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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you finish with this man?

173 replies

wensleycam · 27/12/2023 15:10

He's early fifties. Divorced, bankrupt and dad to some children with whom he has a scant relationship.
No home, no assets.
A good job but flits from one to another when the stress gets too much.
Is a hard worker but regularly unwell with colds.
He is lovely. A nice person mostly but can be a
Sarcastic and a little immature at times.
His communication skills are awful. Has a tantrum after a disagreement, shuts down, ignores me and then expects me to come crawling back. Stubborn and a t time very self righteous .
He is handsome and good in bed.
Adores his family but a little too involved in my opinion.
He has no hobbies or past times, just sits on the settee watching sport. Doesn't like eating out, going for drinks, family gatherings or anything that involves letting himself go.
Never organises anything eg hotel break, holiday, dinners etc.
He is still nice though and can be funny.
Hates shopping,, hates leaving the general area he lives in and ultimately did the laziest person I've ever met . He can be generous. Also affectionate and kind mostly.
Anything worth saving here ?

OP posts:
Snazzysausage · 27/12/2023 16:41

Hell,that's a big trade off for a bit of hanky panky.
You've got nothing in common with him outside the bedroom for a start and I'll bet if a friend told you all this you'd be advising them to kick this one into touch.

Charlize43 · 27/12/2023 16:42

IncompleteSenten · 27/12/2023 16:31

I'd rather eat shit than be with him.

Edited

Nobody is stopping you.

Is there any reason to be so rude and unpleasant?

Wateroverwine · 27/12/2023 16:43

What is generous to you? Because if he doesn't like going out what is he buying you LV bags?
You kind of contradicted yourself a lot.
You might be able to work on him but can you bothered? Do you think he is worth it truthfully?

ShinyPebble32 · 27/12/2023 16:43

For Christ’s sake… do you really need to ask?? How are people’s standards so low?

badhappenings · 27/12/2023 16:49

You're really scraping the barrel.
Why is you bar that low?

Wateroverwine · 27/12/2023 16:51

I feel with women we always think we are to old to be picky. When I was turning 30 I got with a complete loser, no job, at mums, no assets, no car, nothing (he was 33) reason being I was single and wanted to get married so jumped on to the first guy I bonded with because I thought life is over at 30.
He completely brought me down, I lost 40k being with him for 3years. Absolute expensive waste of time and he wasn't good in bed!

There are plenty men around who like women older or younger and aren't bums. I will never settle again

fc123 · 27/12/2023 16:52

wensleycam · 27/12/2023 16:35

His accommodation is 50miles from his kids home and he says his kids dont want to come for weekends so he doesn't push it, plus he is renting with others. Easier for him to spend time with them in their own village during the day.

What do you want from this?
Long term serious stuff or bit of fun?
He's looking for a nice easy nest ( cocklodger alert) and you're getting drawn in.
Just take the good sex and theirs that work for you ( when convenient) and ignore the rest.
Your gut instinct is correct, hence why you've posted.

pinkyredrose · 27/12/2023 16:53

Your future life with him looks rather dour. With his limited relationship with his kids, immaturity and financial irresponsibility I'd dump.
He sounds joyless.

wensleycam · 27/12/2023 16:54

I really enjoy his company but have found that it just is not enough for me in the future. Thinking a life of boredom, sickness, tantrums and neediness are ahead of me. Not for me.
I am busy so relaxing with him at weekends is pleasant but has now become boring after many promises to start living a little.
He hasn't changed at all so I want out but am Afraid that I'll end up alone.

OP posts:
ALongHardWinter · 27/12/2023 16:56

Sounds a bit like my ex. Ultimately,all the cons outdid the pros.

SamW98 · 27/12/2023 16:57

I would rather stay single forever and amuse myself with a selection of Love Honey’s finest toys than be with a loser like that.

He brings nothing worthwhile to the table - no thanks.

Being alone is far preferable to settling imo

wensleycam · 27/12/2023 16:57

Funnily enough my self esteem is not
Low at all. I do value myself and feel valued but this man is beginning to drag me down. I've been quite down and low in energy after divorce so his company for the most part was welcomed. Now that I've regained confidence and independence and self belief, I don't see his worth to add anything to my life ... because he has nothing to offer me but that sounds arrogant and obnoxious.

OP posts:
fc123 · 27/12/2023 16:58

wensleycam · 27/12/2023 16:54

I really enjoy his company but have found that it just is not enough for me in the future. Thinking a life of boredom, sickness, tantrums and neediness are ahead of me. Not for me.
I am busy so relaxing with him at weekends is pleasant but has now become boring after many promises to start living a little.
He hasn't changed at all so I want out but am Afraid that I'll end up alone.

Don't settle through fear of being alone.
You know deep down this guy is a waste of space ( apart from in bed and brief moments).
You are worth more and who knows watt's in the future .
What's your previous relationship history?

PringPring · 27/12/2023 16:58

Op you're fifty. You could live another fifty years. I'd not want to spend a week of them with someone like this!

Buy a good toy and spend more time with friends or expanding your social circle etc. spend the time on you not on him.

Abbimae · 27/12/2023 16:59

You know this and you are staying why

Howbizzare22 · 27/12/2023 17:00

The stone walling after rows was enough for me tbh. Abusive behaviour which I bet would be tip of the ice berg.
The rest is just so grim. Whhhhy OP whhhyyy are you even considering this loser. RUN.

fc123 · 27/12/2023 17:01

wensleycam · 27/12/2023 16:57

Funnily enough my self esteem is not
Low at all. I do value myself and feel valued but this man is beginning to drag me down. I've been quite down and low in energy after divorce so his company for the most part was welcomed. Now that I've regained confidence and independence and self belief, I don't see his worth to add anything to my life ... because he has nothing to offer me but that sounds arrogant and obnoxious.

That test sound arrogant or obnoxious at all.
It sounds very sensible and realistic. You are seeing things clearly . Trust yourself

Tooshytoshine · 27/12/2023 17:01

Run, run, Rudolph.

ChateauDuMont · 27/12/2023 17:04

It's not arrogant or obnoxious to aspire to having a partner that has the same outlook on life, has the same interests, is respectful to you and at the age of fifty has financial stability and a good work ethic.

Your man is a prize chump and no matter how handsome or good in bed he is, when he steps out of the bedroom his sum total is that of an oaf.

Brats4kid · 27/12/2023 17:05

Read your post as if you were a stranger!

MILTOBE · 27/12/2023 17:05

He's early fifties. Divorced, bankrupt and dad to some children with whom he has a scant relationship.

  • This on its own means it would be a 'no' from me.
No home, no assets.
  • Very unattractive
A good job but flits from one to another when the stress gets too much.
  • At his age it's very unlikely he'll be able to continue to do this. It's hard to believe it's always the job's fault
Is a hard worker but regularly unwell with colds.
  • Doesn't look after himself
He is lovely. A nice person mostly but can be sarcastic and a little immature at times.
  • Which is why he keeps getting dumped
His communication skills are awful.
  • Why would you be interested, then?
Has a tantrum after a disagreement, shuts down, ignores me and then expects me to come crawling back. Stubborn and a t time very self righteous .
  • Awful
He is handsome and good in bed.
  • Plenty of practice having sex with lots of women, you mean? Not a great quality
Adores his family but a little too involved in my opinion.
  • He hardly sees his own children. Talking happily about them when he's drunk isn't the same thing.
He has no hobbies or past times, just sits on the settee watching sport. Doesn't like eating out, going for drinks, family gatherings or anything that involves letting himself go.
  • Lazy and boring
Never organises anything eg hotel break, holiday, dinners etc.
  • Lazy
He is still nice though and can be funny.
  • Well so can anyone (to quote Kirsty McColl)
Hates shopping,, hates leaving the general area he lives in and ultimately did the laziest person I've ever met . He can be generous. Also affectionate and kind mostly.
  • As you say, lazy, lazy, lazy. OK when he's getting his own way.
Anything worth saving here ?
  • No.
pinkyredrose · 27/12/2023 17:08

Being alone is better than a crap relationship. Besides, when you're alone you'll be free to meet someone else.

SamW98 · 27/12/2023 17:10

OP - are you really so desperate to have a man and not be single that any random loser will do?

Honestly you need to take time to be happy with yourself and understand why you would hook up with such a low bar man rather than be on your own. Being happily single is a million times preferable to being with a wrong un.

DoodlesMam · 27/12/2023 17:10

? I see no plus points here. I'd rather be on my tod

IncompleteSenten · 27/12/2023 17:11

Charlize43 · 27/12/2023 16:42

Nobody is stopping you.

Is there any reason to be so rude and unpleasant?

Oh behave. He's clearly a complete twat and she deserves better. She asked whether people would stay with him. I wouldn't and I feel very strongly that being with him is a deeply unpleasant option. If you are offended by my turn of phrase, well, I don't give a flying fuck. 🤷

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