To think this is madness and not safe?!

[chocolateaupain]

17 year old DD is saying she is going out this evening to meet an 18 year old lad who she's never met before and knows nothing about. We live in the middle of nowhere- apparently he's "getting dropped off" near our house and she's "going for a walk" with him. She's chatted to him over FaceTime and text and they have mutual friends apparently but essentially she knows nothing about him. She plans to just walk around in the dark and cold in a rural area with him (lots of unlit areas). I've told her this is madness and to meet him somewhere lit and safe like a pub / cafe / restaurant for a proper date. She won't listen.

Am I overreacting?!

I have no idea why you're getting such a pasting on here, OP. I guess some people are in a strange mood due to the time of year? No way should you have invited this boy into your house or been ok with your daughter walking around aimlessly in the dark with him. Sounds like it's all worked out very well -anyway. I hope you get to enjoy the rest of your Christmas eve.

No Wetherspoons in Devon?

That's good. Hopefully they will have a lovely evening and she will be home safe and sound before Santa does his rounds. 😁

I can’t believe some of the nastiness towards the OP. So what if the toddler is from a different relationship?! It doesn’t mean she loves the teen any less. I bet a lot of those making the nasty comments don’t have teenagers.

I have a teenage DS and DD. As they are becoming more independent it is bloody scary! Going out in cars, nightclubs etc. But I’m not surprised that the OP reacted the way she did towards meeting a random man for a walk down a dark country lane!

I think the people who are screaming for attention are the PPs picking fights with the op.

@anxiousnanna Really? OP is clearly distraught, as any mother would be, she reached out to her sister for help. She asked mumsnet to help. You are dictating a narrative which isn't there!

Teenagers are selfish and can act in stupid ways...end of story.
I read the story of the poor girl who was stabbed 😢😢

Of course you're anxious OP.
I would be too.

I don't understand why anybody is being negative at all.

What is wrong about worrying about your kids and wanting your DD to take sensible precautions?

Op, you sound like a lovely mum who’s understandably stressed about this situation! I did similar things to your daughter when I was a teenager. I wasn’t ‘screaming for attention’, I just wanted to meet boys and was an idiot, lol. There’s a certain type of person on this site, especially AIBU, who sees stressful posts and can’t wait to try to make the op feel even worse about whatever’s happened. It’s really odd and a reflection on them rather than you. Have a lovely Christmas!

Glad the plans changed OP. Hopefully it doesn't happen again but if it does the hollie guard app is brilliant for any woman out alone

Oh my god, OP. How scary for you. I know exactly what it's like as I have 2 DC who are early twenties and honestly they sometimes think crazy stuff is entirely ok! I'm pleased she is now going to meet him at the pub then coming home but how worrying for you - Xmas Eve is a weird time for a date I must say. God knows why you've had such a tough time on here either! I hope everything is ok and you get everything wrapped and have a great day tomorrow with your DC and DH.

I'm not a parent so can only imagine how you must be feeling. You sound like an awesome mum, total respect for you trying your best to protect your daughter. We live in such a world now whereby anything
could happen. It was also nice to read that the guy agreed to meet your daughter in a public place as well. Good luck with all your wrapping. Hope you have a lovely Christmas! Xxx

I think you need to look at it from an outsiders perspective op, you were claiming to be very concerned about your daughter meeting this guy, and felt powerless to do anything about it. But in reality you very easily could’ve popped little one in the pushchair and said you were either following older daughter, or she would have to changer her plans. In that scenario older daughter would then almost certainly have abandoned her plans for fear of being humiliated by being followed.
It is unfortunately coming across that your priority lies with your toddler, when in this situation it should be with your older daughter who is potentially at risk. And if your partner is home shortly, then why could he not help out.

Surely you don’t know any of your daughters boyfriends at first, do you never allow any of her friends to visit unless you know them well.
Where is she meant to go if you live in the middle of a field.

I must be the absolute worse mother in the world based on all the comments. if my 17 year old daugher told me she was meeting someone she had never met in the middle of no where and they were going to walk about for a bit.. nope.. not happening... no compromise.. no aunties stepping in.. no taxi's to the pub.

If the plan had been a lovely family night in, then thats what we would have! It stuns me the amount of people on here who seem to think its ok for a young girl to meet someone she does not know under the circumstances the OP suggested?

I am honestly truely shocked... that there are so many parents out there, i will assume mums, but i believe there may be dads on here too, who actually think this scenario is ok...

i clearly need to give my head a shake...

Just ignore it. At 17 I had zero interest in Christmas, or at 16 (when I did something not dissimilar). I would have much preferred to have spent it with a girl I liked.

Unlike your DD, I wouldn't have shared my plans & if I had to, I would have lied. So I don't think you have anything to worry about. Enjoy your Christmas together.

Edited for a very unfortunate typo.

You wouldn’t rather be was in
your home than out with your Dd alone ?
Only one way to get to know him.
And of course you can go out with a toddler

I agree. And thank you so much for such a lovely post x

Im an auntie of two teenagers girls and I don’t have children, I would have done exactly what you sister did here as I have a great relationship with them, I could see one of my niece doing this as she doesn’t really have any sense of reality or danger, you are a great mother to do everything what you could to stop this madness, sorry but which kind of mother would be ok with their daughter walking in the dark with a man who she never meet before on Christmas Eve or in fact any night, I don’t get some of the comments here

Thank you xx

She did ask mn for help, and when people suggested the op drive her daughter or even follow her if she refused to listen, the op stated she had to bath and feed her toddler.

Because, priorities, right?

That is what people are taking issue with.

How did your child get to 17yr old and not realise what's dangerous?! I've been telling my kids since they were about 4 (age appropriately) about how to keep safe. Has she always been this reckless/selfish?

You have to follow her, that's your only option, 2 yr old in hand or not.

How old are you OP? You sound quite immature tbh. Who comes on a forum to ask advice instead of just dealing with the shitshow that's happening in front of them?!

I don't get why people have given OP a hard time?

When I was 10 my friend's older sister (19) was walked home from the pub by a guy she didn't know. It was "safe" because her friends knew him. He walked her down a long, isolated alley that took her past woodland to her house. Just meters from the end of it, her house in sight, he raped and strangled her. He fled when he thought she was dead. It was absolutely horrendous.

My children are equally my priority, therefore if it's a choice between:

(A) indulge last minute plans of selfish teen and inconvenience myself and my toddler by walking down dark cold country lanes to follow my selfish teen to meet a random boy on Christmas Eve

OR

(B) teen is disappointed because she is not permitted to leave the house and meet random boy stranger in the dark and freezing cold in country lanes, because I'm not prepared to take myself and my two year old out for that reason on Christmas Eve, ffs.

Well, I'd have chosen B, obvs. We would must normal parents to a teen and toddler who's needs are equally important, I imagine.

Thankfully, however, my teen chose (C), the compromise position that meant no one was in the dark and cold or at risk of rape / murder 👍🏻

How the hell are you so busy and rushed off your feet and presents to wrap etc etc yet managing to post every 3 minutes on MN for the last 2.5 hours??!! On Christmas eve . . . .

We're you in such a rush to be nasty you couldn't even take some time to read the thread?