To be disappointed with SILs decision re new baby.

[ankara]

Respecting that all parents are quite within their rights to determine interaction between others and their babies, I am very disappointed and a bit 🙄 at SILs decision to put up a big sign at baby's cradle saying no touching , no lifting, no kissing.
There are no medical reasons for this. Baby is three weeks old.
None of the family have been allowed to do the above unless baby has been handed to family to give a bottle or r change baby.
I understand; that this is their first and is of course most precious but we are all a bit and also disappointed as we love babies and we're so looking forward to cuddles .
Brother just goes along with her.
Is this a new thing? My kids are nearly teens now and I've not seen this before .

Explain. I am not convinced the infant mortality rate has plummeted much in the past 25 years?

I'm reading all replies with interest and what's jumping out at me is the difference between attitudes, generally 15 years ago for example... and now.
When discussing uncomplicated and relatively straightforward pregnancies , tiredness and lack of enerygy for many if not all of us was a thing esp in the first and last trimester. Support as minimal. We were just expected to get on with it and we did so continued working and were bloody exhausted. Wai to Ed until last minute for maternity leave, cooked the dates etc so as to have lots of time on the other side .
CS were emergency unless elective for genuinely serious reasons and in my world were rare.
Things have changed so much. I expect it is because the world is busier.
I know from a midwife friend that CS has become more common in her part of the world due to obesity and private ob/gynaes.
But in my own family, children 👦 f friends, especially younger colleagues circle, So many expectant mums are signing off at 20/24 weeks with tiredness/ exhaustion etc. so many unable to go to work, shops, pick up their kids ir do anything that involves expending too much energy. They do not have complications, underlying medical issues, normally these women are fit and healthy pre pregnancy.
Then when baby is born, they are stressed , anxious , thinking their child has any number of diseases they r potential disease.
I wonder if it's a post Covid thing? I would love to hear opinions and observations from midwives and or Drs on this.

Of course there are limits/exceptions, in terms of (potential) abuse/harm, child being placed in care, child living with relatives in a kinship set up etc, but a parent will generally have more say than any other relatives.
There is no suggestion of the exceptions in any of OPs posts.

A new mother being rather worried about people touching her precious baby would make you be unhelpful and unsupportive forever? That’s not very nice. You realise it isn’t about you?

Ots her child she is allowed to enforce whatever boundaries she likes. She lets peolle gold the baby if she passes the baby on she probably fed up of people doing it from the cot by what you said. And a sign is better than having to repeat yourself to people who cannot just respect someone's wishes.

Cos so many newborns have died by being handled. Get real.

What is it with people feeling entitled to a newborn that isn't theirs.
Doesn't matter if that's not how you did it, becoming a parent is hard enough why on earth do you want to make it harder by making the new mum uncomfortable.
Its also medically sound to ask people not to kiss a baby, the herpes virus can kill a baby and have yous ever seen what rsv does to a baby? There's a reason gp's say to bring them straight to a&e at certain fevers and even mild breathing problems.
Imagine you ignoring this simple request and the baby catching something, it may not have been from you but what if it was, I personally would feel absolutely horrible.

And to those saying it builds their immune systems, their immune systems are not strong enough to handle that kind of bacteria and virus yet, how about you let their bodies get used to healthy bacteria first before forcing them to fight dangerous stuff.

It's about more than that though.

But she seems happy to dump her precious on others to give a bottle of change a nappy!

And there you have exactly what I am saying.
It's all about a massive power struggle.
Yes, patents have to ensure their child is safe but this desire to stamp their control over every family member is a modern thing without a doubt.

I agree in principle but there’s better ways than a sign to deal with this
unless theres been some massive issues with boundaries

I would of followed her wishes and have nothing to do with baby or asked about it

I agree with her, especially during winter when bugs are going mental! I had my son during lockdown and was quite relieved not to have to tell people not to kiss my newborn. I’ll certainly be telling people when my daughter is born!

You lost me at exposing babies to illnesses was the norm. It hasn’t been for a long long time because no one wants their tiny babies to die. It’s totally different from letting your 2yo eat dirt.

OP you sound quite entitled and your most recent post is a bit....odd. This new mother is quite within her rights to limit access to her tiny vulnerable baby (all newborns are vulnerable btw) and people can like it or not - I doubt that she cares.
Leave her be and stop passively aggressively slating her on the internet.

No one has the right to touch anyone else’s baby.

Sadly too many people overstep boundaries. Sounds as if you would ignore them from your comment.

Absolutely batshit I tell you.. Assuming the sign is aimed at family and not strangers in a supermarket sil is nuts....

An actual sign is just 🤪 In fact this thread is just insane and I say that having had a baby relatively recently.

Of course not. You are the one who seems concerned about establishing who has “rights over a baby” (and confusing it with issues around “consent” and “boundaries”) all of which I find deeply problematic .

Nobody has “rights over a baby”. A baby is an independent person, and they are the only “rights holders” in the scenario.

people have responsibilities to babies to care for them. primary (aka “parental” responsibility) resides with the legal parents, but others have responsibilities too. Parental responsibility is not about entitlement to power or control over what happens to the baby, it’s about having primary responsibility to act in the baby’s best interests and there are important limits to parental responsibility in place.

I guess the sign was a bit OTT but perhaps she felt uncomfortable saying it.

I had NICU babies in winter and I remember the nurses really hammering home to me how vital it was for them not to catch any bugs when they came home and to be careful who handles them in the early weeks. It did put the fear of God into me and I was an anxious first time Mum, so I can understand your SILs point here.

DD2 was born at Christmas. Spent most of Christmas Day sleeping in MIL's arms or getting a gentle cuddle with DC1 other than when she needed feeding.

Can't imagine telling family they aren't allowed to cuddle her. Bonkers.

I guess the sign was a bit OTT but perhaps she felt uncomfortable saying it

Especially so if the family members are like some of he posters on here - unsympathetic with hides like a rhino.

@Katypp you're welcome to do your own research about infant mortality rates. It's hardly been kept a secret. I'm sure you'll claim it's fake news though after your silly comment.

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/articles/trendsinbirthsanddeathsoverthelastcentury/2015-07-15

www.statista.com/statistics/1041714/united-kingdom-all-time-child-mortality-rate/

bigthink.com/health/child-mortality-progress/

I think it's a great sign to have. Infections & viruses seem sooo much more vicious post-Covid. I don't blame your SIL for trying to protect her newborn. Their immune systems are so weak at 3 weeks. I was incredibly anxious when my son was that small. Any sort of cough or cold near him made me feel awful and I wish I had the assertiveness back then to stop others handling him. I remember when a colleague stuck her thumb in his mouth (without washing her hands) to soothe him when he was crying. I internally lost my mind but didn't say anything.

Your comments make no sense, especially the 'top dog' one.
Parental responsibility does include power, if people are trying to force their actions on you or the child for whom you are responsible. OPs SIL has the power to prevent those who think it's their right to pick her baby up whenever they like.

People are shockingly selfish when it comes to newborn babies. Yes you want a cuddle but if every visitor does, mum is left empty-handed. Personally I wanted to hold my babies. I didn't want people kissing or touching them, especially in winter.
I didn't say no, and thankfully breast-fed so could easily take them back. I also wore my sling a lot.

But I had people, say "oh I'm just going to wake him up now, he won't mind"

She got a bollocking.

Someone else held up my 7 day old baby like a rugby ball. I honestly wanted to punch her.

There will be history of overstepping for her to have made that sign.