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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas lunch and guests being tight !

131 replies

Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 11:12

Hello,

Just canvassing opinions here.

I went back to my mother's this Xmas, she is a pensioner, widowed a few years back.

I'm reasonably comfortable so have no issue buying all the Xmas food and drink etc for us. For the last 7 years on Xmas day the neighbours also come round, another retired couple also comfortably off.

This year they asked if they could bring their son and his girlfriend , and they would bring the wine. No problem I thought.

Except yesterday they turned up the 4 of them, with 2 bottles of wine , which they drank fairly quickly and then proceeded to ask if there was any more , I had only bought spirits and liquers as I thought they were bringing enough wine for 6.

I wasn't drinking much as cooking, serving and loading dishwasher etc after each course

Aibu to think if you are big drinkers on Xmas day you bring more than 2 bottles of wine ! I'm thinking of not inviting again as seemed quite tight, and after saying they were bringing the wine for the meal I had to hunt round and see if my mum had any bottles around after they complained they had run out !

For context , we had 5 courses, starter, turkey and all the trimmings, pudding, cheeseboard, then coffee chocolates and bailey's or amaretto, followed by Xmas cake if anyone wanted it. I got all this , but didn't buy wine apart from a bottle of prosecco to give everyone a glass when they arrived!

OP posts:
Ktime · 26/12/2023 19:18

Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 12:28

Hi, no they don't provide support of any kind, just neighbours , I.like cooking and will often cook when I visit so in the past they have come round for Sunday lunch a couple of times , roast lamb etc

Xmas sort of become expected I think, this year was different as they asked to bring 2 extra people , and in return offered to bring the wine

Miscommunication maybe as Mum and I took the wine to mean enough for everyone

No they didn't bring anything else

I would also stop them coming to Sunday lunch OP!

Cheeky tight fuckers.

Were they hinting for leftovers?

Original poster
Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 21:03

Yes the husband hinted last year quite heavily , this year I shut it down at the outset and said we would be having the leftovers for meals for the rest of the week.

OP posts:
Ktime · 26/12/2023 21:11

Good!

Stay firm, OP! Glad you have found
your anger!

mondaytosunday · 26/12/2023 22:30

Yes but you are hosting - so should have plenty of extra booze as you shouldn't expect guests to bring anything - and if they say they will bring something then be explicit! I have a friend coming tonight and she called to ask how many bottles of wine she should bring. It's just her and her non drinking daughter coming. There are five other adults but none drink other than me (so I said one as we have a bottle here).
Saying 'we will bring THE wine' is different to 'we will bring some wine' too. The former I would say: 'great there will be X of us so Y bottles would be wonderful'!

TwentyThreeFifteen · 26/12/2023 22:58

you shouldn't expect guests to bring anything

Yes, especially not 2 extra people!

Ktime · 26/12/2023 23:02

mondaytosunday · 26/12/2023 22:30

Yes but you are hosting - so should have plenty of extra booze as you shouldn't expect guests to bring anything - and if they say they will bring something then be explicit! I have a friend coming tonight and she called to ask how many bottles of wine she should bring. It's just her and her non drinking daughter coming. There are five other adults but none drink other than me (so I said one as we have a bottle here).
Saying 'we will bring THE wine' is different to 'we will bring some wine' too. The former I would say: 'great there will be X of us so Y bottles would be wonderful'!

Did you read all of OP’s posts? These people are cheeky fuckers and will never be welcome again!

sprigatito · 26/12/2023 23:11

zigzag716746zigzag · 26/12/2023 11:26

I rarely drink more than one glass of wine, so probably would have assumed 2 bottles would be enough for 6 people. But if they drank it themselves quickly they must have been able to judge in advance that more would have been needed.

You must know that most people drink more than one glass with a large celebration meal though, right? You can't not know that.

LemongrassLollipop · 26/12/2023 23:27

I think this thread should double as a public service announcement (!) on how to behave in general if anyone is clueless and not used to being invited.

Don't be a CF.
Don't take advantage of someone's generosity.
Don't invite extra people when you are the invited guests and not adjust your contribution.
Show generosity and don't go empty handed (son &gf)
Don't be a tight arse when you know you are onto a good thing
Have some balls and call people out (OP -but I also only think of the response after the event!)

Good on your mum for deciding not to have them back!

I have tight arses in my family so I fully sympathise.

SamW98 · 26/12/2023 23:29

mondaytosunday · 26/12/2023 22:30

Yes but you are hosting - so should have plenty of extra booze as you shouldn't expect guests to bring anything - and if they say they will bring something then be explicit! I have a friend coming tonight and she called to ask how many bottles of wine she should bring. It's just her and her non drinking daughter coming. There are five other adults but none drink other than me (so I said one as we have a bottle here).
Saying 'we will bring THE wine' is different to 'we will bring some wine' too. The former I would say: 'great there will be X of us so Y bottles would be wonderful'!

There’s always one - have you actually read the thread?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 26/12/2023 23:34

🍷

Original poster
Neighbourscrooge · 27/12/2023 09:12

Mmmmm.....guests who want to bring 2 extra adults , one of whom I don't know and offer to bring the wine should bring it !

I did provide everything else, prosecco, food, liquers etc and served and cleared up

It won't be happening again, these days it's a bit much to expect one person to do everything, and of you offer to bring the wine I expect you to do it. Not bring a palty 2 bottles and drink that very quickly and then complain you have run out

Don't remember getting a thank you after lunch either !

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 27/12/2023 09:28

Bad manners. If I host and invite people I don't expect them to bring anything, unless pre arranged. They said they would bring the wine, I would expect them to bring enough for the whole party, and generous amounts of at that!

BrimfulOfMash · 27/12/2023 09:45

Shoddy behaviour! The cheek of asking if there was more!

Tbh though, over Christmas I am a snob. I don’t want random bottles of cheap wine, no two the same, I want particular wines to go with the particular meal.

The arrangement would have gone “OK, we’ll do the food, could you bring half a case of Fleurie please?”

FrenchandSaunders · 27/12/2023 10:27

So stingy, how embarrassing!
My elderly MIL came to ours for Christmas lunch .... she brought with her two bottles of red, two bottles of white, a bottle of pink fizz and a magnum of fizz!!

Original poster
Neighbourscrooge · 27/12/2023 10:39

I will swap you and host your MIL next Xmas!

OP posts:
MummyJ36 · 27/12/2023 10:44

Glad your mum was also annoyed OP. And very glad they went home with no leftovers! Absolutely stand firm next year. Could your mum come to you instead so the conversation doesn’t even have to happen about them joining dinner at your mums house?

Original poster
Neighbourscrooge · 27/12/2023 10:48

We will either eat out or I will have no hesitation in saying we are having a quiet one and after work being busy I am not up for hosting again!

Kitchen is closed!

OP posts:
WhenIsSpringg · 27/12/2023 11:34

The not saying thank you takes the cake.

Is there anything at all that they got right? Hopefully funny sweet and engaging company?

I have some out and out freeloaders in my circle, but at least they are sweet and lovely company and always say thank you.

You have amateur freeloaders there, the professionals can keep that well running for years, sometimes decades for the true masters.

When I was last invited to a big Christmas lunch as a guest, I brought along premium wine, hard to get hold of imported sherry, spent £70 on carefully wrapped gifts, helped prepare some sides and at the end me and one other person did all the washing up, cleaning of the kitchen, taking out the overflowing rubbish, recycling all the wrapping, sweeping up glitter.
And left feeling very happy and fortunate to be invited and thanked everyone.

Needhelpsupport · 27/12/2023 11:45

My BIL only bought 1bottle of red which I don’t drink🤦‍♀️Luckily I preempted and got my own couple of bottles of white!! He did bring cheese ,which he then took home with him . Xx

WhenIsSpringg · 27/12/2023 12:39

Needhelpsupport · 27/12/2023 11:45

My BIL only bought 1bottle of red which I don’t drink🤦‍♀️Luckily I preempted and got my own couple of bottles of white!! He did bring cheese ,which he then took home with him . Xx

Some people’s tolerance for awkwardness and their brass neck is truly astonishing!

Christmassss · 27/12/2023 12:44

They were tight, they sound like biggish drinkers so 6 bottles would be about right.

Zerosleep · 27/12/2023 18:23

That’s unbelievably rude. I guess money doesn’t buy you manners. I would like to say I have never seen this before but I have and particularly with people who have can afford it. If this were me I would be turning up with 6 bottles of wine minimum, offering to help and wash up where I could plus I would bring a chouce of deserts also. Then again I wouldn’t have invited extra people. Not surprised your mum is livid, I would be too. It’s shitty behaviour and feel like scrounging and taking advantage. I’m afraid I’m at that age where I would have directly said ‘when you asked to bring an extra two people and said you were bringing wine, I was expecting more than two bottles of wine’. I would have put them
on the spot.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 27/12/2023 18:54

They should not have invited others to the dinner, what a cheek and since they are such big drinkers why did they not bring what they would drink themselves instead expecting you to supply it after you bought so much food and did all the catering and serving. I would have none of them around ever again as they sound awful. You seem so nice and they seem to be taking advantage of your hospitality and nice nature. Least your mum has now seen what they are really like.

Greenpolkadot · 27/12/2023 19:04

Whenissspringg
Whats a 'carefully wrapped gift ' ?

Pollyparkin · 27/12/2023 19:13

@mondaytosunday were you the neighbour?! Do you genuinely not think it's bad manners to expect everything literally on a plate ?