Having to do prayers on Christmas Day

[Fretfulmum]

DH is Christian and he and his family are quite religious- goes to church weekly etc. I’m not Christian and I don’t attend church or do anything religious, I’m pretty much an atheist. We hosted DH’s parents and siblings and partners today. His parents wanted to do prayers before Christmas lunch. I told DH I’m not happy about having to do it but just let them get on with it whilst I sat there. In the evening, they wanted to do more. I’d had enough and I left the room without saying anything and let them crack on with it. Half way through the DC (toddlers) realised I wasn’t there and left the room to see where I was so they missed some of it. DH was so angry with me that I didn’t partake as it was a “whole family unit” thing and it disrespected his whole family? Apparently I ruined the day and now he’s sleeping in the spare room. AIBU that’s it my house and if I don’t want to do religious prayers that I sit out and go into another room ?

So? Why should anyone be expected to do that?

@Naptrappedmummy the in laws were visiting OP's home and expected her to actively participate in a ritual she doesn't believe in and is uncomfortable with.

Did you miss that bit?

You're not expecting him to give up his religion so he shouldn't expect you to become religious.

1. Was at her own home.
2. Non participation was not possible.

Thanks.

I think YANBU. I’m Muslim and very much believe, but I do balk at some communal worship, especially if it feels enforced.

For me faith is a very personal matter.

I can totally understand why you wanted to leave the room and your DH is being unreasonable to punish you for being who you’ve always been.

He should have appreciated that you helped him to host his family.

Why is this racist? Are you saying that in West Africa there isn't preaching/chanting? The OP's DH's family might be West African for all you know.
Ironically I see it's ok for you to call Methodists 'happy clappy'.

Where did OP say she had an issue with the active Christians saying prayers?

OP I'm with you, it's unreasonable for them to expect you to join in with something you don't believe in. I think in light of those expectations it's probably best that you don't spend Christmas day with your in laws any more. Can you arrange to see then on Boxing day instead perhaps?

Whilst preaching is often used for delivering sermons, you can preach/proclaim facts as well as beliefs, so either can be preachy. Each wants to advocate for why theirs is the right way.

This is why I mentioned the problem with having such differences in beliefs.

We are here coming and going about fact vs unproven (not the point of the OP), and we are neither couple nor co-parents. I am just imagining this will be a similar situation for the OP and her husband.

The second prayers are not the normal prayer type you would expect, think West African preaching type where you have to chant after each line being spoken.

I think if you'd included this detail in your op, you'd have had quite different responses.

I imagined you bowing your head quietly for a few minutes. Clearly its nothing like that.

This!
You usually find that these types are usually lacking in their so called ‘Christian’ values as well. It’s as if they think the more dedicated/louder they pray then they will be forgiven for being absolute twats in daily life. I’ve met so many of these types who love to publicise their charity work etc but behind closed doors are abusive arseholes and thoroughly unpleasant people in reality.

He also chose to marry a non-believer. And moved into her house that she owned. Then tries to dicate to her. So it can be argued both ways.

Ten minutes, a major production of chanting and reciting is a lot to expect of a non-believer, when hell would be to pay if the non-believer said the ILs couldn't even say grace. I think doing five minutes, in that light, is more than fair. They should have been grateful and appreciative of that. We're not talking about saying grace here, or even just sitting in silence.

You're kidding?

Most prayers don't even go for a minute. Grace is like, 20 seconds. 5 minutes, and twice that, is a major production.

@MrDirtyBear

"It's very clearly superimposed on pagan festivals and whilst I agree the symbolism is as Christian as Easter, Easter is superimposed on a Pagan festival as well.

"Christmas" is about as Christian as the Easter Bunny, fir trees, chocolate eggs and eating Turkey."

+++

No shit - I think everyone recognises Christmas is linked to previous religious festivals and previously majority held beliefs. It doesn't take a genius to work out when Christmas is right next to the Winter Solstice.

But this doesn't make Christmas less valid as a major Christian event than it makes the previous religious celebrations at this time of year less valid. The point is Christmas is a Christian religious event and has been a Christian festival since the 9th century.

I can sadly see that the original religious Christian purpose of Christmas for most people has been high jacked for mass consumerism rather than trying to help out the less fortunate in society and giving to those in need (eg food & toy donations etc).

I also can sadly see that for the majority of the UK public who are "not into all that religion stuff" that they just want to jump on the back of a Christian festival and use it as some kind of bacchanalian opportunity for increasing their BMI, getting pissed and having family arguments.

I respect genuine atheists or other faiths that don't wish to celebrate Christmas. But I do not respect those who just piggyback on a Christian festival for the upsides of time off work, presents, food etc and then mock those that wish to celebrate Christmas religiously and or for helping out those less fortunate.

@Naptrappedmummy Try reading the full thread or at least all of OP's posts. She did NOT "You attended what is essentially a Christian festival at the home of Christians" it was in HER OWN HOME. That she owned before she met her 'D'H. (D, in this instance, stands for something else).

It's HER own home, and the pushy ILs were 'attended' as guests in OP'S HOME.

As an atheist you are absolutely entitled to refuse to participate in the prayers of any religion.

Out of interest as an atheist did you celebrate Christmas in any way?

Nothing wrong with a bit of bacchanalian debauchery to brighten up a dismal time of year, so I'm sure your po-faced opinion as to whether or not we're 'doing Christmas right' will make not one jot of difference!

If ever there was a post that could be less persuasive of joining Christianity, I'd like to see it! You've even managed to sneer at atheists who aren't in-believing correctly!!

😂

You realise 'Christmas' or Yule, is not an original religious holiday but a pagan one, right? Christmas means different things to different people. It is not solely the province of Christians.

Well said.

@1dayatatime great gotcha 🙄 well it was a bank holiday so I had a day off. I had a lie in and a nice walk.

Tell them pray for them. I cannot be arsed that that carry on! You are not being unreasonable!

I’m surprised we haven’t had a mention of sky fairies yet.

If it was just saying a short grace before the dinner, IMO you were being U. What harm did it do? We’re not religious but I can’t say it’d bother me.

Please read all of OP's posts!

A drama queen for quietly leaving beforehand? Don't be such a dick.