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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed with SILs decision re new baby.

885 replies

ankara · 26/12/2023 09:02

Respecting that all parents are quite within their rights to determine interaction between others and their babies, I am very disappointed and a bit 🙄 at SILs decision to put up a big sign at baby's cradle saying no touching , no lifting, no kissing.
There are no medical reasons for this. Baby is three weeks old.
None of the family have been allowed to do the above unless baby has been handed to family to give a bottle or r change baby.
I understand; that this is their first and is of course most precious but we are all a bit Confused and also disappointed as we love babies and we're so looking forward to cuddles .
Brother just goes along with her.
Is this a new thing? My kids are nearly teens now and I've not seen this before .

OP posts:
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6
Dearover · 27/12/2023 17:59

@peakygold Exactly! Couldn't have put it better myself. A sign isn't going to prevent an idiot with a cold from visiting regardless.

mayorofcasterbridge · 27/12/2023 18:01

I don't care what the 'circumstances' are but putting a sign like that on the cot is patently ridiculous.

I'd be tempted to write beneath it, "thank god, no babysitting either then"!!!!

Precious and pathetic!!

CatMadam · 27/12/2023 18:03

Katypp · 27/12/2023 09:38

I think it's the superior air evident in this response that sort of proves the point to me.
As if the poster is the only one to have ever had a baby, her relatives' experience and knowledge counts for nothing and also the smug assumption that everyone will be so desperate to greet her new Prince/Princess.they will forget themselves and she will have to act as the gatekeeper. It's breathtakingly rude and entitled but apparently having a baby gives you the right to behave like this. Madness

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What’s entitled about wanting people to wash their hands and not take them out of their bed/away from their mum? Surely it’s much more rude and entitled to think you deserve to steamroll over the new parents’ wishes and pick up their baby whenever?

Snowdogsmitten · 27/12/2023 18:04

Well, I didn’t mind people holding or feeding my baby for me, until she was in intensive care on a ventilator for three weeks at two weeks old, and again at six weeks, after people asked to hold her and hid that they were or had been sick. They thought she had been exposed to herpes and had multiple courses of antivirals, antibiotics… at one point she had five cannulas in her tiny body and her heart stopped.

She had no prior issues.

So I can’t really mock your SIL for taking precautions. This time of year is full of bugs.

MikeRafone · 27/12/2023 18:07

YouveGotAFastCar · 26/12/2023 09:19

This is exactly what midwives have been advising at every antenatal appointment for ages. At least three years.

its not happening in Trafford, never mentioned

Rocksonabeach · 27/12/2023 18:07

90yomakeuproom · 26/12/2023 09:07

I agree with your SIL and wish I'd have had the balls to do that.
When I had a newborn with a stream of people and someone said 'I need to have a go now' I was about to blow my top!
Like pp said, they're babies not toys!

I too wish I had the balls to say that. It was like pass the fucking parcel with mine - good for her

mayorofcasterbridge · 27/12/2023 18:07

RandomButtons · 26/12/2023 23:23

Quite simply her circus her monkeys.

Have a bit more empathy and medical respect.

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WTAF is "medical respect"????

This place gets more insane by the day!

TempyBrennan · 27/12/2023 18:07

I think the sign is weird but also her comfortable way to not have to repeat herself everytime someone says ‘it’s my turn’
i absolutely hated the pass the parcel and stopped it after it’s first run, wish I had her confidence at the beginning.

twinmum2007 · 27/12/2023 18:10

Blimey. I had twins and I would hand them to anyone who I thought could help. Didn't have enough hands to be all PFB over them.

BooBooDoodle · 27/12/2023 18:10

I think it’s a generational thing. I’m early 40’s. Late 20’s and mid 30’s when I had mine. I didn’t allow anyone to disturb mine if they were sleeping but I allowed them to be snuggled and picked up, kissed etc. I work with 4 first time mums and they are really precious beings to say the least. They had all these rules and regulations and their babies are constantly ill. Not sure if it’s related but they over protect and over mother their kids and panic with any onset of a sniffle in case they take it home. I agree with having boundaries but this seems over the top to me. People are quite soft and pretentious these days, especially younger adults.

Youregoingthewrongway · 27/12/2023 18:14

only got to page two of replies but this is typical mumsnet bollocks. Boundaries! Signs! Not play things! Utterly ridiculous. Before all this nonsense came about, babies were held by relatives and friends, kissed by the postman, tickled by the next door neighbour (these are not euphemisms btw!) and amazingly they survived!!!! People need to stop being so bloody precious and pretentious and realise that babies are pretty robust……way more robust that all these silly whinging snowflakes.

Blanketpolicy · 27/12/2023 18:15

The sign is a bit much, but maybe she feels no one will respect her wishes without it. It is not good for a new mum's confidence if those around her try to over rule her or make her feel she isn't doing it right - if you are doing that you need to stop it, tell her you would love a cuddle but agree she is doing the right thing being a bit careful in the middle of flu season when they are so tiny and admire the baby from a distance.

You can get your hold another time. Holding someone elses 3 week old baby is pretty non eventful and not essential.

DetectiveDouche · 27/12/2023 18:16

That’s irrelevant as to when you will see the baby? It’s not about your needs. This is normal now. We live in a post Covid world. I have a newborn granddaughter and I have held her but not near my face. It makes sense so you need to get your head around it I’m afraid

secondspring · 27/12/2023 18:20

See how she is at 6 weeks! She might be desperate for someone to hold the baby.

Whippetlovely · 27/12/2023 18:20

Sounds a bit OTT , to be honest I think if people are that worried about thier babies getting sick then they would breastfeed them and make sure they have the antibodies from mum to protect them from getting sick. She’s not so therefore putting her baby at risk is her own doing

mayorofcasterbridge · 27/12/2023 18:20

Cazareeto1 · 27/12/2023 17:55

when my youngest was born he was 4 weeks early, my sister travelled up from England to Scotland to come and meet him. She and her 2 year old daughter had the Australia flu which was about at the time. She allowed her daughter snotty nosed to climb in and out of his little Moses basket, putting snot all over it, was only bed I had for him at that point due to his age, sister was insisting on picking him everytime I left the room kissing him. (She had 4 children,3 much older, adults, only one with her) I kept asking her not to hold him due her being so ill, asked her to keep her daughter out of Moses basket, she got offended and left to stay with another family member. My baby boy became unresponsive and had to be rushed to hospital where he spent 2 weeks in intensive care!! No babies do not do well with flus and peoples bugs! She has sign up because family do not listen and will lift and hold them when they think you don’t know and use the excuse they where crying even when they are not! I think she is completely in the right going by my experience! You should respect her boundaries and stop making it about you! You are being completely selfish! You have your babies and got new born stages, this is their child and their boundaries! They do not want a sickly baby or someone who has the cold sore virus kissing their baby! Sorry but grow up and get real! This a baby with no immune system you need to get real on how quickly and how sick babies can get, I nearly lost my baby because of ppl like you! Who came ill to see a new born instead of cancelling the visit until better. Don’t be a asshole!

Just because your sister was selfish and stupid doesn't mean that most people aren't.

Nobody ever kissed my babies but family members did get to hold them. They'd have totally taken the piss out of me if I'd put a sign up ffs - and they'd have been right!!!

Maybe she could compile an application form too?

Heyhoitsme · 27/12/2023 18:21

I had my baby in Germany. While in hospital a visitor was holding her friend's baby. The nurse got very cross telling her that her outdoor coat could hold all manner of germs.

Jk8 · 27/12/2023 18:24

Pay her back on the kids first birthday with 'sorry we don't know this child well enough to be available/spend money/travel over but we'll send a card'

Chunkychips23 · 27/12/2023 18:25

I have a newborn the same age. I’d LOVE to put up a sign.

My baby is not a toy to be passed around. What gives you the entitlement that you’re owed cuddles from someone else’s child?! It’s baffling

Emotionalsupportviper · 27/12/2023 18:26

Very probably trying to settle baby into a routine and keep him/her calm and placid,

They're doing the right thing

SpudleyLass · 27/12/2023 18:26

Jk8 · 27/12/2023 18:24

Pay her back on the kids first birthday with 'sorry we don't know this child well enough to be available/spend money/travel over but we'll send a card'

I hope SIL pays her back by finding this thread and banning the OP completely

Pretty sure at this point the sign was intended for OP, who has been completely insensitive about her SIL's health status.

I also wish some older mums on this thread would realise advice has changed since they had their babies.

Justforxmas2023 · 27/12/2023 18:27

Whippetlovely · 27/12/2023 18:20

Sounds a bit OTT , to be honest I think if people are that worried about thier babies getting sick then they would breastfeed them and make sure they have the antibodies from mum to protect them from getting sick. She’s not so therefore putting her baby at risk is her own doing

Oh for goodness sake.
You surely understand that not everyone who wants to breastfeed is able to?
If you are educated enough to know about antibodies then surely you know breastfeeding is not always possible for various medical reasons.
Ignorant cruel comment.

Greymustard · 27/12/2023 18:27

I wish I had done this when mine were born. The relatives rocked up within hours of the births and passed them around like pass the parcel and I had to sit politely by because I thought it was the right thing to do.

I remember one uncle squeezing right in with a huge booger hanging out of his nose... The eldest was fine, but for the youngest, repeated HIB infections resulted in collapsed lungs and permanent damage.

If she doesn't want people slobbering over her baby good for her. I regret not having the balls to make a sign... I should have put it on the front door telling them all to F off.

Knowing how it felt for me, when my grandchildren arrive I plan on respecting whatever boundaries my daughters in law decide to put in place, and hope for healthy and happy mothers and child.

Chaos86 · 27/12/2023 18:32

It’s RSV season, symptoms in adults are mild, however it can cause serious complications and in worst case death in tiny babies. Not to mention that Covid is rife also.

RSV cases in babies have risen in the last few years and the advice to minimise contact after the first few weeks of birth is given widely, however, some people like to ignore medical advice and she probably feels like she might not be listened to hence the sign. Just because you all like babies it doesn’t mean you get a free pass to play pass the baby as much as you like then hand them back to mum all disturbed and unsettled.

I like chocolate but I don’t think I’m entitled to a piece every time one of my family members has a chocolate bar.

Good on her. She’s set a boundary around herself and her child, starting as she means to go on.