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Original poster

To think Xmas is only great if you have a big, extended family.

153 replies

IgnoranceNotOk · 27/12/2023 22:45

Just that really…
I grew up spending Xmas day and Boxing Day with aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents and even as a young adult we did the same with lots of drinks and silly games.

The last few years my family has been through a lot and the stuff with the extended family doesn’t seem to happen anymore sadly so for the last few years we see my parents a little bit due to mental health in their house, it’s not the big celebration it used to be and we often don’t even know if we can go round there.

I’m finding it really hard as I used to love Xmas and I know I need to count my blessings that I have DH and the kids and can watch them enjoy it but I just feel a bit lonely.

Hopefully it’ll be a healthier, better year for my family and next Xmas will be more together.

OP posts:
Poppyseason · 28/12/2023 01:52

Totally agree! We used to host Christmas Eve or Christmas Day (grandparents, extended family, friends) and then go to extended family Boxing Day. None of this has happened since covid. The side of the family that had boxing day had a divorce & the other couple now holiday overseas for Christmas. I find it very sad.

pizzaHeart · 28/12/2023 02:14

I think @FreshWinterMorning‘s post is spot on.
there are a lot of potential issues around big family Christmas so the size is not the recipe for success.
Mine was 3 people and much better than my childhood Christmases with 10 people involved.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 28/12/2023 02:50

Christmas is whatever you make it. I grew up in a small family, and there was usually just me and my parents and two or three elderly relatives. Now there is just me - and I had a lovely Christmas Day. A house full of people is my idea of hell.

oneflewoverthe · 28/12/2023 08:42

Are you that unimaginative or bored with your immediate family that you need a big crowd for Christmas? That's very sad. We work all year and love the festive season the 3 of us. Me, DH and DS. DS is only 3 but is always happier at home with the 2 of us also.

Zanatdy · 28/12/2023 08:46

I would love a big family gathering, only if I wasn’t hosting! Does look like fun, but we all know it’s not always that easy. My youngest DC would hate it, she’s so shy. But then maybe a bigger family she wouldn’t be so socially awkward.

Octavia64 · 28/12/2023 08:49

I've hosted big family christmases.

They are a lot of work. Like, a lot of work.

If you like them and you miss them then can you organise one? Invite everyone along?

Often the big family christmases break up for solid reasons - mum is too old to host any more, nobody has a house big enough etc.

Hiring a room at a pub for a January meet up might also be a possibility if you want to catch up with people but no-one has space.

NeedToChangeName · 28/12/2023 08:52

I have fond memories of big family Christmas as a child

But, can't do that now, as we all live too far apart

Now, it's quiet and peaceful, which is OK. Secretly I find it a bit dull, but can't be helped

Snackpocket · 28/12/2023 08:53

Nah the big family days are stressful and tiring for a lot of people. Especially as relatives get older.

Me and DH reminiscence fondly over our Covid Christmas where we weren’t allowed to socialise in our county. We had a lovely chilled day and delicious dinner just the two of us!

PersephonePomegranate23 · 28/12/2023 08:56

Not for me, I love it! It's the one time everything slows down for me. I can be off work and not worry about what's waiting for me because everyone is off. I have time to relax, read, watch Christmas films, go out at my leisure and enjoy time with my very small family.

I can see what you mean though and your experience skews your expectations. For me the social part is in the run-up, post Christmas is peaceful.

PheobeBebe · 28/12/2023 08:57

Completely disagree. The bigger it is the less I enjoy Xmas! My ideal day is the 4 of us and my parents. Any Xmas I've attended with more than that I couldn't wait to escape from. It's always been that people get split - some in one room, some in another - which feels really unchristmassy, or we play a game which obviously not everyone wants to play which makes me feel uncomfortable. There is no room around the table when we eat. Where it takes so long to plate everybody some of the food has cooled down, or people start eating before others are at the table. Whoever has had to cook is stressed to high heaven. My idea of hell.

tescocreditcard · 28/12/2023 08:59

Surely the answer is to just invite everyone round.

gannett · 28/12/2023 08:59

God no, the absolute opposite for me. My best Xmases have been just DP and myself. We've settled into a perfect lazy-day, slow-cook routine.

Family Xmases as a child made me want to claw my brain out. DP's family are nicer than mine but multiple under-10s running around screaming is not for me.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 28/12/2023 09:02

That’s actually offensive. Loads of people don’t have big extended families. How rude to say their Christmases aren’t good enough.

The OP is just expressing an opinion about how she feels about big vs small Christmases. She's not sayi g everyone has to feel the same. Plenty of people prefer a smaller Christmas gathering. It depends on what you're used to and what your family is like.

Squirrelblanket · 28/12/2023 09:02

Hard disagree. The best Christmases we've had have been just the two of us. We spent it with the whole family this year and have already said we can't wait for next year when it's just us again.

DarkForces · 28/12/2023 09:05

Last year we had a Christmas with us 3. We worked together to make all our favourite foods, walked the dog, drank nice wine and played a board game. It was dd's favourite Christmas ever, despite some being bigger. If a traditional Christmas doesn't suit you, do something that does!

Ginmonkeyagain · 28/12/2023 09:07

People generally have smaller families now, they are more atomised.

We had large family Christmases when I was young - my parents were both one of four and all of their siblings had at least three children each, so I have a lot of cousins and we all lived an hour or so away by car at the most.

I am one of two. My brother has 2 kids and I have 1 stepson. My stepmum has two daughters and one of them has 1 child. We don't all get together at the same time at Christmas as we live scattered across the country and also we have different families to see (my stepson always sees his mum in Xmas day, my step sisters usually spend the day with their dad, my brother and his family often see his in laws in Scotland).

Mr Monkey has a larger family (he is one of five) but they are mostly in Ireland and the few who are in the UK he does not really get on with.

TheWelshposter · 28/12/2023 09:09

My experience of big family get togethers at Christmas includes a lot of mess, kids being hyped up and given lots of sweets, one of them inevitably falling over/banging head, overexcited pets having to be put outside, certain family members getting agitated about other family members, someone peeing all over the toilet seat (every year) and me running around after my younger kids making sure they aren't carrying cocktail sausages around.and wiping greasy hands on someone elses walls. Half the people are designated drivers while the other half are getting merry. Kids up late and cranky. It can be exhausting!!

WishIMite · 28/12/2023 09:15

Big Christmases need big spaces I think and the housing situation makes that impossible for most of us now.

I had big christmases as a child but no one in my extended family has the sort of large house that was owned by my parents and grandparents. It’s sad.

Original poster
IgnoranceNotOk · 28/12/2023 09:19

PriOn1 · 27/12/2023 22:55

No, I loved big family Christmas as a child and I enjoyed small family Christmas as well when my children were young and we lived too far away to travel home

It sounds like you have reason to be sad about what’s happening in your family, OP, rather than it just being about the smaller Christmas. I hope next year is better.

Thanks, Yes it is this. I miss my family and have all year.
All I really want is to be able to be with my parents and sibling (our two households to be together more again).
It’s not so much the giant gathering of distant relatives but just the people we were all so close to.

Lots of people on here are saying they like it small but then say they see parents or older children or friends Xmas eve/day/Boxing Day which is what I’d like too.

I’ve just found it hard and lonely as just my household for these days although I know everyone else will have different opinions which is why I posted so I could be shaken out of my slump a bit.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 28/12/2023 09:22

I disagree, it can depend on family circumstances and indeed other things.

Newchapterbeckons · 28/12/2023 09:23

A big family Christmas if everyone gets on is lovely - and a small family Christmas with little children can be just as magical. A small Christmas with pre teens and teens can be hard work. Exacerbated by poor mental health, it must be very sad op in comparison to the Christmases you remember when everyone lived close by.

I think the answer might be to do something completely different. Go away for Christmas, have a party with friends. Plan it differently next year. It no longer works for whatever reason, but that can change.

My friends and are slowly losing parents now, and it definitely changes the dynamic! Embrace it, chop it up - meet your social needs in a way you can access easily in your life. Your feelings are entirely valid op.

lavenderlou · 28/12/2023 09:24

We don't have a big extended family. On Xmas day DH and our two DC visit my parents. My brother, who lives alone, will be there. We never see DH's side of the family at Christmas - they live too far away, along with my DC's only cousin. We always have a lovely Christmas, just a few of us. When I was growing up it was often only my parents, brother and myself on Christmas Day and I still loved it.

MN is always full of stories of family drama over Christmas which I've never experienced so maybe it's better to have a smaller group.

dressedforcomfort · 28/12/2023 09:25

Same situation here, OP. I find myself really hankering for the types of Christmases we had when I was young. This year it has just been the 3 of us. my DH and DS are both pretty introverted so like it that way. I have struggled with lack of contact with people tbh.

Newchapterbeckons · 28/12/2023 09:26

lavenderlou · 28/12/2023 09:24

We don't have a big extended family. On Xmas day DH and our two DC visit my parents. My brother, who lives alone, will be there. We never see DH's side of the family at Christmas - they live too far away, along with my DC's only cousin. We always have a lovely Christmas, just a few of us. When I was growing up it was often only my parents, brother and myself on Christmas Day and I still loved it.

MN is always full of stories of family drama over Christmas which I've never experienced so maybe it's better to have a smaller group.

Edited

It does feel like pp are not listening. Seeing parents and siblings IS a big family Christmas that she wants. She is not talking about masses of extended family.

MermaidMummy06 · 28/12/2023 09:27

My family often does the big, extended family Christmas lunch. Next year apparently it's even bigger (about 30 people).

It's great in a lot of ways, but not perfect. and sometimes I'd love a simple, easy Xmas with just DH & DC.