To be disappointed with SILs decision re new baby.

[ankara]

Respecting that all parents are quite within their rights to determine interaction between others and their babies, I am very disappointed and a bit 🙄 at SILs decision to put up a big sign at baby's cradle saying no touching , no lifting, no kissing.
There are no medical reasons for this. Baby is three weeks old.
None of the family have been allowed to do the above unless baby has been handed to family to give a bottle or r change baby.
I understand; that this is their first and is of course most precious but we are all a bit and also disappointed as we love babies and we're so looking forward to cuddles .
Brother just goes along with her.
Is this a new thing? My kids are nearly teens now and I've not seen this before .

I’m always shocked at the vengeful “They’ll be sorry when nobody’s interested when the baby’s 18 months.” I can’t imagine that someone who doesn’t form a relationship with their grandchildren or nieces and nephews because they weren’t given free rein with them as newborns is someone very nice. Loads of people don’t live near wider family but still have loving relationships with grandchildren etc. despite not giving them bottles or even seeing them in early infancy. I’m glad my Newcastle grandma wasn’t like that!

Exactly. Most of my relatives lived at distances ranging from 2000 to 5000 miles away, and I didn't meet most of them as a young baby - still established loving relationships with them.

And 18-month-olds are social beings in a way that newborns aren't, and can interact with visiting relatives, rather than simply being handled. It's a different sort of relationship.

Even apart from parents' expectations, people can be 'good with babies' and not with walking, talking children, and vice versa.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄do you not cuddle your DP, or your kids??

are they toys??

YABU

If you think you holding a baby a few weeks old is going to help it bond to you, you’re ridiculous. Mine is two months old and only the grandparents who’ve been staying with us (all healthy) and hcps have held her. When we go out, she is in a sling covered by my coat or under a cover because I don’t want her getting sick and it being cold/flu season on top of other viruses going around including rsv.

You’re not the one who is going to be up all night worrying or dealing with a crying baby if the newborn does become sick or staying in a hospital with them if it gets bad.

I will also add that some babies don’t like being passed around or held by others either. My first didn’t mind, my second was fine except for specific people he didn’t seem to like holding him, but my two month old is only now letting DH hold her for 5-10 minutes, otherwise she cries until she either wears herself out (sometimes only to start again) or falls asleep. I pick her up and she immediately stops and cuddles into me.

Both our parents live faraway from us and my dad didn’t meet my oldest until he was almost one and our second when he was five months due to his own health issues at the time. They’re 8 and 6 now and they know who he is and climb and jump on him when he visits and talks to him when he calls. He has been video calling them every week since they were born. Our parents have little physical contact due to distance yet they still have a bond with our children where they are comfortable enough to go out with them without us.

OP if you can’t be bothered later because you can’t hold the newborn now then you don’t deserve to bond with the baby to begin with.

Another delightful post - maybe it's Christmas bringing out the horrors on here.

@ToWhitToWhoo

Bullies do the "well don't come asking for help at 18m"

Attitude solely based on their annoyance at not having their own way!

Best to keep your children away from said people.

YANBU OP. The world has gone nuts. See also threads on taking babies with colds to A&E, advertisements for weird animal themed cushioning devices that you strap to a newly toddling baby in case they fall 🤣 and threads where posters lose their shit when someone suggests plugging toddlers into IPADS all day isn’t great for their wellbeing. It’s modern parenting at it’s finest 😃

Yes it is. Are you trying to say signs above cribs is the norm?

RSV is a leading cause of infant mortality resulting in 20 to 30 deaths per year and results in approximately 33,500 hospitalisations. Newborn babies are particularly susceptible.

As RSV incidence is extremely high in the UK at the moment, the medical advice is to protect newborn babies as much as possible.

Yes, you didn’t mind but, OP’s brother and SIL do as is their right as parents. You choosing to do so is your choice and as the mum nothing wrong with that as it isn’t wrong for OP’s brother and SIL not wanting their newborn passed around.

It's cold season and she doesn't fancy her child who is only a few weeks old being passed around lots of potentially infectious people like a toy. Good for her. As someone with a 3 month old baby with a cold. Having a baby this time of year is so hard!

I don’t see it as being about being vengeful. It’s about the parents attitude towards their wider family and friends. Some parents are so self absorbed and entitled. They think their baby is some kind of prize possession that they can use to confer status and power, because of the love and interest that others have in their baby, all the while totally failing to recognise, value and support/ nurture that love and those relationships and the importance of them. In my experience that attitude continues, until of course parents inevitably need / want help, then all of a sudden that “family” are expected to drop everything and be at their service. People understandably end up feeling unvalued, trodden on a used When involved in a dynamic like that. It’s completely one sided. Another attitude says that babies are not possessions but individuals born into a family. Yes the primary and most important bond is with the parents, but other family members are important too and those relationships should be valued, respected and nurtured as independent in their own right.

Well said

@Mumof2NDers My in laws all had coldsores...the entire freaking family. would you have been happy then?

Your experiences don't represent 'the real world' anymore than MN does.

I agree that the sign seems a tad extreme, but then again constantly being questioned and having to justify yourself isn't great either. Perhaps she's also not been listened to in the past.

Wish everyone followed suit and put a sign up - save me having to coo and pretend I want a hold. Obviously I’m weird but no interest in holding babies at all.

@Tandora as this thread illustrates perfectly, some relatives are also self absorbed and entitled.

Or has friends she has heard stories from or been here on MN.

Not everyone is lucky to have family members who can respect boundaries and will listen to new parents without eye-rolling or fuss.

😂

Brother just goes along with her.

Ugh I HATE it when men are seen to be the weak enablers rather than an equal parent having an equal decision. It’s NEVER that the men are the instigators it’s always the princessy women right

It was aggressive because you called me a gaslighter, intimated that I didn't support new mums etc. I'm happy to have a conversation but you came across as unnecessarily aggressive to me. I'm okay thank you.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience and your MIL stuck her fingers in your baby's mouth, that is bizarre and i honestly didn't realise people did this? I get it, I honestly felt out of my depth, even though I felt territorial and my MIL annoyed me, I am glad I was able to ask for support, as I needed it.

I'm pretty sure if I was on MN when I was pregnant I would have thought the sign was necessary as I had no clue what to expect. MN is so supportive sometimes but also would have freaked me out when I was pregnant. A sign though? Seriously, that's next level and I would be concerned about why that was necessary (it may well be the family's fault) and asking if she's okay and what she needs from me. If it was to ask people to leave or me to leave, then I would do that.

What?

Then don’t invite them. I’d rather cancel plans than go as far as putting a do not touch sign over a much wanted baby in the family

It's so weird the way people think they're entitled to "cuddles". Babies aren't teddies.

To all PPs who think being nasty is saying that people might not want to babysit or be involved if they feel shut out in the beginning, we have to agree to disagree. Stop thinking that all opinions have to be uniform. It's simply a possible consequence. You can control what YOU do but you cannot expect others to fall in line with your expectations! Everyone should do what they please. No-one should ever feel forced to do what makes them feel uncomfortable. Life is a two way street.

Sil would love me then, I don't like holding other peoples babies, family or otherwise. Mine were different obviously but I don't get the 'baby snuggles' bit 🤔