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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas lunch and guests being tight !

131 replies

Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 11:12

Hello,

Just canvassing opinions here.

I went back to my mother's this Xmas, she is a pensioner, widowed a few years back.

I'm reasonably comfortable so have no issue buying all the Xmas food and drink etc for us. For the last 7 years on Xmas day the neighbours also come round, another retired couple also comfortably off.

This year they asked if they could bring their son and his girlfriend , and they would bring the wine. No problem I thought.

Except yesterday they turned up the 4 of them, with 2 bottles of wine , which they drank fairly quickly and then proceeded to ask if there was any more , I had only bought spirits and liquers as I thought they were bringing enough wine for 6.

I wasn't drinking much as cooking, serving and loading dishwasher etc after each course

Aibu to think if you are big drinkers on Xmas day you bring more than 2 bottles of wine ! I'm thinking of not inviting again as seemed quite tight, and after saying they were bringing the wine for the meal I had to hunt round and see if my mum had any bottles around after they complained they had run out !

For context , we had 5 courses, starter, turkey and all the trimmings, pudding, cheeseboard, then coffee chocolates and bailey's or amaretto, followed by Xmas cake if anyone wanted it. I got all this , but didn't buy wine apart from a bottle of prosecco to give everyone a glass when they arrived!

OP posts:
Original poster
Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 11:41

Thanks everyone

Yes won't be inviting them again for Xmas lunch, will either go out, go away or cook a smaller scale at home !

OP posts:
WhenIsSpringg · 26/12/2023 11:41

Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 11:30

I didnt say anything at the time as didn't want to spoil lunch , however they normally take home a lot of Christmas cake and turkey for boxing day for themselves as they don't buy either. This year I didnt offer them any to take home!

In hindsight I should have said o I thought you were bringing the wine! But at the time just thought it and went hunting around for a bottle in my mums cupboards!!!!

Are they disabled?

Was it usually too much leftovers for you and your mother to consume alone?

Are they bad cooks?

When I was younger and didn’t know how to cook, I loved to take home a homemade meal if there were leftovers. But equally had hosted and fed others in my home, even if it were shop bought stuff I put in the oven.

They seem to be treating you like family, but family usually chips in, even if it’s just to lighten the load.

I wonder what the young couple were told? I suppose they have jobs and could have brought along food or drink gifts, or flowers or choc?

Are they immigrants and unfamiliar with Xmas culture?
Is there a class etiquette divide?

Is age effecting their memory?

I’m hoping they’re just thoughtless rather than mean, but expecting two to host four is a bit of an imbalanced imposition.

By pushing their luck so far, they have talked themselves out of years to come of lovely Christmas dinners with kind and generous company.

If it were me, I’d bring wine chocolates and flowers and ask the couple to bring some nice treats, too… they are not children!

cestlavielife · 26/12/2023 11:42

If neighbours they coujd send someond bzck to their house to pick up more?

ValkyrieAssassin · 26/12/2023 11:45

Tight. We have a policy of taking 1 bottle per adult plus 1. So usually 3 bottles for DH and I. That would have meant 5 bottles though- still not enough IMO if they had said they 'would bring the wine'.

I'd be annoyed.

poppy1973 · 26/12/2023 11:46

When their wine ran out then you should have put a jug of water on the table for them to drink!!

TwentyThreeFifteen · 26/12/2023 11:49

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 11:25

and after saying they were bringing the wine for the meal I had to hunt round and see if my mum had any bottles around after they complained they had run out !

See I wouldn't have done this.

What was wrong with saying "Oh, I didn't buy any wine because you said you'd be bringing it"? And then offering them a soft drink?

This would have been a great response to shine a light on their stinginess.

ActuallyChristmas · 26/12/2023 11:51

Definitely a bit mean, when my parents were around, they would bring 2 bottles of wine, something non alcoholic, some chocs for after, and a small veg dish to add to the mix. This was for 4 adults and a child. Since my mother didn’t drink much, this was more than enough.

Mumaway · 26/12/2023 11:53

Maybe you could have asked them to pop home for a few more bottles!

Therealjudgejudy · 26/12/2023 11:55

Definitely don't invite them again!

Katherineryan1986 · 26/12/2023 11:56

My sister and her husband came for Xmas, I know they are a bit tight, so I asked them to bring some things. They brought 2 cans of soft drink, a large Christmas cake (great) and 5 mince pies, bearing in mind there were 6 adults they brought 5 mince pies?!?!
She then drank prosecco with me and one other guest, but had not contributed a bottle!
I love my sister, but she is tight!

SamW98 · 26/12/2023 11:57

Bunch of freeloaders. They should definitely have come with 4 bottles as a minimum. As they’re getting a free lunch I’d say most decent people would also have bought extras - maybe a bottle of champagne, a nice box of chocolates, snacks and thank you gifts. Or offer to bring dessert

You’re definitely doing right thing not inviting them in future.

wronginalltherightways · 26/12/2023 11:59

Very tight.

I'm glad your mother is fed up with them as well and won't be having them back

Original poster
Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 12:03

Yes Mum was cross, she is even crosser today after thinking about it so although the friendship will stand they won't be invited again !

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 26/12/2023 12:08

I think it's good manners to bring what I'd want to drink and a bottle for the host. I'm tee total now, but would still offer a bottle for the host. Bit rude to drink it all, and ask for more. I wouldn't invite them next year, just say you're having a quiet one. I'm contemplating doing something wildly different, to get out of the whole christmas meal. E.g. making a curry etc.

Andthereyougo · 26/12/2023 12:13

Wow. They were onto a good thing weren’t they? A case of wine and some chocolates might have been just enough. CFs.

Riverlee · 26/12/2023 12:13

perhaps they thought they’d bring ‘some wine’ as opposed to ‘all the wine’. Miscommunication maybe?

However, two bottles of wine and nothing else when there’s four of you is a bit cheap. That’s there quota. Did they bring anything else - flowers, chocolates, presents? That’s doubly cheap considering it was a Christmas meal.

LuluBlakey1 · 26/12/2023 12:15

We go to PIL for Christmas lunch - mainly because DH's grandma lives with them and is in her mid 90s and we only inflict our 3 young DC for a few hours.
We always take the wine. We take enough for yesterday plus some treats as a 'thank you'. Yesterday we took 3 x champagne, 3 white, 3 red, a dozen beers, a Tio Pepe and a Baileys (for grandma, she loves it, has it in her coffee). They will have at least one of each of the champagne/wines left and half the beers, the Tio Pepe and Baileys and that's fine- we want them to be able to treat themselves if they fancy. They are so good to us.
I can't understand being mean to people who offer to host you and put themselves out.

14Q · 26/12/2023 12:24

That was definitely tight of them. Are you sure that there was no point before when they asked you or your Mum if they should bring anything else?

CinnamonJellyBeans · 26/12/2023 12:24

Like PP, I'm also curious to know if they provide support for your mum throughout the year. If so, they may be seeing it as a thankyou gesture.

Original poster
Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 12:28

Hi, no they don't provide support of any kind, just neighbours , I.like cooking and will often cook when I visit so in the past they have come round for Sunday lunch a couple of times , roast lamb etc

Xmas sort of become expected I think, this year was different as they asked to bring 2 extra people , and in return offered to bring the wine

Miscommunication maybe as Mum and I took the wine to mean enough for everyone

No they didn't bring anything else

OP posts:
Original poster
Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 12:33

Mum said they offered to bring the wine , which was fine!

I assumed that meant for everyone ! But the husband drank 1.5 bottles and they only bought 2 bottles !

OP posts:
CinnamonJellyBeans · 26/12/2023 12:36

They are so rude. Fancy getting a free Christmas dinner and inviting other freeloaders. So grabby.

However, do you think they might prove useful in the future, as your mum gets older, or will she be moving closer to you? Maybe it's an investment.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 26/12/2023 12:36

Is there a nice pub or restaurant near you that serves Christmas lunch? I'd take your mum out next year, if I were you.

DeeLusional · 26/12/2023 12:36

Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 12:28

Hi, no they don't provide support of any kind, just neighbours , I.like cooking and will often cook when I visit so in the past they have come round for Sunday lunch a couple of times , roast lamb etc

Xmas sort of become expected I think, this year was different as they asked to bring 2 extra people , and in return offered to bring the wine

Miscommunication maybe as Mum and I took the wine to mean enough for everyone

No they didn't bring anything else

It's hardly a miscommunication on your part if they didn't even bring enough for themselves never mind anyone else.

Riverlee · 26/12/2023 12:38

Two bottles of wine is a gift for the host on a normal meal, not Christmas!

I think they could be winning in this years Christmas cf stakes!