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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you’re a parent with kids on loud devices in public what’s your reasoning?

338 replies

AMuser · 26/12/2023 16:28

…just can not quite fathom it?

This afternoon in a beautiful 5 star hotel. A quiet lounge room with various family groups and so on. Suddenly aware of the awful referred noise of a kid watching his phone on full volume. He was aged about 8 or 9 and sitting with his parents - quite some way away from me (to show how loud it was).

Waited awhile to see if it would stop. It didn’t. So went over asked politely could they please put the child’s phone on silent. Seemingly decent woman immediately goes on the attack “why should he”. Well you’re in a public place and it’s rude. “Who says” was her response. I mean, if you don’t realise that what hope is there.

I’ve got 4 older kids who did have iPads etc at a certain point. But always with headphones or on silent. Newsflash they will still stare at it regardless

Rather lovely young Dad seated much closer to them came over and thanked me. Said he’d wanted to say something as it was so grating but his wife had asked him not to.

So if you do this - what is your reasoning? Why is this ok?

YABU - my child (or indeed my own) need to listen to tik tok / you tube / Cocomelon etc trumps anyone else in a public place that might not want to hear our devices.

YANBU - and we must rise up in the most unBritish fashion to challenge this insanity & establish order once more and let people know they need to get headphones or go home to blast their phones in public

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 26/12/2023 22:34

I would never put it on full volume, but I have resorted to Peppa Pig on low volume for emergencies- i figure its less disruptive than a full blown toddler tantrum
It's not either/or though. Despite what some parents like to claim, subjecting everyone else to children's videos isn't a public service.

If a parent has decided that they're going to use videos and devices to calm their child or keep them quiet then they need to also carry around headphones for the device as well.

If they're not in a position to manage their children's behaviour or emotions then they should really consider where they're going with their children and adjust accordingly. If that means, for example, that sitting in Costa or a pub lunch is temporarily not an option whilst the children are too young or unable to sit without a device on loud then so be it.

Floopyfloop · 26/12/2023 22:53

Drives me insane! Recently had a 3 year old playing cocomelon at full blast on a coach whilst her mum had the cheek to sit with AirPods in! 3 hours of it followed by stinky nail painting and glitter hairspray everywhere! Twunts!

Yazo · 26/12/2023 23:04

I'm on the fence, generally children's noise whatever format isn't tolerated but an adults is. If an adult was having a loud phone conversation or even at the next table we'd grudgingly deal with it. A child makes a noise or has a noisy device and it's the worst thing ever, even in a room full of noises all the adults are making. For what it's worth my kids wouldn't have a device making that much noise in public but I can see why you got short shrift.

MorrisZapp · 26/12/2023 23:26

The spa I visit yearly with friends has a relaxation room, it's absolutely gorgeous. There's a sign on the door saying 'silence is golden' but nope, too subtle for the idiots. I will absolutely shush anyone talking or beeping in there, it's become part of the culture of the holiday tbh.

We put a comment in the book every single time but ultimately you can only ask people to respect others, if they won't and they too are paying customers then you're a bit stumped.

Personally I'd put up a Peaky Blinders type NO FUCKING TALKING sign but I'm not sure it would match the ambiance.

LolaSmiles · 26/12/2023 23:29

Yazo
It depends on the noise though.

If a child was talking in a louder than ideal voice, most people would probably tolerate it just like they put up with adults talking in a louder than ideal voice. Most of us have been through the stage of teaching children to use an indoor voice.

If the children's noise was shouting, shrieking, screaming, usually accompanied by a parent who thinks anyone objecting to "kids being kids" and therefore makes no attempt to teach appropriate behaviour then people will get irritated.

namechangnancy · 26/12/2023 23:31

InAMess2023 · 26/12/2023 20:44

I'm neurodiverse and absolutely struggle terribly with sensitivity to noise. I can cope with a general buzz of conversations around me (for a while at least) but any sort of squeaking/buzzing/beeping - as tends to come from the things that kids watch - makes me want to scratch out my own eyeballs/cry/erupt in white hot rage. There's no need for anyone else around to have to hear it, whether they are ND or not

Snap.

Really ticks me off when people use ND as an excuse to allow their kids to be inconsiderate.

And I feel like I can say this as someone with ND

RRRIPOFF · 26/12/2023 23:57

CrazyHedgehogLover · 26/12/2023 17:38

@backtowinter but the OP was dictating what the son did with the phone? I would obviously tell my child to turn it down but would I fuck tell them to put it on silent just because someone else dictated they do it.

as long as it’s not to loud fair enough!

oh dear

RobertaFirmino · 27/12/2023 00:54

CrazyHedgehogLover · 26/12/2023 17:38

@backtowinter but the OP was dictating what the son did with the phone? I would obviously tell my child to turn it down but would I fuck tell them to put it on silent just because someone else dictated they do it.

as long as it’s not to loud fair enough!

Ooh, you sound well hard!

WinterDeWinter · 27/12/2023 02:21

WhatDogDidNext · 26/12/2023 16:36

Hmm. It was on full volume? That’s hard to believe.

And you wanted it on silent?

I don’t see the issue with it being on quietly, no different to hearing others around you have conversations but not being able to hear them properly.

I think most people make their kids have it on quietly or use headphones.

There’s a huge difference. Most children’s character voices are squeaky and BIG and fucking annoying. The sound effects are constant, high, tinny and excruciating and can be heard from over the other side of the room.

MrsClatterbuck · 27/12/2023 02:28

Good for you. It's not just kids but also older people. Sitting in a waiting area at a hospital as I had taken my friend to an appointment. Lady sitting beside me had her phone at a loud volume watching something. It was very annoying. I'm early sixties and think she was older but wish I had said something. Total entitlement.

minipie · 27/12/2023 02:37

I’ve had a couple of successes on a recent holiday

Kid on tablet on sunlounger near me - about 9/10, no parent to be seen, I asked him to turn the volume down please and he did. Down to almost silent.

Small child in restaurant on loud tablet at table behind us - I did a repeated Hard Stare at the parents then at the tablet, they did get the message and turned the volume down.

Always worth a try. I think there are a lot of people who maybe don’t think about the impact on others unless it’s brought home to them, but will then turn it off/down.

mantyzer · 27/12/2023 03:52

There is a certain kind of rich person who is super entitled. You met one OP. They think their money means normal rules do not apply to them.

anonymousamy · 27/12/2023 04:10

I totally agree OP. My 3 year old wanted to watch some videos on my phone after a long meal at a restaurant with family. DC wanted the sound on but I explained why we don’t do that when in restaurants and cafes. The videos were subsequently watched on silent and everyone was happy.

JMSA · 27/12/2023 04:30

I could ever have allowed my kids to do this. I'd rather they went without the device, than inconvenience and annoy others.

Stress101 · 27/12/2023 05:23

You were right OP. It seems some parents do not want to parent. I do actually judge parents who plonk their kids down in a restaurant /public transport/ waiting room and immediately give them a phone or ipad. My kids are 11,14 and 15 and when we took them out we brought colouring books and you know actually spoke to them. Even now when we go out for meals with them they are no devices.

Lazy, entitled parenting is ruining today's children.

Bobsledgirl · 27/12/2023 05:27

Not unreasonable.

Was on a train recently and a kid was watching Peppa Pig at full volume. Why no headphones??

Though the way people have their mobiles on speaker and have loud conversations in public also astonishes me.

Parvanati · 27/12/2023 05:50

I agree it’s annoying with loud devices. I took my DD for an Indian a few months ago around 6.30pm, and 3 pyjama clad children came in with their parents, each with a device and they all watched them individually on loud, none of them spoke to each other at all during the whole meal, they watched, ate and left it was creepy. Like being in their living room. Why not just get a takeout?

I was on a tube before Christmas and a mum with many kids spread around, who were being totally well behaved and not even bored, was trying to get them to sing hymns and carols, tbh this just ended up being her loving the sound of her own singing voice, which wasn’t that good and regaling us all with a loud warbling version of 12 days of Christmas. She also did them a quiz and asked them at least 9 times what the gifts were from the wise men to baby Jesus. Performance parenting is irritating I’m sure I saw her DS roll his eyes along with the other passengers 😂

RedRobyn2021 · 27/12/2023 05:59

I agree OP

Parents should be talking to their children not sitting them in front of a screen and no headphones is just unbelievably rude

Stopsnowing · 27/12/2023 06:09

Should be silent or headphones. Even turned down it emits a tinny noise which is no way like conversations. Am so sick of this entitled behaviour. Airplanes restaurants everywhere.

WashItTomorrow · 27/12/2023 06:59

mantyzer · 27/12/2023 03:52

There is a certain kind of rich person who is super entitled. You met one OP. They think their money means normal rules do not apply to them.

I don’t think it’s necessarily or intrinsically a rich person fault.

TigerRag · 27/12/2023 07:20

Pinkdressinggownbelt · 26/12/2023 20:32

YABU some kids have raised hearing thresholds, refuse to wear hearing aids and need their tablet or phone to help with regulating. Even parents are sick of the noise but what can they do

And those of us who find loud noise painful? Why do we not matter? I also want to hear the person I'm with talking - not someone's tablet or phone

Redlarge · 27/12/2023 07:47

TigerRag · 27/12/2023 07:20

And those of us who find loud noise painful? Why do we not matter? I also want to hear the person I'm with talking - not someone's tablet or phone

Show quote history

Kids were 'regulated' before tablets and phones.

TigerRag · 27/12/2023 07:48

Redlarge · 27/12/2023 07:47

Kids were 'regulated' before tablets and phones.

Show quote history

I think it's just an excuse

KimberleyClark · 27/12/2023 07:48

HolyFuckingNight · 26/12/2023 17:23

Watching something quietly is ok, no different to people talking to each other. I think you were unreasonable to expect it to be on silent unless that was the rules of the hotel.

It really depends on what they are watching. An action movie or or children’s cartoon with silly music/sound effects won’t sound anything like people talking to one another.

anothernamechangeagainsndagain · 27/12/2023 07:59

I hate it, I challenged a lady recently who said her "child needed it" she also proclaimed all kids needed them to sit still on buses - my counter claim was my kids did just fine flying long haul before they had been invented, and my DD's both are nd

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