To be disappointed with SILs decision re new baby.

[ankara]

Respecting that all parents are quite within their rights to determine interaction between others and their babies, I am very disappointed and a bit 🙄 at SILs decision to put up a big sign at baby's cradle saying no touching , no lifting, no kissing.
There are no medical reasons for this. Baby is three weeks old.
None of the family have been allowed to do the above unless baby has been handed to family to give a bottle or r change baby.
I understand; that this is their first and is of course most precious but we are all a bit and also disappointed as we love babies and we're so looking forward to cuddles .
Brother just goes along with her.
Is this a new thing? My kids are nearly teens now and I've not seen this before .

She will most definitely look back in years to come and cringe but for now she’s in the bubble and can’t see the wood for the trees. Nothing you say will dissuade her from her way of doing things. It is a shame but it’s how it had to be.

This preciousness is IMO a new thing. And ‘fashionable’ if I can use such a word in this context.

Obviously nobody wants anyone with a cold or e.g. a cold sore anywhere near their baby, but otherwise surely it’s lovely for family to enjoy a cuddle with a new baby.

At 3 weeks my DD’s 3rd was passed around loads of ILs and their friends, but thank goodness dd has never been precious with her babies.

I don’t think you’ve been out of the game too long, I think people are just making rules up because they feel they can. I’m just had a 3rd baby who we nearly several times over the course of 6
months and are due a 4th soon. It would never occur to me ever to put a sign over my baby with a list of rules.
You don’t have to be an arsehole, just tell people if you don’t want them kissing them. People are way over the top now with this whole germ thing - at what point do you decide ‘ok they’re allowed to be in contact with germs now’.
Just ask family to wash their hands and have a bit of common sense in that if baby cries or is unhappy give back to mum, or don’t hold at that moment in time.

No babies aren’t toys, but they aren’t made of glass, they are family members and they also grow incredibly quickly - why shouldn’t people want to make the most of that time?

Put the baby at risk so Grandma can have her baby cuddles!

My family won’t be manipulating me by being “upset” when I set in my boundaries. I’m sure you’d be a lot more upset if grandchild ended up in hospital due to illness.

Sorry to ruin your sweeping generalisations but l had twins earlier this year. I worked until 35 weeks (average delivery date for twins is 35 weeks!). Only had 2 days of any sickness during the whole pregnancy, despite 12 weeks of morning sickness. It was only having covid that made me have to be off as l couldn’t take Lemsip, Night Nurse etc as l was pregnant. I had a c section as they were both breech. Took a written exam 3 months Post partum and passed it

In terms of your SIL: her baby = her rules

People are talking about in the past people not being so precious. But back in 1985 when I had my first, we stayed in hospital longer, were encouraged to rest once at home etc. I can't remember woman in general being out and about as early as they are now. I'm not criticising. I had to do the school run three days after birth and people were shocked by it. I got offers from neighbours to do it. Many people didn't mix until after the six week check.
For the last few years people have been advised to limit contact with vulnerable people. Not no mixing, just keep your distance, wash hands, cover coughs etc. There's doctors on every channel saying it. Hospitals are rammed, people aren't even getting corridors, they are being treated in chairs in the waiting room. It makes sense to be cautious over winter. For those saying "use your words" great if you are listened to.

She is a twat. Silly girl will learn soon enough when all friends and family steer away from her ultra clenched attitude. Her poor DH

*Ntttt" as a parent and grandparent I know not to kiss or cuddle a child if I have a cold etc. it's not just me wanting cuddles but bonding with my own flesh and blood.

Mine dc are now in early twenties. Most people went on maternity leave about a month before baby was due, rather than right up to the wire..

Putting a sign up is extremely strange.
Babies with siblings at school & nursery are going to catch illnesses sign or no sign.

A baby isn't a cuddly toy to be passed around.

Only on MN have I come across this preciousness, for generations babies were visited and cuddled. Be wise to remember the phrase it takes a village, starting out like this might find you short of help when you need it.
Also a bit cheeky that it's ok to lift if instructed to change or feed 🤣

The sign is unbearably precious. I didn't mind people holding my babies.

I’d like to bring balance to the older/younger viewpoints on this, as I’m currently 34 weeks pregnant after a 7yr gap. Nobody was talking about not letting anyone else hold babies back when our first children were born. Of course many of our friends/ourselves set some boundaries.

THIS time, it’s been strongly recommended that nobody outside our household be allowed to hold baby; or perhaps one designated relative. My OB/GYN flat out told me that children with RSV who would normally be hospitalized are being sent home because there is simply no room. RSV is simply raging right now and they are absolutely unable to cope with the load.

Combine that concept with renewed awareness of the potential impact of passing on cold sores to babies and I can understand why younger Moms are going tight with boundaries. It’s not that childhood illnesses are stronger now - it’s that at the moment in the region I live in, hospitals are overwhelmed and doctors are begging the general population to reduce their tiny family member’s risks of needing hospitalization. That’s a heavy burden for a younger Mom to carry; it’s one thing to accept that Aunt Sarah could inadvertently pass RSV to your newborn during that peaceful cuddle session, but it’s another thing to accept that if it gets bad for your child they may not be able to get the care they would normally.

The “husband first” then reluctant family involvement makes me suspect the SiL has been counseled on the only within household concept and is trying to balance challenging postpartum needs with that guidance.

Such a twat for not wanting her baby to risk contracting life threatening illnesses? It is bug season - everyone I know has cold/flu/covid/norovirus currently and not the mention the risk of cold sores/RSV to a tiny newborn.

You do realise midwives tell pregnant people to not allow ANYONE to kiss our babies once they are here, like it’s legit NHS recommendations.

Here is a legit poster from an NHS website.

Now you will say “well that’s not cuddles!!! Everyone should be able to cuddle the baby! When my first was born in 1851 everyone cuddled and kissed the baby!” Well for that I could also attach a picture of a baby in the ICU who has contracted flu or any other close contact contracted problem.

Also how do you know this woman’s In laws haven’t overstepped the mark. Maybe they were all saying she was being precious for laying basic rules “don’t kiss the baby” or “wash your hands” so she felt she needed to reinforce the rules but hard.

Good for her, its a baby not a toy

Regarding Covid, that certainly affected new parents. The nct/mother and baby etc groups weren’t around so people didn’t discuss their worries, baby’s progress etc. If a baby got a snuffle, in the olden days, you knew it was just a bug going around around.

A doctor friend commented how all the covid baby and tots are now older and getting chicken pox. They were getting lots of parents bringing their children in with chicken pox. In the past, this wasn’t seen and you would just get a bottle of calamine from the pharmacy.

Because I’ve had 3 babies, my family and many friends / friends of friends have ever had a sign above their babies basket. You can simply ask people to follow a few rules. This is OTT and spoils the joy of a new baby in the family. The only couple I know who asked for family not to touch baby and had to go upstairs in groups to see baby had a premature baby and midwife advised against a big group seeing baby. My ex was fuming but I think that was sensible. A healthy baby meeting relatives at Christmas - sorry it’s OTT and people will be laughing about it if they are told someone had a sign above their babies crib

It’s an unpopular view on MN but I agree with you OP. I’m sure people will be piling on to tell us we’re wrong but your DB and DSIL are not the first people to have a baby and presumably most of the family are parents themselves and are perfectly capable of behaving in a considerate way. It’s just insufferably PFB imo.

I wonder if this crazy attitude has got worse since Covid.

I know there have always been uptight hormonal new parents in the grips of PFB syndrome - but what excuse for the defenders?

You can have covid and be asymptomatic.

Posts like this are so disgusting that I am lost for words.
Name calling aside, the absolute misogyny of assuming that the mother here called all the shots and that 'poor DH' is somehow a victim! Imagine thinking this way!

It's a you problem. Her baby, her rules, and they seem like sensible ones

So your experience is the real world then?
That's not logical.

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle

I always refuse newborn too, not because I don't want to hold them, I do. However I think they should be with mum. It's often traumatic having a baby, plus hormones etc. That loving bond establishes through smell and touch. I'm happy to smile and enjoy watching them, with their mum.

If you can't bond with a family member because you didn't hold them at 4 weeks. That's not due to the lack of holding, either you're sulking and spoiling it for yourself, or the parents are keeping you at arms length.

Has Op confirmed how many family members were present? because three visitors are very different to 20. and the baby becoming a pass the parcel.