To think they should have cancelled?

[Madwife123]

We invite DSIL and family for Christmas every year. They arrive Christmas Eve morning and stay until Boxing Day as they travel 3 hours to us.

We both have children, similar age and it works well for us as we have the bigger house to put them up and they enjoy not having the cooking etc.

Anyway, they arrived this morning as planned but nearly 2 hours late. Apologised for being late and explained they had to keep pulling over as nephew has a vomiting bug and was being sick.

Why on earth did they still come!!

I have expressed I’m not happy they still came and their response was, they have no Xmas food in as they had planned to come to us and they can’t just cancel Christmas.

I think it’s really selfish to come and infect all my household and am pretty pissed off. Partner thinks I’m overreacting and it will be fine.

We have 2 members of extended family - each in different households - with a vomiting bug which in one case has gone on to develop Covid.

We decided yesterday to each stay home and we will meet up at New Year if everyone is well. 4 generations ages from 90 ton2 years old. Too many vulnerable to risk it.

Sorry, but that’s so rude of SIL. I hope you don’t get it, but I get why you are angry.

What selfish people!! I’d be having very strong words with your partner and making it very clear that they are not welcome next Christmas, and why

I don't think I would be able to remain polite to people who did that. Let them all enjoy an awkwardly silent Christmas meal and hopefully they will leave as soon as they can. If they do get sick I would make your DH drive them home.

Drink plenty of water, I find being well hydrated in advance vastly reduces the suffering of norovirus.
Massive pain, they should have stopped and gone home.

WTH?! Yes, YANBU - I got annoyed enough when BIL once brought kids to his parents' when we were all there less than 24 hours after one of his kids had a vomitting bug, and we were due to have a really long ferry and car journey to France next day (thankfully no one caught it).

In the very least in this case, they needed to phone and let you make a call on it!

So sorry OP.

We had similar one year and out of 14 people, 11 went down with it through my BIL bringing it saying he was being sick due to too much booze- it was clearly norovirus. He was fine and out partying again whilst everyone else dropped like flies. I still on occasion raise it and he has zero remorse. Still thinks 'these things happen'.

I'd never dream of taking a poorly vomiting child anywhere. They are bloody stupid.

This is so grim of them, especially as children don’t have great personal hygiene and he will likely be touching everything with his germy hands.

Vomiting bugs aren’t just an inconvenience, they can cause long term damage your gut biome.

It’s such a shame your husband isn’t onboard because id take a lot of pleasure on telling them to do one!!!

Disinfect bathroom obsessively, wash your hands a lot, don't touch your faces at all, keep windows open and rooms airy. Good luck, OP!

FFS How incredibly selfish
After the first stop, they should've turned the car round to come home!!
Who cares if they have no food!
YADNBU I really feel for you

They’ve got some brass neck, heavens above! Where is their shame and embarrassment about knowingly introducing a vomiting bug to another household at any time, let alone as guests at Christmas.

They should all remain in their room and Christmas dinner delivered to the door although if the bug spreads how many will be even wanting Christmas dinner anyway?

People who insist on spreading this thing around are cunts!

Good luck with your Christmas OP!

FFS. The shops are still open. And that poor child, being stuck in a car on a three hour journey when he's so ill.

If this was us I'd have called and said one of us sick what do you want us to do. If they'd said don't come we wouldn't have done but I'd be a bit surprised. If SIL had called me saying one of them was ill I'd have said come anyway if they want to.

One of the girls from DD's class has had a bug in the house this week. Her mum asked a few of us if she should still come to DD's birthday and we all said no problem, kids get bugs. She was sick at the party and had to go home early but nobody thought anything other than sorry for her missing out.

I am clearly even more blasé about these things than I thought I was based on the other responses.

Oh God, I’d be so angry, with my husband too. I’d not want to socialise/host and I’d say why: if dh wanted to continue I’d remove myself as far as possible.

Dreadful behaviour from your in laws. What a dampener, just waiting for it to hit the rest of you. It'd be the last time for me too!

We went to my parents' last Thursday, my sister and family due to arrive Friday. All fine Thursday, early hours of Friday morning DC2 woke up vomiting. As soon as other DC were awake, we were straight back in the car home. Everyone is very sad not to have the Christmas we planned, and I'm crossing my fingers my parents have escaped. I just can't imagine deliberately going to visit someone with a vomiting child, it's so unfair on everyone.

Confine the whole family to their rooms and their own bathroom if at all possible. Deliver food to their doors.

If not possible, then confine yourself, and do no cooking, preparation or anything else. If your partner is prepared to entertain them, then he can do the associated work. You will need to stay well to do all the nursing of your own family over the coming week.

My dc have had the d&v bug on Christmas more times than I can count, my parents have still come. It's absolutely fucking bizarre, who puts themselves in that position.

Or go out for the rest of the day, and as much of the next few days as possible. Take your own dcs with you to reduce chances of infection - parks, any outdoor lights, wander round the local town, cinema today, church, long walk etc tomorrow.

You’d say something first, though.

For a cold or exposure to a bug but your kid not ill, I’d say still come. For a vomiting bug I’d rearrange for NY/soon as poss, because if everyone gets it and it comes on quickly, the ratio of people:toilets in my house becomes deeply problematic.

They should have stayed at home, I think that is pretty obvious but it isn't inevitable that you will all get it or indeed any of you get it. Strict hygiene, let them keep him in his room until tomorrow, lots of hand washing for everyone. If you have more than one loo/bathroom designate one for him. Oh and keep your fingers crossed.

My first instinct would have been to send them packing, but I see it's not possible. I wonder if your DP will still be of the same opinion should he himself catch this vomiting bug? (He'd get zero sympathy from me if he did.)

I'm with you on not inviting them next year. I'd probably let them know that before they leave, just so there's no 'oh we thought we'd be coming to you' shit to deal with. And I'd make VERY sure DP knew now too.

Good luck with not getting ill!

Unpopular opinion BUT, as someone with young kids who get infected with something every other week from school, I can see that if the parents haven't made Xmas arrangements then they'd still come, yes if it was me I would have given the heads up, but I certainly wouldn't make my guests feel uncomfortable now that they're here!

They're here now, your OH wants them to stay and as you say you've already been exposed to whatever your nephew has and it would be very unkind so send a young child with a sickness bug back on a 3 hour journey. I get that it's annoying, but if I were you I'd just make the best of it and don't fixate on whether or not you and your DS will also catch it. You may, or you may not. My DC have had numerous sickness bugs over the past 10 years and DH and I have only caught it a couple of times because adult immune systems are much more developed. We've also had sickness bugs where only one DC has fallen ill. Sometimes sickness spread like wildfire, but often they don't.

We had this once, big xmas get together, one child who had a vomiting bug.

I was worried but in the end no one else got it.