To be disappointed with SILs decision re new baby.

[ankara]

Respecting that all parents are quite within their rights to determine interaction between others and their babies, I am very disappointed and a bit 🙄 at SILs decision to put up a big sign at baby's cradle saying no touching , no lifting, no kissing.
There are no medical reasons for this. Baby is three weeks old.
None of the family have been allowed to do the above unless baby has been handed to family to give a bottle or r change baby.
I understand; that this is their first and is of course most precious but we are all a bit and also disappointed as we love babies and we're so looking forward to cuddles .
Brother just goes along with her.
Is this a new thing? My kids are nearly teens now and I've not seen this before .

Since when are family 'randoms'?

Her baby, her choice

This is at the crux of it isn't it? Women being ignored and our boundaries trampled by entitled ignoramuses. It happens in all areas of life.

I wonder if the OP would have even been written if it was the brother who had written the sign or told everyone to leave his child alone? I think not.

Maybe she felt the need to make a sign because she's too exhausted to explain and/or has already had her wishes ignored in other situations.

Fuck me. 😂

Her baby so she can do as she likes, but if this continues long-term then she might appear on here in the future complaining that family have no bond and little interest in her child, aren’t available for babysitting etc.

SIL did this - no one was allowed near DNiece, no holding/interaction at all - and it continued throughout her childhood to DNiece now aged 7. None of the family from either side have any bond with the child, the child barely acknowledges any of us on both sides including grandparents despite all our efforts to engage/include etc over the years.

She literally looks at us all like we are strangers (see them about once a month). It’s sad but it was SIL choice to keep all family from both sides at bay (and no, we aren’t a bunch of oddballs). Hope your SIL in time relaxes and allows family to spend time with her child.

My friend has recently had a baby too and was told the exact same thing. But women have been called hysterical for millennia for daring to express emotions and boundaries so why should this be any different

You have got quite a mix of views. It's ok for parents to establish their own boundaries but they shouldn't be cfs either. As it is your sil has her boundaries, respect them and that should bode well for your future relationship. If your brother just follows her lead then you are best not to rock the boat, equally if you are ever distant with niece or nephew because you aren't sure of what the would consider acceptable then as parents they will have to understand that their behaviour has played a part in it.

I was very strict about not letting anyone give dd2 a bottle because she had reflux, even when shown how to feed her they invariably wouldn't burp her enough and she'd end up puking everywhere then they would pass her straight back to me to deal with, would have been different had anyone actually helped. So I'd end up cleaning her up, cleaning whatever she had puked on and then taking time to console my upset baby (it was if no help to me overall and just increased my washing and in turn stress levels). I decided then and there that I wasn't going to indulge a want to feed her over my own child's best interests and I stand by it. Cuddles and kisses I had no issue with but again, my baby my rules. It wasn't a case of not wanting dd2 to get affection, her bond with her gran grew through cuddles just not feeding.

Excellent post.

I respect your SIL for that. My baby got a viral and bacterial infection in the first few weeks despite me checking guests washed their hands etc. I wish I could have just said no touching!

THIS.

Fine. I'm not saying she shouldn't put up signs - I find it rude but maybe she thinks it's necessary. It's the expectation that you can do that and the people at whom it us aimed should not have any feelings about it that I'm questioning.

In my first reply I said the sign seemed a bit much but perhaps her family were ignoring her verbal requests.

Given the reaction here, that seems very plausible.

It’s still no reason to be utterly unsupportive forever.

Anyone going to listen to the actual midwives who have posted on here and agree with mum limiting contact? Or are you going to ignore them also?

And in my opposite reality, no one sees my baby for the first 4 weeks. I need to recover (3 awful c sections), I need to bond. It’s just me and my immediate family.

The idea of having a sea of visitors when I’d just had a huge operation and come out of hospital is bizarre, let alone passing round my baby.

Everyone is different. We all have different boundaries.

You and I sound like total opposites and that’s okay.

A sign 😂😂 I'd have laughed had I seen that...

The sign is funny, I’m thinking of a whole new range of babygros and bibs with that printed I’m on it.

They can have whatever feelings they like, but they also need to remember that their feelings are not the main concern.

At the mother or at the entitlement of folk?

Actually at this time of year I think it is a medical reason. RSV is rife and it is horrible when little ones get it. Minimising risk makes sense.

ds was seemingly perfectly fit and healthy when he got RSV. 14 years later he is still suffering after effects from it. Although he was a rare case it is still nasty.

i fully get parents of winter babies being cautious especially as so many people don’t appreciate the risks

Their “feelings”. 😂 In this situation I am considerate enough to put the new mother first. It’s really not hard.

Not everything in life is about ourselves. Life would be easier if some people stopped making everything about them and considered others .

My brother and SiL had some very strict rules when their first child was born. I just shrugged my shoulders as it was their decision not mine. It’s really not hard at all. They were more relaxed about later ones but I just took their lead and asked them what was okay. It’s not confrontational. It’s consideration.

Like the one who also referred to family as 'randoms'? I'd happily ignore a midwife who thought family were just randoms.

I had a baby last December and it certainly wasn't the advice I received. I was told to limit bottle feeding to mum and dad for the first few weeks, I was never told to limit contact with family.

I would never lift a baby without the parent´s permission. That said, I´m afraid you are facing the precious first born syndrome and you just have to leave them to it. Normal people grow out of it, control freaks don´t. The future will tell which group they belong in.