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Original poster

To ignore my managers rude text?

395 replies

Anon1359 · 27/12/2023 07:26

I work in Retail and have done for the same company for 12 years. The past year and a half the shop has had a new manager and her moods and attitude really affects the staff in the shop. She is very passive aggressive, if she is in a mood then my god everyone will know about it.

Anyway me and my DD who’s 4 have been ill this Christmas, I’ve worked all the run up to Christmas while I’ve been on my death bed because I didn’t want to leave them short staffed and you are made to feel awful if you call in sick. Don't know how I’ve done it but it’s killed me! I haven’t been able to move off the couch since Christmas Day and I need to rest, I’ve got laryngitis, a cough and flu symptoms and my little girl decided to add a stomach bug to the mix last night.

So I text my manager yesterday a nice polite text like I hope you’ve had a lovely Christmas sorry to text on Boxing Day etc but I’m really not well and my little girl is poorly so I won’t be able to come in tomorrow, to which the respond was:
‘I am with my family. Cover yourself!! You are leaving us short, can no one watch daughter’s name while you work?’

I am livid with her response, not even listen I know you’ve been so ill and still came in don’t worry about it I’ll get it covered. And regardless of my daughter I’m not well either!! So I put in the work group chat if anyone could cover me, the message was read and blanked by everyone but I did try.

My colleagues go into the shop at 5 to open for 6 so I’ve text the morning team leader as early as possible to see if they could try and get cover saying ‘I’m sorry I am really not well, I did try to get my shift covered but won’t be in’

To now I’ve just got another text from my manager saying ‘why are you off?? I’ve had messages this early saying you won’t be doing your morning shift and you haven’t got anyone to cover you? You were told last night to get cover. You will need to come and see me when you come back in tomorrow.’

I am honestly gob smacked, what do I even say in this situation? Should I just ignore her? Or will this make it worse? It’s barely even 7 o’clock and I’m on the couch crying because I feel so anxious, I’ve done nothing but work hard for them and I’m being treated like this! I won’t be able to rest now, I’ll just be panicking all day because I feel guilty and what’s going to happen when I go back to work.

OP posts:
Startingagainandagain · 27/12/2023 09:48

Keep it short and simple OP and don't engage in further text exchange:

  • you are too sick to work. Your daughter being sick is an added complication but you don't need to mention that
  • you can self-certify for up to 7 days
  • all you need to do is make sure you inform your manager in the way described in your sickness policy/work contract.

End of story.

It is your manager's job to find cover, not yours. That's why she is paid more than you. Part of good managerial planning is also to make sure you have enough staff in shift even if someone was to go off sick.

If you have an HR team I would report this to them: the fact that your manager expect her staff to her job and the fact that she is not respecting the right of someone to be off sick and harass them even after they have made clear they are too sick to come in.

If other people in your team are having issues with her it might be worth trying to see if everyone can report their concerns as well.

You have been there for 12 years and I am sure you have a good track record as an employee so you are likely to be listened to.

Report that to HR or whoever is your manager's boss if you don't have a dedicated HR team.

Pacificisolated · 27/12/2023 09:50

She sounds absolutely unreasonable. However I was very shocked to learn from a family member that when they were working in retail a couple of year ago, the expectation was that if they called in sick they were responsible for finding cover for themself. Is this usually the arrangement in your workplace?

Startingagainandagain · 27/12/2023 09:51

@Thereislightattheendofthetunnel

''I would go to my gp to ask for sick leave''

No. She does not need to do that and it would be a waste of the GP's time.

Anyone can self-certify for up to 7 days.

Also if someone is sick the last thing they should be doing is be out and about spreading whatever bug they have...

SparklyOwls · 27/12/2023 09:51

Respond back that I will be speaking to your manager about how this has been deal with.

Is it because she knows she'll have to go in if you're not in?

CatamaranViper · 27/12/2023 09:51

PlipPlopChoo · 27/12/2023 08:56

In OP it says she text her

OP initiated by sending the first text.

I do not understand why she contacted somebody that is on leave.

Correction. I now noticed that she did not know the manager was on leave. I think in this situation OP needs to phone in to the store before her shift and report she is sick.

Edited

She didn't realise manager was on annual leave as they were supposed to be working. OP mentioned this earlier in the thread

Possimpible · 27/12/2023 09:51

Anon1359 · 27/12/2023 09:32

The usual policy is to ring an hour before our shift. I would have been due in at 10 today so would need to ring at 9. I just thought to ring at 9 after Christmas would be too short notice to get anyone to come in.

i probably shouldnt have messaged her and rang the store directly but no one ever ever answers the phone and she was meant to be in work anyway so didn’t realise I would be disturbing her.

Saying that I have just rang the store phone anyway to cover my back and just to say I’m really unwell to her but no one answered.

i will message her to say ‘Hi name sorry to message you again I did try to ring the shop to speak to you but no one answered. I definitely wont be in today I am really unwell and i need to rest. Thank you’

does that sound ok?

Did you ring at/before 9? It's not clear. I would keep trying the store phone

CHRIS003 · 27/12/2023 09:51

I am an ex nhs nurse- so worked all these hours at Christmas too. Always a problem when you have genuine illness and can't work over Christmas cos managers are always going to think that you are not ill - just skiving. Age old problem in the workplace unfortunately- I am sure there will be a lot of others on here who have similar issues this year. Hope she is reasonable with you when you next see her.

wronginalltherightways · 27/12/2023 09:52

You are too ill to work. It really is that simple.

Get signed off if you have to and look for a new job.

housethatbuiltme · 27/12/2023 09:52

So for Xmas you gifted a bunch of strangers plague?

There is nothing selfless about powering through a customer service retail role at Xmas while contagious unless you where say call center etc... and away from others.

You may have ruined at LOT of peoples Christmas. You never know which customers have weakened immune systems or where going home to vulnerable family who could die from flu etc...

AnneValentine · 27/12/2023 09:53

TheRealLilyMunster · 27/12/2023 09:39

If the OP is in the UK she does have the right to time off to deal with an emergency involving a dependant - this includes looking after your sick child if other care cannot be arranged.

Show quote history

Issue is the advanced notice means it’s not an emergency.

MidgeFragnets · 27/12/2023 09:53

MaryHinges · 27/12/2023 09:46

Yes, but only one of those reasons will be logged as sick leave. The other (particularly with a manager like this who is likely to cause trouble) could be put down as unauthorized leave. That's why OP needs to keep the focus on herself being too ill to work.

Show quote history

Yes i do agree with that.

Snowforabit · 27/12/2023 09:53

OP you’re a nicer person than I if you feel the need to apologise for the inconvenience again … to an understanding manager yes, but your one no..

Butchyrestingface · 27/12/2023 09:55

Agree with others that you have muddied the waters by mentioning your daughter.

If you are a single parent and the type of person to soldier on even when you feel really unwell, then the manager will think you only need time off because your daughter is ill, which is why she is - unpleasantly - demanding you seek someone to look after your daughter so you can come in.

I would be looking for another job. Life is short and she sounds unpleasant. In the meantime, do not martyr yourself further at work - efforts will not only be unappreciated but probably come back to haunt you/be used against you at a future date.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 27/12/2023 09:55

DustyLee123 · 27/12/2023 07:30

Stop mentioning your daughter, YOU are off sick, you can’t work.

Yes, you really should not do this. Your daughter being ill is not their problem.

So sorry that you are being treated so badly.

SausageTeeth · 27/12/2023 09:56

Mentioning your child's sick is a " no, no" comments are pathetic...your a parent you have to take time to care for a sick child. We have 5 days parental leave so does the UK not?
How it actually works, and the rules surrounding care of dependants leave us a common misconception.
It’s terrible, and shit for all parents, let alone single parents, but generally it would cover emergencies only - ie same-day when you’d have had no notice. Most companies expect their employees to arrange cover for subsequent days - although most, but not all, would allow you to take the following days as unpaid leave, or ‘holiday’. But they’re not obliged to.

Aprilx · 27/12/2023 09:59

Tweensandterribletwos · 27/12/2023 08:04

@glasslightly Of course she can take a day off and has a right to to look after her poorly child. It’s called dependent’s leave and is usually unpaid. But either way the OP is sick so she is using her own sick leave in this instance anyway

There is no right to leave to look after a child, this is not what dependents leave is for. Dependents leave could be used to take a dependent to the doctor or to drive them to a grandparent / relative who can take care of them. It is not to look after the child / dependent personally.

OP should indeed have only mentioned her own illness, although to be honest I am not surprised manager was snappy as she was disturbed on her own day off and probably has a lot of people “ill” at this time of year.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 27/12/2023 10:00

Balloonhearts · 27/12/2023 09:39

I would literally reply Finding cover is a managers job. You are a manager. Manage.

Don't do this.

Willyoujust · 27/12/2023 10:00

Fraaahnces · 27/12/2023 07:38

“I informed you last night that I was too ill to come into work. I attempted to get my own cover on the app, but nobody responded. I gave reasonable notice and you contacted me on my sick day in an attempt to intimidate me into going in and risking my health further and that of the health of every staff member and member of the public I were to come into contact with.”

This! Report her to HR

SausageTeeth · 27/12/2023 10:02

OP - you can definitely self cert for up to 7 days, but please check your company’s policy on this. Some employers might ask you to call in daily, others every other day, to confirm that you’re still unwell. Please cover yourself moving forward and follow the company’s policy to the absolute letter.
If you don’t, you might not be able to protect yourself effectively if your boss does escalate it upwards.

Floppyelf · 27/12/2023 10:03

Do not text her. She’s not some god. Just a cunt who managed to be a manager. Keep ringing that store phone. You need to complain about store policy if you can’t even email. I’m sure they will ring you when you are not there at 10.

MidgeFragnets · 27/12/2023 10:04

AnneValentine · 27/12/2023 09:53

Issue is the advanced notice means it’s not an emergency.

Show quote history

AnneValentine

If she can't get cover then it is.

I once worked with a lady who did rotas and didn't have kids. She tried to make me do a shift outside of my set hours. I said I wouldn't be in as I have no childcare for that day and my parents all work. She was really shitty and asked why I couldn't just find a nursery to take him when there were loads in the area. She thought that you just drive your children to random nurseries, pay and leave them there like you would with a soft play 😂I had to explain to her that it is more like a school and there is an enrolling process and you can't just drop them off at a random nursery.

Floppyelf · 27/12/2023 10:04

SausageTeeth · 27/12/2023 10:02

OP - you can definitely self cert for up to 7 days, but please check your company’s policy on this. Some employers might ask you to call in daily, others every other day, to confirm that you’re still unwell. Please cover yourself moving forward and follow the company’s policy to the absolute letter.
If you don’t, you might not be able to protect yourself effectively if your boss does escalate it upwards.

You need to follow sausage’s advice word for word. Follow the policy, not what some tom, dick and harry is saying. And always follow up with written confirmation.

Changedmymind99 · 27/12/2023 10:08

If it’s a big company, post this text on twitter and tag the company.

Chickenpie35 · 27/12/2023 10:09

I'd have rang in sick this morning than let her know by txt yesterday its not up to you to cover your shift.
Call in sick on the day, that's it.
Ignore her tell her your sick. You didn't have to let her know yesterday but you thought it better than doing so this morning. No mention of your daughter or childcare just that you are sick and then turn your phone off.

Used to work in retail/food for a chain exactly like this where you had to cover your shift because managers had no idea. Call in sick on the day phone off tough shit isn't it don't be adding more like your daughter or asking anyone else you don't want a shift swap you're sick end of.

AnneValentine · 27/12/2023 10:10

MidgeFragnets · 27/12/2023 10:04

AnneValentine

If she can't get cover then it is.

I once worked with a lady who did rotas and didn't have kids. She tried to make me do a shift outside of my set hours. I said I wouldn't be in as I have no childcare for that day and my parents all work. She was really shitty and asked why I couldn't just find a nursery to take him when there were loads in the area. She thought that you just drive your children to random nurseries, pay and leave them there like you would with a soft play 😂I had to explain to her that it is more like a school and there is an enrolling process and you can't just drop them off at a random nursery.

Show quote history

No - she hadn’t made any effort to get cover. That’s the point. She just messaged and said I’m not coming. With advanced notice. The expectation is that for emergency dependent leave it’s an emergency, knowing in advance means it no longer is. Also why is the care not available? All of that should have been explained to qualify. And given the op is saying the main reason is that they’re ok they should never have brought their daughter up.