Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas lunch and guests being tight !

131 replies

Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 11:12

Hello,

Just canvassing opinions here.

I went back to my mother's this Xmas, she is a pensioner, widowed a few years back.

I'm reasonably comfortable so have no issue buying all the Xmas food and drink etc for us. For the last 7 years on Xmas day the neighbours also come round, another retired couple also comfortably off.

This year they asked if they could bring their son and his girlfriend , and they would bring the wine. No problem I thought.

Except yesterday they turned up the 4 of them, with 2 bottles of wine , which they drank fairly quickly and then proceeded to ask if there was any more , I had only bought spirits and liquers as I thought they were bringing enough wine for 6.

I wasn't drinking much as cooking, serving and loading dishwasher etc after each course

Aibu to think if you are big drinkers on Xmas day you bring more than 2 bottles of wine ! I'm thinking of not inviting again as seemed quite tight, and after saying they were bringing the wine for the meal I had to hunt round and see if my mum had any bottles around after they complained they had run out !

For context , we had 5 courses, starter, turkey and all the trimmings, pudding, cheeseboard, then coffee chocolates and bailey's or amaretto, followed by Xmas cake if anyone wanted it. I got all this , but didn't buy wine apart from a bottle of prosecco to give everyone a glass when they arrived!

OP posts:
Serene135 · 27/12/2023 19:17

Unfortunately you are always going to get freeloaders floating around looking for a free meal etc. You saved them quite a bit of money by providing it all. You also kindly waited on them all day like a maid. I wouldn’t bother next year; they can put their hands in their own pockets and buy their own food. 💐

plantpotsandbugs · 27/12/2023 19:19

They be should be very embarrassed!

Glad you didn't give them leftovers and will not be hosting again.

Hopefully they won't just turn up??

LalaPaloosa · 27/12/2023 19:28

Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 11:30

I didnt say anything at the time as didn't want to spoil lunch , however they normally take home a lot of Christmas cake and turkey for boxing day for themselves as they don't buy either. This year I didnt offer them any to take home!

In hindsight I should have said o I thought you were bringing the wine! But at the time just thought it and went hunting around for a bottle in my mums cupboards!!!!

Good for you! I’m sure the message was received.

Noisinmaro · 27/12/2023 21:18

I normally cook.and have people(ive had decent and mean visitors) but this year brother in law invited us we went to them.
I bought and cooked the ham and stuffing. It was a big ham from butchers wasnt cheap. I brought 3 bottles wine,and couple bottle spirits(I know that they drink) and voucher for the little boy for a toy shop ( can be used for a birthday as kids get too much,imo) and voucher for a supermarket!
I usually cooks I'm fully aware of the cost£££, the planning the effort and the time.
Wow I could not bring 2 bottles wine.
Oh yeah we brought home loads of food home for the next day, wasnt expected but delighted as saved us cooking as I'd knew they would waste it and I hate waste so win win....
Like a decent turkey from a butchers is ££ very expensive...

Noisinmaro · 27/12/2023 21:26

I also got up and dried up I was told few times to sit Down...I said no way...this way we have it done quicker..people are unreal...

TulipinUK · 27/12/2023 21:42

Christmas is so over rated, everyone is stressed and all it is is a bloody roast, not even that nice. The grinch.

PieonaBarm · 27/12/2023 21:45

Goodness. My Dad turns up with at least 6 bottles of wine and £100 Tesco gift voucher that we can use for next Christmas or for the next few weeks shopping! He's my Dad so he could come with nothing and take all the leftovers and I wouldn't bat an eyelid, but your Mums neighbours are entitled CFs!!

DaNcInGtEqUiLaCaT · 27/12/2023 22:12

Who cares? It's Xmas. Just let it go.

PurpleOrchid42 · 27/12/2023 22:18

Wow, you are very generous, with both your time, and your money. They are horribly ungrateful and cheeky. What a shame! If they weren't so keen to freeload, this could've been a really lovely thing.

TrishTrix · 27/12/2023 22:20

That's really crap @Neighbourscrooge . I think they are clueless. I went as a sole adult to join a family this year.

I took a bottle of (expensive) Fizz, posh cordial (there are teenagers), after dinner mints and a present for the house.

I offered to buy food, or give them some ££ and got told to stop being daft.

When I do Christmas with my family I usually buy a mixed case of wine incl. some fizz and the cheese to spread the cost.

Zerosleep · 27/12/2023 22:29

@Greenpolkadot I think they mean they took the time to wrap the present and present it nicely. That’s how I took it anyway.

Frances0911 · 27/12/2023 22:35

What is their company like, is that at least value for money? Otherwise they'd never get an invite again.

WhenIsSpringg · 27/12/2023 22:49

Greenpolkadot · 27/12/2023 19:04

Whenissspringg
Whats a 'carefully wrapped gift ' ?

?

Fummymummy · 27/12/2023 23:31

Think yourself lucky they brought some wine! My PIL brought absolutely nothing and didn't offer to help with anything on the day at all, despite us hosting for 8 people and having 2 young children to also keep an eye on (no, they didn't help with keeping them out of the kitchen either!). Didn't even stay to say bye to me, they left while we were putting the little ones to bed at 7pm!

My own parents brought dessert and wine. Thank god.

ChellyT · 28/12/2023 01:02

ValkyrieAssassin · 26/12/2023 11:45

Tight. We have a policy of taking 1 bottle per adult plus 1. So usually 3 bottles for DH and I. That would have meant 5 bottles though- still not enough IMO if they had said they 'would bring the wine'.

I'd be annoyed.

@ValkyrieAssassin my thoughts exactly! 6 bottles, 1 per person and if there is any left over/unopen I'd leave it

Ilovecleaning · 28/12/2023 05:37

Eekmystro · 26/12/2023 11:35

Of course they’re tight or thoughtless. Next year either don’t invites them or be very clear about what they are expected to being. Eg “we are sharing out the prep this year. Would you like to bring the starter for everyone or dessert for everyone”.

I agree wholeheartedly BUT tight people are past masters and well practised at being tight. They are not going to turn up with M&S prawn cocktail for starters ; they will bring crisps or they’ll “ forget” or they won’t bring enough or it will be cheap and nasty. I have seen so much of it over the years.
Relatives of my DH ( a couple) have never hosted ANY meal in the 20 years I have known them and they contribute zilch to family meals. Over Christmas, they manage to be fed and watered FOC on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day plus other freebies like Christmas buffet at the local pub. They never do any Christmas food and drink shopping.

Ilovecleaning · 28/12/2023 05:41

Zerosleep · 27/12/2023 22:29

@Greenpolkadot I think they mean they took the time to wrap the present and present it nicely. That’s how I took it anyway.

Exactly. I don’t know how anyone cannot understand the implications of “carefully wrapped” - care, consideration, respect.

Ilovecleaning · 28/12/2023 05:48

Honeyroar · 26/12/2023 11:27

They could have nipped back to their own house for more supplies.

We cooked a full lunch and carted it down to my mum’s. She is bedbound. My brother and his girlfriend came too. My brother and husband started washing up, while I cleared. His girlfriend did nothing. I asked politely her to dry the pots and she said “it’s better if they dry naturally”. She’s not a new girlfriend, she’s been around for ages.

Tight, lazy people ALWAYS have a bloody answer! They are well practised.

Ilovecleaning · 28/12/2023 05:55

mondaytosunday · 26/12/2023 22:30

Yes but you are hosting - so should have plenty of extra booze as you shouldn't expect guests to bring anything - and if they say they will bring something then be explicit! I have a friend coming tonight and she called to ask how many bottles of wine she should bring. It's just her and her non drinking daughter coming. There are five other adults but none drink other than me (so I said one as we have a bottle here).
Saying 'we will bring THE wine' is different to 'we will bring some wine' too. The former I would say: 'great there will be X of us so Y bottles would be wonderful'!

Missing the point I think.

Ilovecleaning · 28/12/2023 06:06

Neighbourscrooge · 27/12/2023 10:48

We will either eat out or I will have no hesitation in saying we are having a quiet one and after work being busy I am not up for hosting again!

Kitchen is closed!

Please don’t spend a fortune eating out next Christmas just to avoid them. Tell them you are not having any guests. Do not offer excuses. You do not owe them explanations.

Holidayhell22 · 28/12/2023 06:11

How incredibly rude.
Im still annoyed with a free loading guest.
I guess free loaders are experts at it.
Stick to your guns op and don’t invite them next year.

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/12/2023 06:14

It's not just the wine though. They didn't bring flowers or chocolates. Four of them turning up for a meal on Christmas Day with nothing like that is really shocking.

Ilovecleaning · 28/12/2023 06:39

DaNcInGtEqUiLaCaT · 27/12/2023 22:12

Who cares? It's Xmas. Just let it go.

Clearly, the OP cares as she has been shafted.

Riverlee · 28/12/2023 08:21

Two bottles of wine would may just be acceptable for an evening meal or barbecue, if it were just the two neighbours. However, there were two extra guests plus IT Was Christmas which warrants extra thank you gifts!

Nily4567 · 28/12/2023 15:08

Tightwads boil my p*ss…definitely not being unreasonable, especially as the husband quaffed most of it (basically bought wine for himself only)
Ditch the freeloaders!

Swipe left for the next trending thread