Having to do prayers on Christmas Day

[Fretfulmum]

DH is Christian and he and his family are quite religious- goes to church weekly etc. I’m not Christian and I don’t attend church or do anything religious, I’m pretty much an atheist. We hosted DH’s parents and siblings and partners today. His parents wanted to do prayers before Christmas lunch. I told DH I’m not happy about having to do it but just let them get on with it whilst I sat there. In the evening, they wanted to do more. I’d had enough and I left the room without saying anything and let them crack on with it. Half way through the DC (toddlers) realised I wasn’t there and left the room to see where I was so they missed some of it. DH was so angry with me that I didn’t partake as it was a “whole family unit” thing and it disrespected his whole family? Apparently I ruined the day and now he’s sleeping in the spare room. AIBU that’s it my house and if I don’t want to do religious prayers that I sit out and go into another room ?

I think she was patient though? She endured the first prayer sesh and absented herself before the second prayer sesh started.

Seems patient to me

My cousin always says grace before we eat at family get togethers.

It's no problem whatsoever to any of us including vehement non believers because she is a lovely woman while we all love.

I'm not religious but I quite like it as it takes me back to my childhood where it was quite common in friends houses for families to say grace.

It wasn't 'saying grace' though

atheists stay quiet constantly. We bite out tongues constantly. Christians don’t reciprocate and that is a problem.

This!

That isn’t massively relevant though, is it?

There’s quite a big gulf between tolerating (or even enjoying) someone else saying grace versus being required to join in 2 x 5 minute long chanting sessions (particularly when you’re asked to chant things you do not agree with).

This.
Walking out is seriously immature and attention seeking

Good job she didn't actually walk out then, eh? @Dotcheck

When Christian’s are celebrating a religious holiday on the 25th, some of us are celebrating the solstice (observed). It isn’t practical to celebrate on the actual day because we don’t get the day off work or school. Culturally, all the solstice traditions have been blended in with the Christian traditions so you can’t tell one from the other . People need to realize it is a multi-cultural day of celebration, even within families.

@Dotcheck Read all OP's posts. She didn't walk out. Get the facts right.

Why isn’t the OP’s husband unreasonable for marrying an atheist, though? What did HE expect?

OP isn’t asking her husband to do anything that he doesn’t believe in, or that he finds uncomfortable. She didn’t tell him or his family not to pray or to leave the room. She just quietly left the room before their (very intense and evangelical) prayer session started, which shouldn’t be a problem for ANY Christian.

It is also clear from the OP’s follow-up that although she isn’t religious, she was brought up in a different religion to her husband’s. He isn’t respecting that.

I’d sit through grace but that’s it in my home. Your husband knows you don’t believe so why does he expect you to participate? (Why you married him is another question.)

what if the situation was different and you were of a different faith? Would they happily sit through a Shabbat dinner? Fast with you over Ramadan? Their attitudes towards others’ beliefs would dictate my tolerance levels.

I don’t think you understand what kind of prayer the OP’s in-laws insist upon. It wasn’t saying grace.

You know they were in the OP's home, right?

Quietly walking at the room, minutes before the praying even starts, is the opposite of attention seeking. It’s non-confrontational.

Do read my post again. It’s really very clear, I understood perfectly, and referenced that.

@Meowandthen your post was ambiguous- it read that you weren't aware she was in her own home and not theirs. Hence the question

Fair enough. To me, your post emphasized Christian ownership of the day, which seemed to justify Christian observances more than others. I’m sorry I misread your meaning.

I mean, you could have sat there if you really wanted to and not said a word... hand holding, chanting and all.

Nobody would have stopped mid prayer to ask you why you aren't saying anything as it's really not by force people say anything out loud during prayer.

You just didn't want to and that's fine.

This is a larger cultural and religious issue.

Good Luck.

It really wasn’t but I believe you have form on doing this.

I clearly referred to being in my own home. Clear enough for anyone not looking to twist anything.

@Tomatoshish

"Look I'm muslim. I don't even celebrate Christmas. But I respect other people celebrating a holiday for their religion, whether I believe it or think it right or not"

+++

Totally reasonable and fair point. The issue I think is that people are celebrating a holiday when it's not their religion and then arguing that well Christmas is not really about Christian faith and that all people should be able to celebrate it in whatever way they choose.

It would be a bit like me as a non Muslim wanting to celebrate Eid and then arguing that well Eid is not really about the Muslim faith and that all people should be able to celebrate it in whatever way they choose.

No I don't have horn for anything. I found your post ambiguous and I was checking you were aware, because it read that you thought the op was at the in laws!

Form, not horn!

No it doesn’t. Go and argue elsewhere.

@NumberTheory

"Even if you ignore the fact the celebration is rooted in other traditions, Christmas in the UK is a mainly non-religious festival because it was forced on the population as a whole and the majority of the population is no longer religious. "

+++

You are correct that the majority of the population no longer identifies as Christian .

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-63792408.amp

If as you say it has been forced on the population and is a non religious festival then I would totally be up for either scrapping it altogether or maybe changing the day to coincide with Amazon Prime Day - I mean what is the point otherwise?

The UK productivity would be massively boosted by not effectively shutting down the economy for the best part of a month as well as saving massive amounts of money on gifts, food etc.

Those that wish to celebrate it as a Christian festival can still take the day off work or give those that follow a religion of whatever faith x number of days off.

But you haven’t had Eid forced on you legally and culturally all your life. Christmas is a non-Christian holiday in the UK because Christian’s have lobbied to make it a national celebration that people can’t ignore, not just a religious one that they celebrate. If it was just a religious celebration like Eid, OP wouldn’t be having her PIL round for the day. She’d be at work.