to ask if you’re a parent with kids on loud devices in public what’s your reasoning?

[AMuser]

…just can not quite fathom it?

This afternoon in a beautiful 5 star hotel. A quiet lounge room with various family groups and so on. Suddenly aware of the awful referred noise of a kid watching his phone on full volume. He was aged about 8 or 9 and sitting with his parents - quite some way away from me (to show how loud it was).

Waited awhile to see if it would stop. It didn’t. So went over asked politely could they please put the child’s phone on silent. Seemingly decent woman immediately goes on the attack “why should he”. Well you’re in a public place and it’s rude. “Who says” was her response. I mean, if you don’t realise that what hope is there.

I’ve got 4 older kids who did have iPads etc at a certain point. But always with headphones or on silent. Newsflash they will still stare at it regardless

Rather lovely young Dad seated much closer to them came over and thanked me. Said he’d wanted to say something as it was so grating but his wife had asked him not to.

So if you do this - what is your reasoning? Why is this ok?

YABU - my child (or indeed my own) need to listen to tik tok / you tube / Cocomelon etc trumps anyone else in a public place that might not want to hear our devices.

YANBU - and we must rise up in the most unBritish fashion to challenge this insanity & establish order once more and let people know they need to get headphones or go home to blast their phones in public

Because there are societal norms and expectations on how to behave in a public space that is shared by everyone. You don’t inconvenience anyone else is the first rule. That’s basic manners.

Ive had a couple of occasions where I've let my child have sound on without headphones but only quietly and I'd have immediately turned it off if anyone so much as caught my eye/frowned. It was:

• in a paediatric clinic waiting room. We'd arrived on time but then there was a problem and our appointment was over an hour late and she was tired, the colouring i had only kept her quiet for about half hour. My phone only takes bluetooth headphones amd i didn't have any with me so i let her have it on quietly. I wasn't the only one there doing it.
• waiting for a hospital procedure. Just us another kid on a little ward. I knew there'd be loads of waiting round, DC was watching a bit of iplayer on headphones. Kid opposite had been grumbling for ages, poor parents were frazzled, he spotted DC watching & sat next to her to watch as well, so i took off the headphones so they could both listen.

Benibidici, so you know its wrong bit do it anyway

There are people who refrain from doing things which would render a public space unusable if everyone did the things, and there are people who rely on those people refraining so that they can treat public spaces as private to them.

Just as there are with all sorts of things.

One of my colleagues watched a mum hand out 3 ipads to 3 young children at a Nativity this year, and naturally the sound was not low and nor were headphones worn. Had everyone done that then mum wouldn’t have been able to hear her own child in the play, but she benefitted from them refraining whilst treating the place like her living room.

Yes adults do it too - presumably because when they were young, their mum told them they didn’t answer to anyone else’s dictating.

That sounds like a comedy sketch 😂 It actually reminds me of a trip to St Ives a couple of years back where every boy was either called “Brody” or “Ethan” and we only knew this because the parents kept saying the name over and over. Maybe they were showing off! (Not sure what there is to show off about giving your child such a popular name, but anyway.) There was also a lot of exaggerated laughter, come to think of it.

I still think watching videos out loud in public is more annoying than performance parenting.

Just to clarify - it was definitely loud. I could hear it a good 10 m away from them.

😂😂 👏

Urgh my friend does this with her 2 year old. When I'm with her. I find it so embarrassing. Low volume or silent

People who don't care how their actions affect others are massively entitled

It’s annoying, but so is the 75 year old roaring down the phone because her hearing aids not in right 😂 I would never approach someone about it or try and sush someone, suppose if I was that annoyed I’d approach the front desk and ask them have a word. I don’t let my kids watch anything loud out in public, maybe down low or headphones.

Hardly comparable to an old person with failing hearing

Exactly. That’s something that they can’t help.

It's not even just noise from phones, it's the constant need to film/photograph everything!

We were in a Disney park a few months back, on a very dark, slow moving ride, with lots of special effects and animatronics, the person in the carriage next to us filmed the whole ride with her flash on and lot up the whole thing, so we could see the inner working of the ride which ruined the experience!

This drives me absolutely insane. Thank you for your service in taking a stand for the forces of good!!!

Just to clarify - it was definitely loud. I could hear it a good 10 m away from them.

Yes but you wanted it put on silent which I think is unreasonable. Quiet is fine imo.

I’d always ask the staff to ask because you never know how people will react. If they’re the sort to let their kids have it on loud, they’re probably not the sort to respond well to you as a member of the public. They will often respond differently to people working there, and if not, the staff have authority to do something more.

Had to bite my tongue not to say anything to person letting kid run round cinema and watching cartoon on phone at other times.

You only have to go on a train to realise that some people have no consideration for others. Unless they truly believe everyone wants to listen to football etc at full blast. These are the people that have their muddy (and potentially disgusting) shoes all over the seats.

Normally only going one stop. Otherwise I might invest in noise cancelling headphone / raise with person / if feeling very petty play my phone full blast to drown out.

Train operatives just walk past but if honest not sure I can blame them.

To be honest I do find people talking loudly distracting. Phones/devices on low, annoying but hey ho. To be honest using headphones is the considerate thing to do. Playing loudly just ignorant.

Why can't these little zombie kids play their games without sound

It’s is as a previous poster said, baffling and as most other posters have said very rude.

People have turned into inconsiderate arseholes. The shift in attitude in the last few years is astonishing.

Ooh, I've remembered that I think I have the best example of someone obnoxiously listening to a device, which I would like to share with this thread. I very nearly had DS1 on the maternity triage ward because the midwives wouldn't believe I was in active labour. This was quite a stressful and difficult situation, with DH and I both repeatedly trying to get staff to listen, explaining how much pain I was in, that I was pushing, etc., all in a public place. It was not made easier by the partner of the woman in the next bed watching a football match on full volume throughout...

Agreed! It’s all part of the same mindset “MY desire to do whatever the eff I want overrides any consideration to the however many other people sharing this public space”.

I was at a beautiful carol service in Westminster abbey before Christmas - 99% of people sat and listened. One woman right in front of us started taking her phone out to film every reading or carol. Right in our eyeline is her illuminated screen held aloft. Pretty quickly my (very conflict averse) DP tapped her on the shoulder. She knew damn well … phone went away not to come out again. I’ve never loved him more. It’s a church for goodness sake!!! Arrrrgghh

Oh I always say something. Best way is to do it with direct eye contact, a big smile and implied consent e.g. "I know you don't want to disturb other people, so could you please turn it down?" Keep eye contact and keep the smile. Works every time.

Not read the full.thread but this is a really simple issue to understand.

Some people are fucking awful ; they don't give a shit for others.

@AintTooGoodAtPraying No, "low" volume really isn't ok. It's very inconsiderate.

Bad enough that children are taught that they can't be expected to behave without a screen shoved in front of them. But surely headphones are the least other people can expect?

(Before you ask, DD reads a book in cafes or on buses, because she has a competent parent who taught her to read and thus amuse herself without disturbing others.)

Quiet isn’t fine, though. It should be on silent. Obviously, in theory, it’d be better if they read a book or did some other silent activity, but that’s too much to ask these days.