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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas lunch and guests being tight !

131 replies

Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 11:12

Hello,

Just canvassing opinions here.

I went back to my mother's this Xmas, she is a pensioner, widowed a few years back.

I'm reasonably comfortable so have no issue buying all the Xmas food and drink etc for us. For the last 7 years on Xmas day the neighbours also come round, another retired couple also comfortably off.

This year they asked if they could bring their son and his girlfriend , and they would bring the wine. No problem I thought.

Except yesterday they turned up the 4 of them, with 2 bottles of wine , which they drank fairly quickly and then proceeded to ask if there was any more , I had only bought spirits and liquers as I thought they were bringing enough wine for 6.

I wasn't drinking much as cooking, serving and loading dishwasher etc after each course

Aibu to think if you are big drinkers on Xmas day you bring more than 2 bottles of wine ! I'm thinking of not inviting again as seemed quite tight, and after saying they were bringing the wine for the meal I had to hunt round and see if my mum had any bottles around after they complained they had run out !

For context , we had 5 courses, starter, turkey and all the trimmings, pudding, cheeseboard, then coffee chocolates and bailey's or amaretto, followed by Xmas cake if anyone wanted it. I got all this , but didn't buy wine apart from a bottle of prosecco to give everyone a glass when they arrived!

OP posts:
Fundays12 · 26/12/2023 11:14

They are tight. I wouldn't invite them again. They should have brought plenty of wine for everyone and offered to do a course (each adult group).

Slobberchops1 · 26/12/2023 11:15

Yes very tight , if your mum insists on still inviting them give them a list of items to bring personally I would tell them to jog on next year

AnnaMagnani · 26/12/2023 11:17

If your mum insists on them next year, give them an actual list for wine eg x bottles white, x bottles red.

lesdeluges · 26/12/2023 11:19

If you and Mum can do so, take Mum to yours for Christmas next time instead. I really detest spongers and meanness. A horrible trait in a person.

WhenIsSpringg · 26/12/2023 11:19

If you enjoy their company, give them a hefty list of what to bring, and not just wine, they can at least bring dessert and cheeses.

Out of interest, was it rare expensive wine or something? Even still, they should have also brought enough table wine for everyone.

Did they bring Christmas gifts?

What did they contribute previous years? And at other times apart from Christmas?

Maybe right it off as Christmas charity for the elderly. If you can afford it, I think it’s okay to be generous once a year.

SingaporeSlinky · 26/12/2023 11:20

I can’t imagine essentially turning up as a family of 4 adults and only bringing a contribution of 2 bottles of wine. They must think all their Christmases had come at once (pun intended)! They’re not even family. If they try and invite themselves next year, I would make it clear that it’s quite expensive hosting everyone, and ask that they contribute specific items. Since they’re neighbours and obviously don’t have far to travel, they could even buy and cook the turkey and bring it with them.

Easipeelerie · 26/12/2023 11:20

Terrible freeloaders.

Chamomileteaplease · 26/12/2023 11:22

Do they help out with your mum at all during the year and therefore think of this as a kind of thanks?

If not, I agree with others; if you enjoy their company and actually want them there, then give them a list of what to bring next time!

PermanentTemporary · 26/12/2023 11:22

Bloody hell, YANBU.

Trying to imagine what I would have taken in those circumstances. I think 2 bottles of bubbly in some form, then a mixed half case of red and white, and a couple of bottles of dessert wine, maybe a bottle of port. That's probably why I tend to offer to take a pudding instead! But yes, incredibly tight.

I think they assumed you were planning to provide the wine anyway. Which is why I tend to not share hosting unless it's someone like my sister I can be honest with.

Original poster
Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 11:24

The last few years when just the 2 of them have come they have bought 2 bottles which I thought was fine

This year as they are bringing another 2 people they offered to bring the wine, I assumed the wine meant enough for everyone! Bottles are mid range maybe 8 pounds a bottle?

The husband can and does drink a bottle and a half over several hours so he drank most of what they bought and was the one complaining they were running low!

Mum and I decided not to invite again, she was irritated too!

OP posts:
TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 11:25

and after saying they were bringing the wine for the meal I had to hunt round and see if my mum had any bottles around after they complained they had run out !

See I wouldn't have done this.

What was wrong with saying "Oh, I didn't buy any wine because you said you'd be bringing it"? And then offering them a soft drink?

zigzag716746zigzag · 26/12/2023 11:26

I rarely drink more than one glass of wine, so probably would have assumed 2 bottles would be enough for 6 people. But if they drank it themselves quickly they must have been able to judge in advance that more would have been needed.

Honeyroar · 26/12/2023 11:27

They could have nipped back to their own house for more supplies.

We cooked a full lunch and carted it down to my mum’s. She is bedbound. My brother and his girlfriend came too. My brother and husband started washing up, while I cleared. His girlfriend did nothing. I asked politely her to dry the pots and she said “it’s better if they dry naturally”. She’s not a new girlfriend, she’s been around for ages.

PegasusReturns · 26/12/2023 11:27

your neighbours were terribly tight - did you not say anything?

as a minimum I’d have mentioned that you hadn’t got wine as they’d said they were bringing it. And then let the silence hang.

personally though id never rely on third parties and would always ensure I had a stash put aside for just this scenario if we weren’t at home.

WhenIsSpringg · 26/12/2023 11:28

What if your mum needs an extra pair of hands / help at some point, since you seem to live not too near.

Are they providing companionship? That’s very important.

Could you suggest doing it at theirs next time…
Are they physically fit, are they able to shop and clear up?

I suppose it’s possible to remain friends without a standing Christmas invitation.

TwinklingLightsEverywhere · 26/12/2023 11:29

Wow, what CF they are. I'd have thought at least 4 bottles between 6, 3 if a shorter meal.

You sound like a fabulous host, if I was coming to that I'd bring enough wine for a week and a gift. They were so fortunate and so tight. Shame on them.

AnImaginaryCat · 26/12/2023 11:29

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 11:25

and after saying they were bringing the wine for the meal I had to hunt round and see if my mum had any bottles around after they complained they had run out !

See I wouldn't have done this.

What was wrong with saying "Oh, I didn't buy any wine because you said you'd be bringing it"? And then offering them a soft drink?

Pretty much this ^

"Is there any more wine?"

"Not if you didn't bring more."

Original poster
Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 11:30

I didnt say anything at the time as didn't want to spoil lunch , however they normally take home a lot of Christmas cake and turkey for boxing day for themselves as they don't buy either. This year I didnt offer them any to take home!

In hindsight I should have said o I thought you were bringing the wine! But at the time just thought it and went hunting around for a bottle in my mums cupboards!!!!

OP posts:
HollyFern1110 · 26/12/2023 11:32

If they are neighbours could they have popped home to fetch another bottle?

Original poster
Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 11:34

Yes they are all fit and well, wife hates cooking so doesn't do it , have had dinner at theirs once in the last 5 years , was pretty dreadful so I wouldnt go back even if asked , and the one year during covid they dodnt come, they had ready meals I heard on Xmas day.

OP posts:
Eekmystro · 26/12/2023 11:35

Of course they’re tight or thoughtless. Next year either don’t invites them or be very clear about what they are expected to being. Eg “we are sharing out the prep this year. Would you like to bring the starter for everyone or dessert for everyone”.

Original poster
Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 11:35

Probably, I should have said that to them, only thought of these responses last night in bed !

OP posts:
TheTecknician · 26/12/2023 11:35

These people are on to a good thing and they know it. Don't indulge them again, I implore you. Stingy bastards.

Tilllly · 26/12/2023 11:36

I'd have brought 6 bottles!!

Cadenza12 · 26/12/2023 11:37

OP, I think that you are too nice. Frankly they should have contributed a case of wine. Xmas lunch is around £100 a head. They have had a lovely lunch with no effort and contributions in the past. They enjoyed it so much they have extended the invite to their own children. So glad that at least they didn't take home boxing day lunch too. I would let them know that you have different plans for next year.

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