To ignore my managers rude text?

[Anon1359]

I work in Retail and have done for the same company for 12 years. The past year and a half the shop has had a new manager and her moods and attitude really affects the staff in the shop. She is very passive aggressive, if she is in a mood then my god everyone will know about it.

Anyway me and my DD who’s 4 have been ill this Christmas, I’ve worked all the run up to Christmas while I’ve been on my death bed because I didn’t want to leave them short staffed and you are made to feel awful if you call in sick. Don't know how I’ve done it but it’s killed me! I haven’t been able to move off the couch since Christmas Day and I need to rest, I’ve got laryngitis, a cough and flu symptoms and my little girl decided to add a stomach bug to the mix last night.

So I text my manager yesterday a nice polite text like I hope you’ve had a lovely Christmas sorry to text on Boxing Day etc but I’m really not well and my little girl is poorly so I won’t be able to come in tomorrow, to which the respond was:
‘I am with my family. Cover yourself!! You are leaving us short, can no one watch daughter’s name while you work?’

I am livid with her response, not even listen I know you’ve been so ill and still came in don’t worry about it I’ll get it covered. And regardless of my daughter I’m not well either!! So I put in the work group chat if anyone could cover me, the message was read and blanked by everyone but I did try.

My colleagues go into the shop at 5 to open for 6 so I’ve text the morning team leader as early as possible to see if they could try and get cover saying ‘I’m sorry I am really not well, I did try to get my shift covered but won’t be in’

To now I’ve just got another text from my manager saying ‘why are you off?? I’ve had messages this early saying you won’t be doing your morning shift and you haven’t got anyone to cover you? You were told last night to get cover. You will need to come and see me when you come back in tomorrow.’

I am honestly gob smacked, what do I even say in this situation? Should I just ignore her? Or will this make it worse? It’s barely even 7 o’clock and I’m on the couch crying because I feel so anxious, I’ve done nothing but work hard for them and I’m being treated like this! I won’t be able to rest now, I’ll just be panicking all day because I feel guilty and what’s going to happen when I go back to work.

Don't apologise for messaging her. I'd just say "In response to your message, I am off work because I am ill, as previously notified. I will let you know when I am well enough to return, but it is unlikely to be tomorrow." Then turn your phone off and go to sleep.

You are too ill to work. That's what you need to focus on and repeat. No need to mention your daughter as that is not the reason you are unable to work today. It's because you are too unwell.

As PP have said, you need to contact HR about the sickness policy because you've done everything you are supposed to do but you're being hounded to work. You are too poorly to work so don't stress yourself today. Make a plan to deal with it when you are well again.

OP screenshot those messages just in case manager deletes them for all.

You didn’t handle it perfectly but your manager is out of order so I’d escalate this

@Anon1359 step away from the phone, do not message her again. Ring in the store to report your absence. Pretend you've been trying to get through since 9 if needs be. Follow the absence policy to the letter of the policy. And don't message her ever again. Show her messages to HR in a few days when Christmas has settled.

Start job-hunting as soon as you're well enough.

I personally would reply

I am very unwell and tried to let you know with advance notice compared to my contact that I wouldn't be in. You asked me to cover it, I sent to all to ask, no one replied to me. Therefore I let the leader know this morning over an hour before my shift that I'm not in due to sickness. Happy to meet tomorrow, could you also look into if I can get a meeting with HR within the next few weeks please, thank you

Lord that’s a bad message.

If her daughter was sick she would need to sort childcare or stay home. But should have pointed out that she is also ill. Also, coming in to work spreads and illness, but retail workers (and teachers) do it because of the pressure on them not to let the side down. Interesting that both these jobs mostly involve women...

Oh my god, she sounds absolutely vile. Quite frankly, I would be contacting human resources in the New Year @Anon1359 . What a despicable person she is. My DH had a manager like this some years ago - when he was working in a particular industry that's open 365 days a year. 24 hours a day.

He had booked Christmas and New Year off, so he finished on the 20th December and didn't go back till the 3rd of January. The manager okayed it (in July!) and signed it off and everything ... He was really looking forward to his first Christmas and New Year off for 5 years since he had started that job... He either had Christmas or New Year or but never both.

Suddenly the manager who had signed it off left in the August of that year and a new manager started in early September. This new manager said, 'you're not having Christmas OR new year. You're working it. We have to work Christmas and New Year here.' Cancelled all his leave, and said 'you've got to come in!'

DH was so upset and pissed off. He tried to get someone else to cover it, but of course nobody would. Especially as it was afternoons and nights. They didn't want to work at Christmas and New Year. It was how his shifts rotation fell. He had to work those days.

So anyway, I know this isn't the greatest thing to do... BUT... He went to the doctors in the middle of December and said his back was playing him up and he was actually feeling quite low and he could do with a couple of weeks on the sick. The first time he'd ever pulled a sickie, and got sick note when nothing was wrong with him, in 30 odd years of working (at that point.) He got written off from the 15th of December to the 5th of January. (It's the ONLY time he has ever done it too..)

The new manager who denied him to leave that he'd been promised and that he deserved had to cover all the shifts himself. Had to work afternoons and through the nights all over Christmas, including 9pm to 9am New Years Eve. HA HA HA!!! 😆That Manager didn't last long, and yours won't either OP.

As other posters have said, it's the MANAGER'S job to get sick cover, not the person who is sick! Yeah if you want a day off/shift off that has not been booked a few weeks/months in advance, they ask you to try and cover it yourself, but not a fucking sick day (or period!) And yes OP, ignore your manager and go straight to HR.

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Try and feel angry instead of anxious. People like this make me so mad, and I go from my usual warm and chatty style to colder and factual.

‘As I said yesterday- I won’t be in because I’m ill. I thought it would be better to give you as much notice as possible. I did try and find cover but that isn’t really my job and no one replied to those messages. I agree it would be a good idea for us to have a discussion when I’m back in. OP’

I'd come back strong. "Finding cover is the manager's job. As you are the manager, I'm letting you know I won't be in so that you can find cover. FYI I have screenshotted your messages and forwarded them to HR."

I mean, I'd probably tell her to go and fuck herself, but I guess it depends whether you want to keep working there or not.

I’m ill all over Christmas too but I don’t think you should have mentioned your daughter. You are ill and adding your daughter to the reason why you’re not going in doesn’t look good (it looks like you wouldn’t have gone in anyway even if you were well). This probably didn’t help your case. Hope you feel better soon.

If she is ill she cannot go in. End of.

why bring up the daughter?

This is a man's solution. Women tend to be intimidated by management and give in (done this myself). In this one instance - and no other - women should behave like men, get unionised and get pro-active.

What normally happens when your daughter is ill OP? You say your manager knows the situation, implies she helps you in those situations somewhat unofficially, so how do you normally handle it between you when you can’t come in? Does she let you take it as sick leave / unpaid / dependents leave / annual leave?

I think the problem here is that you go to work when you shouldn’t, so now you’re saying you’re ill when it’s really you needing to be off because you’re daughter is too unwell to go to your dads, I’m betting if it wasn’t for your daughter you would actually be going in.. because you always do (even though you shouldn’t!!), and your manager is well aware of that because of your previous arrangement, you thought she wouldn’t mind but this time she does.

THAT is the problem here, you should always just be off sick when you are ill and ask for dependents leave / annual leave / unpaid leave when your daughter needs you. Be very careful about what you say at this meeting, and what you’ve already said via WhatsApp, make sure you know what you’re entitled to and the proper reporting procedures for absences, if there is a hint that you are trying to get sick leave when it’s actually to care for your daughter then you can be on shaky ground, you are entitled to this leave either way if it was done properly, so there was no need for you to offer up so much information to your manager.

Just make sure to get your story locked down tight and like someone said don’t elaborate on anything, just stick to the script that you were too ill.

that’s what people are trying to say on here (I think!), it’s nothing to do with what’s morally right, it’s what’s right within employment rules.

Whatever the policy is, follow that. Turn your phone off after that

This is retail for you. I was a manager for a handful of years before I finally left and moved on.

It’s usually the same policy everywhere. You call a certain amount of hours before your shift to say you can’t make it in. You don’t send a message to the manager. I read your update and I get what you mean about trying to give them a heads up. If that was the case, you should have messaged in the work GC first to try and get cover. It’s your job to get a shift covered, not the manager’s (unless your off sick for a while). This is my perspective from an ex manager’s point of view.

Her messages are rude and unnecessary but there was also no reason to message her. You’re ill, you can’t come in and they can’t force you. There’s nothing wrong with that. If I was you, I’d get the hell out of retail asap Get a nice office job, one where they don’t speak to staff like they’re shit under their shoe. Feel better soon

And you can contact HR but 1) they’ll tell you to speak with your Area Manager and 2) they won’t do anything as she hasn’t actually done anything wrong here. She’s just a bitch

She is being ridiculous. Check your procedure for calling I'm. Respond to the text with something like. I have followed the procedure for illness absence.

You are the reason people can never get an appointment. Have a word

My above comment

Why on earth is it your job to get cover? Surely that is the managers job ie to manage??

It’s the managers role to find cover - unfortunately sick calls over the Christmas week are super common and it’s impossible to get them covered (if you have a much coveted Boxing Day off you’re not giving it up to someone who’s called in sick).

Manager will absolutely roll her eyes in private (I’ve heard some cracking excuses for sick calls over Boxing Day) but should be professional and sort it or they have to come in themselves. Constantly having to come in on days off to cover staff is why I left retail management tbh.

Only mistake you made really was including daughter in the initial text as it sounds like the real issue is she’s poorly & childcare isn’t your manager’s responsibility- she’s in her right to ask if you have exhausted all opportunities for childcare - although she handled it really unprofessionally.

All you needed to say was “I have cold / flu / stomach bug and too unwell to come into work.”

No good deed goes unpunished eh @Anon1359? Wishing you and your daughter speedy recoveries.

Ring her. Texts get messy. Call her up and say I am genuinely ill, I tried to cover my shift but no one replied. What else can I do? I can’t keep into work when I am genuinely unwell?