t know how to identify them abroad. I remember being shocked at how women tourists happily and careless partyied in the most seedy and dangerous area of my city, a place no local woman would dare to enter after dark. I bet most can tell you it is very safe and that nothing happens… until it does to someone they know.

Anyhow, I am giving Morocco another chance soon, hoping my now white hair can provide me with a better experience on this occasion. I’ll report back. 😁

JenniferJuniper80 · 28/12/2023 10:31

Go.
But understand it is "dangerous"

It's very misogynistic. There's beggers, poverty, scams and scammers.
Somewhere I'd always hoped to visit. Booked for 2020, covid stopped my visit. Friends went just before us and hated it for the misogynists, poverty and scams.

saraclara · 28/12/2023 10:36

MadWifeInTheAttic · 28/12/2023 10:28

Are they not still recovering from the quake?

Not noticeably. I saw a bit of scaffolding and the occasionally crumbled wall, but the city is normal and I didn't see any significant damage. That was four weeks ago

GoldDuster · 28/12/2023 10:38

He said that if I go anyway, it wouldn't be good for our marriage. We don't have kids yet.

I'm glad you don't have kids, I'm not keen on the yet. I suggest that you never do with him. Whether Marrakech is safe for two women to travel to is no longer the issue. You could have said darkest Columbia or Papua New Guinea and he still woudn't have been justified to tell you that it wouldn't be good for your marriage to disobey him.

Unless you want to live out your life in a dictatorship, see this for what it is.

Avacardo2023 · 28/12/2023 10:41

As I said earlier, I have been twice and was hassled the entire time on both trips, but I meant to add that if you are a youngish woman and fair or red haired and fair skinned then you will not be left alone for a second and I wouldn't recommend going. I am pale with blonde hair and ended up wearing a headscarf most of the time. I didn't really feel safe there at all.

If you and your friend are reasonably young, fair or red haired and attractive then I wouldn't recommend going. I am a bit older and fatter now so would probably be ok and not hassled so much if I went back again.

mtld · 28/12/2023 10:41

Morrisons00 · 28/12/2023 01:01

Marrakech is generally considered safe for tourists:

Tourist-Friendly Atmosphere:

Marrakech is a major tourist destination in Morocco and is well-equipped to cater to the needs of visitors. The city has a vibrant tourism infrastructure with a wide range of accommodations, restaurants, and attractions that cater to international travelers.

Tourist Police Presence:
Marrakech, like many tourist cities, has a visible tourist police presence. These officers are trained to assist and ensure the safety of visitors. Travelers can approach them for guidance or help if needed.

Historical and Cultural Significance:
The city's rich history, cultural heritage, and stunning architecture attract a diverse array of tourists. As a result, there is a collective effort to maintain the safety and security of visitors, contributing to a positive and welcoming atmosphere.

Hospitality and Friendliness:
Moroccan hospitality is renowned, and locals often go out of their way to make visitors feel welcome. Many tourists comment on the friendliness of the people, which can contribute to a sense of security.

Popular Tourist Areas:
Marrakech has well-defined tourist areas, such as the Medina and Jardin Majorelle, where security measures are often heightened. These areas are frequently patrolled, contributing to a safer environment for tourists.

Cultural Diversity:
The city's diversity and cosmopolitan atmosphere attract tourists from around the world. This diversity contributes to an inclusive environment where visitors often feel at ease.

Tourist Services and Information:
Marrakech provides ample tourist services and information centers. These resources can help visitors navigate the city, provide guidance on safe practices, and offer assistance in case of any concerns.

Positive Experiences of Travelers:
Many travelers share positive experiences of their time in Marrakech, highlighting the warmth of the local people, the unique cultural experiences, and the generally safe environment. Reading reviews and testimonials from fellow travelers can provide insights into the city's safety from a visitor's perspective.

Low Incidence of Violent Crime:
Marrakech has a relatively low incidence of violent crime against tourists. While petty crimes like pickpocketing may occur, violent incidents are uncommon.
It's important to note that while Marrakech is generally safe, individual experiences may vary.

Edited

Ah, well if ChatGPT says it, it must be true!

ChatGPT is useful, but it’s known for being overly diplomatic and nice. I doubt every woman who posted here about being harassed and groped is lying.

saraclara · 28/12/2023 10:44

All of my DBs have been and they didn't enjoy it either, they were also constantly harassed. This was about 15 years ago, and all of them are well travelled.

@Ohnotyoutoo I feel that I need to repeat this every ten posts. It's very different there now. In the last few years the tourist police have clamped down very effectively on the general hassle. The government/Marrakech council equivalent is desperate to get tourists back, and is well aware that it was the hassle that gave it a poor reputation. So they did something about it.

I repeat, I was there for a week four weeks ago, staying in a riad just 300 years from Jemaa al fna, and I wandered around from morning to midnight as a solo woman traveler, and had zero hassle, apart from when I tried to buy stuff in the souks.
There's still work to be done on aggressive stallholders, but I found the place really comfortable.

PurpleFlower1983 · 28/12/2023 10:49

Popcorn23 · 28/12/2023 00:49

Marrakech is no more dangerous than an European city, and I have travelled a lot! As long as you take normal precautions you should be fine.

Your husband 'stopping' you is more worrying. Is he usually that controlling or just a bit jealous of you having fun without him?

Sorry but this is a ridiculous comment.

OP, it sounds like your husband is just worried about you and going about it the wrong way. You do need your wits about you constantly, you will be a target for lots of dishonest people but stay on the beaten track and don’t go out alone and you will be fine.

wasanneofcleves · 28/12/2023 11:02

"So long as you dress appropriately and can put up with a bit of harassment from some of the locals, you will have a great time" @Growlybear83 🤣 hardly the definition of a safe city is it...and definitely not the same as being in London.

I've been to marrakech a few times. Once as a young student. I got felt up in the crowds of the medina at night. Walking down side streets can feel a bit hairy. I went years later with family and it was a different experience- we went to all the smart international restaurants and I was with a man. But as others have said it's still possible to have a great time as a female traveller as long as you take some precautions.

Hubblebubble · 28/12/2023 11:04

I had a bf who tried this when he didn't approve of my solo trip to Bali. I went anyway.

Hubblebubble · 28/12/2023 11:05

And other controlling behaviours emerged

notacooldad · 28/12/2023 11:14

He genuinely thinks it's dangerous. It's not, is it?
I've been to Marrakech several times. Twice by myself and a couple of times with Dh.
It depends what you mean by safe. There's always people trying to get money from you with scams or pulling on the heart strings. You need to keep your wits about you and stay alert and Google what scams are being used.
I felt safe enough in Marrakech but away from the centre it was non stop harrasment for money, even from groups of children
It got very wearing and meant you had to be on full alert all the time.

GladAllOver · 28/12/2023 11:18

To me, the most significant point in the OP is that this wouldn't be good for the marriage. Using a threat like this to enforce obedience is not the action of a caring husband.

Whether you go on this trip or not, find a better man to have your children with.

Growlybear83 · 28/12/2023 11:45

wasanneofcleves · 28/12/2023 11:02

"So long as you dress appropriately and can put up with a bit of harassment from some of the locals, you will have a great time" @Growlybear83 🤣 hardly the definition of a safe city is it...and definitely not the same as being in London.

I've been to marrakech a few times. Once as a young student. I got felt up in the crowds of the medina at night. Walking down side streets can feel a bit hairy. I went years later with family and it was a different experience- we went to all the smart international restaurants and I was with a man. But as others have said it's still possible to have a great time as a female traveller as long as you take some precautions.

No of course it's not the same as being in London - I feel much safer walking round North African cities at night than I do in London. There are obviously cultural differences which unfortunately many British people fail to understand or research before they visit cities like Marrakech and so are completely unprepared when they arrive. I've never used a guide for exploring Marrakech or any other city as some others have suggested, and it's really not necessary; it's great fun exploring the medina and getting lost 😆😆

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