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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you finish with this man?

173 replies

wensleycam · 27/12/2023 15:10

He's early fifties. Divorced, bankrupt and dad to some children with whom he has a scant relationship.
No home, no assets.
A good job but flits from one to another when the stress gets too much.
Is a hard worker but regularly unwell with colds.
He is lovely. A nice person mostly but can be a
Sarcastic and a little immature at times.
His communication skills are awful. Has a tantrum after a disagreement, shuts down, ignores me and then expects me to come crawling back. Stubborn and a t time very self righteous .
He is handsome and good in bed.
Adores his family but a little too involved in my opinion.
He has no hobbies or past times, just sits on the settee watching sport. Doesn't like eating out, going for drinks, family gatherings or anything that involves letting himself go.
Never organises anything eg hotel break, holiday, dinners etc.
He is still nice though and can be funny.
Hates shopping,, hates leaving the general area he lives in and ultimately did the laziest person I've ever met . He can be generous. Also affectionate and kind mostly.
Anything worth saving here ?

OP posts:
5128gap · 27/12/2023 18:35

So, to summarise, he's fairly easy on the eye, good in bed, and when he feels like it can be nice and make you laugh? But pretty much every other aspect of him is off putting at best, a deal breaker at worst?
Well, if all you want is sex with a decent looking bloke, tbh all you probably need to do is put the word out and ask for an orderly queue, so I'm really struggling to see why YOU think its worth saving.

TurquoiseTurtoise · 27/12/2023 18:39

Save the little bit of good judgement and self wort that made you ask the question and then nurture it to exponencial growth

Hastheslotharrivedyet · 27/12/2023 18:39

😮

GothConversionTherapy · 27/12/2023 18:40

Ah this makes more sense as a rebound relationship when you're reeling from divorce, sounds like you're seeing it now. Tbh I think you should have dumped him the second you suspected him of being a future cocklodger.

Gymnopedie · 27/12/2023 18:49

OP it's your life. If you want to find reasons to stay with him that is absolutely your prerogative. But no-one posting on this thread is going to give you any.

IncompleteSenten · 27/12/2023 18:51

Sallybegood · 27/12/2023 17:22

lol this is MN. Just from looking at the title of your post I could have told you that the majority of posters will reply ‘yes’.

Good thing most of us go on the content of the post then.

ImNotReallySpartacus · 27/12/2023 18:54

New year is a good time to clear out the rubbish.

IncompleteSenten · 27/12/2023 18:54

SamW98 · 27/12/2023 17:31

So where would the OP have made that post and not had a resounding ‘yes’?

4chan.

GothConversionTherapy · 27/12/2023 18:59

I saw the title and 150 posts and knew it would be a ltb.
PP comment doesn't make sense because it usually is especially with all the drip feeds which btw I don't think are intentional, just the OP realizing in real time the extent of the situation.

Kitkatcatflap · 27/12/2023 19:02

Have you posted about this man before Christmas? He was sofa surfing during the week because he had been living with another friend rent free and they asked him to leave. Weekends he spent with his parents. Same age, same lack of interests, same dire financial situation - if so everyone told you to get rid.

Dexterwontstopfarting · 27/12/2023 19:04

Well, your definition of lovely is completely different to mine.

Howbizarre22 · 27/12/2023 19:08

wensleycam · 27/12/2023 18:26

I got serious ick when I tried to discuss a point of argument recently.
I looked at him as he behaved like a petulant child nodding along like a bold puppy when I asked him if f we could talk things out saying over and over ..'you're right, you're right, you're always right...'
That was level of his engagement in the disagreement. Refused to talk, refused to engage and pouted for rest of day. Went to ( my) bed) turned his back and then woke up Pretending no thing happened the evening before.
I was totally turned off and told
Him so. He hasnt spokeTo me since to my great relief .

This is ‘stone walling’ OP. Text book abusive behaviour.

GothConversionTherapy · 27/12/2023 19:11

Kitkatcatflap · 27/12/2023 19:02

Have you posted about this man before Christmas? He was sofa surfing during the week because he had been living with another friend rent free and they asked him to leave. Weekends he spent with his parents. Same age, same lack of interests, same dire financial situation - if so everyone told you to get rid.

So he's homeless ? It sounded like he has flatmates. Do you have proof he actually has this high paying job ? That could be fiction.

ttcat37 · 27/12/2023 19:19

I don’t think you could have described more of a loser tbh

isthismylifenow · 27/12/2023 19:20

wensleycam · 27/12/2023 16:57

Funnily enough my self esteem is not
Low at all. I do value myself and feel valued but this man is beginning to drag me down. I've been quite down and low in energy after divorce so his company for the most part was welcomed. Now that I've regained confidence and independence and self belief, I don't see his worth to add anything to my life ... because he has nothing to offer me but that sounds arrogant and obnoxious.

I am sure you know the saying....for a season or a reason.

You had your season, you had (rebound) emotional/physical attention when you most needed it.

Now you're past that (good for you btw) so need to look a bit further ahead. Ahead is looking pretty bleak with this set up isn't it.

Do you really want all this baggage? We are the same age and I for sure, would not want to be dealing with this.

StopStartStop · 27/12/2023 19:24

He is handsome and good in bed.
Fuckbuddy, then. Just.

Tonight1 · 27/12/2023 19:26

ttcat37 · 27/12/2023 19:19

I don’t think you could have described more of a loser tbh

Well I don't think he's been to prison??

ttcat37 · 27/12/2023 19:31

Tonight1 · 27/12/2023 19:26

Well I don't think he's been to prison??

That actually crossed my mind as soon as I posted!

Tonight1 · 27/12/2023 19:38

@ttcat37 🤣

Wemetatascoutcamp · 27/12/2023 19:40

wensleycam · 27/12/2023 15:10

He's early fifties. Divorced, bankrupt and dad to some children with whom he has a scant relationship.
No home, no assets.
A good job but flits from one to another when the stress gets too much.
Is a hard worker but regularly unwell with colds.
He is lovely. A nice person mostly but can be a
Sarcastic and a little immature at times.
His communication skills are awful. Has a tantrum after a disagreement, shuts down, ignores me and then expects me to come crawling back. Stubborn and a t time very self righteous .
He is handsome and good in bed.
Adores his family but a little too involved in my opinion.
He has no hobbies or past times, just sits on the settee watching sport. Doesn't like eating out, going for drinks, family gatherings or anything that involves letting himself go.
Never organises anything eg hotel break, holiday, dinners etc.
He is still nice though and can be funny.
Hates shopping,, hates leaving the general area he lives in and ultimately did the laziest person I've ever met . He can be generous. Also affectionate and kind mostly.
Anything worth saving here ?

Sounds like my ex & he’s an ex for good reason 😂😂Honestly I wouldn’t waste your time as he doesn’t sound like the kind of guy who sticks things out long term anyway.

mrlistersgelfbride · 27/12/2023 20:35

🤣 Sorry to be rude OP but that's the best laugh I've had today.

Nope, absolutely nothing worth saving. I could semi forgive the absent kids and baggage if he was someone who was interesting and enjoyed doing things together and planning a future.
No home is also a huge no go. Massive red flag.

You can do a lot better.

determinedtomakethiswork · 27/12/2023 23:46

Sallybegood · 27/12/2023 17:22

lol this is MN. Just from looking at the title of your post I could have told you that the majority of posters will reply ‘yes’.

What would you say? Are you going to be the only voice saying she should stay with him?

Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 28/12/2023 00:00

I'm horrified the bar is so low.
In your 50s you have years to still get out there. Do it. Don't waste your time on this man.

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