To be disappointed with SILs decision re new baby.

[ankara]

Respecting that all parents are quite within their rights to determine interaction between others and their babies, I am very disappointed and a bit 🙄 at SILs decision to put up a big sign at baby's cradle saying no touching , no lifting, no kissing.
There are no medical reasons for this. Baby is three weeks old.
None of the family have been allowed to do the above unless baby has been handed to family to give a bottle or r change baby.
I understand; that this is their first and is of course most precious but we are all a bit and also disappointed as we love babies and we're so looking forward to cuddles .
Brother just goes along with her.
Is this a new thing? My kids are nearly teens now and I've not seen this before .

@Meowandthen ONLY on Mumsnet would anyone think that putting up a sign like this is normal. Ffs. 🤦‍♀️. If that means I lack empathy then I'm more than happy with that!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

@irisgg7 then it's probably better to say you won't force your opinion on me.

Thanks. Agreed.

The sign is a bit much but it saves her from being anxious, good on her!

What a flipping idiotic thing to say. Hundreds of thousands of babies and children die every year around the globe from viruses and bacteria. That’s why we have vaccines and paediatric medicine.

Anxiety so bad you don't want your dc touched is very sad.. Hope she is getting treatment..

But she hasn’t said she doesn’t want the baby touched. She just doesn’t want the baby being passed around just for the sake of people wanting hugs which is very different

She won’t be. She will be being pandered to.

As she should be right now.

You hope she is getting treatment for following the medical advice?

Some posters lack basic common sense.

If you can’t be pandered to when you have a newborn when can you be?

I get washing hands, I get not kissing and honestly I even understand wearing masks with the risk of RSV and other things (having just navigated RSV with youngest) but I don't understand not letting relatives hold a baby unless they are ill, just stepped off a plane, or the baby is medically frail/complex as one of mine is. In no way is letting grandparents or aunt/uncles hold a baby equating the baby to a doll or play thing. They are excited to be with a new member of the family. I'd embrace it.

Read your last post with interest @ankara I have a larger family so have dc your kids age and an infant/emerging toddler. I do think people are far more anxious generally now but often misguided and seem to worry about things that don't benefit greatly from that level of anxiety.

I did chuckle at the breastfeeding comments your brother made - maybe her not breastfeeding means she's more anxious about germs? Not saying non breastfeeding mothers are more anxious or making any correlation with all parents, but seems like your brother & SIL go back/forth a lot on opinions. Parenthood may be humbling for them as it is for us all.

She is not breastfeeding because she found it very painful , which it is . However they are blaming the lack of lactation consultants on that. She says she is very angry that she is not able to breastfeed her baby which I understand . She fed baby for two days. The bottles are suiting better especially with her cs wound, which is understandable.

Wow she is having a challenging time do i dont blame her one bit. She wants to breastfeed but finding it really difficult must be horrible for her.

Honestly I kind of admire her. It's her baby and it's about her being able to choose whether there's holding, who holds, and when.

I spent Christmas with my absolutely lovely, very pro-baby in-laws (massive extended family) when my baby was 3 weeks old. She was passed from one family member to another, they were all doting and very careful, no one was ill, she was perfectly safe and just snoozed, but I remember finding it really hard watching her being handed from one person to another for what felt like ages (probably about half an hour) whilst my arms felt empty. I think everyone assumed I would welcome a break but that wasn't where I was. I've always wished that I'd felt less worried about offending people (who I now think would really have understood!) by asking for her back!

It’s her baby, she is allowed to set boundaries. I think you’re the one who needs to get a grip if that’s so shocking to you.

Have a look at how many babies have suffered with RSV and hospitalised this winter, I don't blame her.

Also, pragmatically, where we are there is the mother of all D&V bugs on the loose so on that basis alone I wouldn't blame her for being careful.

From reading all posts and my brother providing daily updates in his wife's pregnancy , I do not believe that she is overly anxious but do understand that it is their first . I Did find that sign very odd however. It doesn't make sense to me .

She doesn't want baby lifted etc unless it needs to be fed or changed , then anyone available if her husband is not, is allowed. Perhaps this this is her health visitors advice but from the moment the pregnancy was announced , this baby and pregnancy was surrounded by drama, when there actually was no medical reason for that according to herself. She was having a caesarean from the word go. The reason being she was too slim to deliver baby naturally but I don t know anything about that.

Now That they are with my mum and
All the family, the germs and anxiety argument goes out the window . The place is full of school going
Kids and working adults , some
Who work in health settings .

They have their own home. Brother is home all the time. I must be old fashioned or behind the times . It makes no sense to me .
Unless it's just general support, which is totally understandable.

Ooof. Wind your neck in OP. I explicitly told v close family members, who I trusted, to not kiss my new baby, and lo and behold, they did! People who I know suffer from cold sores! It was very distressing as a new mother. Others turned up with heavy colds and coughs. So no, you can’t trust anyone, the only way to avoid the risk, is to not allow anyone to hold them.

This thread is about no touching, no lifting , no kissing sign on a cradle . No contact, unless husband is not available and then it's anyone who is free. Please re read opening post, and subsequent updates .

And I’m not really even sure what the reasoning is. It IS her first child. Or does it mean that each generation should get slacker with their childcare because they constitute a lower percentage of babies ever born ? Or that plenty of other people have got them so we can risk a few? Or what?

People have read your posts. They have read your lack of empathy and the amount of judgement. Many still agree you are being unreasonable.