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Original poster

DH has not done any food prep for Christmas today

157 replies

Dallidalli · 24/12/2023 20:36

Just came home from work, walking all day through the gale winds. DH all day home with DC. Initially I was delighted as he tidied up and cleaned the bath room. I looked into the fridge and fuck all prep for dinner tomorrow was done.
Yesterday we discussed that I'll go and get last minute bits and bobs from the shops and he stays home with DC and starts Christmas prep. He did volunteer to do the bathroom but really it was his fucking turn.
I've not slept as DC is sleeping in our bed and has been twitching all night so my nerves are blank I know that and frankly I do think I'm slightly unreasonable and unfair but why the hell is it so difficult to go clean a bath AND get food prepped?? DC is toddler age so I get it's challenging. I'm just pissed off
I snapped at him yesterday too while wrapping presents. I asked him whats his plan for tomorrow (today) and he jokingly said "survive" and I blew the lid and told him I don't find it funny anymore (he says that joke a lot) and should start acting like an adult and that he did not contribute a thing to decorating, planning, gift organising....but most of his lazy attitude is making my anxiety worse as I can't trust he goes and just does the things that need done without me spelling it out for him.
I'm pissed off because all communication has broken down towards Christmas and I shout and he shuts down and that makes me even more angry because I find that cowardly behaviour.

Yes I am overtired, stressed, angry, overwhelmed, overstimulated and sad.

I just don't trust he got my back at all and he might also be struggling. Honestly I just want to cancel all plans for tomorrow with his family as it seems I'm the only actually giving a shit.

Sorry for rant.

OP posts:
Nomagicflute · 24/12/2023 21:50

Gettingbysomehow · 24/12/2023 21:47

Lazy, idle men eventually wear you down until there is nothing left of you. I won't waste my life on them.

Why is he lazy? He was looking after his child and tidying the bathroom? Sounds OK to me. Or is he supposed to ignore his child and make the perfect dinner one day before its due?

BlackBean2023 · 24/12/2023 21:52

It's just a roast dinner with a few extras. This isn't what Christmas is about. Confused

Tryingtokeepgoing · 24/12/2023 21:54

Menomeno · 24/12/2023 20:54

I spend an entire day prepping - peeling and chopping veg, parboiling, make stuffing and prepare pigs in blankets then cook, make Yorkshire pudding batter, make gravy and sauces, cook some of the meats to save oven space on the day, make ton of fruit salad from scratch… Depending on number of guests it’s usually 15-20lbs of potatoes and a similar weight of other veg. It’s a huge job!

Show quote history

Now I’m not one for competitive under eating but surely 20lbs (almost 10kgs…) of potatoes is a huge amount…250g per person is a very large serving. So you are prepping 25 to 40 portions? I’m pretty sure that @madeinmanc did not have that in mind when saying prep wasn’t necessary! For a more normal 6 to 8, it’s not much more than a normal Sunday roast, with a started (cold in my case) thrown in.

Growlybear83 · 24/12/2023 21:55

madeinmanc · 24/12/2023 20:46

Unless you're cooking for lots of people, it's not really necessary to prep the day before. It's not a complicated meal: meat/nut roast, vegetable sides, gravy.

I was just going to say the same. I can't think of any part of the Christmas meal that needs to be prepared the day before. In the past when we've had a lot of people for Christmas lunch, I sometimes prepared the sprouts the night before but everything else is better if it's prepared on the day.

JANEY205 · 24/12/2023 21:56

This is why we did away with the big Christmas dinner. We have pancakes/waffles, bacon and fruit to start the day with coffee and juice and then we have some prepped foods for lunch (M&s great for this) and then cheese boards, nibbles, chocolates in the evening. Stress free! None of us needing to miss out on time with the kids or be stressy. We only buy gifts for children in the family and my husband and I have a drink and wrap gifts together. We do the tree as a family.

Really what else needs to be done? the point of Christmas is family and quality time not some poxy meal and being shouted at! I’d be really pissed off if I was your DH and your shouting isn’t ok. He did do stuff today. He probably doesn’t see the point of all the extra stuff you choose to do because it is a choice.

Grapefruitsquash · 24/12/2023 21:56

Slobberchops1 · 24/12/2023 20:53

It’s only a roast dinner , unless your a restaurant you don’t need to prep

I've prepped. 12 of us for lunch then another 4 plus 11 of the original 12 in the evening. Otherwise I'd be up at 6am peeling potatoes and making stuffing.

Starzinsky · 24/12/2023 21:57

I'm not one of those that feels the need to start prepping the day before. I wouldn't be on board it my partner demanded this of me.

Floatinginatincan · 24/12/2023 21:58

Chill the fuck out & sit down with a glass of something nice. It can get done tomorrow & if it doesn't then it doesn't.

VikingLady · 24/12/2023 21:58

When we still did the full Christmas dinner we did all possible prep the day before - even setting the table. Everything.

It means you can spend the morning enjoying the kids' reactions and playing with them instead of slogging away on your own in a different room.

RedToothBrush · 24/12/2023 22:00

Littlemissweepy · 24/12/2023 21:31

What’s with all those acting all incredulous that people do some food prep on Christmas Eve!? I have done some prep - I am only cooking for 6 - made stuffing, made the starters so they can just go in the oven half an hour before we all sit down. Peeled and cut potatoes and carrots and left them in water in the fridge. Made cranberry sauce and cranberry syrup for gin cocktails. Made custard. Took me a couple of hours, those 2 hours I would rather not spend in the kitchen tomorrow as then I’d rather be hanging out with my kids.

I'm not incredulous that people do prep on Christmas Eve. I think the OP is a total drama llama for throwing her toys out the pram and calling her husband lazy because he hasn't though. Because it's not essential but the OP is making out that Christmas is ruined and her husband is the worst man in the world.

She's just being ridiculous. Things will get done tomorrow and she will eat Christmas dinner even if it ends up a bit later than planned and the world won't end.

She needs to chill the fuck out and stop being upright and so rigid. It really really doesn't matter that much.

Valid8me · 24/12/2023 22:04

Life is far too short to make stuffing/pigs in blankets/cranberry sauce/custard.

Buy ready made and save yourself time and stress!

NameChange1412 · 24/12/2023 22:05

Friedfriedplantain · 24/12/2023 21:32

@NameChange1412 sorry about your dad, but why be a dick to OP when it's clear she is struggling with more than just Christmas dinner? She sounds overwrought.

I snapped at him yesterday too while wrapping presents. I asked him whats his plan for tomorrow (today) and he jokingly said "survive"

would piss me off too I can't stand men who make this big a deal of looking after their own child for a day.

I wasn’t ‘being a dick’ (but thanks for taking the time to really stick the boot in there when I’m already going through hell!), I was merely offering perspective.

Merry Christmas to you, too. 👍🏼

topnoddy · 24/12/2023 22:05

Zapzep · 24/12/2023 21:17

How do you make gravey before cooking the meat? What type of gravy is it?

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Ahh Bisto !

Doesn't gravy come out of a packet as granules then ?

Can't stomach the stuff myself .

MammaTo · 24/12/2023 22:08

It wouldn’t be Christmas without a bit of a barney - just say sorry and explain you’re feeling stressed with the festivities and crack on.

Brefugee · 24/12/2023 22:09

it sounds stressful, OP.
Just see what tomorrow brings, and if it is fishfingers and beans? that is what it is.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 24/12/2023 22:11

I would go give him a big hug and say "I am sorry, I love you, can we start over?"

Knittedfairies2 · 24/12/2023 22:11

I haven't done anything for tomorrow either; I take the view that friends and family should be the very people that don't mind if things aren't perfect.

Brefugee · 24/12/2023 22:12

Dallidalli · 24/12/2023 21:07

I'm just sitting here crying. And I feel stupid and people are right it really doesn't matter if stuff is prepared. I was vile and abusive for bullshit reasons really.

The reason why I was so stressing for things to be done, his mum and sister are coming for 12pm but can't stay too long past 3ish as it's getting dark and his sister doesn't like driving in the dark. How mum is a peckish eater, one of the dishes DH wanted to make was also specifically for her as she wouldn't have touched any of the other foods (ED)
Crying did help a little. I just want to mend this with him and sleep.

honestly, OP, just try to breathe.

He wanted to do these things, and the timings are out of your control. If the food isn't ready, if he has to rush, if the picky one won't eat? it'd not the end of the world.

bellac11 · 24/12/2023 22:14

Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic · 24/12/2023 21:34

Yeah ok - why is she having all the sleepless nights? (My hubby would have taken LO so I could sleep/nap).
Why has she had to plan/shop/organise gifts etc and worried that he’s so laidback that stuff isn’t going to get done.
So he either needs to take over some of her mental load or more likely she needs to not try and do so much. The latter will be quicker.

Nothing to do with me though- I have a fully functioning adult as a husband so we’re grand.

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Without know the full details its difficult to say if OP is one of these people that over do everything and its possible that 2 people dont agree that x or y or z needs to be done/bought/prepared etc

The problem is people go over the top at Christmas

PaprikaPlease · 24/12/2023 22:15

To the people who say OP is mad for prepping, the best christmas dinners I’ve had were all were all heavily prepped in advance by people who love to cook. Nobody does mince pies on Christmas morning and Christmas puds are often made months before. Food like red cabbage is fine eaten on the day but elevated to dreamy status a day or two after.

I’m too lazy to do much beforehand myself and happy with a basic lunch with trimmings but fully acknowledge that’s what the best cooks I know do - especially those who love cooking and the really good cooks of the older generation. I love a christmas dinner prepared by a proper foodie chef and only wish I could pull it off myself. Don’t think OP is at all mad - probably just has high standards - and hope she makes it up with her other half.

Just for the record!

Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic · 24/12/2023 22:15

bellac11 · 24/12/2023 22:14

Without know the full details its difficult to say if OP is one of these people that over do everything and its possible that 2 people dont agree that x or y or z needs to be done/bought/prepared etc

The problem is people go over the top at Christmas

Show quote history

Amen to that!

Menomeno · 24/12/2023 22:16

Tryingtokeepgoing · 24/12/2023 21:54

Now I’m not one for competitive under eating but surely 20lbs (almost 10kgs…) of potatoes is a huge amount…250g per person is a very large serving. So you are prepping 25 to 40 portions? I’m pretty sure that @madeinmanc did not have that in mind when saying prep wasn’t necessary! For a more normal 6 to 8, it’s not much more than a normal Sunday roast, with a started (cold in my case) thrown in.

Show quote history

Our family is HUGE! There’s 12 of us just inc our kids and their partners. I’ve got 3 brothers, 2 sisters and 4 step-siblings. That’s not including the nieces and nephews. There’s usually about 20 of us on Xmas day but sometimes more. That amount of potatoes are for roast potatoes and mash. People are saying “It’s just a roast”, but it’s a once-a-year spectacular feast. I’m shocked that so many people don’t seem to go to town on it! Or maybe they have other people cooking it for them so don’t understand the effort that goes into it.

bellac11 · 24/12/2023 22:18

Valid8me · 24/12/2023 22:04

Life is far too short to make stuffing/pigs in blankets/cranberry sauce/custard.

Buy ready made and save yourself time and stress!

This is why Marks and Spencers was invented.

VaughanMorgan · 24/12/2023 22:19

💐You’ll be fine tomorrow. X

bellac11 · 24/12/2023 22:22

PaprikaPlease · 24/12/2023 22:15

To the people who say OP is mad for prepping, the best christmas dinners I’ve had were all were all heavily prepped in advance by people who love to cook. Nobody does mince pies on Christmas morning and Christmas puds are often made months before. Food like red cabbage is fine eaten on the day but elevated to dreamy status a day or two after.

I’m too lazy to do much beforehand myself and happy with a basic lunch with trimmings but fully acknowledge that’s what the best cooks I know do - especially those who love cooking and the really good cooks of the older generation. I love a christmas dinner prepared by a proper foodie chef and only wish I could pull it off myself. Don’t think OP is at all mad - probably just has high standards - and hope she makes it up with her other half.

Just for the record!

The best Christmas dinners I have served up have been when I cooked everything from scratch, the cauliflower cheese, red cabbage, bread sauce, wrapping up the piggies, own yorkshires, own roast potatoes, hand peeling evertying, me fancy carrots in honey and mustard, stuffing, stuffing the turkey, butter under the skin, roasting beef, buttered cabbage, spicy parsnips, port and red wine gravy

I did this for quite a few years.

Now?

M&S.