Having to do prayers on Christmas Day

[Fretfulmum]

DH is Christian and he and his family are quite religious- goes to church weekly etc. I’m not Christian and I don’t attend church or do anything religious, I’m pretty much an atheist. We hosted DH’s parents and siblings and partners today. His parents wanted to do prayers before Christmas lunch. I told DH I’m not happy about having to do it but just let them get on with it whilst I sat there. In the evening, they wanted to do more. I’d had enough and I left the room without saying anything and let them crack on with it. Half way through the DC (toddlers) realised I wasn’t there and left the room to see where I was so they missed some of it. DH was so angry with me that I didn’t partake as it was a “whole family unit” thing and it disrespected his whole family? Apparently I ruined the day and now he’s sleeping in the spare room. AIBU that’s it my house and if I don’t want to do religious prayers that I sit out and go into another room ?

Exactly.

Don't remember Jesus doing any sulking. Your husband sounds like a Pharisee in his attitude. Suggest he goes back to the Bible and tries to understand it's all about. Clue: it's not control and making up rules. No one was ever won over to belief in God by a grumpy husband.

Go and read the OP again. You misunderstood.

Would it really have killed you to have read the OP’s posts?

She isn’t being asked to sit quietly, she’s being asked to join in with the prayer- something you also elected not to do.

How is them saying "they would like you to..." Forcing you? Force is not someone saying it would be lovely if you came to our church etc.
If you don't believe it and think it's utterly ridiculous (like most atheists do), why couldn't you of just humoured them for the sake of being polite and respectful? Christmas is a Christian holiday after all.

I think a lot of people who are saying YABU are missing background context. I think YANBU.

On the face of it, sitting through 5 mins of prayer doesn't seem unreasonable.

However, the in-laws have been pressuring her to convert and don't seem respectful of her choices. The prayers are then "enthusiastic" and require OP to actively participate by holding hands, and the OP repeating words, trampling her boundaries of her beliefs in her own home.

We don't know if they have content that makes the OP uncomfortable and seem passive aggressively pointed at her eg "thank you for being born to save the world from going to hell, please turn the evil hearts of those who don't believe in you so that they can come to know the real truth and not side with Satan". With others showing their agreement with a loud "Amen!" interjected in between.

Christmas is also a pagan festival and I imagine they wouldn't quietly and respectfully participate in pagan rituals if OP chose to do them, in the same way that they are expecting OP to do.

My parents would pray "for only 5 mins" but those prayers would create such an atmosphere, discussion about religion afterwards repeating the same content that has been discussed over the last decade where atheist DH is challenged about his lack of faith and is expected to explain himself etc. Him not participating in the prayers set a clear boundary that his beliefs are to be respected throughout all parts of the day. Your DH should have your back and I'm sorry that he doesn't.

No. I think it's rude for OP to be so obviously hateful of DH's family.

FFS sit there for 5 mins. It’s a Christian festival!! You were very rude and setting an awful example to your kids. Hope you are ashamed today

Well I think it’s beyond rude for OP’s DP to try to compel her to say prayers that she doesn’t agree with to a god that she doesn’t believe in.

@Fretfulmum I don't think you were wrong at all but I would have excused myself rather than just leaving.

Honestly though, if leaving a prayer time is causing upset I wonder how the rest of your relationship and particularly how your children are raised is going to go.

I do think if either partner is actively religious then it's probably going to be tough if the other doesn't share that.
Schools, traditions, rules and expectations, what they read, what they watch will all be potential sources of disagreement and your husband will likely be the one expecting to have the final say.

It wouldn't be my choice.

They were rude to her and her family too, not just potentially.

I think you should actually be ashamed, of your horrible comment.

Yes, I do think to some degree, you're right. DH's family really shouldn't try to flog a dead horse or throw pearls at swine.

Oh, the bible and religion are all about control.

I’m a Christian and I don’t make my children pray. It is there for them, but as they become old enough to think choose or question it becomes their choice. I certainly wouldn’t force an adult. Of my two adult children one is more religiously than me, one has no religion.

It is only respectful and polite to allow Christians to say prayers on one of the most important Christian days of the year. You are not being forced to believe, OP, but surely you understand what Christmas is actually about? Just grow up, please.

"Yes, I do think to some degree, you're right. DH's family really shouldn't try to flog a dead horse or throw pearls at swine."

Lovely mask off moment.😂

@Fretfulmum isn't a dead horse or swine though, and they've no right to flog her nor do they have pearls.

Some biblical language really is vile.

It's horrible biblical judgmental language.

They'd already said prayers.
They also wanted her to hold hands and join in.

I became a Christian as an adult (with supernatural experiences etc) It is the single biggest part of my life.

BUT I actually don't think you were unreasonable. It sounds like you tried to be respectful but understandably it makes you uncomfortable. I am shocked that someone who is a Christian married an unbeliever because it causes issues like these - and that is on your husband not you, as to you it was irrelevant.

I really don't understand why on earth any Christian would expect an unbeliever to copy off their words it would be utterly meaningless! The New Testament tells us not to babble meaningless repetitions as prayer should be from your heart to God's whether public or private and actually we are meant to spend much more time praying in private.

Maybe you could remind your husband that the New Testament tells husbands to 'love their wives like Christ loved the church'

You do all really need to have a conversation around this though and decide how you will parent happily together in the future.

All the best.

Thank you for letting your children choose and not trying to indoctrinate - out of interest, do other christians ever criticise you for not evangelising enough?

She did allow them to pray but chose not to take part which is her right.

You're telling the OP to grow up whilst making up your own narrative on what happened.

Preying this day and age gives me the creeps, it makes me feel really uncomfortable so I agree with you.

Praying*