to ask if you’re a parent with kids on loud devices in public what’s your reasoning?

[AMuser]

…just can not quite fathom it?

This afternoon in a beautiful 5 star hotel. A quiet lounge room with various family groups and so on. Suddenly aware of the awful referred noise of a kid watching his phone on full volume. He was aged about 8 or 9 and sitting with his parents - quite some way away from me (to show how loud it was).

Waited awhile to see if it would stop. It didn’t. So went over asked politely could they please put the child’s phone on silent. Seemingly decent woman immediately goes on the attack “why should he”. Well you’re in a public place and it’s rude. “Who says” was her response. I mean, if you don’t realise that what hope is there.

I’ve got 4 older kids who did have iPads etc at a certain point. But always with headphones or on silent. Newsflash they will still stare at it regardless

Rather lovely young Dad seated much closer to them came over and thanked me. Said he’d wanted to say something as it was so grating but his wife had asked him not to.

So if you do this - what is your reasoning? Why is this ok?

YABU - my child (or indeed my own) need to listen to tik tok / you tube / Cocomelon etc trumps anyone else in a public place that might not want to hear our devices.

YANBU - and we must rise up in the most unBritish fashion to challenge this insanity & establish order once more and let people know they need to get headphones or go home to blast their phones in public

It's a different kind of sound to chatter. Really grates on some people.

Hardly comparable to an old person with failing hearing
Exactly. That’s something that they can’t help.

Well not always actually. I have parent A - has hearing aids and hears well with them in but honest to god fucking can't be arsed, so rudely has phone on speakerphone against their ear the whole time, uncle B who refuses to have a hearing appointment and clearly needs hearing aids, also using speakerphone against ear. Contrast with other parent, C. Sought timely hearing appointment, listened to drs advice & uses bluetooth hearing aids for phone calls. A & B are perfectly capable of using these but basically don't want to be bothered & aren't considering others needs. Its just as bad as putting peppa pig on loud on the ipad for a toddler.

I agree; quiet isn't good enough.

Why should I have to put up with the consequences of shit parenting and repellent children?

Absolutely hate it and don’t understand how people think it is ok.
Even worse, playing games on your phone. Absolutely no need for or reason to loudly play the sound effects - game works just as well without…

I also don't understand this OP, DS has headphones and I think it's really rude when people do this. Well done for saying something.

I was about to tell you you were a bit unreasonable for being so bothered by it but then I read this and in my humble opinion, you have redeemed yourself

I don't have kids but I don't mind screens at a quiet volume. Full blast is too much but I'd rather hear a small amount of Cocomelon then a screaming child running around.

I know in a perfect world it's not either/or but we're not in a perfect world and it very often IS screen or screaming. So a quiet tablet doesn't really bother me any more than loud screeching adults shouting or phone calls etc.

I would never put it on full volume, but I have resorted to Peppa Pig on low volume for emergencies- i figure its less disruptive than a full blown toddler tantrum.

In the OP’s example it sounds like the kid was older, plus on full volume, so yeah not necessary.

Quiet isn’t fine, though. It should be on silent. Obviously, in theory, it’d be better if they read a book or did some other silent activity, but that’s too much to ask these days.

Having it on quietly in a place where others are chatting anyway and it’s not banned by the place/company, is fine.

In the summer I saw a man try to get a cafe owner to stop a child watching something quietly on an iPad and the owner refused. Despite the mans efforts to get others to agree with him, no one did because it was quiet. Until he caused a scene and everyone stopped chatting, I hadn’t even noticed the child was watching something.

When I made that comment I was thinking exactly of my own two parents 😂 just as you've stated above. They absolutely can help it, they choose not to give a shit 🤷‍♀️

@VisionsOfSplendour i haven’t said OP was wrong for going over, she was wrong for saying it needs to be on silent! Ask to turn it down fair enough, she probably would have had a completely different answer had she taken a completely different approach.. OP has come across as just as rude tbh, you can’t tell someone to put there phone on silent! Never heard of it, absolutely ridiculous.

completely fair to request to keep the noise level down, not to ask for the phone to be silent.

It's a different kind of sound to chatter. Really grates on some people.

Some people’s voices and accents grate on me. I see that as my issue. Again, unless the place you are in band it, it’s allowed. Quiet is being considerate and allows that person to hear and others to talk.

In the opinion of many, electronic noise -especially beeps and jingles - is much more irritating than actual speech.

If it has not been banned, then the parent can not be compelled to turn it off. Shit parenting is - sadly - not illegal.

Anyone of any age (allowing a minor or doing it themselves) watching or listening to any electronic gadget set above silent in a public setting (cafe, The Waldorf, McDonalds, a train, bus, waiting room) is rude, ignorant and entitled. There's simply no excuse and I would also have said something.

I have the pleasure of teaching teenagers addicted to their phones (who as children were allowed to watch phones/iPads etc in public) They simply cannot engage and are, in every sense of the word, addicted to their phones.

I have a 4yo with multiple needs and medical conditions and of course I don't take him to 5* hotels but I do have to take him to some places where a tablet is really helpful for reducing anxiety (e.g. regular hospital appointments) and he doesn't wear headphones. So sometimes he's watching on a low volume in a public place. I do it because I think most people if they knew my child's history and his medical/SEND issues would be understanding.

*banned

The people I know most affected by the electronic noise of others are ND themselves. Inckudibg my DD... she really struggles in noisy places.

My dd won't always wear her headphones. She is very severely autistic. It is a kind of security blanket. I would however always try to keep the volume low. You were quite rude in my opinion.

My sister is one of these parents. I think she can just block the sound out and is grateful her DC isn't bothering her. I had the joy today in a restaurant. Along side doing anything he likes without being picked up on it. Apparently to point out behaviour I think is poor is to label them naughty which is not acceptable to her. So DC was allowed to wobble the table where the drinks were spilling because they wanted to "clean it".

@ChrisPackhamsYellowFleece
(Before you ask, DD reads a book in cafes or on buses, because she has a competent parent who taught her to read and thus amuse herself without disturbing others.)

How smug and stupid are you? Good luck teaching severely autistic children with LD to read and amuse themselves. I am sure your competent parenting would have fallen on its backside.

But why not put it on silent and let them just watch the pictures? That's what we always did and they didn't expect any different when we were in public. Trust me, you annoyed the people around you whether it was Peppa Pig or a tantrum

My son is Autistic but since he was a baby we've let him have screens when out but never with sound on. You're unreasonable to let your child disturb others with annoying tinny phone noise

Afrikat
That's great for you. Unfortunately that hasn't worked out for me. I think that severe LD and complex needs on top of severe autism means that sometimes some people are hard to teach desirable social behaviour. You have an autistic child who has accepted the rule you imposed. Not all disabled people would accept this. Until you have tried to care for someone with very challenging behaviouror profound needs it is hard to grasp this.

You've got my vote

I would be - and am when I see a young child in this scenario at my medical appointments

The difference is, you are dealing with your child's needs, whilst being considerate of everyone else in the waiting room

It's those who think what they want / need, outweighs everyone else's rights and requirements

I find it infuriating to listen to some tablet etc blaring away.