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Original poster

DH has not done any food prep for Christmas today

157 replies

Dallidalli · 24/12/2023 20:36

Just came home from work, walking all day through the gale winds. DH all day home with DC. Initially I was delighted as he tidied up and cleaned the bath room. I looked into the fridge and fuck all prep for dinner tomorrow was done.
Yesterday we discussed that I'll go and get last minute bits and bobs from the shops and he stays home with DC and starts Christmas prep. He did volunteer to do the bathroom but really it was his fucking turn.
I've not slept as DC is sleeping in our bed and has been twitching all night so my nerves are blank I know that and frankly I do think I'm slightly unreasonable and unfair but why the hell is it so difficult to go clean a bath AND get food prepped?? DC is toddler age so I get it's challenging. I'm just pissed off
I snapped at him yesterday too while wrapping presents. I asked him whats his plan for tomorrow (today) and he jokingly said "survive" and I blew the lid and told him I don't find it funny anymore (he says that joke a lot) and should start acting like an adult and that he did not contribute a thing to decorating, planning, gift organising....but most of his lazy attitude is making my anxiety worse as I can't trust he goes and just does the things that need done without me spelling it out for him.
I'm pissed off because all communication has broken down towards Christmas and I shout and he shuts down and that makes me even more angry because I find that cowardly behaviour.

Yes I am overtired, stressed, angry, overwhelmed, overstimulated and sad.

I just don't trust he got my back at all and he might also be struggling. Honestly I just want to cancel all plans for tomorrow with his family as it seems I'm the only actually giving a shit.

Sorry for rant.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 24/12/2023 20:39

He hasn't got your back has he.
Is he the one cooking tomorrow or is he expecting all of that to be done by you?

Summonedbybees · 24/12/2023 20:43

Your poor toddler. I hope he had a nice day with his Dad today

JayAlfredPrufrock · 24/12/2023 20:43

What prep were you expecting?

madeinmanc · 24/12/2023 20:46

Unless you're cooking for lots of people, it's not really necessary to prep the day before. It's not a complicated meal: meat/nut roast, vegetable sides, gravy.

pikkumyy77 · 24/12/2023 20:47

I think you both need a reset snd need some help: you are angry snd blowing up at him and this is unlikely to get the results you want. I am in the thick of holiday prep myself. If he is cooking tomorrow let him do it his way. If you are cooking tomorrow your lesson is learned he doesn’t do prep in ghe way you want .

Businessflake · 24/12/2023 20:47

You’re clearly tired and stressed. I’m sorry you are feeling that way.

But I really don’t get the constant obsession with prepping to cook a roast dinner. Do people spend all day Saturday prepping their Sunday roast? It’s just not that difficult or time consuming unless you are hosting a dozen or more people maybe.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/12/2023 20:48

My ex used to shout, I hate being yelled at so would go quiet hoping he’d stop, he’d shout at me more for disengaging. Happy days 🙄

Not prepping food is annoying and you’re tired, I get that. But there are clearly big issues in your marriage that go beyond Christmas food. Are you shouting in front of your young child? That’s much worse than failing to complete all chores.

Beamur · 24/12/2023 20:50

You sound fed up, tired and stressed but also taking all of this way too seriously.
He's cleaned and tidied and looked after the kids.
Try and relax, work together tomorrow to get food ready but most of all, have a nice time with your kids - that really is more important than everything else right now..

TypicalCoach · 24/12/2023 20:50

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Bonkerz · 24/12/2023 20:50

No prep done here either but I'm a Lone Ranger so no one else to resent or blame here.

You need to stop doing it all. Until you let go of the 'cleaning up his mess' and giving more than he does he will never step up

Whatsthestorynow · 24/12/2023 20:51

I’m another one wondering what the food prep entails?

Original poster
Dallidalli · 24/12/2023 20:52

He wanted to do two dishes himself.
I'll be doing the roast, trimmings, salads etc
I wanted him to have his two dishes ready prepared in the fridge so they can go in the oven at staggered times tomorrow.

Honestly we didn't talk about it all properly. I was charging in one direction and he struggled to keep up.

What do I do now? I am also angry with myself for snapping at him he doesn't deserve that either. We are both stressed

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 24/12/2023 20:52

What needs prepping ?? 5 of us tomorrow, and I’ve not prepped anything…

FlyingCherub · 24/12/2023 20:52

So, choice 1 is to stay in bed in the morning and have a lie in. He can do it then.

Or you can be a mug, get up and act like a martyr doing it all while he sits around relaxing....

I know which I'd be doing!

PinkflowersWhiteBerries · 24/12/2023 20:53

Beamur · 24/12/2023 20:50

You sound fed up, tired and stressed but also taking all of this way too seriously.
He's cleaned and tidied and looked after the kids.
Try and relax, work together tomorrow to get food ready but most of all, have a nice time with your kids - that really is more important than everything else right now..

I agree with this. Don’t worry about having everything ‘perfect’ . Try to get some rest before tomorrow and go with the flow.

Hopefully your guests are people who care for you all and will be glad of the company and the fact that you are making the effort for them,

Slobberchops1 · 24/12/2023 20:53

It’s only a roast dinner , unless your a restaurant you don’t need to prep

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/12/2023 20:54

Why can’t he make the dishes in the morning?

Menomeno · 24/12/2023 20:54

madeinmanc · 24/12/2023 20:46

Unless you're cooking for lots of people, it's not really necessary to prep the day before. It's not a complicated meal: meat/nut roast, vegetable sides, gravy.

I spend an entire day prepping - peeling and chopping veg, parboiling, make stuffing and prepare pigs in blankets then cook, make Yorkshire pudding batter, make gravy and sauces, cook some of the meats to save oven space on the day, make ton of fruit salad from scratch… Depending on number of guests it’s usually 15-20lbs of potatoes and a similar weight of other veg. It’s a huge job!

LaahDeeDah · 24/12/2023 20:54

I hope you have a good night sleep. I hope that you'll wake up refreshed and tomorrow morning you can communicate and sort out and agree on who does what and get it done. I also hope that you both can deligate to the guests anything that needs doing. If that doesn't go to plan ordering a curry in is a great plan B.

Businessflake · 24/12/2023 20:55

What do I do now? I am also angry with myself for snapping at him he doesn't deserve that either. We are both stressed

Pour a glass of wine and have a hug?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 24/12/2023 20:55

What specifically did you want him to do? Do you have lots of people coming tomorrow?

Ilovemyshed · 24/12/2023 20:55

We are cooking for 9... all prep tomorrow, we just sat and watched the telly tonight Grin

headcheffer · 24/12/2023 20:56

Dallidalli · 24/12/2023 20:52

He wanted to do two dishes himself.
I'll be doing the roast, trimmings, salads etc
I wanted him to have his two dishes ready prepared in the fridge so they can go in the oven at staggered times tomorrow.

Honestly we didn't talk about it all properly. I was charging in one direction and he struggled to keep up.

What do I do now? I am also angry with myself for snapping at him he doesn't deserve that either. We are both stressed

Go talk to him. Say you're sorry, and that none of this matters anyway. That you both can have a nice time tomorrow, food prep together with your DC playing with their new toys will be fun, and you're looking forward to Christmas Day together.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 24/12/2023 20:56

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Ah we don't know that ..they could be arseholes Grin

Sunshineclouds11 · 24/12/2023 20:57

No prep here either!
Will be done in the morning after opening presents.

Have a glass and sit down. It all gets done prepped or not.