To think they should have cancelled?

[Madwife123]

We invite DSIL and family for Christmas every year. They arrive Christmas Eve morning and stay until Boxing Day as they travel 3 hours to us.

We both have children, similar age and it works well for us as we have the bigger house to put them up and they enjoy not having the cooking etc.

Anyway, they arrived this morning as planned but nearly 2 hours late. Apologised for being late and explained they had to keep pulling over as nephew has a vomiting bug and was being sick.

Why on earth did they still come!!

I have expressed I’m not happy they still came and their response was, they have no Xmas food in as they had planned to come to us and they can’t just cancel Christmas.

I think it’s really selfish to come and infect all my household and am pretty pissed off. Partner thinks I’m overreacting and it will be fine.

Iv just been discharged from hospital literally 3 hours ago after being in labour for 3 days and birthing a human, and still managed to do the Christmas food shop with DH. They literally have no excuse

You might not catch it.

I had a sickness bug (thanks primary age sister) and no one else I live with caught it.

They shouldn't have dragged a child with a sickness bug on a 3 hour journey. Poor soul, I couldn't think of anything worse when throwing up.

Please don't let your nephew pick up on how you feel if you can. He will likely end up feeling bad and like it's his fault when it isn't.

YANBU to be annoyed - they should have stayed home, not just to not spread it but because their son should be at home resting and recovering.

Just don't kiss them on the lips

Since DH wants them to stay, he can do everything and expose himself. Yourself and kids stay away. Maybe he will reconsider how selfish he thinks they are when he's the one with the vomiting bug.

I would be tempted by a bright and breezy ‘well, obviously we won’t be able to all sit down together to celebrate over Christmas itself now - how about I pack up some of the food to take back with you and I’ll put the rest in the freezer. What are you doing over New Year? You’d be really welcome then’. Then take your own dc out and let dp cope.

Why can't they head home now?
Give them some food to take if you must but no way should you just put up with it because they're there.

I'd be fuming too OP. For all of it, but the theme here is lack of communication - not telling you they were running so late and not telling you about the bug.

Absolutely moronic selfish behaviour on their part!

I say this as someone with a toddler who regularly travels similar distances to visit family over Christmas. In this situation, no matter what food we did or didn't have in and no matter what plans we'd made to see family, my child's comfort and needs would come above anything else so I wouldn't dream of putting them in a car for hours, added to which I wouldn't dream of infecting another household with their bug!!

Honestly unbelievable how selfish this is.

I'd have thrown them out by now

People can be very selfish, last year a mum was in the school playground. her child was green, whiney and looking very sick. I commented on his colour and said "oh my word, he shouldn't be in school" She responded "you can't say that"

Yes, pointing out that you are abandoning a sick child to infect the entire class. Can't say that can we?!!!

I had family turn up to visit my newborn, casually saying they were all down with E Coli!! it was a while before they were allowed back.

Kick them out!

Op I'd be telling dp that if he thinks it's too harsh to send them home,, then he's officially accepting responsibility for caring for the parents when they inevitably go down with it next, including any cleaning up. Then caring for you and your dc when you all get it - "these things happen" so he can deal with it when it does happen! I bet dp will be of a different opinion though when he gets sick!

Maybe they're cups half full types who are just hoping for the best outcome, fingers crossed etc, but to me that also equals being incredibly thick I'm afraid.

If it's not that and they're just horrible selfish twats then I'd be sending them home again with a food parcel, because they're likely the types to
get the whole family out the car and go into the shops spreading their germs to everyone else, only giving a shit about themselves.

Definitely don't invite them next year! I think I'd be most angry if one of my dc now got sick, bad enough adults but a child basically being given d&v as an Xmas present is just screwed up imo

You absolutely can send them packing op and I can't believe you're not. No way would I expose my kids to this at Christmas, or anytime, for the sake of someone else's feelings. Especially if the someone in question is as selfish as this.

Honestly, you're a fool if you let them stay.

YADNBU! I think you are doing the right thing letting them stay though because it would be just awful for your nephew to have to go through another long car journey when he is this unwell. He's probably getting dehydrated and likely to vomit more in the car than he would lying in bed.

I think the best you can do now is try and enjoy yourself as much as you can and put it out of your head. What will be will be and worrying about it won't change things so just try and have fun until/if you get struck down.

Selfish and fucking ridiculous. They clearly aren't contributing food either as their logic is you're providing it all for them. Arses.

Your partner thinks you're being unreasonable as it's his family

Filthy, dirty, selfish

i hope your husband gets D&V and therefore understands what a twat SIL has been

This is the most moronic thing I’ve read on here today : they should have stayed put!

and I don’t know if anyone has said it previously but dettol wipes are antibacterial and won’t kill a virus (like norovirus).

to kill norovirus you need bleach based products like flash wipes.

im really hoping you have enough bathrooms that the visitors can be confined to just one loo and sink and hand towel (and now all their linen and towels will need be be washed on a super hot temp).

what an unbelievably awful thing to do to your family. Are they usually this stupid/selfish?

@Madwife123 Completely unfair on the sick child and your Family.
Bleach is known to kill Norovirus as is soap and hot water for hands

It’s horribly catching- your sister in law was completely unreasonable to have inflicted this upon you and her child.

Expect more will come down with it as aerosol particles of vomit are in the room.

( Which is another reason it’s so horribly catching )

I’d be fuming 😤.

WTF how selfish. Absolutely pathetic.

They shouldn't be welcome at New Year but I absolutely agree with turfing them out with a few snacks though! Or escaping to a hotel if any spaces available.

You've probably all been exposed. If not, things like diluted bleach spray work to denature stomach bugs/norovirus, anything with benzalkonium chloride might worth to a certain extent.

If you've miraculously avoided it so far, these things can help:

1. Washing hands religiously for 40 seconds before eating or preparing food or touching your face (e.g. for applying make up) and spray and wiping the taps and hand-wash bottle (or soap holder) before you use them each time.
2. Keeping hand towels separate or using kitchen roll to dry hands- if possible confine sick kid or sick family to their own bathroom but if there's only one then do this!
3. Keeping toothbrushes out of the bathroom/s
4. Not sharing buffet food and handling any used cups/bowls/cutlery with gloves on and dishwashing them.

I would probably just freeze the Christmas food and cook it up a few days after the last person to catch it has recovered and once the selfish bastards have left.

My SIL does this selfish kind of shit but tends not to mention until they're in my house a while. I've had to pull her up on it as my sis has a compromised immune system and she is open to picking up anything. My SIL knows this but chooses to say nothing sometimes. People can be so selfish. 🤬

OP let us know after Christmas if any of you came down with it.

Poor kid. And what selfish twats his parents are. Even before covid, I've lost count of the times our family has postponed things because one of us has a bug we'd rather the others didn't catch. Doesn't have to actually be Christmas Day to have Christmas, you know. But you are where you are. The kid may have infected the rest of you by now but hopefully not. Plenty of hand washing/cleaning with bleach or similar and cross your fingers hard. And no more invites!

I wouldn’t care. I would not let them ruin mine or my family’s Christmas. I would tell them to leave . Genuinely.

I would be utterly livid.

The more they are around then the more you are exposed. You might not be infected yet. You can say today that you need them to leave and explain why. I did the Christmas shop in 30 mins the other day. It’s not that complicated to do.