To have told my DH to F off at 8.30 on Christmas Day

[Butterflysize]

Yesterday twice a thinly veiled joke that I’ve ‘failed at x’ kid’s Christmas related thing - little things that basically mean we are not doing things exactly the way his family did, for example what I write on the kids gift tags.

8.30 this morning I get told half joking that I’ve failed again because I didn’t leave crumbs on an empty plate for the Santa mince pies. I snapped back at him and told him to fuck off and really meant it. He has gone off outside and text me saying thanks for ruining Christmas. I have apologised for swearing but told him I am finding his comments upsetting and not funny. Generally failing as a parent has been a real sore point as I’ve suffered with awful PND and never really forgiven myself.

He has been pulling his weight in terms of prep so there’s no background that he’s not participating in general.

Who is BU?

I'd be really annoyed at this. Where was he all night that he couldn't leave crumbs.

Both of you, and there isn't an option for that. He needs to choose his words more carefully.

He sounds like a twat - I would've told him to fuck off (& not apologised either)....
Hope your day gets better x

Sounds like he has just been sniping at you and goading you for the last 24 hours - then he gets to justify a strop at you, even though your response (while rude) was a direct result of him being a twat

If it's that important to him, he needs to do it. Enjoy the rest of the day.

“Let’s start the day again with a clean slate, stop griping and picking at me, and we’ll have a nice day. Deal?”

Both of you.

What's wrong with him leaving crumbs 🙄

He’s the one ruining things with his snipey unnecessary comments, why does he think he can say what he likes without retaliation, twat.

He pushed you until you snapped. I hope you have a good day despite of his behaviour

He’s not coming back in a hurry. I feel really anxious now that there will be a bad atmosphere or silent treatment all day 😢

Jesus if my dp walked off everytime I told him to fuck off I'd never see him. This would not be a serious thing in my house but the constant sniping about being a failure absolutely would be.

Yep..you need to do this. He shouldn't have wound you up but try and make a truce here.

I agree he's a goady twat who didn't like you standing up to him. Ignore him and get on with enjoying your day.

Anyone who tells another human being that they have ""failed again"" is a shitty horrible person

Don't apologise for saying fuck off

He should be apologising for being a controlling wankstain

Yes, irritating and to be addressed but, now is not the time.
Call a truce until after Christmas and both of you let your DC enjoy Christmas without a shitty atmosphere.

Is that something that's happened before?

He has text me saying thanks for ruining Christmas What a drama queen

Moods are a form of emotional control and attention seeking. My advice would be to be your usual self for the sake of your children, family etc.

Dont pander to him, ignore it. He knows how you feel - if someone’s in a mood with me they can stay in it as I don’t pay it any attention

Standing up for yourself isn’t failing. Quite the opposite.

Who cares? Leave him outside to freeze

I'd carry on your day without him. If he wants to be miserable, that's on him. If he hadn't sniped away at you, you wouldn't have responded like that.

I would have told him to fuck off too. Is he not capable of writing gift tags and leaving crumbs? I would carry on as normal. He is sulking, so you feel bad and apologise. Crafty one isn't he.

He ruined the Xmas, not you. Let him sulk/whatever. If he wants things done a certain way, he can do them and not expect you to do them.

He’s a mean twat. I would be being my normal self for the kids but definitely not pandering to him.

That’s a fuck off from me too. Telling you what to write on the gift tags!