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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they should have cancelled?

272 replies

Madwife123 · 24/12/2023 12:57

We invite DSIL and family for Christmas every year. They arrive Christmas Eve morning and stay until Boxing Day as they travel 3 hours to us.

We both have children, similar age and it works well for us as we have the bigger house to put them up and they enjoy not having the cooking etc.

Anyway, they arrived this morning as planned but nearly 2 hours late. Apologised for being late and explained they had to keep pulling over as nephew has a vomiting bug and was being sick.

Why on earth did they still come!!

I have expressed I’m not happy they still came and their response was, they have no Xmas food in as they had planned to come to us and they can’t just cancel Christmas.

I think it’s really selfish to come and infect all my household and am pretty pissed off. Partner thinks I’m overreacting and it will be fine.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 24/12/2023 23:11

I don't actually think I'd be able to have the same relationship with them after this, they have shown just how selfish they really are and how they they think that their child being sad at 'missing out' (even though it could have been postponed and they coukd have done their best to have fun, got some last minute party food in etc), trumps your entire family's wellbeing and extended Christmas plans. If my partner had said it was OK I think I'd be taking myself and my kids off to stay with someone else or a last minute hotel or something. Sickness bugs are absolutely miserable

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 24/12/2023 23:15

I genuinely wouldn’t have allowed them to stay. I’d have told them it’s astonishing for them to have done a three hour drive with a vomiting child who is literally needing them to pull over so they can be be sick, just to save themselves a trip to the supermarket and the hassle of having to cook for themselves. They are out of order to think it’s ok to risk making an entire family unwell over their Christmas holiday. It’s so selfish of them.

Applesandpears23 · 24/12/2023 23:17

I don’t think they have behaved well. I do agree it isn’t inevitable you will get it. We once were away and one child started vomiting on the morning we were due to come home. We had to leave so we packed up the car and she kept vomiting in the car all the way home. Horrible journey and I felt sure we’d all catch it but we didn’t. She was the only one who got sick. Keep the whole family away from any food prep, keep the windows open and you may escape.

peacocksuite · 24/12/2023 23:21

The vom bugs seem to be rife this year, agree they should have sucked it up and stayed at home.

As far as kids are concerned as long as there's a roast and some crackers to pull they don't care about a Christmas dinner. My kids definitely can't tell the difference between turkey and chicken and the eldest is 10.

Copperoliverbear · 24/12/2023 23:22

Selfish bs I would have said well you can get some food on your way back home.
I would not invite them next year on principle as I would be so angry now x

DappledThings · 24/12/2023 23:23

I'm amazed by most of these reactions. I'd have found it an odd decision they'd made and would think they probably could have given us a heads up but other than making the nephew comfortable somewhere he could rest I don't think I'd really worry about it or think it was that big a deal.

uclpp · 24/12/2023 23:55

DappledThings · 24/12/2023 23:23

I'm amazed by most of these reactions. I'd have found it an odd decision they'd made and would think they probably could have given us a heads up but other than making the nephew comfortable somewhere he could rest I don't think I'd really worry about it or think it was that big a deal.

Have you had a proper dose of noro that takes several days to recover from? And those several days really stretch out over a week as it goes through the entire household? Projectile vomiting and explosive diahorrea?

I remember having noro when my ds was about 4 and a nursery friend’s mum had decided it was not a big deal to inform anyone that her kids had noro. What actually happened was that her kid had a bag of sweets. Every sweet the kid took, he handed to my 4yo. I noticed kid not eating any of it - my kids ate the lot. Of course, reason her kid not eating was that he had only recently stopped vomming and felt terrible. Couple of days later, my 4yo and 2yo were projectile vomiting. Then me and dh. Dh didn’t realise that he had it and was on a train to London in a suit when suddenly he needed to projectile vom. I remember having my dd on a surface doing her nappy and I suddenly needed to diahorrea. Well it was explosive and urgent and not foreseen and since I couldn’t let my dd fall/leave her, I shat my pants. A proper dose of noro is a big deal.

justanothermummma · 24/12/2023 23:57

Poor child! Such a long journey when ill!
I'd be furious OP! X

Original poster
Madwife123 · 25/12/2023 00:26

Well they are gone.

I haven’t hid how annoyed I am and have spent most of the evening in my room / on my phone.

SIL went to make herself a drink and I told her not to go in the kitchen as I don’t want the kitchen potentially being infected if she is incubating a sickness bug and said I would get her a drink. She got in a strop, said I’d made them feel really unwelcome (well obviously!!!) and announced they are leaving.

So they have woken poor nephew and niece up and headed home. I did say it would be better to head home in the morning at this point as we’ve already been exposed and was thinking of the poor children but no they’ve left after making out that I’m the bad guy for daring to be annoyed at the situation they put me in!

DP has now admitted that she’s quite relived and was worried about Christmas dinner with a vomiting child but it may well be too late if we’ve already been exposed.

Poorly nephew used the main bathroom only and we’ve all been using the en suite so I’m hoping that a deep clean of that bathroom and the spare room will hopefully stop it in its tracks but we will have to wait and see.

I am sticking to my they are not being invited next year!

OP posts:
Jumpingthruhoops · 25/12/2023 00:36

I wouldn't care what plans we had, or if they didn't have any food in, they would not be setting foot in my house with an active stomach bug. Equally, we have cancelled planned visits upon learning hosts have been poorly. It's just what you do, surely?

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 25/12/2023 01:10

I’m glad, but that poor boy. What utterly shit and selfish as parents he has.

uclpp · 25/12/2023 01:15

it’s great that they’ve gone op!

Rosesandstars · 25/12/2023 01:22

Oh wow, that's great that they've left!

I'm sorry that you've probably been exposed though. I wouldn't go about cleaning the bathroom tomorrow but would just make sure everyone avoids it instead. If you can leave it a few days before cleaning it then you might make it a bit further into Christmas before anyone catches it. When you do clean it you need rubber gloves, bleach or clinell and a mask and a good shower afterwards!

Ifancythegrinch · 25/12/2023 01:31

I agree. If i had another bathroom, I’d just not go into the one they used for a few days, then i’d clean the hell out of it. Ditto the room they stayed in.

I really, really detest D&V bugs!

Olika · 25/12/2023 06:28

Good job they are gone.

ChubbyMorticia · 25/12/2023 06:45

I’m glad they’re gone, but what the hell is wrong with them to start with? How could they drag their sick child on a three hour drive to start with?! And then flounce out as though their absence would be a punishment?

Has your SIL always been like this? Have her Drs expressed concern about her lack of oxygen from having her head that far up her own a$$?

PriOn1 · 25/12/2023 07:29

Glad to hear they’ve gone, OP. I’ve cleaned a lot of infected toilets without catching anything. Use rubber gloves and bleach. Don’t forget the flush, the taps and the door handles. And wash your hands afterwards using a proper technique. Personally I’d do it before anyone else in the house forgets and accidentally uses it.

I hope you’ve managed to have an adequate nights sleep and a reasonable Christmas. I know in your shoes, I wouldn’t be able to relax until 48 hours is past, but I hope you all stay clear of it.

TwentyThreeFifteen · 25/12/2023 07:41

That poor child. What utterly selfish parents.
Good luck op, I hope your household manage to avoid it!

Fizbosshoes · 25/12/2023 08:08

The irony is they will probably have a much worse Xmas (2 trips in the car for the poorly child - and one at an unsociable time and wont have any Xmas food and will probably be tired and moody that they've had to come home) ...than if they had just done the decent thing in the first place and not come! And probably blame their miserable Christmas on OP!

oakleaffy · 25/12/2023 08:09

@Madwife123 I'm just incredulous that they dragged an acutely sick child in a car for three hours when he was clearly not well enough to travel.
Poor kid.
They sound like very selfish parents.

Sincerely hope your household escape the lurgy.

That poor boy though.... He will never forget this Christmas.

I still can't hear the word 'Bournemouth' without remembering a terrible sick headache I had and Dad dragged me to Bournemouth for the day - I was sick in the car - I remember being so relieved to get back home. Aged around 7.

Those associations linger. Poor kid. e should have been left in his own bed, at home, in seclusion, with his parents looking after him.

oakleaffy · 25/12/2023 08:10

Fizbosshoes · 25/12/2023 08:08

The irony is they will probably have a much worse Xmas (2 trips in the car for the poorly child - and one at an unsociable time and wont have any Xmas food and will probably be tired and moody that they've had to come home) ...than if they had just done the decent thing in the first place and not come! And probably blame their miserable Christmas on OP!

🎯On target!

MassageForLife · 25/12/2023 08:14

You know what op? I would happily take being the bad guy in this situation too.

They are the ones that have subject their I'll child to this. Not you. Including the leaving in the middle of the night. Who does that to children unless they are in danger?

I hope you have a lovely, bug-free, Christmas.

SpongeBob2022 · 25/12/2023 08:18

I think they are incredibly unreasonable and 100% on your side.

But I think just enjoy your Christmas now they've gone though. There's no point worrying. And there is always a lot of drama on these threads...in all my 40 odd years I've never been in a situation where my whole family has caught a sick bug at the same time. Not as a kid or an adult. I know it happens but it's not a guarantee.

I've also never seen anyone 'projectile vomit' in such a dramtic way as always described one here and neither have any of my friends or family!