To be disappointed with SILs decision re new baby.

[ankara]

Respecting that all parents are quite within their rights to determine interaction between others and their babies, I am very disappointed and a bit 🙄 at SILs decision to put up a big sign at baby's cradle saying no touching , no lifting, no kissing.
There are no medical reasons for this. Baby is three weeks old.
None of the family have been allowed to do the above unless baby has been handed to family to give a bottle or r change baby.
I understand; that this is their first and is of course most precious but we are all a bit and also disappointed as we love babies and we're so looking forward to cuddles .
Brother just goes along with her.
Is this a new thing? My kids are nearly teens now and I've not seen this before .

Agree it’s not something I would dare do, so fair play to her. Well fair play to her? Why is it all on SIL and not her husband? You probably don’t know whether or not it was a joint decision. And as others have said, the baby is not a toy and you don’t have a RIGHT to hold and kiss her/him.

I agree with her. I assumed people would just know not to do these things with mine and have been sorely disappointed I wish I had the gumption to put a sign up, maybe even on the front door so that people don’t even come in 😂😂😂

I never understood the sense of entitlement that some people have with regards to other people’s babies. Op it’s very simple, it’s not your child so you are not entitled to newborn snuggles. I suspect the sign is because her boundary regarding her child wasn’t or wouldn’t be respected and she was making sure that there was no misunderstanding.

I was non fussed with DD but we didn’t have enough visitors (thank god) that warranted telling.

See i feel that this stuff just alienates families. I mean, if thats how she feels then fair enough, its her baby and she has every right to. But she cant then moan in a few months/years when no one wants to take her baby/toddler to give her a break because she pushed everyone away during the newborn phase 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't think it's "entitled" to want a cuddle with your new niece or nephew.

Surely most adults are sensible enough to not wake a baby, to not hold a baby if they're not well themselves, to wash their hands and not to kiss them?

Maybe she should compile an application form… it might help filter out the a^seholes.

Because it should be the mum or dad comforting their own baby…
I don’t even want other people feeding or changing my children. And it’s wholely unnecessary. We are their parents!

Healthy full term babies belong in families, not bubbles.

100% with the kissing & not picking the baby up from its bed when it's been put down but a hard no on the no touching no holding in general unless her husband isn't available.

At some point you have to bite the bullet & accept (ie. Stop allowing family members over or involvement at all) and face the fall out of that once the baby stage wears off.

Theres no reason these days to keep out anybody except the sick (contagious illnesses) & potentially frail (who could drop the baby) out of the way other then because she simply doesn't want family involved in this stage which will have a knock on effect later on & I dont see how the OP is "the one who the sign was made for" it sounds like a knock off of the woman on facebook that once put a sign on her pram asking people to not touch the baby (though that was outside of the house & involving overly friendly strangers to be fair)

Shame you have such people in your family. I didn't.

Sounds so weird and OTT to me but then I didn't have endless people demanding newborn cuddles and I don't know anyone who did! I saw lots of friends and family but only a few wanted to / asked to hold her. Nobody asked to change her or feed her. It's more like, quick look at the baby and a proper chat with me to see how I'm doing.

I'd have to assume that SiL has an inconsiderate family who are likely to ignore her wishes so she feels she has to make her feelings super clear. It's not what I would do but there's got to be a reason, unless she's a bit neurotic.

I have a 20 year old a 7 year old and 1 year old . My kids have had antibiotics 3 time between them, traveled the world , run around in the garden shoeless all year round and I never did any of this . So I get what you mean as I think it’s so exaggerated and probably won’t do the babies any favours to keep them in a complete sterile environment.
This being said , they are the parents and it’s up to them to decide no matter how much word they seem to us .
If my sister did this I would be very disappointed too and would love a cuddle with the nephews , thankfully she as a sound mind lol 😜

You say you respect that it's not your baby but your comments suggest otherwise.

I'm also unimpressed by your attitude to the sign. Hardly pleasant of you to suggest something negative about mum because she won't let you do what you want with her newborn.

As for medical reasons, there are plenty. We've got scarlet fever, RSV and a whole range of respiratory viruses running through otherwise healthy babies and small children here for a start. I wouldn't be taking any unnecessary risks to placate an adult, especially one who really should know better.

Why didn't they stay home?

How things have changed...when I came home with four week prem DS, his big sister (7at the time) and our neighbourhood kids sat on the floor in a circle and took turns holding him passing him round like a rugby ball...he turned into a big strapping rugby player.

However, at the mo with all the crap and covid still going round I guess people think differently now.

I also remember when my siblings and cousins were being born ( which round have been through the 80’s mostly, a couple in the earlys 90’s) being taken to see them in hospital. You went down to the nursery ward with a little sign with the baby’s name and held it up at the glass. The nurses brought the crib to the window and you admired through the glass. Never held them except siblings on the return home. Had to sit on sofa and wiggle right back then they would pass them for a cuddle ( maybe two minutes). After that I genuinely don’t remember handling them much till about two or three months old. No problems bonding. I’m not sure not having everyone handle a new baby is such a modern idea …

She sounds crazy the world really has gone completely bonkers!

Give it a few weeks/months she'll be begging for one of you to take the baby not just for a cuddle but for a few hours-days rest.

I don't think it's "entitled" to want a cuddle with your new niece or nephew.

I think it's weird tbh.

This.

I can understand no kisses due to the herpes risk in newborns. But a sign is utterly ridiculous. Just mention it to people and say why. PPs are correct the baby is not a toy. They are a member of a wide, extended family and bonds between family members should be encouraged, not barriers put in place.

Jeezo. I'm with you OP. I've got a newborn and while I don't want people touching his mouth or picking him up while he's asleep, I am delighted that my friends and family want to cuddle him. The most important thing I can do at this point for his immune system is breastfeed him so I'm focusing on ensuring that goes well.

I'm a Dr and though it has been a while since I did paediatrics, my DH is an infectious diseases doctor so I'm confident I am well advised!

The mums I've met in real life are happy for people to hold their babies too, but I guess that's self selecting - people who are anxious about anyone coming near their baby are probably not taking them out to the new mum groups etc.

I find it utterly pathetic, thank goodness I had my babies years ago. They were held, “ passed around “ , cuddled by the family / visitors, all done with love.
What a wussy society we have become.

What is her husband like? Is he the one that's making all the rules? He seems a bit controlling. As for the no picking up I agree with. I've got some smokers in the family so I make rules for everyone to avoid singling people out. I definitely didn't allow anyone to kiss my baby and asked them not to pick the baby up unless they ask and wash their hands first. If the baby was trying to sleep then I'd say no.

At the moment there's so many colds and bugs going around I wouldn't want loads of people holding my baby. Since covid i think almost everyone are more paranoid of passing on colds and flus as well as covid.

It's a wonder anyone is alive giving all the medical advice we apparently now know!

It's actually amazing man kind has been living as long as they have.

Also my reasons are loosely based on health. Generally, it’s because it’s my baby, they’re not
toys and I want to hold them and
feed them and change them and I don’t want other people doing it. They are my babies and I want my babies on me, with me, without others interfering. I hate other people holding my babies. No matter who they are.
kissing, absolutely is a health reason and you’re an idiot quite frankly if you don’t see that. Newborns also rely on their mums smell to bond properly, and to comfort them, which means they need their mum above any one else. I hate that people come to see the baby and expect to hold them. How about to and help out in other ways, food cleaning laundry drinks…the baby right now is meant to be in mums arms 👍🏼 let them be there and be helpful in a different way if you actually want to help. But it seems to me people don’t want to actually help, they want to hold the baby. And quite frankly I’d rather they didn’t come in that case.

I think your attitude is the weird one here.