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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas lunch and guests being tight !

131 replies

Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 11:12

Hello,

Just canvassing opinions here.

I went back to my mother's this Xmas, she is a pensioner, widowed a few years back.

I'm reasonably comfortable so have no issue buying all the Xmas food and drink etc for us. For the last 7 years on Xmas day the neighbours also come round, another retired couple also comfortably off.

This year they asked if they could bring their son and his girlfriend , and they would bring the wine. No problem I thought.

Except yesterday they turned up the 4 of them, with 2 bottles of wine , which they drank fairly quickly and then proceeded to ask if there was any more , I had only bought spirits and liquers as I thought they were bringing enough wine for 6.

I wasn't drinking much as cooking, serving and loading dishwasher etc after each course

Aibu to think if you are big drinkers on Xmas day you bring more than 2 bottles of wine ! I'm thinking of not inviting again as seemed quite tight, and after saying they were bringing the wine for the meal I had to hunt round and see if my mum had any bottles around after they complained they had run out !

For context , we had 5 courses, starter, turkey and all the trimmings, pudding, cheeseboard, then coffee chocolates and bailey's or amaretto, followed by Xmas cake if anyone wanted it. I got all this , but didn't buy wine apart from a bottle of prosecco to give everyone a glass when they arrived!

OP posts:
Liz1tummypain · 26/12/2023 12:42

I'm with you 100% OP. No idea how to convey it though. I only want a quiet life so run away from this kind of issue. Good luck and Happy New Year

Creepedmeout · 26/12/2023 12:46

The husband should know how much he’s likely to drink but brought enough for himself plus half a bottle???
Totally taking advantage. Sadly there seems to be a lot of people happy to let others spend 5hrs in the kitchen on Christmas Day while they flatten your lovely sofa cushions, leave skid marks in the loo…. and they’re always the first to go up for seconds too!!
Its time to flip the tables

GustyFinknottle · 26/12/2023 13:21

My lovely SIL has had a couple from the next street come to Christmas dinner for eight years with only Christmas 2020 off for Covid. These people have adult children with families living in the area but don't seem to do Christmas with them.

Glyn and Marian, I'm talking about you, you freeloaders. I hope you recognise yourselves.

My SIL is a quiet, kind person and a cracking cook and she and her husband are generous hosts. G&M were invited the first year after they'd had to cancel family arrangements because the grandchildren were ill. My SIL invited them over and they brought a box of Christmas crackers with them as their contribution. The following year they phoned shortly before Christmas to say they were sure last year she'd said they were welcome this year. SIL couldn't remember saying it but felt coerced into saying yes. As they left they said what a great time they'd had and they'd make sure they were free on next Christmas Day — and so it's gone on, with them talking about this now being their Christmas tradition. They don't contribute much in the way of cheer to the day (they arrive at about midday for drinks and nibbles and say goodbye at around 8pm after a four course Christmas lunch and then a salad-picky-tea). They occasionally bring a bottle of cheap wine but often turn up with nothing. SIL's DH is quite a lot older than her and has Parkinsons and finds travelling or staying with others difficult, so SIL can't come to us or other rallies to escape. She sometimes invites family (including us) for Christmas but they live in a small house and so guests end up having to pay for hotels.

She called us last night to report on the G&M's visit. They talked incessantly about their health and the health of everyone in their family: even their grandchildren seem to suffer from a wide range of illnesses. SIL asked us if next year we'll go halves with them on a big holiday rental over Christmas and if I'll cook because she never wants to cook Christmas dinner again and I've said yes — best gift I could give her.

Noshowlomo · 26/12/2023 13:51

@GustyFinknottle brilliant. Hope you all enjoy. I wouldn’t even tell the free loaders I’d just let them assume! Tight buggers

Goinggreymammy · 26/12/2023 14:01

Whatever about the wine, I think its kind of bizzare to bring your (must be) adult or older teenage child and his gilfriend to your widowed neighbour's house for Christmas dinner, and have that neighbour's visiting daughter Cook and serve them dinner. Were the son and girlfriend not embarassed?

Riverlee · 26/12/2023 14:04

Goinggreymammy · 26/12/2023 14:01

Whatever about the wine, I think its kind of bizzare to bring your (must be) adult or older teenage child and his gilfriend to your widowed neighbour's house for Christmas dinner, and have that neighbour's visiting daughter Cook and serve them dinner. Were the son and girlfriend not embarassed?

That’s a good point. Surely you would host your own family.

readingmakesmehappy · 26/12/2023 14:06

Here we would say "we don't drink, so we'll have plenty of soft drinks but you'd better bring whatever wine you want to drink"

RatatouillePie · 26/12/2023 14:18

Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 12:33

Mum said they offered to bring the wine , which was fine!

I assumed that meant for everyone ! But the husband drank 1.5 bottles and they only bought 2 bottles !

If they'd asked me if there was any more wine, I would have replied with "we've drank the two bottles you got out. Where abouts did you put the rest and I'll go get it?"

4 people turning up with only 2 bottles is really cheeky!

Thehonestbadger · 26/12/2023 14:28

Them: is there anymore wine?
me: I thought we were providing food and you were bringing the wine?
Them: it’s all finished
Me: well two bottles never does last six adults long. Same reason I’m not cooking a chicken for lunch. Plenty of time for you to pop home and get us all more. Good job you live next door!

Creepedmeout · 26/12/2023 15:16

@Beautiful3 One bottle for the host maybe if it was a casual dinner some other time of year but on Christmas Day for a five course dinner for four people this would be incredibly mean. Any idea how much planning, shopping, cooking, tidying and cash is involved?
Then they said they’d take care of the wine - for everyone, not just the husband.
More than ‘a bit’ rude

FrostieBoabby · 26/12/2023 16:22

Definitely cheeky sods. Where you went wrong though was scrabbling round for more drinks for them, one of them could easily have nipped home for more supplies. You missed the chance to pop a lovely refreshing jug of iced tap water on the table.

Family of 4 scrounging Christmas Dinner should bring at least 2 bottles of fizz, 2 white, 2 red, 2 rose between them. And, some posh coffee with after dinner mints.

Don't invite them for 2024....

coldcallerbaiter · 26/12/2023 16:29

Do not invite anyone you are not willing to pay for. Is their company that great?

squashi · 26/12/2023 16:31

Perhaps there was a misunderstanding and they thought you'd said 'bring wine' rather than 'bring THE wine' but still - 2 bottles between four people is pretty tight.
Still, you had other drinks, and they just had to make do - tough.
Your meal sounds fab by the way!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/12/2023 16:37

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 11:25

and after saying they were bringing the wine for the meal I had to hunt round and see if my mum had any bottles around after they complained they had run out !

See I wouldn't have done this.

What was wrong with saying "Oh, I didn't buy any wine because you said you'd be bringing it"? And then offering them a soft drink?

Yes - me too! “Oh I didn’t buy any as you said you were bringing ‘the wine’, not just a couple of bottles. Would you like a soft drink or do you want to nip home for some more?”

Saggypants · 26/12/2023 16:38

Same thing happened to me once, except after insisting 'we'll bring the wine' they brought 1 bottle for 7 people! And having thrown in another person we didn't know, they represented 3 of those 7 people. Some people are so clueless... or just tight.

ConstitutionHill · 26/12/2023 16:58

Chamomileteaplease · 26/12/2023 11:22

Do they help out with your mum at all during the year and therefore think of this as a kind of thanks?

If not, I agree with others; if you enjoy their company and actually want them there, then give them a list of what to bring next time!

I thought that too, for a moment. But even then, four adults? I'd be bringing 6 bottles of wine and some chocolates/pannetone some such.

TwentyThreeFifteen · 26/12/2023 16:59

@GustyFinknottle that will be a magical Christmas next year for SIL. I don’t know how she’s put up with them for so long!

Original poster
Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 17:03

I wish I had had the wits to put a bottle of sparkling water on the table when the husband started asking for more wine and saying they has run out !

And some brilliant responses from people upthread, if it ever happens to me again I will be prepared !

Mum is adamant they are not coming again, she seems more annoyed than me!

OP posts:
tokesqueen · 26/12/2023 17:09

They said they'd do dessert, so very well off PIL contributed two £1 cheesecakes from Morrisons and six mince pies for six adults and four teenage boys.
And took home those mince pies uneaten.

wronginalltherightways · 26/12/2023 17:51

All these stories just goes to show how well off people keep their money for themselves and freeload off others.

Gross.

MumPod · 26/12/2023 17:54

Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 11:12

Hello,

Just canvassing opinions here.

I went back to my mother's this Xmas, she is a pensioner, widowed a few years back.

I'm reasonably comfortable so have no issue buying all the Xmas food and drink etc for us. For the last 7 years on Xmas day the neighbours also come round, another retired couple also comfortably off.

This year they asked if they could bring their son and his girlfriend , and they would bring the wine. No problem I thought.

Except yesterday they turned up the 4 of them, with 2 bottles of wine , which they drank fairly quickly and then proceeded to ask if there was any more , I had only bought spirits and liquers as I thought they were bringing enough wine for 6.

I wasn't drinking much as cooking, serving and loading dishwasher etc after each course

Aibu to think if you are big drinkers on Xmas day you bring more than 2 bottles of wine ! I'm thinking of not inviting again as seemed quite tight, and after saying they were bringing the wine for the meal I had to hunt round and see if my mum had any bottles around after they complained they had run out !

For context , we had 5 courses, starter, turkey and all the trimmings, pudding, cheeseboard, then coffee chocolates and bailey's or amaretto, followed by Xmas cake if anyone wanted it. I got all this , but didn't buy wine apart from a bottle of prosecco to give everyone a glass when they arrived!

I would never dream of only taking two bottles of wine when someone has spent the money on a Christmas dinner and the time prepping and cooking. When we have invited friends and family they normally offer to bring dessert and wine etc. It is the decent thing to do. Don't invite them again

ssd · 26/12/2023 18:18

Id be worried they are the sort to take advantage of your mum outwith xmas

Original poster
Neighbourscrooge · 26/12/2023 18:40

They won't have the opportunity!

I didnt think she was bothered until I mentioned that they didn't bring very much ( this morning) and then she said how angry she was , she was livid but didn't say anything to me yesterday as didn't want to spoil the day !

Agreed we will go away next Xmas!

Their son is 30 and his girlfriend around about the same age, so not kids ! I had never met girlfriend before !

OP posts:
whittingtonmum · 26/12/2023 18:48

It seems bizarre to bring four people round to your neighbours house. Surely if you are that many you will be the ones offering to host....and not doing cooking is no excuse do expect your neighbours to host a family of four. Weird. And yes don't ever host them again at Xmas. They can microwave their own meals next time.

Gymnopedie · 26/12/2023 19:10

I think the cf-ery started when they asked if they could bring two more people for a free Christmas dinner. I'm sure they believed your mum wouldn't have it in her to say no so they'd be quids in. If your adult DC are coming to yours for the day YOU provide for them, don't freeload off the back of a single elderly neighbour.

Glad to hear your mum's not going to give it chance to happen again.