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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed with SILs decision re new baby.

885 replies

ankara · 26/12/2023 09:02

Respecting that all parents are quite within their rights to determine interaction between others and their babies, I am very disappointed and a bit 🙄 at SILs decision to put up a big sign at baby's cradle saying no touching , no lifting, no kissing.
There are no medical reasons for this. Baby is three weeks old.
None of the family have been allowed to do the above unless baby has been handed to family to give a bottle or r change baby.
I understand; that this is their first and is of course most precious but we are all a bit Confused and also disappointed as we love babies and we're so looking forward to cuddles .
Brother just goes along with her.
Is this a new thing? My kids are nearly teens now and I've not seen this before .

OP posts:
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6
Cherrysoup · 26/12/2023 10:41

A sign? I think the poor mum will look back and cringe in a few years. Just tell people not to pick up the baby if you’re that averse.

Rosiesmummy17 · 26/12/2023 10:41

Good for her ☺️
easy way of communicating her wishes without having to tell individuals umpteen times

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 26/12/2023 10:42

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2023 10:41

A sign? I think the poor mum will look back and cringe in a few years. Just tell people not to pick up the baby if you’re that averse.

Or others might wonder if they listen to her wishes so little that she felt the need to do this.

Angelsrose · 26/12/2023 10:43

Babies are very precious and parents should be protective. However this sounds a bit OTT. This new mother will undoubtedly be complaining on mumsnet in a year when the family aren't available for free childcare and she's running around like a headless chicken. No matter what there's no way 2 people (parents) can solely manage the needs of a child. And if they do, it's usually accompanied with a lot of angst and upset as we all see on numerous posts on here.

DewHopper · 26/12/2023 10:43

PuffyShirt · 26/12/2023 10:39

We have a photo album filled with photos of our son’s first week. We had several visitors a day and took a photo of every single one of them holding him.

Such a lovely time. The idea of being so uppity that we’d forbid anyone holding him or to go so far as a bloody sign is absolutely ludicrous.

This brand new mother is 'uppity' because she does not want people pawing her newborn?
Your post says a lot about you.

Meowandthen · 26/12/2023 10:43

PuffyShirt · 26/12/2023 10:39

We have a photo album filled with photos of our son’s first week. We had several visitors a day and took a photo of every single one of them holding him.

Such a lovely time. The idea of being so uppity that we’d forbid anyone holding him or to go so far as a bloody sign is absolutely ludicrous.

Your choice. Other people get to have choices too.

The use of the word “uppity” is rather snarky. Do you usually criticise anyone who does things differently to you? 🤔

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2023 10:44

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 26/12/2023 10:42

Or others might wonder if they listen to her wishes so little that she felt the need to do this.

Show quote history

True, maybe she’s sick of repeating herself, but I’ve never heard of anyone putting up a sign. Yes, possibly it’s happened so much a sign is the only way to enforce boundaries.

Hols24 · 26/12/2023 10:44

puddypud · 26/12/2023 10:26

@Katypp you're welcome to do your own research about infant mortality rates. It's hardly been kept a secret. I'm sure you'll claim it's fake news though after your silly comment.

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/articles/trendsinbirthsanddeathsoverthelastcentury/2015-07-15

www.statista.com/statistics/1041714/united-kingdom-all-time-child-mortality-rate/

bigthink.com/health/child-mortality-progress/

Of course they've fallen in the last 200 years 😂 @katypp was questioning whether they've fallen in the last 25 years!

Tacotortoise · 26/12/2023 10:45

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 26/12/2023 10:41

You forgot to add 'to me' at the end of your last sentence.

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I think "to almost everybody" would be more appropriate. Although it is a clear indication that you'd be well advised to steer clear of the family in general.

scoobysnaxx · 26/12/2023 10:45

Women have not gone mad.

You might find the sign ridiculous but she has probably been ignored 1000 times.

Again, the amount of women who have had their requests not to kiss ignored is maddening.

I never knew people could be so rude and inconsiderate until I had my first baby.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 26/12/2023 10:46

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2023 10:44

True, maybe she’s sick of repeating herself, but I’ve never heard of anyone putting up a sign. Yes, possibly it’s happened so much a sign is the only way to enforce boundaries.

Show quote history

Obviously I'm not 100% sure but to me it sounds like someone who is exhausted and doesn't want to explain her very valid feelings over and over. Maybe they've tried to be overbearing in other scenarios.

NoraBattysCurlers · 26/12/2023 10:46

There are no medical reasons for this. Baby is three weeks old.

Incidence of RSV are very high in the UK at the moment. RSV is particularly serious for young babies as it can cause bronchiolitis, an inflammation of the lower airways, and pneumonia, an infection of the lungs.

In Ireland, the health authorities have even urged parents to "cocoon" very young babies - https://www.rte.ie/news/ireland/2023/1214/1422080-hse-rsv/

Parents urged to 'cocoon' very young babies over RSV

The HSE is urging parents to "cocoon" very young babies as 829 new cases of RSV have been identified over the past week.

https://www.rte.ie/news/ireland/2023/1214/1422080-hse-rsv

Meowandthen · 26/12/2023 10:46

Angelsrose · 26/12/2023 10:43

Babies are very precious and parents should be protective. However this sounds a bit OTT. This new mother will undoubtedly be complaining on mumsnet in a year when the family aren't available for free childcare and she's running around like a headless chicken. No matter what there's no way 2 people (parents) can solely manage the needs of a child. And if they do, it's usually accompanied with a lot of angst and upset as we all see on numerous posts on here.

I’ll paraphrase an earlier reply.

The woman not wanting people to touch her precious new born without permission would cause you to have such a strop that you’d never be helpful or kind again?

There are some right weirdos, self-entitled ones, on MN.

Katypp · 26/12/2023 10:46

DewHopper · 26/12/2023 10:43

This brand new mother is 'uppity' because she does not want people pawing her newborn?
Your post says a lot about you.

Show quote history

Pawing her newborn? You obviously thrive on drama

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 26/12/2023 10:46

Tacotortoise · 26/12/2023 10:45

I think "to almost everybody" would be more appropriate. Although it is a clear indication that you'd be well advised to steer clear of the family in general.

Show quote history

Nope, nobody can speak for 'almost everybody'.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 26/12/2023 10:47

Katypp · 26/12/2023 10:46

Pawing her newborn? You obviously thrive on drama

Show quote history

Ever heard pot...kettle...?

justasking111 · 26/12/2023 10:47

My baby had norovirus at three months old it was awful and frightening. You shouldn't be playing pass the parcel with a baby

DewHopper · 26/12/2023 10:48

Katypp · 26/12/2023 10:46

Pawing her newborn? You obviously thrive on drama

Show quote history

Eh?

Jenjen21 · 26/12/2023 10:49

I'm a midwife and we've been advising low contact for newborns due to extremely high cases of rsv in community (up to 60% increase in last couple of weeks) so it's possibly that?

Poppinjay · 26/12/2023 10:49

Can't imagine telling family they aren't allowed to cuddle her. Bonkers.

The sign didn't mention cuddles. The things it did mention are quite reasonable expectations.

It sounds like family members have been allowed to feed the baby, which clearly involves cuddling.

The parents have felt it necessary to put up a sign to stop people doing things to the baby that most posters agree it wouldn't be reasonable to do anyway.

There is an assumption that the mother put up the sign and the father is passive in the process.

Maybe the father is well aware that his family won't take requests to behave reasonably around the baby seriously and is protecting his wife and child by putting up the sign.

The OP clearly wants to suggest that the mother is OTT, the mother has a skewed view of newborn safety and the mother is controlling. I think we'd hear a very different side of this story from the baby's parents if they were around to tell it.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 26/12/2023 10:50

None of the family have been allowed to do the above unless baby has been handed to family to give a bottle or r change baby.

Why are people saying it's about protecting the baby from germs? It clearly isn't if visitors are allowed to change a nappy or give a bottle.
Fair enough no kissing though. And an actual sign is a bit mad.

FrancisSeaton · 26/12/2023 10:50

Janedoe82 · 26/12/2023 09:21

In fact quite the opposite- massive push on the Solihull approach- the more cuddles the better

Not off randoms - parents yes!
I am a mw and the advice is very much in the early months main carers in particular mum encouraged to do most of the handling

Also it's rsv season and babies can get very poorly, the less handling by lots of different people the better

StephanieSuperpowers · 26/12/2023 10:51

Meowandthen · 26/12/2023 10:46

I’ll paraphrase an earlier reply.

The woman not wanting people to touch her precious new born without permission would cause you to have such a strop that you’d never be helpful or kind again?

There are some right weirdos, self-entitled ones, on MN.

Show quote history

I think it's the sign, which is hostile and unkind. It would make people feel unwelcome and on edge. And they would be nervous about where boundaries might lie and cautious about intruding.

Set the limits you want. But you have to accept that other people have feelings too and every action can have a consequence.

surreygirl1987 · 26/12/2023 10:51

See now, as far as I'm aware new babies have been passed around for inspection/cuddles since forever. Most seem to weather 'big germs' ok. I don't think they ARE that fragile are they

Yeh, and the death rate for née babies also used to be far far higher. There's lots of things we used to do that we don't do anymore. Why would you want to expose your newborn baby to 'big germs' as 'most' are okay??