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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you finish with this man?

173 replies

wensleycam · 27/12/2023 15:10

He's early fifties. Divorced, bankrupt and dad to some children with whom he has a scant relationship.
No home, no assets.
A good job but flits from one to another when the stress gets too much.
Is a hard worker but regularly unwell with colds.
He is lovely. A nice person mostly but can be a
Sarcastic and a little immature at times.
His communication skills are awful. Has a tantrum after a disagreement, shuts down, ignores me and then expects me to come crawling back. Stubborn and a t time very self righteous .
He is handsome and good in bed.
Adores his family but a little too involved in my opinion.
He has no hobbies or past times, just sits on the settee watching sport. Doesn't like eating out, going for drinks, family gatherings or anything that involves letting himself go.
Never organises anything eg hotel break, holiday, dinners etc.
He is still nice though and can be funny.
Hates shopping,, hates leaving the general area he lives in and ultimately did the laziest person I've ever met . He can be generous. Also affectionate and kind mostly.
Anything worth saving here ?

OP posts:
Sugarsun · 27/12/2023 16:11

How long have you been together?

Why is being in a relationship with him more favourable than being single?

He’s definitely not my cup of tea but obviously something attracted you to him and so it’s not up to us to decide whether he’s right for you or not.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 27/12/2023 16:11

I couldn't cope with this:

Sarcastic and a little immature at times.
His communication skills are awful. Has a tantrum after a disagreement, shuts down, ignores me and then expects me to come crawling back. Stubborn and a t time very self righteous .

kitsuneghost · 27/12/2023 16:12

I just read bankrupt and children and have already determined I wouldn't have even started with this man

Tonight1 · 27/12/2023 16:13

How did he end up bankrupt?

SelectiveParticipation · 27/12/2023 16:15

He will end up in your house, sitting on your sofa and being snarky when you go out with friends. He won’t even have any money to go out. You will never get him out.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 27/12/2023 16:15

It sounds like you have huge doubts and just want to finish.

TheGreatGherkin · 27/12/2023 16:15

FFS woman, raise your standards!

Tonight1 · 27/12/2023 16:16

Do you mean broke or did he go through formal bankruptcy proceedings?

PeloMom · 27/12/2023 16:16

Nope. Dump and upgrade. Struggling to see anything redeeming in this one.

AnonnyMouseDave · 27/12/2023 16:16

He sounds like he has a great "friends with benefits" potential (handsome, good in bed), and has some relationship potential if you only like lazing around a rented house and you have thick skin for when he decides to employ neanderthal-level communication.

Moveoverdarlin · 27/12/2023 16:17

He’s not relationship material AT ALL. But if he’s nice looking and good in bed just see him casually when you want to. Don’t invest in him. Don’t spend money on him he sounds like a bit of a loser.

Cuppa2sugars · 27/12/2023 16:19

i’d dump him , but i wonder if there’s underlying issues with him. He naps a lot and is very needy. Does he have a disturbing background of some sort .. eg being treated badly as a child ?
He has similar traits to my friend’s partner.

CharmedCult · 27/12/2023 16:19

I feel like you've posted about this guy before, he lives in a friends spare room during the week, comes to yours for a Friday night shag then onto his parents for the rest of the weekend.

Got a cold one time and "had" to stay at yours for a fortnight.

TheaBrandt · 27/12/2023 16:20

God I have a heavy cold today haven’t had one for a while but hope I don’t get dumped for it 😀

Devilsmommy · 27/12/2023 16:20

WhateverMate · 27/12/2023 15:12

Absolutely fuck all worth saving there.

Why would you even consider it?

First reply nailed it🤣

Beezknees · 27/12/2023 16:23

I wouldn't even have entertained the thought of a relationship with someone who has a "scant" relationship with his kids. Bad parenting is the biggest turn off.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/12/2023 16:23

Sounds like a fwb and nothing more.

wensleycam · 27/12/2023 16:24

I don't understand the bankruptcy as I don't understand the process but I do know that his exw and he had accrued a lot of debt and couldn't afford repayments. When they divorced she stayed in family home and he paid a sum every week for some years as agreed with the courts. She took on the mortgage. Does this make sense? That is what he told me.

OP posts:
Sandia1 · 27/12/2023 16:24

This made me laugh!

festivetinseling · 27/12/2023 16:24

He sounds like a complete loser. Nice and friendly when he wants to be, but absolutely useless at being a grown-up.

One of my friends used to go all over the world on singles holidays, there are tour operators that run them and she always had a marvellous time. Don't rely on this wastrel to enliven your later years, because it ain't going to happen.

Snowdogsmitten · 27/12/2023 16:24

Anything worth saving here ?

Not a fucking thing. He sounds like a waster.

AlwaysGinPlease · 27/12/2023 16:26

Finish with him? I wouldn't have even started!

PickAChew · 27/12/2023 16:27

He sounds like a liability. The prospect of getting his feet under your table should be motivating him to pretend that he has more about him and far more enthusiasm for life but he can't even be bothered with that much.

BrimfulOfMash · 27/12/2023 16:27

Being good in bed sounds good. In that he actually gets off the settee and out from in front of the TV for a shag.

MrsDilligaf · 27/12/2023 16:27

Nope. He's not the one for you.