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AIBU?

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Original poster

Took the shine off my Christmas present

364 replies

notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:24

We had and family round for Christmas and Boxing Day and after hosting, finally got round to showing off my gift from DP.

Obviously I was really pleased as it was something I've wanted for a while, not cheap so I hadn't just bought it myself already, and I made that clear. As I'm showing them what I got, my very close friend gets out her phone, searches for the gift and buys herself the exact same thing. It's something you'd wear so I did comment but she made out like it was fine, we won't wear them at the same time etc and I didn't want to ruin the mood.

I just feel like it's not the done thing though and it really took the shine off it for me. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not but just honestly felt a bit gutted 😞

OP posts:
DeeLusional · 27/12/2023 11:35

Seems there a lot of thick nasties on here today OP. Your "best friend" was out of order, and if I approved of calling women "bitch" I would call her a bitch, but I don't, so I won't. No one needs a best friend who would do what she did. I'm fairly sure from this one incident, that you do make most of the effort in this friendship.

nutster · 27/12/2023 11:38

and if I approved of calling women "bitch" I would call her a bitch, but I don't, so I won't.

🙄

Arkhamasylum · 27/12/2023 11:40

That’s a really weird thing to do. If she’d really wanted the same thing that you’d been gifted, no one would or could have stopped her from buying it. But to do it right in front of you, as you showed the gift to your relatives is just bizarre. It was an individual gift from someone who loves you, who bought it for you, knowing you would love it. And she’s turned it into a thing that anyone could buy at a second’s notice. Maybe that’s no big deal to her (or to others on this thread) but it was to you. Just a really insensitive thing to do. Anyway, OP, yours was gifted with love and is a special gift. Wear it when you like. You didn’t sign up for consultations over its use, so let her do that herself. She’s the one who bought the duplicate.

Lavender93 · 27/12/2023 11:40

This is odd behaviour and I would wonder if she lacked social awareness or if she was simply insecure. Don’t let it spoil your present though, just laugh it off as odd and move on.

ActuallyChristmas · 27/12/2023 11:44

So many replies here appear to miss the point. Buying the same outfit as your friend once you’ve got home might be ok, but sitting there in the same room is a bit impolite

Gymnopedie · 27/12/2023 11:44

Keep the present, drop the friend. That way you won't be wearing the same thing in the same place at the same time.

Whatever her motivation or none it was crass. Has she had to have the same as you before, if you've been to Tenerife has she always gone to Elevenerife?

ImTheOnlyUpsyOne · 27/12/2023 11:44

It's rude, I wouldn't have liked it done to me. I have admired something on a friend and looked it up and considered buying it, but I wouldn't do that in front of them the moment they've just showed me.

Ulysees · 27/12/2023 11:51

Gymnopedie · 27/12/2023 11:44

Keep the present, drop the friend. That way you won't be wearing the same thing in the same place at the same time.

Whatever her motivation or none it was crass. Has she had to have the same as you before, if you've been to Tenerife has she always gone to Elevenerife?

I'm sure OP won't be dropping her bf just because of this. Op probably just wanted to vent and get opinions.

Unless there's a backstory?

Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 11:54

DeeLusional · 27/12/2023 11:35

Seems there a lot of thick nasties on here today OP. Your "best friend" was out of order, and if I approved of calling women "bitch" I would call her a bitch, but I don't, so I won't. No one needs a best friend who would do what she did. I'm fairly sure from this one incident, that you do make most of the effort in this friendship.

But thick nasties is all good with you?

Singingseals · 27/12/2023 11:56

Good grief people can be difficult on MN sometimes. OP, she was rude - it’s the implication that whilst you might find something special and exciting, she can just have it without a moment’s thought. If this was a one off I’d let it slide, but I wonder if she engages in getting one up on you in other ways? I’d be rethinking the friendship if the answer is yes.

LittleMissSunshiner · 27/12/2023 11:57

I think it's rude as heck, selfish, inconsiderate, and making it all about herself. Lacks capacity to say 'oh that's lovely, how nice' but instead thinks 'oh that's lovely I gotta have one right now'.

A friend of mine bought a very cool pair of boots once, I told her wow those are very cool. She suggested me to buy the same ones and told me where to get. I was surprised, it hadn't even crossed my mind, I said to her no I could never, it's your thing. But she pointed out we barely saw one another so it's not like we'd be walking round together in the same item and they would suit me so I should get them too. In the end I didn't. But that's the difference.

BrendaMcPherson · 27/12/2023 11:59

This is at least the third thread I've read today where most of the first people to respond seem to think that the OP is being unreasonable, when I bet that if the same thing happened to them they'd be extremely pissed off.
So many liars on MN right now.
OP, your friend made a very dick move and I'd be totally pissed off with her. She was bloody rude and I'd be questioning her intentions.

DeeLusional · 27/12/2023 11:59

Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 11:54

But thick nasties is all good with you?

Show quote history

Yes.

LifeonMarsnotVenus · 27/12/2023 12:00

There’s no way I’d stay friends with someone like that.

What sort of person whips out their phone to order herself an exact copy of a special item whilst you’re in the middle of discussing Christmas gifts??

You shouldn’t care about her discovering this thread about her rude behaviour, because she clearly doesn’t give a shiny shit about you.

dejavu27 · 27/12/2023 12:01

I have a very close friend who can buy anything she wants, I cant. We laugh about it, and im looking for discount codes and pre owned all the time. Its part of our friendship. I just borrow if I need anything fancy. A close friend just would not have done that, especially on Christmas day, and if she is that close she obviously already knew what it actually meant to you to eventually get that gift.

EwwSprouts · 27/12/2023 12:01

YANBU. Friend was tactless. She could at least have waited until she got home but then who the heck wants to be matchy matchy when they go out with a friend?

Emotionalsupportviper · 27/12/2023 12:02

kwarr24 · 27/12/2023 09:41

I think that's a bit unfair, I think it's completely okay to show off something your excited about it seems like she was showing off in a nice way because she was really happy about her gift - doesn't come down to money and even if it did it's unfair to comment as if she is jealous or couldn't afford it.

Show quote history

I agree - nothing wrong with showing off a present you are thrilled with, o matter how old you are.

I got a microscope from my son 2 years ago. I showed EVERYBODY! I'd wanted on since I was 9, and never got one as a child and just didn't get round to treating myself as an adult (I played with used it every day for the first few months, but confess that it has dropped to about twice a week. I still love it)

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 27/12/2023 12:02

notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:47

Sorry, should've made it clearer. It's not about the money, I've more disposable income than she has. I just meant it's a bit of a treat, not something you'd buy everyday.

And yes I was showing it to my family, I think my mum said come on, let's have a look what X got you. Was nice to get a minute to sit down and chat about our gifts after 2 days cooking and hosting for everyone!

I really wasn't expecting my best friend to decide it's that nice that she must have exactly the same thing right there and then!

She was being a bitch for some reason. Phase her out.

ManateeFair · 27/12/2023 12:05

ClottedCreamScone · 27/12/2023 10:08

No. Behave. That’s not what she said. She said, quite specifically, that she thinks it’s off that in relation to this issue, people are calling OP petty. That doesn’t mean she thinks, in general, that it’s off for people to have different opinions to her.

Cant bear this falsely naive, deliberate misrepresentation that mumsnet is bloody plagued with.

Show quote history

Agree re the faux-naïveté. And also the people who obsess over one element of the post that isn’t actually important, like the use of the term ‘show off’ (when the OP clearly just meant that her immediate family and best mate were asking each other what they got etc and she showed them, which is totally normal among close family and friends).

MikeRafone · 27/12/2023 12:05

It’s bizarre behaviour, your out as a guest at Xmas with friends. One friend shows you a Christmas gift and suddenly you get on your phone shopping for that very item.

it’s not the time or place to go shopping, or to be searching the Internet for the gift to suddenly purchase - it’s weird

wait till you get home if you really must purchase the same item

Emotionalsupportviper · 27/12/2023 12:05

Emotionalsupportviper · 27/12/2023 12:02

I agree - nothing wrong with showing off a present you are thrilled with, o matter how old you are.

I got a microscope from my son 2 years ago. I showed EVERYBODY! I'd wanted on since I was 9, and never got one as a child and just didn't get round to treating myself as an adult (I played with used it every day for the first few months, but confess that it has dropped to about twice a week. I still love it)

Show quote history

Forgot to say - I am 70.

Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 12:06

EwwSprouts · 27/12/2023 12:01

YANBU. Friend was tactless. She could at least have waited until she got home but then who the heck wants to be matchy matchy when they go out with a friend?

Well she said she’d not wear it at rhe same time,so I guess will check in advance. I agree if was tactless.thats the word.

i dont get the posters who have become abusive to other posters over it, calling people liars, thick nasty etc, just because they have a different opinion.

Plofder · 27/12/2023 12:08

This kind of thing would have been a big issue for me...at aged 10. Not as a grown adult.

WhateverMate · 27/12/2023 12:09

YANBU OP, I get it.

It's not that she's not 'allowed' to buy the same thing, it was how shortsighted she was to simply whip out her phone and do it there and then.

Tone deaf.

kittylion2 · 27/12/2023 12:09

What a crass thing to do. I think it's bad manners to be at someone's house enjoying their hospitality and then buy oneself the same gift there and then - it feels like one-upmanship. I understand it's not worth falling out over, but I'm afraid I couldn't see her in quite the same light again. Your mother obviously thought it was a bit much and I expect your other guests did too.