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Original poster

To think this is madness and not safe?!

385 replies

chocolateaupain · 24/12/2023 16:33

17 year old DD is saying she is going out this evening to meet an 18 year old lad who she's never met before and knows nothing about. We live in the middle of nowhere- apparently he's "getting dropped off" near our house and she's "going for a walk" with him. She's chatted to him over FaceTime and text and they have mutual friends apparently but essentially she knows nothing about him. She plans to just walk around in the dark and cold in a rural area with him (lots of unlit areas). I've told her this is madness and to meet him somewhere lit and safe like a pub / cafe / restaurant for a proper date. She won't listen.

Am I overreacting?!

OP posts:
Ihateslugs · 24/12/2023 18:17

Thank goodness your sister managed to talk some sense into your daughter, I would have been in a panic just as you were if my daughter had announced her plans like that.

I was that Aunty who was able to support my sister when her daughter went through a very difficult stage, behaving in dangerous, inappropriate and selfish ways when aged 14 and 15. For some reason my niece would listen to me when all she did was scream at her mum, I was available to phone her and go round to get her out of bed and into school, take spare tights into school when she ripped her others in an attempt to escape, drive around with my sister at night looking for her in parks or on street corners etc. It was a very difficult time and we genuinely thought we had lost our sweet girl but somehow we never gave up and after about 18 months, she slowly began to calm down and think about her future - now we have a pleasant, very hard working 21 year old with a degree level apprenticeship award and a very well paid job!!

I think you did exactly the right thing and hopefully your daughter will get that taxi home. Maybe you could chat to her calmly about why you were worried then give her a big hug and praise her for doing the right thing eventually.

Have a peaceful Christmas!

Original poster
chocolateaupain · 24/12/2023 18:17

why couldn't you have said that rather than being horrible to the OP?

Exactly. Thank yon for that

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolateaupain · 24/12/2023 18:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

THANK YOU!! 🥳

OP posts:
tachetastic · 24/12/2023 18:19

@chocolateaupain , so long as you can trust your DD to stick to your plan, I think you have done 100% the right thing. She is very close to being an adult and you have to respect that, but you were not being at all unreasonable by being worried. Just sensibly cautious. If the young man is nice then he will understand entirely. If he pressures her to do anything else then as a minimum you know the kind of man he is.

My partner, I and all our kids have the "Find My" app activated on our phones, so we can see where each other are. It helps my kids to find me when we are out shopping, or know how far away I am when I am picking them up. It also enables me to know if they (or at least their phones) are where they are supposed to be. My kids are between 10 and 15, but I know even when my daughter gets to 17 or 18 I will feel better knowing where she is on a night out.

coldcallerbaiter · 24/12/2023 18:20

OP from one mum of teen dd to another, you did the right things.
I know you will be listening for the door when she comes back in tonight.

And send her a couple of texts throughout the evening, just for reassurance.

Summasolstice · 24/12/2023 18:23

I’ve read the whole thread and you’re being unusually aggressive op. Are you always like this?

Original poster
chocolateaupain · 24/12/2023 18:24

Ihateslugs · 24/12/2023 18:17

Thank goodness your sister managed to talk some sense into your daughter, I would have been in a panic just as you were if my daughter had announced her plans like that.

I was that Aunty who was able to support my sister when her daughter went through a very difficult stage, behaving in dangerous, inappropriate and selfish ways when aged 14 and 15. For some reason my niece would listen to me when all she did was scream at her mum, I was available to phone her and go round to get her out of bed and into school, take spare tights into school when she ripped her others in an attempt to escape, drive around with my sister at night looking for her in parks or on street corners etc. It was a very difficult time and we genuinely thought we had lost our sweet girl but somehow we never gave up and after about 18 months, she slowly began to calm down and think about her future - now we have a pleasant, very hard working 21 year old with a degree level apprenticeship award and a very well paid job!!

I think you did exactly the right thing and hopefully your daughter will get that taxi home. Maybe you could chat to her calmly about why you were worried then give her a big hug and praise her for doing the right thing eventually.

Have a peaceful Christmas!

Edited

Oh wow you sound like a fantastic auntie and sister. I'm so grateful to my sister for this - at least I know she will listen to her!

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolateaupain · 24/12/2023 18:25

Summasolstice · 24/12/2023 18:23

I’ve read the whole thread and you’re being unusually aggressive op. Are you always like this?

When people are rude / offensive / imply I'm a shit mother who doesn't care, I'm not usually a nice person back, no. I return what I am given. As you'll see in my responses to people who were pleasant to me. I think that's fair enough.

OP posts:
Hepzibar · 24/12/2023 18:26

I was panicking for you OP. They just don't see the danger, think we are over-reacting or worse 'spoiling their fun'!

Glad auntie got through to her how reckless her plan was.

Absolutely done the right thing.

The knobs are out in force tonight, probably sad and bitter with shit lives trying to make themselves feel better by laying into someone else. Sad really

Catslovenip · 24/12/2023 18:26

OP you sound quite overwhelmed at the moment and not just by this issue with your teen. It might be time to take a step back from the X mas madness . Teenagers are idiots , you’re taking this very personally. It’s normal for them to think of only themselves.

FizzyStream · 24/12/2023 18:27

For what it's worth and I know you have it sorted OP thank god, I have two boys and the eldest is only 10 but if I had an inkling he was planning on walking around in the dark countryside with a girl at 17/18 I'd go batshit and tell him not to be stupid! What a crazy idea!!

Hope she's home safe and sound later and you manage to get a calm Christmas Eve after all. Ignore the trolls although it's hard when you're panicking and stressed to fuck Wine

Original poster
chocolateaupain · 24/12/2023 18:27

She's just sent me a text saying she's fine and a selfie of the two of them together in the pub.
Feel so much better now!

OP posts:
anxiousnanna · 24/12/2023 18:28

chocolateaupain · 24/12/2023 18:25

When people are rude / offensive / imply I'm a shit mother who doesn't care, I'm not usually a nice person back, no. I return what I am given. As you'll see in my responses to people who were pleasant to me. I think that's fair enough.

Show quote history

do you know what.. i thought i was the best mum in the world... until someone pointed out a few things that made me stop and think hang on a minute!

from everything i have read here... it screams to me that your daughter is 'acting out' to get some attention.. and maybe now that she's out with this stranger, you've managed to get the baby bathed, the presents wrapped and you can sit and take a breath you can maybe see where some of us are maybe coming from?

i wish you and your family a safe and merry christmas

MassageForLife · 24/12/2023 18:29

It will probably be fine. But the whole plan is just a bit odd, and it feels like it has a higher chance of being dodgy than a different plan would have been.

I'm really not sure why you've been getting such a hard time op. If you were a shit mother, you wouldn't have thought twice about it! But instead you came up with a great plan of getting your sister to talk to her - because oftentimes teenagers don't want to think that mum knows best!

I'm glad it's sorted. I hope it goes well.

Hairyfairy01 · 24/12/2023 18:30

chocolateaupain · 24/12/2023 18:27

She's just sent me a text saying she's fine and a selfie of the two of them together in the pub.
Feel so much better now!

That's great news. I hope she has a lovely time.

cerisepanther73 · 24/12/2023 18:31

@chocolateaupain

Of course not,

She is meeting a complete stranger,

How 🤔 does she know who the hell who really is really,

she is being naive

Original poster
chocolateaupain · 24/12/2023 18:32

@anxiousnanna
What part of my previous reply about the "screaming for attention" comment did you miss? We have spent the past few days doing lovely Christmas things together, having a laugh, watching films, shopping, that sort of thing. My hope was we'd all spend today and this evening as family too when DP got back from work, which he now has. I wanted DD to be a part of that, too. All 4 of us together on Christmas Eve. She has changed the plan and chosen to go out on a date? So I ask you again, what more "attention" does she need that I am not providing?

OP posts:
FizzyStream · 24/12/2023 18:32

I don't get the vibe that the daughter is acting out or screaming for attention at all! She was probably excited about meeting this lad and didn't think of the implications and just "acted out" because OP was putting her foot down and is obviously herself stressed about Xmas with a toddler etc and this was landed on her last minute.

cerisepanther73 · 24/12/2023 18:32

@chocolateaupain oh glad that it's worked out OK for you and her,

Good idea talking to your sister ect ..

AllIsWellish · 24/12/2023 18:33

Op ignore the arses, ypu get them on every thread

Teenagers can be stupid, they think they are invincible I'm not surprised you were feeling stressed

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 24/12/2023 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

anxiousnanna · 24/12/2023 18:33

chocolateaupain · 24/12/2023 18:32

@anxiousnanna
What part of my previous reply about the "screaming for attention" comment did you miss? We have spent the past few days doing lovely Christmas things together, having a laugh, watching films, shopping, that sort of thing. My hope was we'd all spend today and this evening as family too when DP got back from work, which he now has. I wanted DD to be a part of that, too. All 4 of us together on Christmas Eve. She has changed the plan and chosen to go out on a date? So I ask you again, what more "attention" does she need that I am not providing?

today? or in life in general? only you can answer that

Original poster
chocolateaupain · 24/12/2023 18:34

FizzyStream · 24/12/2023 18:32

I don't get the vibe that the daughter is acting out or screaming for attention at all! She was probably excited about meeting this lad and didn't think of the implications and just "acted out" because OP was putting her foot down and is obviously herself stressed about Xmas with a toddler etc and this was landed on her last minute.

Yes! This is it.

OP posts:
IAmAnIdiot123 · 24/12/2023 18:35

FizzyStream · 24/12/2023 18:32

I don't get the vibe that the daughter is acting out or screaming for attention at all! She was probably excited about meeting this lad and didn't think of the implications and just "acted out" because OP was putting her foot down and is obviously herself stressed about Xmas with a toddler etc and this was landed on her last minute.

Same, plus she probably doesn't see this guy as a stranger if friends really did introduce them and they've been chatting a while.

She probably really likes him and was excited to meet him, don't agree that's because she wants attention from the OP.

AllIsWellish · 24/12/2023 18:36

Screaming for attention 🙄 come on! She's a teen girl who's met a teen boy she likes and she wanted to meet him. Commen sense doesn't always kick in at that age when you are young and excited