Page 15 | Having to do prayers on Christmas Day

Fretfulmum · 2023-12-25T23:50:22+00:00

DH is Christian and he and his family are quite religious- goes to church weekly etc. I’m not Christian and I don’t attend church or do anything religious, I’m pretty much an atheist. We hosted DH’s parents and siblings and partners today. His parents wanted to do prayers before Christmas lunch. I told DH I’m not happy about having to do it but just let them get on with it whilst I sat there. In the evening, they wanted to do more. I’d had enough and I left the room without saying anything and let them crack on with it. Half way through the DC (toddlers) realised I wasn’t there and left the room to see where I was so they missed some of it. DH was so angry with me that I didn’t partake as it was a “whole family unit” thing and it disrespected his whole family? Apparently I ruined the day and now he’s sleeping in the spare room. AIBU that’s it my house and if I don’t want to do religious prayers that I sit out and go into another room ?

Dweetfidilove · 26/12/2023 17:06

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 26/12/2023 17:03

You're free to stop a discussion at any point, ideally before resorting to be patronising.

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😂😂😂

Thanks for the tip 👍🏾

ToWhitToWhoo · 26/12/2023 17:30

Speaking as an atheist, I think it's fine not to actively participate in the prayers, but a bit rude to walk out.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/12/2023 17:31

ToWhitToWhoo · 26/12/2023 17:30

Speaking as an atheist, I think it's fine not to actively participate in the prayers, but a bit rude to walk out.

She didn't walk out. She went out a few minutes before it all started!

Original poster

Fretfulmum · 26/12/2023 17:42

I suspect that DH hasn’t told his family the whole truth- about how we don’t practice Christianity at home, church every Sunday doesn’t happen, the extent of how I don’t believe in God. The more I think about this, the more I think that DH is too scared/embarrassed to tell his parents our “lack” of religious commitment. When I didn’t play ball in front of his family yesterday, I suspect he got worried they would be angry/concerned. We don’t see them often due to distance and they don’t call regularly.
This is a DH problem, not his parents. It’s DH who likely knew his parents would want to do this and didn’t intervene early enough. Probably scared of their reaction. it was easier to be angry at me than deal with his parents.

OP posts:

NumberTheory · 26/12/2023 17:50

Jibo · 26/12/2023 13:33

As I said, their behaviour is irrelevant and anyway all they've done is want to take a few minutes to think about the true meaning of Christmas. Really not a big deal to sit with them and mentally plan next week's meals or whatever whilst that goes on! Would have been better than OP upsetting the DC's grandparents and falling out with her DH.

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If all they’ve done is want to take a few minutes to think about the true meaning of Christmas, why is it a big deal for OP to not be in the room when they do it?

Ponderingwindow · 26/12/2023 17:56

Last night I went to a Christmas dinner in another family member’s home. I quietly sat through 30 minutes of increasingly uncomfortable dinner conversation where they extolled the virtues of their highly disturbing church that has slowly sucked in every single member of the extended family except my household. I didn’t say a word against it, even the well-documented dodgy charitable fundraising, because it is their religion and their home.

we did have quite the family conversation in the car on the way home.

atheists stay quiet constantly. We bite out tongues constantly. Christians don’t reciprocate and that is a problem.

Tomatoshish · 26/12/2023 18:00

@Ponderingwindow to be fair. Christmas is a Christian holiday that everyone's commercialised. I say that as a non Christian.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/12/2023 18:00

Tomatoshish · 26/12/2023 18:00

@Ponderingwindow to be fair. Christmas is a Christian holiday that everyone's commercialised. I say that as a non Christian.

It's not though

Tomatoshish · 26/12/2023 18:01

How is it not @CandyLeBonBon

CandyLeBonBon · 26/12/2023 18:02

Fretfulmum · 26/12/2023 17:42

I suspect that DH hasn’t told his family the whole truth- about how we don’t practice Christianity at home, church every Sunday doesn’t happen, the extent of how I don’t believe in God. The more I think about this, the more I think that DH is too scared/embarrassed to tell his parents our “lack” of religious commitment. When I didn’t play ball in front of his family yesterday, I suspect he got worried they would be angry/concerned. We don’t see them often due to distance and they don’t call regularly.
This is a DH problem, not his parents. It’s DH who likely knew his parents would want to do this and didn’t intervene early enough. Probably scared of their reaction. it was easier to be angry at me than deal with his parents.

Stand your ground op. You did nothing wrong and it's not your fault that your dh has thrown you under the bus

CandyLeBonBon · 26/12/2023 18:05

Tomatoshish · 26/12/2023 18:01

How is it not @CandyLeBonBon

Have you not read the numerous posts explaining how a pagan/roman gestating festival was usurped by early adopters of Christianity?

Early celebrations of Christmas are thought to have derived from Roman and other European festivals that marked the end of the harvest, and the winter solstice. Some customs from those celebrations that have endured include decorating homes with greenery, giving gifts, singing songs, and eating special foods.

dontforgetme · 26/12/2023 18:06

I have to sit through prayers when with the in-laws, I don't enjoy it one bit but I would never walk out of the room. I think that was rude op.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/12/2023 18:07

Not gestating - feasting!

CandyLeBonBon · 26/12/2023 18:07

dontforgetme · 26/12/2023 18:06

I have to sit through prayers when with the in-laws, I don't enjoy it one bit but I would never walk out of the room. I think that was rude op.

Do feel free to read the ACTUAL info that op has provided!

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 26/12/2023 18:08

Dweetfidilove · 26/12/2023 17:06

😂😂😂

Thanks for the tip 👍🏾

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It's not a tip, it's a response to your comments.

Onabench · 26/12/2023 18:11

YABU to object to them praying. YANBU to remove yourself.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 26/12/2023 18:15

Fretfulmum · 26/12/2023 17:42

I suspect that DH hasn’t told his family the whole truth- about how we don’t practice Christianity at home, church every Sunday doesn’t happen, the extent of how I don’t believe in God. The more I think about this, the more I think that DH is too scared/embarrassed to tell his parents our “lack” of religious commitment. When I didn’t play ball in front of his family yesterday, I suspect he got worried they would be angry/concerned. We don’t see them often due to distance and they don’t call regularly.
This is a DH problem, not his parents. It’s DH who likely knew his parents would want to do this and didn’t intervene early enough. Probably scared of their reaction. it was easier to be angry at me than deal with his parents.

That's a hell of an update, OP, and makes me wonder what kind of coercion's been going on in his life

I appreciate and respect that some feel very strongly about their religions, but if things get to the point where others are fearful about not stepping into line with it then for me that's going too far

Personally I'd tell them this, and if it leads to a religiously-fuelled rant so be it. Who knows, it might even provide a spur to deciding whether you'd both be better off out of this

basculin · 26/12/2023 18:17

Onabench · 26/12/2023 18:11

YABU to object to them praying. YANBU to remove yourself.

Where did OP object to them praying?

Tomatoshish · 26/12/2023 18:19

@CandyLeBonBon yes I did know this. But it's been adopted as a Christian holiday.

Look I'm muslim. I don't even celebrate Christmas. But I respect other people celebrating a holiday for their religion, whether I believe it or think it right or not.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/12/2023 18:25

Tomatoshish · 26/12/2023 18:19

@CandyLeBonBon yes I did know this. But it's been adopted as a Christian holiday.

Look I'm muslim. I don't even celebrate Christmas. But I respect other people celebrating a holiday for their religion, whether I believe it or think it right or not.

But that's the point isn't it? As an atheist I can celebrate Christmas because of its non Christian roots. A Christian can celebrate the Christian connection. Neither is wrong. Even if you're Muslim or Buddhist, you can celebrate Christmas because as a celebratory holiday it has many facets, and can, in fact, be enjoyed by many people.

Personally I don't view it as a Christian holiday.

gocompare · 26/12/2023 18:26

Her reason is she's an atheist. That's enough.

gocompare · 26/12/2023 18:27

AboutYouTalk · 26/12/2023 00:19

YABU for marrying a practicing Christian when you are an atheist. Seriously, what did you expect?

Neither trumps the other so I expect she was expecting compromise

NumberTheory · 26/12/2023 18:30

Tomatoshish · 26/12/2023 18:00

@Ponderingwindow to be fair. Christmas is a Christian holiday that everyone's commercialised. I say that as a non Christian.

Even if you ignore the fact the celebration is rooted in other traditions, Christmas in the UK is a mainly non-religious festival because it was forced on the population as a whole and the majority of the population is no longer religious.

Organized Christianity, in particular the CofE but other denominations too, have lobbied the government to impose the holiday and other religious observances on the whole of the UK. The Christian calendar is part of our culture whether we believe in a Christian God or not. It’s pretty outrageous to imply that non-Christian ways of celebrating on the 25th are less deserving than Christian ones when it’s Christians that have shaped our culture so that it is a festival for all of us.

NumberTheory · 26/12/2023 18:34

Fretfulmum · 26/12/2023 17:42

I suspect that DH hasn’t told his family the whole truth- about how we don’t practice Christianity at home, church every Sunday doesn’t happen, the extent of how I don’t believe in God. The more I think about this, the more I think that DH is too scared/embarrassed to tell his parents our “lack” of religious commitment. When I didn’t play ball in front of his family yesterday, I suspect he got worried they would be angry/concerned. We don’t see them often due to distance and they don’t call regularly.
This is a DH problem, not his parents. It’s DH who likely knew his parents would want to do this and didn’t intervene early enough. Probably scared of their reaction. it was easier to be angry at me than deal with his parents.

Is this something you think you can tackle, OP?

Is he actually happy being less religious but just cowed by his parents, or is this an attempt to drag you, as a family, towards the practices he grew up with?

Tomatoshish · 26/12/2023 18:49

@NumberTheory I didn't imply non religious ways of celebrating are less deserving. But you should all be respectful.of each other. I never said OP was wrong either but to be patient with each other (I posted this bit a few pages back)