Christmas day "ruined" by nap

[Canonlythinkofthisone]

DH works long hours and shifts. I also work full time in a high pressure role. We barely cross paths between work and childcare, and have a rare 2 days off together for Christmas. We have one DD who is still too young to "fully" understand Christmas (this is her 2nd).

I was in the throws of PPD last Christmas and effort was minimal, so this year I've put alot of effort into the day (just the 3 of us).

He did make it home last night in time for bedtime (just) and dragged himself out of bed this morning so we could all go and check if santa had been. We had a lovely morning opening presents etc and all was well.

I asked him to keep DD out from under my feet whilst I cracked on with dinner. Dinner was always planned for just after DDs usual tea time of 4.30pm.

DD appeared in the kitchen mooching for some interaction. Stuck my head in the living room and DH has nodded off.

Gently woke him and asked him to keep an eye on DD again whilst I was busy. He stropped that he was entitled to be tired, and took himself to bed for a nap.
This is a man who regularly works 12 to 16 hour days without a nap, and hasn't taken a sick day in over a decade, for fear of "letting people down".

DD was too young to eat with us last year so this year I genuinely was looking forward to us all sitting down together to eat, crackers, silly hats etc. This really rarely happens as normally its only one of us home at a time with her.

DH has just woken up. After a 6hour nap. I'm not even angry. I'm just really sad. Me and DD ate together at 5pm. She's now in bed after a busy day and a fat roast dinner.

He's tried "apologising" by asking why I didn't wake him. I pointed out it's not my responsibility to wake a grown man for his dinner, he got mardy. I told him I was really disappointed that he can work all the time and not nap/take any time off/leave early etc, so there's clearly people he doesn't mind letting down, meaning me and DD. Wasted money and food, and a rare opportunity to sit as a family and enjoy Christmas lunch.

He's now moping round the kitchen washing the pots after microwaving his Christmas dinner and eating on his own. I get that he was tired but I just feel really sad. DD has had a wonderful day, and as we never eat together anyway, knows no different, I just feel like of all the days to just make an effort to be present, today was it.

But maybe IABU.

All you had to do was wake the man up when dinner was ready, you ruined your own day. You managed to eat with your child and you made sure he missed out.

All you had to do was wake the man up when dinner was ready

She tried twice perhaps RTWT

Six hours??

It must be sulk-sleeping.

Shame all your effort didn't get appreciation. He does sound a bit of a drama queen.

The answer may be to not make any great effort in future, and allow for sulk-sleeps.

Some posters on here need to "give their head a wobble" (to use a phrase I generally dislike) over their snippiness towards a hardworking mum who has carried the load on Christmas day and was a bit sad that her DH who did nothing slept through it (despite her efforts to wake him) and missed it. No wonder OP's DH thinks some of us are bonkers!

Other posters need to read the OP's updates before making irrelevant comments.

She woke him once whilst she was cooking Just left him when dinner was ready so she could tell him he missed dinner with his daughter.

No she didn't, at least read the ops posts if nothing else

She woke him up once. He was stroppy and went off to bed.

She attempted twice more and he grunted at her.

How many times should she have tried?

And what a ridiculous statement saying she works 24hiurs a day no she doesn't she also gets sleep! And OP said he does his share of housework so are we also going to attribute to him that he does unpaid work too. He also looks after his child too.

I understand as I’ve felt like this before but you probably should have woken him. Not making excuses but when you’re busy with work in the run up to Xmas and then you finally stop and take time off, sometimes the tiredness just takes over. You let him sleep for 6 hours knowing he was missing dinner and you and DD were having it on your own.

FOR THE LOVE IF GOD READ THE FULL THREAD PLEASE. OR AT LEAST THE OP's POSTS!!!

So has the OP cancelled the cheque?

👏

yanbu

This is a person who works 12/16 hour days, and has done for the last decade,

He normally eats with your child when you don’t - I’m assuming you’re at work.

You are not moaning about money or anything else, except he fell asleep on Christmas Day. It sounds like you built it up in your head a perfect day, and you ended up with snoring, farting and dribbling!!

More than one Christmas I’ve konked out on the sofa, so has my husband due to working long hours/two jobs. Life is financially tough when you have a young family as well as mentally tough when you have a young family.

Lets hope he’s just shattered and needed to recharge his batteries and not coming down with something.

And what a ridiculous statement saying she works 24hiurs a day no she doesn't she also gets sleep! And OP said he does his share of housework so are we also going to attribute to him that he does unpaid work too. He also looks after his child too.

💯

Where, in any of the OP’s posts does she say her DH normally eats with the child when she doesn’t ?

The OP has explained time and time again that the plan was to eat as a family at her daughter’s normal meal time, and that her husband agreed to it. What actually happened is that he participated fully in the lovely present opening part of the day, fell asleep when he was asked to look after DD while OP cooked and then when woken, threw a strop and went to bed, leaving the OP to do everything by herself. She tried to wake him up several times and was met with bad temper. So she and her daughter ended up eating without him.

You made much of the fact that her DH works long hours but skipped lightly over the fact that OP works full time herself in a high pressure job. Where was her Christmas Day ? Why is she to blame for his bad temper and lack of thought for the effort she put in, and why are you trying to make her feel worse by suggesting her DH is ill ?

You are being unreasonable and you are being a martyr sounds like your playing the victim

funny how you later add you went up twice - I think you want mumsnetters to validate your victim mentality

you yourself keep saying your husband works hard and is tired

applying some of that reasoning and rationale why are you asking mums this question ?

You sound like hard work . I bet your husband was not the only one sulking

just get over it - talk to your husband not us and maybe you can then move on ?

🤣🤣🤣 jeez thanks for your advice.

In the spirit of giving and all that, here's some for you:

RTWT
😘

RTFT and maybe don't be so unpleasant?

Is there really any need to be so bloody unpleasant ? And you’ve obviously skimmed over the surface, taking what you want from it instead of reading the full thread and understanding what’s actually happening. Even just reading the OP’s updates would give you a better insight than you have. Perhaps next time RTFT before you rush to insults. Makes you look like a twat.

Sound like first time he’s relaxed in ages and it’s hit him how tired he is
sleeping for that length of time during the day isn’t normal