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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you finish with this man?

173 replies

wensleycam · 27/12/2023 15:10

He's early fifties. Divorced, bankrupt and dad to some children with whom he has a scant relationship.
No home, no assets.
A good job but flits from one to another when the stress gets too much.
Is a hard worker but regularly unwell with colds.
He is lovely. A nice person mostly but can be a
Sarcastic and a little immature at times.
His communication skills are awful. Has a tantrum after a disagreement, shuts down, ignores me and then expects me to come crawling back. Stubborn and a t time very self righteous .
He is handsome and good in bed.
Adores his family but a little too involved in my opinion.
He has no hobbies or past times, just sits on the settee watching sport. Doesn't like eating out, going for drinks, family gatherings or anything that involves letting himself go.
Never organises anything eg hotel break, holiday, dinners etc.
He is still nice though and can be funny.
Hates shopping,, hates leaving the general area he lives in and ultimately did the laziest person I've ever met . He can be generous. Also affectionate and kind mostly.
Anything worth saving here ?

OP posts:
WomanFromTheNorth · 27/12/2023 15:33

Having a "scant" relationship with your kids is a giant fucking red flag. You should pass on this one.

Nanny0gg · 27/12/2023 15:37

wensleycam · 27/12/2023 15:18

I am fifty. I crave a social life as I work hard and enjoy walking, eating out, theatre, cinema and holidays.
He will go along with it but clearly wants to be on said settee.
I worry I will end up as his carer and what if I want to go travelling with friends when retired ( next few years) .. will he be having tantrums as he won't be invited because I know he won't actually actively want to come along but will be miffed if not asked and left to tend to himself?
Are there men out there like me, at this age, who want similar?
Life can be lonely.

Yes. And he's not one of them

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 27/12/2023 15:41

You'll be a lot lonelier with him IN your life. He'll clip your wings and you'll find yourself being a carer while all your friends are off having fun without you.

Get rid! He sounds like a complete and utter waste of space.

MaggieNextDoor · 27/12/2023 15:43

What an complete and utter waste of time. You can do so much better.

Duckingella · 27/12/2023 15:44

That's a lot to put up with simply for abit of dick.

There's other dicks out there with less baggage attached.

TiredOfSayingItAgain · 27/12/2023 15:45

He's handsome, and good in bed - those 2 things do not make a relationship, and he hasn't got anything else that's decent. Bin.

LadyWiddiothethird · 27/12/2023 15:46

Scant relationship with his children! But to involved with his family! What does that mean?

Your first post makes no sense,but I say dump him,he sounds a waste of your time.

Gymnopedie · 27/12/2023 15:47

OP: Would you finish with this man?

Me: yes

You're going to end up hating him if you don't already. Don't waste even another day of your life on him. I'd hate to think in five years time you were posting on here utterly miserable because of him. So get rid now and enjoy the rest of your life. There are good men and good friends out there - you won't meet any of them sitting on the sofa while he watches football.

StmMary · 27/12/2023 15:48

Well said and it really made me laugh your comments at the end.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 27/12/2023 15:48

Yikes, just a couple of differences to my ex, otherwise I would have thought it WAS my ex, but yes, I would (and I did!) end things.

EffortlesslyInelegant · 27/12/2023 15:49

"He is lovely"

<goes on to list 100 reasons why he is not lovely>

Put this one in the bin OP.

wensleycam · 27/12/2023 15:49

He doesn't have a home
For his kids to stay overnight but sees them for cinema and food now and again.
What turned me off was bringing his kids to his parents home and going for a nap. He sleeps a lot.
He is always available for babysitting his siblings kids but they house him intermittently so perhaps he feels he has to. Plus he has them on some type of an elevated position. A lot of codependency.

OP posts:
booktokbear · 27/12/2023 15:49

Please don't settle op.

You have so much more to give and deserve to receive the same.

ChristmasFluff · 27/12/2023 15:50

OMG, I'd not be dumping him because he'd not have lasted beyond date 3 maximum.

Dating is a discovery phase - and once you discover this type of shit, you need to be getting out! Otherwise how do you ever get to meet a man who is on the same level as you?

Better to be alone than with someone like this, surely?

willWillSmithsmith · 27/12/2023 15:51

Sounds awful but I guess it depends how desperate you are. If you’re not desperate and have self worth then dump, if you are desperate with little self worth then go for it.

Whiskeypowers · 27/12/2023 15:54

Teenagersscarethelivinshitoutofme · 27/12/2023 15:13

What's 'lovely' about that? You are very shallow if handsome and a good shag trumps all the horrors on that list.

Absolutely this!

DollyDaydreamW · 27/12/2023 15:58

End it!! Rarely is there a more clear cut case to end it, than all those reasons. End it, please! Before he hollows out your life and your self esteem. Please, fill that time where you feel lonely with literally anything else. It's not even a 50/50 split, it's 95% negative reasons you listed, and even one or two of those reasons would be enough to finish him.

He doesn't deserve to date you, or fuck you. Cocks are ten a penny for pretty much all women, if it's just that you need. .. he can't really provide anything else of worth?!

God he sounds like such a loser.

Conkersinautumn · 27/12/2023 15:59

Throw this one back. You can certainly find a better one.

SaucepanRattle · 27/12/2023 16:00

No. He doesn't sound like someone I'd want to spend a significant amount of time with. So I'd end it now.

guineverehadgreeneyes · 27/12/2023 16:02

No, no, no. Please don't settle for this one, just because you are lonely.

Oldraver · 27/12/2023 16:02

So where does he actually live ?

moonbeammagic · 27/12/2023 16:03

I wouldn't have started with that man.....

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 27/12/2023 16:07

I would only have him as an occasional booty call. He's not good for anything else.

HarrietStyles · 27/12/2023 16:09

Sounds like he is only a catch for a one night stand or a casual FWB………. If that’s what you’re looking for. For a relationship - no fucking way.

PBandJ111 · 27/12/2023 16:10

Dump

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