Having to do prayers on Christmas Day

[Fretfulmum]

DH is Christian and he and his family are quite religious- goes to church weekly etc. I’m not Christian and I don’t attend church or do anything religious, I’m pretty much an atheist. We hosted DH’s parents and siblings and partners today. His parents wanted to do prayers before Christmas lunch. I told DH I’m not happy about having to do it but just let them get on with it whilst I sat there. In the evening, they wanted to do more. I’d had enough and I left the room without saying anything and let them crack on with it. Half way through the DC (toddlers) realised I wasn’t there and left the room to see where I was so they missed some of it. DH was so angry with me that I didn’t partake as it was a “whole family unit” thing and it disrespected his whole family? Apparently I ruined the day and now he’s sleeping in the spare room. AIBU that’s it my house and if I don’t want to do religious prayers that I sit out and go into another room ?

Their religious beliefs are not more important than ops non belief.
I also wouldn't have joined in the lunchtime prayers. You don't convert someone to your way of thinking by being an arsehole either which ops DH is.

@1dayatatime OP didn't leave the prayer session - she endured one and chose not to endure another.

It wasn't supposed to be a gotcha. It's a fact. You don't believe in something fine. But don't then muscle in on it. I'm sure the OP is also telling her toddler that Santa is not real.

She chose to marry a Christian from a Christian family. Five minutes on a special celebration isn't going to hurt her since she doesn't even believe it. I'm sure she didn't more than five minutes telling her toddler about Santa and elves. Not going out of your way to offend people is a mark of humanity. But I'm sure she'll be OK about not joining her husband and his family at all future Christmas and Easter celebrations.

Some indoctrinate, some share, some do not mention at all. That applies to your belief/ lack thereof. People of faith and atheists can be equally preachy.

In this situation where one takes it quite seriously and one is seriously against it - enough to leave the room - there will most certainly be some conflict around which way the children will go.

One of the best things about the UK is we all have freedom to worship or not, as we wish.

Your dh and his family do not get to inflict their faith on you, just as you do not inflict your atheism on them. Quietly leaving the room and allowing them to get on with it is the respectful thing to do.

If your dcs are toddlers, they are too young to understand or be included anyway so no problem there either.

Your DH is totally out of order and needs to wind his neck in. That would be a deal breaker for me.

i didn’t wander from the table, I’m not that rude. I left the room a couple of minutes before it even started

For me that changes things a lot, and so does your PIL's having pressured you upon marriage to "be more religious"

I've every respect for peoples' own views, but not when they try to foist them on others, and faced with this sort of thing you did the right thing to remove yourself before it restarted

@Neriah in what way is "if you're an atheist why are you celebrating Christmas?" not an attempt at a gotcha? Or just a silly thing to say......

It's not a gotcha or a "fact" because being Atheist permits you to cherry pick what you choose to celebrate, and how you celebrate it. You know, like Christians cherry pick from the Bible, and from the festivals of previous religions.

It's absolutely no different, after all I've never read in biblical canon that thou shalt open a paper banging thing and unto the merry shall ye tell a bad joke frometh a scrap of printout therein.

Atheists just go one "god" further.

They've shown her no consideration.
No non-believer has to listen to 5 minute long prayers if they choose not to, in their own house.

Yanbu op. Being forced to participate in a ritual you don't believe in is absolutely not on. Especially more than once and in your own home.

Atheists stick to known facts, so thus not preaching.

Religions all include an element of the unproven and many religious books promote evangelising/preaching.

"think West African preaching type where you have to chant after each line being spoken. I actively disagree with a lot of the words being spoken too."

That would sicken me. Don't blame you one iota for your feelings and actions.

I think this is another thread where more people need to click on ‘OP posts:See all’

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OP posts:See all

YANBU but this is why I could not marry a theist. It is a very fundamental philosophical difference which can't be resolved.

I don’t see how five minutes is a long time though?

I'm sure the OP is also telling her toddler that Santa is not real.

WTF is this based on?

I think a lot of people are imagining a quiet grace sort of prayer. That is not what is happening here. No one should be forced to say any sort of prayer especially the chanting almost aggressive type. It's probably odd to describe a prayer as aggressive but I grew up in a family like that. The more you can out pray the last session or person the better. I am an atheist now. I would have walked away too.
Also all the prayer doesn't make them good people, it's all a performance.

Yanbu. It was his choice to marry someone not religious.

5 minutes of this when you are an active non believer "think West African preaching type where you have to chant after each line being spoken. I actively disagree with a lot of the words being spoken too."

Sounds like absolute shite to me! I absolutely would not be forced to participate either.

I agree and it can feel very awkward to sit there if you aren't actively participating, especially for that long. It is OP's home so why should she feel like that. It was unreasonable of OP's H to act the way he did, massive over-reaction. His family need to accept not everybody shares their beliefs and wants to participate in their worship. That's the inherent meaning of tolerance.

The second prayers are not the normal prayer type you would expect, think West African preaching type where you have to chant after each line being spoken.

Good lord, how racist.

I was at my local CofE Cathedral for a Christmas Eve service (not a Eucharist, though) and all Christian prayers do a version of call and response. Saying Amen is a chant after a prayer, and so on. The “happy clappy” Methodists often do call and response prayers. All totally British.

This. You attended what is essentially a Christian festival at the home of Christians and you couldn’t tolerate a 5 minute prayer? Such a drama queen.

I am an atheist and anyone who expects me to sit through prayers as a whole family unit thing can fuck off.

You still seem to be missing that there's no option to sit with her thoughts. She's expected to hold hands and chant.