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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about ds main present

199 replies

ivfbabymomma1 · 24/12/2023 11:20

My DS who is 4 mentioned he wanted a bike a month or two ago. My parents said they would get him one for Xmas. I said ok.

Fast forward to December he met Santa and told Santa he wanted a bike for Xmas even though he hadn't talked about it since the first time in say October

Today all he's talking about is how Santa is bringing him a bike tomorrow

My parents are coming to ours for dinner and they said they will bring the bike with them late morning. I've asked them could we not have it now for him to walk downstairs in the morning. They said no as they want to be the one to give it to him.

For context ds only has a few things from Santa and the rest he knows are from other people. I've offer to swap the value of the bike in presents we have for him. My mum lost it with me and said they want to see his face when he gets it

I'm annoyed. Who's right?

OP posts:
Nepmarthiturn · 24/12/2023 12:19

Can't you just tell him Santa brings small gifts, presents like bikes don't fit on a sleigh? It doesn't need to be a big deal.

exitviathegiftshop · 24/12/2023 12:23

When saying things come from Santa it's kind to consider what other kids might get from santa.

Other families having more money is easier for kids to understand than Santa clearly thinking someone else deserves a bike when all you got was some stuff from the pound shop.

MulledWineBeMine · 24/12/2023 12:25

ivfbabymomma1 · 24/12/2023 12:00

Exactly!! As PP said I'm hoping the excitement of the presents he does have will take over and he will forget. If he does bring it up I might just say nan & grandad bought it you and they will be here later!

Show quote history

@ivfbabymomma1 well that would be really shit of you. How would you like it if someone told DS today what you have bought him.

Dont ruin his surprise & them seeing his reaction.

you caused this problem by allowing your parents to buy his main present then wanting it to be from Santa.

when my niece was little we weren't allowed to give her presents, from us, they all had to be from Santa.

(my SIL is what you might call controlling). Santa brought her LOADS. (She was 4). Later in the day she was looking a bit pensive/sad & when asked what was wrong, she said she was sad because no one loved her, no one brought her any presents & she didn't know what she'd done wrong.

we weren't allowed to say anything like we had given them to Santa to bring or anything. But THEY had done presents for her Jan birthday that my SIL then wrapped in Christmas paper & gave her from
mummy & daddy.

DiaNaranja · 24/12/2023 12:26

mottytotty · 24/12/2023 12:13

I think you might be on to something there 🤣

The way he climbs down chimneys at night is quite creepy.

Show quote history

To be honest, the whole festive season feels like a test from Lucifer himself right now, so probably quite apt 😄

Original poster
ivfbabymomma1 · 24/12/2023 12:27

@MulledWineBeMine okay point taken, if by chance my son mentions the bike tomorrow, what would you suggest I say?

OP posts:
NoTouch · 24/12/2023 12:28

Dont spoil the surprise for him and your parents with ridiculous made up santa letters that ruin the magic. Always keep it vague. If he even brings it up on Christmas morning tell him lets play the great toys you have and wait and see what other presents you get from family.

Some years you wont be able to fix it and get field perfect present or last minute request. That is ok.

Apologise to your parents for panicking.

Muchof · 24/12/2023 12:29

ivfbabymomma1 · 24/12/2023 12:17

At this point we are just going to say that it's from his Nan & grandad instead. Thank you everyone for your advice!

As you should have all along. You cannot take over other peoples presents and say they are from Santa, it is the parents that get the from Santa gifts.

ofestivetree · 24/12/2023 12:31

ivfbabymomma1 · 24/12/2023 12:27

@MulledWineBeMine okay point taken, if by chance my son mentions the bike tomorrow, what would you suggest I say?

I'd say ah never mind you have all these other toys from Santa, he can't fit every thing on hus sleigh. He has to learn to be disappointed sometimes.

Thehonestbadger · 24/12/2023 12:31

ivfbabymomma1 · 24/12/2023 11:25

I don't want any credit for the bike! It's a gift from Santa not me

This is where you’ve gone totally wrong @ivfbabymomma1

You cannot assign ‘Santa’ presents to other people to buy unless they CLEARLY understand and agree to it.

You might not want to take credit for the bike but you’re stripping the credit away from your parents by saying it’s from ‘Santa’

NEVER assign ‘Santa’ presents to other people to buy. (I’m a mum of two toddlers who also learnt this this hard way but in fairness I can see now on reflection it was entirely my own fault)

Fancycheese · 24/12/2023 12:31

I seem to be in the minority here, but I think your mother is being extremely selfish and childish. In future years just try and lock in the Santa present earlier!

Sirzy · 24/12/2023 12:32

ivfbabymomma1 · 24/12/2023 12:27

@MulledWineBeMine okay point taken, if by chance my son mentions the bike tomorrow, what would you suggest I say?

“Well you still have presents to come so you never know what may be there”

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 24/12/2023 12:32

I’d just tell him Grandma is bringing his bike!

Maybe give him a letter “from Santa” about this today, so he doesn’t go to bed with the idea the bike will be there in the morning.

I think it’s only fair grandma gets to give him the bike but she can’t want it to be a surprise at that point because that would mean an initial disappointment.

Offkilter · 24/12/2023 12:34

He has to learn to be disappointed sometimes. Not very nice to teach him to be disappointed when he is going to get it later in the day! That's messing with his little head surely.

NuffSaidSam · 24/12/2023 12:38

ivfbabymomma1 · 24/12/2023 12:27

@MulledWineBeMine okay point taken, if by chance my son mentions the bike tomorrow, what would you suggest I say?

'Well, you only asked Santa for the bike last week, the elves probably didn't have time to make one! Do you remember what else you asked for?! A train set and some duplo and look!....Santa's brought that! Wow aren't you lucky!'

I'd manage the expectations today. Remind him what he asked for before the bike. Big up those items.

It's also not damaging the magic of Santa for him not to have everything/exactly what he asks for. Get him used to that now before he asks for a pony/aeroplane etc.

Cornishclio · 24/12/2023 12:38

As a grandparent I cannot understand the mentality of your parents. Surely they realise he will be disappointed if he comes down and finds it isn't there in the morning? I would be telling him Santa didn't bring him a bike as his grandparents already bought him one. My daughter and her husband have given their daughters their main present today from them. Santa presents are Christmas day. Is it possible for them to give it to him today?

Sounds like they have bought it as a way of buying his affection. Surely you could video his reaction in the morning if they are adamant they want to see his face when he gets it as another compromise?

Original poster
ivfbabymomma1 · 24/12/2023 12:38

My mum has also physically told him he will get a bike for Xmas (no mention of who it's from) so she's ruined her own surprise there

OP posts:
Luxell934 · 24/12/2023 12:40

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 24/12/2023 12:32

I’d just tell him Grandma is bringing his bike!

Maybe give him a letter “from Santa” about this today, so he doesn’t go to bed with the idea the bike will be there in the morning.

I think it’s only fair grandma gets to give him the bike but she can’t want it to be a surprise at that point because that would mean an initial disappointment.

Christ, no don't purposely ruin the surprise for him, that would be shit. He doesn't need a "letter from Santa" explaining about the bike. He is 4. He will be too excited on Christmas morning opening all his presents he probably won't even notice. If he mentions the bike, keep it vague and just say you might get more presents later lets wait and see....He really won't even care about the bike after getting all this other new toys though.

dutysuite · 24/12/2023 12:41

My parents were like this and they did something similar one year so after that I always ensured I purchased the most wanted gift going forward.

Blossomingx · 24/12/2023 12:42

Your parents bought the present, they deserve the credit. One day your parents may be gone, your child will remember and cherish the memory of them getting him the bike he wanted.
That was really nice of them to get the bike btw :)

ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS · 24/12/2023 12:42

WolfFoxHare · 24/12/2023 11:38

I always think it’s extremely selfish to be more concerned about getting the credit for buying a gift than about the recipient’s pleasure when they receive it under/by the tree ‘from Santa’ first thing on Christmas morning. But I’m clearly in the minority.

Edited

Agree, grown ups complaining they won’t get the credit for gift giving is ridiculous and childish.

When my DDs were younger my in-laws always made sure that the presents they bought were at our house in time for Christmas morning even though they live over an hour away. They would turn up later with a few small gifts, they never ever wanted credit for everything else they bought to make sure our DDs had everything on their Santa lists. In the early days we would never have been able to get the main Santa gifts if it wasn’t for my in-laws.

My parents, ones a narcissist the other an enabler and it was all about them having credit, which is why I never ever told them what my DDs wanted from Santa as it would be comments about how much better than Santa they were or they would suddenly tell us Christmas Day they decided not to get what my DDs wanted.

I think your parents are being childish @ivfbabymomma1 , but there isn’t much you can do, just remember in future to make sure you manage the Santa lists. I’d tell DS Christmas morning (if he asks) that there are still presents to come. We’ve always done the whole Santa and families work together thing, so it’s not over yet.

Original poster
ivfbabymomma1 · 24/12/2023 12:43

dutysuite · 24/12/2023 12:41

My parents were like this and they did something similar one year so after that I always ensured I purchased the most wanted gift going forward.

I know! I wish I knew then that it was going to be such a big deal in his little head!!!! She kept sending me screen shots of bikes so in the end I just caved thinking well I'm getting him what I think he mainly wants anyway! Didn't know this would be the only thing he's bloody asked for?!

OP posts:
ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 24/12/2023 12:46

PuttingDownRoots · 24/12/2023 11:31

Santa always checks with parents and grandparents before choosing his own presents so he doesn't duplicate anything.

This. Tell him he's getting a bike later, take the wind out of her selfish sails.

jollywhite · 24/12/2023 12:46

Santa doesn't bring big presents, parents and grandparents do.
He wont' remember when opening his stocking - he's 4.

Let your mum and dad take the credit and stop being a selfish idiot to your mum and dad. Of course they want to see his face and see his joy that they have got him what he desperately wanted.

cardibach · 24/12/2023 12:46

People really tie themselves in knots with the Santa thing. I’m boggled by it. When i was a kid Santa brought the presents, he didn’t buy them. Other people did that. Only the stocking was from him (though I don’t think we even really talked about that). Some presents came with the person who bought them. Makes everything easier.

Viviennemary · 24/12/2023 12:47

Your mum is right. She bought the bike. It's not from Father Christmas. Why do folk get themselves in knots over this. Father Christmas does the stockings other folk the rest. I know people who have got annoyed at kids being told FC brought you this and not the grand parent. I can see their point.