To be disappointed with SILs decision re new baby.

[ankara]

Respecting that all parents are quite within their rights to determine interaction between others and their babies, I am very disappointed and a bit 🙄 at SILs decision to put up a big sign at baby's cradle saying no touching , no lifting, no kissing.
There are no medical reasons for this. Baby is three weeks old.
None of the family have been allowed to do the above unless baby has been handed to family to give a bottle or r change baby.
I understand; that this is their first and is of course most precious but we are all a bit and also disappointed as we love babies and we're so looking forward to cuddles .
Brother just goes along with her.
Is this a new thing? My kids are nearly teens now and I've not seen this before .

No, but I don’t pass my 39 year old husband around the room because everyone else thinks they have a right to cuddle him and people don’t walk into my 10 year olds bedroom and pick her up from her sleep.

People do treat babies as toys to play with sometimes, passing them about, picking them up and disturbing their sleep, refusing to give them back to their mother when they are clearly distressed. Christ, there has been threads on here over the years by women pissed off that family have taken it upon themselves to keep changing their tiny babies clothes to ones of their own liking like they are a doll.

It’s completely different.

Sometimes if there hasn't been a baby in the family recently, you don't know whether people will be respectful or not, so wouldn't necessarily known whether to put off inviting them.
Some are perfectly chill people but become infected with baby rabies once they're born! It happens!

@Angelsrose A two Way street is understanding that people have different paths. They navigate the street differently.

A one way street is insisting you get to choose the path, even when it's not your child and medical advice is clear to shield newborn babes.

They won't care that you refuse to babysit, they will be relived, because you disrespected their wishes and put their child in danger...all because you wanted to cuddle a vulnerable baby. It will be your loss.

The poor woman has had to resort to making a sign. I expect she knows what the OP and the rest of the family are like if she’s had the foresight to do that.

Not sure why you posted this at me. I didn’t have this problem, but obviously others do. You should be able to see/ understand that right?

You rather cancel than a sign, that’s your choice, but just because you can do that, doesn’t mean it is so easy for others.

Not everyone especially new mums feel they have the immediate courage/confidence to do so and that doesn’t even include how their DH would feel about this and the reactions understanding or negative regardless of intent from parents, in-laws, siblings, etc. Either the sign or cancelling obviously makes someone annoyed, doesn’t it and I bet some rather see the baby than not see them at all.

A much wanted baby is still that of the parents and a little sign wouldn’t offend me if I saw it because I can understand why.

I’m really surprised at peoples reactions! When my DD was born in 2018 I posted that I was upset as she was being passed around all the relatives and one was eating food, licked her fingers then held my baby. I was told I’m too precious and will make my baby neurotic! That’s so funny as you’re all saying this is apparently normal now?! I would never have put up a sign btw that would be crazy.

sorry posted too soon. It was a party MIL had organised when my DD was 5 weeks old. There were 50 odd people there in the venue at least. Most MIL friends and her side of the family. It was horrendous. I still remember it. I was breast feeding and had a room to do it in and the old aunties gathered around me watching me lol! Bear in mind I had never met these women. How come everyone’s opinion had changed now that’s funny

their “loss” that they don’t get the privilege of babysitting the second coming of Christ 😆. Some new parents are too funny. If babysitting were such a privilege childcare wouldnt be so exorbitantly expensive.

I would just leave it.

Ignore the baby and go home as planned.

When you see them in a few months, let them decide what contact is allowed with baby and if it’s the same situation, then ignore the baby again.

If they want to be standoffish don’t run around after them.

It's entirely possible that mum had a bad experience from a precious visitor who barged in open armed to grab the baby without asking, so the sign might be in response to something like that.
While I agree a sign is a bit ott, we don't know her reasoning. I'd totally get if she had a bad experience. Hormones are all-over the place so a sign may have been her way to feel a bit more in control.

I think the vast majority of people would ask or wait to be offered, too, but there are entitled family members or friends who might overstep, causing a reaction like that sign. As op said she did hand baby to people in person, so maybe she just wanted baby to be left in its cot while sleeping etc or simply wanted to chose who to pass baby to etc herself, which I feel I reasonable.

@irisgg7 You do what you like and what makes you feel comfortable. Allow others the grace to do the same.

Me too!

It it's true then I don't blame her. It was so disruptive trying to establish feeding and resting when every visitor would carry and jiggle my DC. They aren't toys.
I didn't have visitors second time around so I could recover and bf.

That’s what’s known as malicious obedience.

How is it self absorbed and entitled to put the safety of your baby over the need of someone to cuddle/kiss/whatever else a baby? Clearly OP is not that close as she states this is the only time she will see the baby in several months so this is not someone who is going to be offering regular childcare in future.

of course a newborn baby is not a prize possession- they aren’t a possession of anyone at all. As the mother of 3 month old who happens to err on the side of caution I don’t identify with what you say about conferring status or power at all. It’s very far from my way of thinking and this mother is just trying to keep her tiny baby safe while she gets to grip with things. Yes she’s possibly gone a bit OTT with the sign but she’s 3 weeks postpartum, hormonal and finding her feet as a new mum so think she could probably do with a bit of kindness rather than people telling her she’s pathetic/power hungry or whatever.

honestly some of these posts!

In Ireland we have been told by the HSE to cocoon small babies and not let lots of people hold them due to RSV and flu being rampant and babies getting very ill from it

Who are these people who are snatching, pawing and monopolising newborn babies? I can't say I've ever come across any of them.
I've also never come across anyone who would think it normal to put a 'do not touch' sign over a baby either.
I would tegard this sign as attention seeking and overly dramatic and totally unneccessary. The problem with pushing away oldergenerations as a pp mentioned and taking all advice from an echo chamber of like-minded people is there are no checks and balances.
There are plenty saying this is completely normal and others need to butt out, but it really isn't.

@Angelsrose mine are late teens now, so good luck to anyone trying to cuddle them.

You can't flip back that you have made some awful comments and that you are willing to exclude yourself from a family member because you didn't get your own way when they were babies 🙄

You made very clear statements about not helping someone if you couldn't have your own way....

It's not your baby, you don't get to choose. Calling for grace now, it's bit late for that 😂

@Katypp it makes perfect sense that you think the sign is dramatic and unnecessary if you’ve not had the misfortune of dealing with overbearing relatives who won’t give back your crying baby/insist on kissing them on the face etc.
Sadly these people do exist. The sign is clearly not aimed at people who behave sensibly. It’s a shame this OPs SIL felt it would be necessary but it probably speaks volumes about her past experiences of behaviour of the family.

@Tandora

No child is the second coming of christ..but please explain why it's so important to hold a delicate newborn (when health advice is to shield them) and why if you don't get your way you will cut them out?

Babysitting Is a privilege when you love a child. It's a wonderful thing to do, so many memories are built on babysitting.

It's exorbitantly priced when someone doesn't love and cherish your child!! When someone does, it's a gift to them and your child, they are bonding and building memories.

See that's the time to make bonds, not when they are 4 weeks old, and just need mum.

Because your entire argument it based on your wants, your desires, not what's best for a tiny baby.

@irisgg7 there's no backtracking as I have not been in this situation. I am not currently in this situation. Commenting that some may be unwilling to participate in future babysitting is not evil or nasty. It's simply a possibility to be considered. You have to accept in life that others will think differently to you and you can't control that.

@Angelsrose I never said it was nasty or evil..
It is ALWYAS the parents decision, you have to accept that, they are looking after their child, a tiny baby, who is seceptible to every bug and some Nasty winter viruses. (and following medical advice)

Refusing to babysit because you didn't get to snuggle a newborn, yes that's nasty. But ultimately it will be you that is worse off.
The joy of children and babysitting, that's a parents choice. No one will ask if you have been such a self centred adult when they were 4 weeks old!

A sign is a bit OTT but they’re not unreasonable rules. New babies shouldn’t be kissed by people - they are at serious risk from things like cold sores and respiratory viruses. And it’s not in the baby’s interests to be picked up and passed around by people - new babies really only want to be held by their parents, quick cuddles with others are of course fine but the parents should be able to decide if and when it’s the right time.

Maybe your sister in law feels the sign is needed as people might not listen to her otherwise, or maybe she feels less awkward with it written down. I know why you think it’s too much but I also totally understand why she’s anxious about having loads of relatives descending and all wanting a cuddle - she had to do what’s best for her and her baby.

Agree to disagree, it's that simple. You will always have your view and I shall have mine. I personally have not refused babysitting on this basis (birds of a feather tend to flock together so it is not normal for me to see people putting such a sign over their baby's cot) I can certainly understand that some people would.

Angelsrose · Today 12:47

@Meowandthen I think it is simply the risk that this new mother is taking. It is alright for everyone to do what they think is best as I already said. However one cannot expect to have everything just as they would like it, it's not real life nor is it realistic. If you don't want people to ever hold your baby then those same people may not feel particularly bonded to the child and may feel uncomfortable having contact with the child or babysitting in the future. I'm not sure what's difficult for you to understand about that.Angelsrose · Today 12:47

@Meowandthen I think it is simply the risk that this new mother is taking. It is alright for everyone to do what they think is best as I already said. However one cannot expect to have everything just as they would like it, it's not real life nor is it realistic. If you don't want people to ever hold your baby then those same people may not feel particularly bonded to the child and may feel uncomfortable having contact with the child or babysitting in the future. I'm not sure what's difficult for you to understand about that.
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Two of your posts. no ,I'm not agreeing to disagree. You are suggesting people will not feel bonded to a child, because they couldn't hold a four week old (vulnerable to infection) baby.
You said that would make you uncomfortable bonding or offering babysitting years later?
You would prefer to refuse contact with a family member because you didn't get a hug at 4 weeks?

Actually yes, one (a new mum)can expect to have everything just as they like it, they may need a sign. Powerful women can insist on exactly what they want!