To object to my husband stopping me from going to Marrakech because it's 'dangerous'

[LaviniaLee]

I was hoping to go to Marrakech city centre for a long weekend with a female friend.

I've wanted to go there for ages - I love the idea of the architecture and culture.

But my husband isn't keen on it as a city. He thinks it's dangerous. He's been before and thinks it's overrated too.

He doesn't want me to go because he thinks it's dangerous. I said lots of people go there and I would stay in a decent hotel near the centre. He said that if I go anyway, it wouldn't be good for our marriage. We don't have kids yet.

AIBU to object to him stopping me?

Well he has no right to stop you, you are entitled to make your own decisions and his "bad for our marriage" comment is manipulative

However I have been to Marrakech and it is one of the very few places I would never go back to. I did love the architecture but the male behaviour towards female tourists was scary and unsettling. Staring at my chest (covered by very loose kaftan as advised;) hands touching you when in the souk; stroking arms; sneaking across waist ...all supposedly accidental but facial expressions said otherwise. Leering pointing laughing. Crowding up against in any crowds.

Sadly I felt uncomfortable and scared nearly all the time I was there. The exception was a trip into the mountains away from the city. Completely different; friendly villagers offering mint tea and sweets, no charges just being welcoming. Very different

This was 8 years ago. Maybe its different now!

I went and stayed with a friend and her husband. We did mostly 5 star this and that because that’s how my friend is. I would never go back. I was always in the company of a local and felt frequently harassed. These days there’s too much instability for me.

OP where is your husband from? If he’s from anywhere in MENA I would be far less surprised by his stance. These days there’s conflict with some against Morocco supporting Israel.

Marrakesh is not dangerous at the slightest. Like any other major city there are always someone who will take advantage of the less savvy. Even the souks are relatively straightforward. Really pleasant experience.

It's not a European city.

This is the issue for many people I think. They are offered Marrakech as an alternative to Paris or Copenhagen. It's North African. Used to be an adventurous destination now touted as a city break.

If you want to send any time outside your comfort zone, and I like to when I travel, you have to assess what you think of as risk and how much you will accept. I just spent time travelling 1000 km off paved roads. Marrakech is fine!

Went with my friend both female mid 40s, very safe no one bothered us even when we were buying stuff at markets. Most traders just interested in looking at phone.
Stayed in old town (medina), Can but drinks in restaurants even if not eating
Recommend a walking tour great way to get about, lots info and can skip queues.
Enjoy it

I’ve worked over there in the past. It’s a fantastic place. Yeah you get the odd creep, but most people are respectful. Shouting a firm no at them stops them, probably better than it would do with a sleazy guy in a night club in the uk.

I’ve been twice and it was fine. I went with a group of friends though. It’s best to wear long skirts and cover your arms. Go for it! I’m sure your husband can cope alone for a weekend.

dark haired, light olive skinned female with male. Wore long cargo pants and shirt with 3/4 sleeves. Had phlegm spat at the back of me. 🤢Had my hand grabbed and henna squirted on to try to ‘persuade’ me
to get a tattoo. Abused when I protested. Had small stones flicked at me. Every time I turned around there were men smirking in the opposite direction. Awful. being seen as a walking wallet was secondary to these assaults.

If my DH tried to forbid me then I’d be going for a fortnight, your DH is being controlling and manipulative. If you concede on this, then he will think he can control everything you do going forward. I’m sorry to say this is a huge red flag!

"He said that if I go anyway, it wouldn't be good for our marriage. " It wouldn't be good in what way - is he threatening to end (the marriage) if you go anyway? If all he is - is worried about your safety - why the ominous - would not be good for your marriage bit?
Is this the first time he has tried to impose his will - is this the first time you have arranged a trip without him? Do you believe he is nervous of your safety or just being a dick who doesn't want you going away without ?

Wouldn't be good for your marriage because he wants a marriage in which he can boss his wife around. Not good.

Unfortunately, the fact that he is saying it is not good for the marriage is a bad sign. He is trying to control you. It’s one thing to show concern and say he’ll be worried, another to threaten you with marriage difficulties. How long have you been married? is he like this in other spheres of life?

What would he say if you decided to go to Paris or Amsterdam instead?

If he would be happy with either of those then I would take it that his experience makes him think that it’s genuinely unsafe for you. Even if he has expressed it badly.

I’ve never been to Marrakesh but the mixed reports on this thread would definitely leave me with doubts about its safety for female travelers.

He’s doing you a massive favour by stopping you. It is massively over hyped, there is nothing of joy there. It’s the most god damn awful place and I’ve travelled the world. That famous square and souk…full of rotten fruit and tacky plastic things and fake football shirts. Zero exotic. It smells like foul drains, flies everywhere. Animal welfare is appalling…live sheep sling on motorbikes etc. honestly believe him. There’s a reason it’s cheap.

I went with two girlfriends in my 20s (a long time ago now) and we had zero hassle. We went shopping, saw some sights and ate in a couple of amazing restaurants. It is very different to the U.K. but I didn’t notice men being inappropriate.

We are well travelled, speak French and I'd always wanted to go to marrakech but all I really remember was that it was stinking hot and we were harassed non stop while also constantly getting lost. It was aggressive and intimidating.

Only place in the world I've felt unsafe.

By about day 4 we ended up reluctantly sticking to the hotel grounds, other than the majorelle gardens, which were lovely.

If that was more than four years ago, try again now. General opinion from those who went before and after the clamp down is that it's a whole different experience. Certainly mine, a month or so ago was completely different from yours.

I actively enjoyed wandering the alleyways (my phone prevented me getting entirely lost) and wasn't approached or hassled by anyone while doing so (or while wandering the Jemaa al fna until midnight, by myself)

My 82 year old mother and disabled brother came back a couple of months ago from a bespoke tour to Marrakesh/ Morocco and had a fantastic time.

They felt very safe th entire time they were there and strongly encouraged me to take a trip there. I believe it is as safe as anywhere else and if you want to go, then you should.

You can’t always believe what you read in the press (? That’s the reason your husband doesn’t want you to go). I believe your husband is really over reacting

It can be dangerous , as can so many things, plenty of them at home.
The question is why he feels you’re unequipped to manage risk like any other adult, and why he feels he has any right to control what you do?

Of course you decide to go if you want to.
I went there with a small group of women friends and a man was killed practically in front of us, blood running down the road.
It was ....memorable.
Having said that, I'd rather an unsavoury memory like that than commit to a life with a controlling person like your man.
Go for new experiences, leave the person trying to restrict these behind

Some of us who've been to Marrakech might say don't bother. I loathed it, although the rest of Morocco was great.

Didn't feel unsafe, was with DH though. But everyone was really pushy and extremely rude.

I went with a group of women. I had a bloke stick his hand between my legs and grope me in the middle of the street in broad daylight. Also had a group of kids surround me trying to pick pocket.
Another friend went with her young adult daughter and had men shouting rude things at her daughter about her breasts to the point they stayed in their riad most of the week.
Wouldn’t go back.

Wild horses couldn’t drag me back to Morocco in general but particularly to Marrakesh.
I always covered up and was incredibly respectful but groups of men would stop talking and stare when I walked past holding my husbands hand in a way that felt menacing and threatening (I should add that I always wore e.g. baggy combat pants, a long baggy T-shirts and bandana over hair and I’m also nothing special at all).
In Marrakesh I saw traumatised monkeys on chains that tourists paid to have their photograph taken with and in the back allies of Djem el fna (main market) there were genuine sweat shops where I saw some children with the most hopeless expressions I’ve ever seen in my life.
In Agadir there were literally kittens and cats dying at the side of the road and on more than one occasion I saw groups of kids kicking kittens around.
I will say that my visit there was approximately 20 years ago but I came away genuinely traumatised and cried all the way home on the plane (and I’m really not a crier).
However, I really don’t like the wording that your husband used. It sounded threatening and controlling. Massive red flag.

I've had various versions of that in Milan, Canada, London and Barcelona.

Shit men are everywhere.

Maybe we should start a 'least hassle from men' thread. China was great.

Thank you everyone for the comments, which have been really interesting to read. It sounds like people's experience of Marrakech is very varied, and range from 'terrible' to 'amazing'.

Thanks too for the advice and tips :)

I don't think my husband's threat about it being bad for our marriage was because he doesn't want me to go away for a weekend. I think he'd be fine if it was Paris or Amsterdam.

Some have asked if he's controlling in other ways. He doesn't mind me doing things without him. But he does make threats if I don't agree with him on something (for example, he recently disagreed with something which I thought was reasonable and I argued my case. Then he said 'don't make me regret marrying you'.).

I'm sorry to hear about those who've had really traumatic experiences in Marrakech.