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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has not done any food prep for Christmas today

157 replies

Dallidalli · 24/12/2023 20:36

Just came home from work, walking all day through the gale winds. DH all day home with DC. Initially I was delighted as he tidied up and cleaned the bath room. I looked into the fridge and fuck all prep for dinner tomorrow was done.
Yesterday we discussed that I'll go and get last minute bits and bobs from the shops and he stays home with DC and starts Christmas prep. He did volunteer to do the bathroom but really it was his fucking turn.
I've not slept as DC is sleeping in our bed and has been twitching all night so my nerves are blank I know that and frankly I do think I'm slightly unreasonable and unfair but why the hell is it so difficult to go clean a bath AND get food prepped?? DC is toddler age so I get it's challenging. I'm just pissed off
I snapped at him yesterday too while wrapping presents. I asked him whats his plan for tomorrow (today) and he jokingly said "survive" and I blew the lid and told him I don't find it funny anymore (he says that joke a lot) and should start acting like an adult and that he did not contribute a thing to decorating, planning, gift organising....but most of his lazy attitude is making my anxiety worse as I can't trust he goes and just does the things that need done without me spelling it out for him.
I'm pissed off because all communication has broken down towards Christmas and I shout and he shuts down and that makes me even more angry because I find that cowardly behaviour.

Yes I am overtired, stressed, angry, overwhelmed, overstimulated and sad.

I just don't trust he got my back at all and he might also be struggling. Honestly I just want to cancel all plans for tomorrow with his family as it seems I'm the only actually giving a shit.

Sorry for rant.

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 24/12/2023 22:26

Today dh and I between us prepped all veg/pots/ meat for tomorrow , seasoned the turkey cleans 2 bathrooms, Hoover and mopped through, tidied and cleaned. Made 3 pizza to take to a party. Did two dog walks. That was between 930-3 with minimal breaks and no kids. (They were occupied all day)

I feel like you asked quite a lot if he had a toddler too.

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 24/12/2023 22:26

Christ on a bike, this is why I can't stand Sunday/Christmas dinners. Who can be bothered with al, this faffing? Just have a normal meal you like and enjoy your day - getting up early, prepping, cooking for hours... order a bloody takeaway and have done with it all!

caringcarer · 24/12/2023 22:36

Whatsthestorynow · 24/12/2023 20:51

I’m another one wondering what the food prep entails?

Surely smearing turkey with butter, then putting streaky bacon on the turkey crown, wrapping it in foil for first part of cook. Wrapping cocktail sausages in streaky bacon, peeling enough potatoes for both roast and mash, peeling carrots and Julienne cutting them, prepping sprouts and cabbage. Setting table, chilling wine.

Iwasafool · 24/12/2023 22:37

ExtraOnions · 24/12/2023 20:52

What needs prepping ?? 5 of us tomorrow, and I’ve not prepped anything…

My prep for tomorrow was making enough Yorkshires to do for today and tomorrow. They have all mysteriously disappeared so tomorrow I will be making more.

bonzaitree · 24/12/2023 22:38

Honestly pour yourself a drink and chill. You can peel the spuds tomorrow. You have a toddler so keep it simple- meat roasties veg and gravy

Littlemissweepy · 24/12/2023 22:40

Valid8me · 24/12/2023 22:04

Life is far too short to make stuffing/pigs in blankets/cranberry sauce/custard.

Buy ready made and save yourself time and stress!

You do you. Let others do what they want. No need to judge others so much. It is not that hard, really.

JoanOfAllTrades · 24/12/2023 22:42

Changetherecorddj · 24/12/2023 21:19

Who the fuck has salad with Christmas Dinner???

People who live south of the Equator!

Yesterday (Christmas Eve, I’m a lot ahead of the UK), I cooked 3 lots of sausage meat stuffing, 2 cauliflower cheese which I will finish off in the oven today, parboiled and part roasted parsnips, a 4 kg ham, and mashed Swede, and the rest I’m doing right now, which is roast lamb, stuffed roast turkey (boneless), duck fat roast potatoes, mashed potatoes, Brussel sprouts, Vichy carrots, broccoli, Yorkshire puddings, and lastly gravy.

Since I only have one cooker, I can’t cook everything today, so I can finish the parsnips off in the airfryer, whilst air frying the roast spuds, and I can heat some things in the microwave, but it’s too much to bake a huge ham and roast turkey and lamb and all the rest, all today! Unless, we want to have a late Christmas Dinner/early Boxing Day breakfast……

bellac11 · 24/12/2023 22:47

Littlemissweepy · 24/12/2023 22:40

You do you. Let others do what they want. No need to judge others so much. It is not that hard, really.

Show quote history

Well it seems to be causing OP a lot of angst so its good advice

But actually to be fair what OP is stressing about is that he didnt prep the meals he is cooking tomorrow, its not the main dinner prep (or otherwise) she is upset that he didnt do

DeeLusional · 24/12/2023 23:01

Never expect a man to instinctively know what you want them to do. Write a list, stick it on the wall, leave a pen, instruct him to cross off each thing as it's done.

Borth · 24/12/2023 23:02

I’m cooking for 23. No prep. Turkey in first thing as it needs 6hrs but then a lull until midday when I’ll prepare the veg. It’s a pretty stress free day really. I had thought about making the breed sauce and cranberry sauce today but I couldn’t be bothered and it won’t take long tomorrow

Brefugee · 24/12/2023 23:05

DeeLusional · 24/12/2023 23:01

Never expect a man to instinctively know what you want them to do. Write a list, stick it on the wall, leave a pen, instruct him to cross off each thing as it's done.

never expect a woman to do all the thinking and tell her partner in life what he needs to do.

They should agree together in advance what needs to be done and sort out who is doing what and when. Without being reminded or have someone take on the extra work of making lists.

LorlieS · 24/12/2023 23:05

@DeeLusional My husband does all of the cooking and knows far more than me so he'd find that completely patronising!

DeeLusional · 24/12/2023 23:10

One of the lucky ones! There are a few of you out there. The rest of us need to leave itemised instructions. Merry Christmas everyone.

C8H10N4O2 · 24/12/2023 23:22

DeeLusional · 24/12/2023 23:10

One of the lucky ones! There are a few of you out there. The rest of us need to leave itemised instructions. Merry Christmas everyone.

There are plenty of us, it simply took setting the expectation that ovaries are not required for basic housekeeping skills and nor do ovaries come supplied with copies of Delia Smith and a desire to be the household and family skivvy.

Threeboysadogandacat · 24/12/2023 23:30

Luckily Auntie Bessie has prepped all mine for me. I’ll just pop it in the oven tomorrow.

Original poster
Dallidalli · 24/12/2023 23:32

Update:
My DH and I had a heart to heart about the past two days. Mainly me sobbing on his shoulder like a 3 year old and I apologised for being a raging bitch. Because I was. He apologised for making dumb comments instead of stepping up and clamping down when confronted. I had a huge glass of wine a and pizza. We gave each other our presents and honestly they were lovely. He's away and almost done with his moussaka and Mac n cheese (don't ask,I know!)

Tbh we needed that storm to clear the air. We were both so focused on different things that we talked and walked past each other.

I am tired I really am. Clearing the air actually made me relax a little. I'm not prepping tonight. I shall make my pork roast , trimmings and salad tomorrow.

Thank you for all the kind words but also honest opinions. Was worth putting things into perspective.

Also massive respect to those cooking for 10+ people and making things from scratch. You really care for your families and I wish you the very best Christmas tomorrow 💕

OP posts:
Caththegreat · 24/12/2023 23:34

Jesus all you women need to get a life and stop expecting men to be better than they are or go to Spain for xmas..stop trying to make memories and making everything perfect.if the men dont cooperate don't cook for them.dont clean.some of these men are s...ts but some just don't want a constant ear bashing.or the feeling that they are failing.you don't need to prep a roast ffs.is this all your life is about? Feminism might as well never have happened.it sounds like my parents 1980s
And eat tapas.

DeeLusional · 24/12/2023 23:35

Gosh you're pretentious! Merry Christmas anyway.

Tacotortoise · 24/12/2023 23:39

I'm glad you made up @Dallidalli . Wishing you and your family a happy and harmonious Christmas 🎄

FixTheBone · 24/12/2023 23:39

This. Is the way.

I cook for 14 every year in a kitchen 3units wide and two units long, with a single oven, and 4 hobs. No more than 4 hours start to finish.

I really don't know what people do with their time...

FriedasCarLoad · 24/12/2023 23:49

madeinmanc · 24/12/2023 20:46

Unless you're cooking for lots of people, it's not really necessary to prep the day before. It's not a complicated meal: meat/nut roast, vegetable sides, gravy.

Isn't it quite common to have at the very least three courses?

And common to have more exciting sides than just plain roasted vegetables? And to have the sauces and any Yorkshire puddings all made from scratch?

And surely lots of people would rather spend as much of Christmas morning as possible relaxing?

I get that plenty of people might be happy with two courses of basically ready-meals, which is fine. But why do so many of them on this thread seem baffled that anyone might like to step it up a bit for a special occasion?!

Tiedtoatwat · 25/12/2023 00:01

madeinmanc · 24/12/2023 20:46

Unless you're cooking for lots of people, it's not really necessary to prep the day before. It's not a complicated meal: meat/nut roast, vegetable sides, gravy.

Don't be silly! I spent a full 3 hours tonight prepping veg, stuffing, ham and turkey, and that's for 5 people!!

Tiedtoatwat · 25/12/2023 00:02

FixTheBone · 24/12/2023 23:39

This. Is the way.

I cook for 14 every year in a kitchen 3units wide and two units long, with a single oven, and 4 hobs. No more than 4 hours start to finish.

I really don't know what people do with their time...

Well you must be the Jeanne d'Arc of the culinary world.

WandaWonder · 25/12/2023 00:05

There is 'he is always useless and never does anything ever' and 'I have arranged a million things and it all has to be done my way and he is not doing as I say'

We do the important stuff and ignore the rest

user1477391263 · 25/12/2023 00:06

FriedasCarLoad · 24/12/2023 23:49

Isn't it quite common to have at the very least three courses?

And common to have more exciting sides than just plain roasted vegetables? And to have the sauces and any Yorkshire puddings all made from scratch?

And surely lots of people would rather spend as much of Christmas morning as possible relaxing?

I get that plenty of people might be happy with two courses of basically ready-meals, which is fine. But why do so many of them on this thread seem baffled that anyone might like to step it up a bit for a special occasion?!

Show quote history

Stepping it up is fine if the couple has the time and energy and wants to do it, but it sounds as though this is just going to cause loads of stress.

Next year, OP, just do a nice, normal roast and ask your guests to bring a side dish each (a dessert, a side dish, some nibbles, whatever), ESPECIALLY the picky eater who can dam’ well provide her own picky food.