Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Xmas is only great if you have a big, extended family.

153 replies

IgnoranceNotOk · 27/12/2023 22:45

Just that really…
I grew up spending Xmas day and Boxing Day with aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents and even as a young adult we did the same with lots of drinks and silly games.

The last few years my family has been through a lot and the stuff with the extended family doesn’t seem to happen anymore sadly so for the last few years we see my parents a little bit due to mental health in their house, it’s not the big celebration it used to be and we often don’t even know if we can go round there.

I’m finding it really hard as I used to love Xmas and I know I need to count my blessings that I have DH and the kids and can watch them enjoy it but I just feel a bit lonely.

Hopefully it’ll be a healthier, better year for my family and next Xmas will be more together.

OP posts:
AllProperTeaIsTheft · 27/12/2023 22:47

Same here. We've only ever spent one Christmas just the 4 of us at home. It was such an anti-climax!

lochmaree · 27/12/2023 22:49

No, one of the best Christmases I remember is with just me, DH and our almost 1yo DC. (2020!)

PurpleOrchid42 · 27/12/2023 22:51

Exactly the same here. Xmas feels so sad now, I feel sorry for my kids, not having all those big family parties, with hilarious party games. My husband's family is very small, and actually very antisocial/boring. Literally they think Xmas is just opening your presents.

BibbleandSqwauk · 27/12/2023 22:53

Have you had a look through how many extended family / Christmas disaster threads there are? A great number do not get on at all, have dissimilar tastes in what constitutes fun and endless power dynamics. Create the best Christmas you can with the family you have, or even if it's just you on your own and don't fall for the TV ad nonsense.

Needesppressonow · 27/12/2023 22:53

I’ve been feeling exactly the same way 😩

BlackboardMonitorVimes · 27/12/2023 22:54

Totally disagree. I have a large extended family (which keeps growing) and I long for the days when there were seven or eight of us for Xmas day rather then the 17. Someone has to host all these leaches. Yes OP, it's me as DMum is getting old and DSiblings haven't noticed.

There are small children in the mix but I have no interaction with anyone other than the oven, dishwasher, or nice relatives that help.

Honestly I long for a small get together at xmas.

Blessedbethefruitz · 27/12/2023 22:54

I grew up with big Christmases with cousins, great aunts/uncles, etc. They were fun when I was little, and local!

Now my Christmas is just me, dp and the kids (1 and 4). Honestly they're perfect for me - not stuck in other people's routines and expectations, we can relax and be us and have fun and eat what we like (ds4 has food issues that wouldn't be acceptable for broader family). This was our best year yet, dd understood a bit for the first time, and the kids played together beautifully, no pressure at all.

Edit - I'm glad for my kids that they don't have to spend the day with people judging them, us, and generally being inflexible. They can just be happy and comfy in their own home, with their own toys. Not with people who cba to see them the rest of the year!

bananaboats · 27/12/2023 22:55

Just me & DH on Christmas day here & we always have a lovely day, its what you make of it!

PriOn1 · 27/12/2023 22:55

No, I loved big family Christmas as a child and I enjoyed small family Christmas as well when my children were young and we lived too far away to travel home

It sounds like you have reason to be sad about what’s happening in your family, OP, rather than it just being about the smaller Christmas. I hope next year is better.

Comedycook · 27/12/2023 22:57

Totally agree op.

I just couldn't get excited about Christmas with just my dh and DC. That would literally be like every day of my life

TruJay · 27/12/2023 23:00

Absolutely not! There was only us three kids and my mum growing up and we had the most wonderful Christmases, we were poor as hell too! My mum always made it so magical.

Now, we host my mum and my siblings every year, dh and I have kids as does one of my siblings, the other doesn’t. There’s 11 of us altogether now and it’s lovely but not ‘better’ than our childhood Christmases because there’s more of us.

Titsywoo · 27/12/2023 23:00

No I love small Christmases. This year we woke late and did presents and a full english, watched some tv then went to the pub for a few drinks, drove to a friends and played card games then went home and watched a movie together. Admittedly my kids are older teens so it's easier! We did bigger Christmases when they were young and I found it fun but exhausting. Now it is relaxed and I enjoy it much more!

literalviolence · 27/12/2023 23:03

All my family moved abroad and we can't afford to visit and all my OHs family died. So it's only ever just us 4 for Xmas now and it never really feels that festive tbh. We spend a lot of time together normally so it's not different really. I yearn for a big family and hope someday to have that with grandchildren.

Doggymummar · 27/12/2023 23:05

Not at all. Just two of us and my oh said to me earlier. If I haven't already said it thank you for a marvelous Christmas. We haven't seen a soul since 19 December it's blissful.

Ragwort · 27/12/2023 23:06

Absolutely disagree .. personally can't think of anything worse than being in a big, noisy household. We have an only DC and generally have quiet Christmases but mix things up so we might be at home, go skiing, visit DGPs etc. My DS has actually never spent a Christmas Day with other DC ... apart from in Church .. (he's grown up now) but he always seems to have enjoyed himself.

HeddaGarbled · 27/12/2023 23:07

That’s actually offensive. Loads of people don’t have big extended families. How rude to say their Christmases aren’t good enough.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 27/12/2023 23:08

I hated big extended family Christmases. They were excruciatingly dull.

minipie · 27/12/2023 23:08

Big family Christmases where everybody gets on well, helps out, and has the same idea of a fun day must be fabulous.

Suspect they are rare though.

If it’s a choice between a large Christmas with tensions and disagreements (or enforced “hilarious” party games…) vs a smaller, quieter but calmer Christmas I would choose the latter.

HerRoyalNotness · 27/12/2023 23:09

Yep i agrée. It’s 5 of us here, very quiet and samey. Whereas my family in my home country having a whale of a time with the traditional Xmas outdoor games and socialising. Missing it a lot.

Floralnomad · 27/12/2023 23:10

I disagree , I love just a small Christmas at home .

JustMarriedBecca · 27/12/2023 23:12

I have very fond memories of large family Christmas. Cousins, Aunts, Uncles. We all loved close though so could see each other for 5 hours and go home.

Now everyone has moved away (including me). This Christmas was just our immediate four and it was deliciously wonderful.

We see wider cousins over the Christmas period but I felt much less pressure of Christmas just the four of us

Desecratedcoconut · 27/12/2023 23:16

Yeah, you really get a feel for how atomized families are when compare Christmases now to the ones in most people's childhoods. My family is scattered across the globe and even getting everyone in the UK together is a Herculean effort.

Needhelpsupport · 27/12/2023 23:16

My daughter’s partner is an only child and his dad is dead. And his Mum is an only child. He has really struggled with all the noise and chaos from our family. It will be all ok but everyone has a different normal!

CyberCritical · 27/12/2023 23:20

I have very little family, just me DH, DD and parents in law, we have lovely xmas's. Xmas day just me DH and DD every year then Boxing Day with the in laws. We have special food,spend the day in PJs, enjoy sharing our presents and playing with DD, watch films all cuddled on the sofa, do a few silly games and have a laugh.

As with anything it's what you make it.

Alaimo · 27/12/2023 23:27

The past few (covid) years it's just been DH and I. Two years in a row we rented a cottage and had a lovely time. Reading, going for walks, just generally a lovely relaxing time. This is the first time in years we're having a big family celebration again. It's very nice too, but I was equally happy when it was just the 2 of us.

Swipe left for the next trending thread