To be disappointed with SILs decision re new baby.

[ankara]

Respecting that all parents are quite within their rights to determine interaction between others and their babies, I am very disappointed and a bit 🙄 at SILs decision to put up a big sign at baby's cradle saying no touching , no lifting, no kissing.
There are no medical reasons for this. Baby is three weeks old.
None of the family have been allowed to do the above unless baby has been handed to family to give a bottle or r change baby.
I understand; that this is their first and is of course most precious but we are all a bit and also disappointed as we love babies and we're so looking forward to cuddles .
Brother just goes along with her.
Is this a new thing? My kids are nearly teens now and I've not seen this before .

Is it really about germophobia? Sounds like she is happy enough for people to touch the baby as long as it’s enabling her to offload nappy changing or feeding?

To be frank, and for want of a better phrase, the parents are top dogs over MIL.

Meh. The whole family should step away from the baby until it is 18 and has escaped its parents clutches.

Parents who do this shit are damaging their children's relations with their relations. Fortunately such parents only seem to exist on MN along with the 'too scared to ever answer the front door' brigade.

Ugh what gaslighting. You have PND because you won’t let Meeeee hold your baby. There’s a huge difference between not letting anyone cross the threshold and asking those that do to not pick up/kids/stick your unwashed fingers in the mouth of a new born at peak cold and flu season. Why are you conflating the two? It sounds like you think PND is a symptom of mothers being punished with isolation for not letting entitled people touch their baby? Maybe if they showed they cared about her and about baby’s health, she would be able to relax and depend on their care and maybe, in a few weeks when it’s not the “a&e is overwhelmed with sick people” time of the year, let people who turn up to help have their newborn cuddles. New mothers are really vulnerable and not having their needs and boundaries met and respected is a bigger cause of PND as it makes the mum feel powerless. How about we support mums, eh? Even the ones that don’t make the same choices as we do.

Yes there was also a very high infant mortality rate in days gone by as well. Not really the comparison you think it is.

The term 'baby' Vs 'the baby'.
Discuss.

It's weird and unhealthy and the sign is borderline sociopathic.

Babies benefit from human touch and interaction and that benefit far outweighs the risks of infections. More than benefit, it's a fundamental need. If babies are breastfed they have their mothers immunity. Babies need to look at faces in order to develop. It's disturbing that lack of human contact is becoming the norm.

The thing is you sound sensible- you understand already about kissing and happy to hand baby back when necessary.
Unfortunately some people can be quite overbearing and entitled when it comes to babies and don’t observe the above like you do and so mums feel the need to spell out what is ok with them.
this poor mum is finding her feet and it is a scary and vulnerable time. She is just doing what she thinks is best and yes maybe going a bit over the top but it’s coming from a good place of protecting her tiny baby.

I'd be a bit worried about the mother's mental health. Putting up a sign is odd behaviour.

Completely understandable not to want people to pick the baby up whenever they choose, but babies' immune systems are much better than has previously been thought https://www.cuimc.columbia.edu/news/infant-immune-systems-are-stronger-you-think

The signs a bit much but she’s doing what she thinks is right for her baby. I’d accept that.

SIL and BIL have every right to set the terms of engagement. Whatever the motivation it is their call and theirs alone.

I'm impressed that they did it in such a direct manner. If only all immediately post partum parents did the same there might be less PND out there.

No touching - the parents have been told to make sure people have washed their hands before touching her baby. Most posters seem to understand the reason for this.

No lifting - they don't want people to pick up her baby without their permission and, again, most posters seem to be saying that they wouldn't do this anyway.

No kissing - they have been told that people kissing newborns can be life-threatening. Not an unreasonable request.

The issue seems to be the sign, rather than the requests on the sign. I would question what it is about the family dynamics that means these parents feel it's necessary to use a sign to stop people doing things to their baby that most people wouldn't do anyway.

I agree with the poster that said someone should ask the mother if she's OK. Maybe, like many expectant MNers, she's been told throughout her pregnancy that her baby is for everyone to enjoy or she's already under pressure to leave the baby for sleepovers with DGPs.

There will be a reason for this, whether it's boundaries around pushy family members, fragile mental health or warnings from over-zealous health professionals, so it would be best to offer support and reassurance to these parents, making it clear that their boundaries are reasonable and will be respected so they feel more relaxed about visiting with the baby in the future.

The sign sounds a bit much but I can only assume that the family ignore her requests not to touch. Plus it’s her first child.

Ultimately, her child, her choices as to who touches the baby.

You're seriously saying that you'd refuse to help/babysit just because parents didn't automatically put your wishes over theirs when their child was less than one month old?

Only on MN would people think someone having such a sign is fine 😂in years to come she’ll think back and cringe at the PFB behaviour.

I couldn't care less about holding a baby tbh. I've done my stint and have no desire to hold, kiss and cuddle any babies so it is not about ME or what I want at all. I would certainly not be champing at the bit to pick up any baby.
I am just amazed that this isolating, weird behaviour seems to be normalised.
I mean, does anyone REALLY think it is normal to hang a sign over a baby??

I rest my case.

I can see that if lots of people were over at once, that might cause the mother some anxiety about the baby being passed around too much. At the new born stage I definitely couldn’t have coped with more
than one set of visitors at a time. After the guests had had a cuddle I could feel a physical need to get my
baby back!

I wonder if it's because all the bugs are particularly nasty this time of year, and this year in particular. At least around here (flu, covid, awful colds, norovirus, etc) Last thing they probably need, tbh, and you can't tell if people are contagious until too late with a few of them.

they are indeed in control of what happens to their newborn baby

Well no. Our control over others, even our own babies and children, always has its limits. As well it must.

So, you think MIL has more right over a baby than the parents?

Yeah maybe the sign is a bit much but it's better than having to constantly tell people not to pick baby out the crib without asking. Which is rude imo. Also please give baby back to mother when they start crying. (My mother in law won't read this 🤣 but you know. Baby wants mum give them back)

I feel sorry for her that she had to make a sign. She had the stress of knowing what everyone would be like and trying to mitigate that.

I don’t get the obsession with wanting babies passed around like toys. My family have had babies. I don’t get the urge to want to pick them up or bond with them. They aren’t mine.

Only time I have touched them is when I saw poor SIL getting more and more distressed at her week old baby being passed around, phones shoved in his face, so I took the baby in the weird human pass the parcel that was going on, handed him back to her and took them both to the bedroom and made sure everyone left them the hell alone. She text me the next day saying how relieved she was I had stopped it all and thanked me.

What twaddle.
firstly this baby is bottle fed so your argument about immunity via breast milk doesn’t apply.

this baby’s immunity will be heavily reliant on whatever was passed over via mums placenta so would only work for pathogens already known to mum (ie it won’t work for new strains of virus etc floating around now)
SIL isn’t banning contact or cuddles she is trying to protect baby. Where does it say she isn’t allowing baby to see new faces?

Are you a mother? Have you forgotten how difficult those first few weeks are? Yes she may be going a bit over the top with the sign (who knows why she felt she had to do that) but it certainly isn’t sociopathic (seriously wtf are you thinking calling a new mum this) and is coming from a good place

Oooooooooo