To ignore my managers rude text?

[Anon1359]

I work in Retail and have done for the same company for 12 years. The past year and a half the shop has had a new manager and her moods and attitude really affects the staff in the shop. She is very passive aggressive, if she is in a mood then my god everyone will know about it.

Anyway me and my DD who’s 4 have been ill this Christmas, I’ve worked all the run up to Christmas while I’ve been on my death bed because I didn’t want to leave them short staffed and you are made to feel awful if you call in sick. Don't know how I’ve done it but it’s killed me! I haven’t been able to move off the couch since Christmas Day and I need to rest, I’ve got laryngitis, a cough and flu symptoms and my little girl decided to add a stomach bug to the mix last night.

So I text my manager yesterday a nice polite text like I hope you’ve had a lovely Christmas sorry to text on Boxing Day etc but I’m really not well and my little girl is poorly so I won’t be able to come in tomorrow, to which the respond was:
‘I am with my family. Cover yourself!! You are leaving us short, can no one watch daughter’s name while you work?’

I am livid with her response, not even listen I know you’ve been so ill and still came in don’t worry about it I’ll get it covered. And regardless of my daughter I’m not well either!! So I put in the work group chat if anyone could cover me, the message was read and blanked by everyone but I did try.

My colleagues go into the shop at 5 to open for 6 so I’ve text the morning team leader as early as possible to see if they could try and get cover saying ‘I’m sorry I am really not well, I did try to get my shift covered but won’t be in’

To now I’ve just got another text from my manager saying ‘why are you off?? I’ve had messages this early saying you won’t be doing your morning shift and you haven’t got anyone to cover you? You were told last night to get cover. You will need to come and see me when you come back in tomorrow.’

I am honestly gob smacked, what do I even say in this situation? Should I just ignore her? Or will this make it worse? It’s barely even 7 o’clock and I’m on the couch crying because I feel so anxious, I’ve done nothing but work hard for them and I’m being treated like this! I won’t be able to rest now, I’ll just be panicking all day because I feel guilty and what’s going to happen when I go back to work.

I think your manager has assumed you are faking it because it’s Christmas and it sounds like nothing you say will convince her otherwise. She sounds like a total cow OP. I’ve worked for someone like this many years ago and it was miserable. I think you should resolve to find a new job in 2024. She won’t change and it will just get worse and worse as time goes on. People like that are nasty bullies.

Also if she tries to pull you up on it or put you through disciplinary proceedings then I strongly recommend you call ACAS for advice. There is also a really good HR advisory group on Facebook where you can post anonymously for advice. I will add the link to it in a separate post below. Don’t apologise to her or go in all timid. Be strong in front of her, even if you don’t feel like it on the inside. Bullies target people who they feel are weaker than them.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/572824459869492/

The Facebook group is called HR Employment Help & Advice (UK)

Screenshot the messages (especially if on WhatsApp where she can delete). You may need them as evidence if this escalates or becomes a case of constructive dismissal.

You've probably sent it already but do not say you need to rest, just say you are too unwell to work.

@Nitgel the OP was supposed to be at work at 5am the next day (or that's how I read it) so not unreasonable to let the manager know the day before that she wouldn't be in so they had time to attempt to get somebody else.

You need to be much former with your text.

You need to say that:

You have been unwell for a number of days, but still came into work, despite clearly being under the weather. You are a deligent conscientious worker and not one to skive.
As a result of working whilst unwell, you health has further deteriorated and state your symptoms. Tell her that you anticipate being off for several days at least. If it is likely to exceed 7 days, you will of course get a drs note.
Tell her that you contacted her on boxing day because you believed that she was working and you wanted to give her as much notice as possible. You have also tried to cover your shifts.
Explain that her texts have made you feel anxious and worried at a time when you should be resting and you are fearful that you are now in trouble for being genuinely unwell.

Put all of that in a text/writing. She will have no choice but to back off because she is clearly breaching work illness policy. And you will have it all in writing to escalate, should you wish to put a complaint in.

@Nitgel

This manageress of @Anon1359 is an real pretty Crap 💩 of a boss anyway it sounds like your boss is either on a power trip as she feels has insecurities around her role and has personality disorder of some kind
or
Could have issues in her home life and bringing them into workplace cause she is struggling to deal with them herself,

She is unpleasant and unprofessional cause of it,

whats it got 🤔 to do with you or anyone her personal issues, that's she inflicts projects on to her co workers,

Whithout you or your workmate she wouldn't be in her job in the first place.

i agree mentioning your daughter in regards of her health could have muddied the water's,

Don't panic feel guilty as she this power trip boss doesn't give a shit of guilt you were powering through regardless of your ill health,

It's really high time to look for another retail job in the year as a priority one on your new years resolution list of goals,

There's other retail jobs out there,

plenty of them or you could use your transferable skills elsewhere training ect.

Honestly, if you’re this upset about it and crying a lot, I’d call in sick again tomorrow and mention work-related bullying and stress. See your GP if you have to get a note.

Send screenshots of all the messages including where you tried to get cover to your Area Manager and HR department. Do you have a trade union? I’d sign up if I were go and get advice from them too.

Pregnant then screwed also have a really good helpline for workplace discrimination issues based on being a parent. Maybe give them a call too.

sending hugs and hope you feel better soon.

tell her you are so ill as had to work before chrismtas while ill so has had a knock on effect. and in future, dont work when really ill so this doesnt happen again, esp if you work in retail, you will just make others ill too.

Hello @Anon1359 I hope you're feeling a bit better and have had lots of support from this thread, I've not had a chance to read through.
Also hope DD is feeling much better. 💐

When my eldest DC was very young I had a manager who was fucking evil not just to me but she did seem to especially hate me, but was vile to everyone.
This was for about 6 years I endured this and even though I felt to anxious to go on a crusade of going through hr etc (other people did, nothing happened to her) I wish I'd not just taken it. I rarely regret anything but it's a genuine regret I let myself be treated with shit for what was a min wage job that affected my life and confidence for years. Honestly I wish I'd gone full scorched earth because she fucking deserved it.
She once belittled me saying I didn't understand something because I'm extremely private, not only did I understand what she was talking about, I'd experienced something which if we were to go down the "misery Olympics" of what she was going on about, I'd have gotten a gold, she'd have gotten a face full of dust. However I'm not one to share my personal crap with people I know irl. I save it for my MN friends, you lucky ducks. 😂

But seriously, you work in a shop so you've got plenty of experience with this kind of work that will be invaluable to other public facing roles. Please realise your skills are valuable and you don't need to be miserable, you'll find much nicer places to work!
Don't let some rancid miserable fucker upset you for a job that doesn't give you millions to spend to ease the upset. Go down in a blaze of glory, make a fuss. There's posters on here I haven't ever directly talked to, but I wish I had known of them at the time because for all the shit MN gets, there are posters with knowledge and confidence that I believe would have helped influence me to not put up with what is effectively being bullied for years because I had the audacity to be young and a people pleaser. Now I'm in my villan era and wish I had a time machine to go give young Lauren a bit of a boost.
Keep us updated x

Impressed that parental leave days are paid in Germany. We have PL in Ireland but it's not paid. Still, gets you out of this kind of tight spot.

Also, excuse my ignorance if I'm incorrect but I would have thought that retail jobs are relatively easy to obtain if you already have years of retail experience. So unless you're absolutely broke, I'd resign when you get back in

I bet you work for Tesco.

Keep it simple.

Jane, I have laryngitis, I am very unwell, I can not work, if I rest up the next few days I am hoping I can be back in work next week. I am currently on the phone to 111 and trying to get antibiotics.

I have worked for the company for 12 years and know too well how people being off sick can impact the rest of the team. For that I am sorry, and at this time of year no one wants to cover me.

I will update you tomorrow on whether I will be in on XXXday.

I mean that's great if OP wants to escalate the situation...

I am absolutely cringing at some of these suggested responses

Quite. Or that HR work in the best interests of the employee rather than the employer?

I’d tell her to stick her job. She sounds like a right c*%t. Tell everyone in the WhatsApp group too exactly why you’ve quit. People like her shouldn’t be in roles where they manage others.

Agree with others. Mentioning your daughter being sick (as all as yourself) was a mistake. It comes across as over-egging the cake.

I can see why your manager is annoyed; you over-egged the cake by saying both you and DD ill, you bothered her on Boxing Day, and it's between Christmas-NY which is a well known period for people to try and claim sick leave in the retail/leisure industry. The combination of Point 1 and 3 would have been a bit 'hmmm' tbh.

And people talking about writing sassing texts/emails/going to higher ups have clearly never worked in the retail or leisure industry (or in any job because some of these suggestions are down right rude/aggressive and not at all appropriate for an adult to say to another adult). You don't get time off sick in these industries. It is a team job and you come in regardless of anything else - at least that is how management sees it.

I don't think the manager was rude. It's a text. It's very easy to read it in the manner that you want - i.e. making it seem aggressive when it's not. She was blunt, but not rude.

most big companies do have HR. And nobody is suggesting they would defend OP - just outline the correct process to call in sick. That is all.

Not your job to arrange cover when you are ill! I haven't read all 10 pages so this might have been discussed, but if you aren't already in a trade union please please join one! This manager is bad news, you need a union to advise you and have your back because who knows what she will throw at you next. They can only help if you are a member when the shit hits the fan, so don't wait for that to happen, join now. Usdaw is the shop workers union, also Unite and GMB in some places - is anyone else there in a union? Probably wise to join the same one, strength in numbers. Good luck!